


Beyond the Stars

by creepingrosemary



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Adoption, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Baby Hajime, Father Oikawa, Father-Son Relationship, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, More tags to be added, future kurodai, future oisuga, honestly i am thirsty for rarepairs and i have no excuse, light bokuaka, light kagehina - Freeform, light matsuhana, lots and lots of mutual pining, lots of mutual pining by the way, oikawa and kuroo are best friends, past iwadai, so are oikawa and daichi, still making this up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-08-09 08:02:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 118,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7793743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creepingrosemary/pseuds/creepingrosemary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say that when someone dies before their time, they're given a second chance at life.</p><p>When Iwaizumi is suddenly killed by a drunk driver, Oikawa and Daichi work to put their lives back together. But when a newborn baby is left abandoned with no note, Oikawa isn't quite sure what to do. And there's another thing he can't figure out: why does it look so much like his dead best friend?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dusk till Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> Told you guys I'd be back very soon! And this time, our dear Hajime has been reincarnated so it's time to switch gears - which may take some getting used to. At least for me. I'm going to try and update at least once a week (it may even be twice a week, you guys know how I get sometimes), but with school starting up again soon, that may change.
> 
> And I'm sure this is self-explanatory, while this is the same concept, A Smile to the West and this story are not in the same universe. However, two major aspects from A Smile to the West (including the introduction to volleyball) will remain in this story and I'll reveal them in due time as if this was very my first time writing this AU. I want this to be read separately from A Smile to the West. 
> 
> So for those who have read that story, apologies for the repetition. And for those of you who are just hopping in on this AU, welcome! And to both audiences, old and new, thank you so much for taking the time to read my work! I'm very glad that this AU has taken off the way it did and there aren't enough words to express my gratitude.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sun will still rise and set each day - even when it feels like your world has stopped.

He woke up.

Tooru lifted himself from his awkward position on the couch, rubbing his neck and looking around. He recognized the small clutter of Iwaizumi’s apartment instead of his own, the different books that lined the shelves and the Godzilla DVDs instead of alien ones. There were some papers that still needed grading resting on the small coffee table, essays and whatnot that Tooru found absolutely boring. 

Iwaizumi taught history at the nearby junior high and Tooru, being an editor at a publishing company, helped him grade sometimes. And while Tooru enjoyed reading enough to do it for a living, he didn’t particularly have a penchant for Japanese history.

The setting sun leaked through the curtains, bathing him in orange and magenta, and he sighed. He couldn't believe he fell asleep waiting. He'd only meant to take a quick power nap so he'd be revitalized by the time Iwaizumi arrived.

What time was it?

He reached for his cellphone on the small coffee table. The digital numbers read 7:40, and there were two texts from Kuroo and four missed phone calls from a number he didn’t recognize but he shrugged it off. Probably someone with the wrong number anyhow.

Tooru stood, his arms and back releasing satisfying clicks as he stretched. “Iwa-chan?”

No answer.

“Iwa-chan?” He opened Iwaizumi’s bedroom door and found that it was empty. 

Huh. That was odd.

Tooru had come over after work and let himself in to surprise Iwaizumi for his birthday. Granted, that probably would’ve guaranteed a solid deck on the arm because Iwa-chan wasn’t the biggest fan of surprises, but he should’ve been home by now. Tooru scratched his head. Maybe he went to run some errands? Yeah, that could’ve been it. He might’ve even gotten caught up in traffic. Rush hour was absolute hell on this side of town.

But almost three hours after the school day ended? And getting caught in traffic when Iwaizumi usually walked to school?

Tooru went back to his phone, opening the message thread for his and Iwaizumi’s conversation and found that his last one from earlier today remained unanswered. It, and a few other messages from Tooru’s side, were sent around lunchtime that Iwaizumi never got around to responding to. Which was fine, he eventually answered either way, but something didn’t settle well in Tooru’s stomach.

And the warm sunset bled into a deep crimson.

He started typing out a message to ask Iwaizumi where he was, and it sent just as there was a knock on the door.

“Iwa-chan, did you get locked out again?” Tooru said, answering it. “You’re lucky I was here to –” He stopped. “Who are you?”

Two men stood before him, both wearing suits and expressions that Tooru couldn’t quite read.

“Can I help you?” Tooru asked.

“Good evening,” one of them said. Dark brown hair. Green eyes. Stress lines worrying at his face. “I’m Investigator Hamada and this is my partner, Investigator Matsuoka. Are you Sawamura Daichi?”

Tooru shook his head. “No, I’m Oikawa Tooru. Sawamura’s out of town on business – a company retreat.” 

“The other emergency contact,” Matsuoka muttered to his partner under his breath. 

Hamada continued. “I see. Then, Oikawa-san, given that you’re the other emergency contact listed, I’m going to assume that you and Iwaizumi Hajime are quite close.”

“Well, yes, he’s my best friend,” Tooru said. “What’s this all about?”

What was this hole worming its way into his stomach? He didn’t like it. It made him feel sick, cold, even in the humid summer evening.

“Oikawa-san, we think it’s best if you sit down for this,” Matsuoka said.

Tooru shook his head. “No, what’s going on? What happened?”

“Oikawa-san –”

“Tell me what’s going on.”

Hamada sighed. “There was an accident. A drunk driver was speeding down the road and caused some casualties.”

The hole clawed deeper.

“That’s very unfortunate but what exactly does this have to do with me? With Iwa-chan – I mean Iwaizumi?” Tooru swallowed the dryness in his throat. Why couldn’t he breathe? It didn’t make sense.

“Iwaizumi was among them,” Hamada said. “We think that he was walking home when the driver veered off the road and hit him and a few other people. He ended up being pinned between the car and a building.”

There was a loud ringing in his ears.

“And despite the hospital’s best efforts,” Hamada continued, “they couldn’t save him.”

His hands twitched at his sides.

“We’re very sorry.”

Tooru didn’t really know what happened after that.

**

Tooru didn’t move a whole lot the first few days. He mainly stayed in bed, occasionally going to the bathroom. His phone lit up daily with texts and phone calls from Kuroo and Matsukawa that he didn’t bother to answer. He didn’t really feel like talking to anyone. He had tried to eat a bowl of rice but it tasted like the air he was drowning in. Not that he had much of an appetite anyway.

He felt like something was sitting on his chest, tightening around his throat. Suffocating him. He was empty. Hollow. That hole still eating away at him but with nowhere left to go.

And having to tell Daichi that the man he loved was dead?

Well, that was one of the hardest things Tooru ever had to do in his entire life.

Tooru heard the creak of his front door from his cocoon of blankets and lifted his head just as his bedroom door slid open.

“Tooru?”

He smiled, even if it hurt. “Hey, Tetsu-chan.”

“Tooru, you know you left your key in the door right?” Kuroo said, placing the keys on Tooru’s paper cluttered desk.

“Oh I did? Silly me. Must’ve happened when I went out earlier today.” Which was a lie. Not that Kuroo would know. Not that Tooru planned to tell him. 

Kuroo looked around at the laundry scattered about, at the half empty glasses of water on the nightstand, the poor attempt at eating dinner. Tooru knew he looked like even more of a train wreck than his bedroom, hair strewn about in wild tufts and dark circles surrounding his eyes. 

Tooru and Kuroo first met in their chemistry class in college, when Tooru was barely scraping by with a passing grade and Kuroo offered to help. Then it turned out they had both received a volleyball scholarship and were going to play together. They had become practically inseparable after that. And Kuroo became very good at reading Tooru after that.

_Pull it together, Tooru. They’re grieving too, not just you._

“Want something to drink?” Tooru asked, stepping out of bed, into the cold he had come to know so well, and running his fingers through his hair to give it some semblance of decency. “Or eat? I can make something.”

“I’m all right, thanks,” Kuroo answered.

“You sure? I’m really not that bad. Let me just –”

Kuroo grabbed his arm when Tooru tried to slip past him. “Tooru.”

Silence settled over them, almost as heavy as the one he’d been laying in every night, expecting his phone to trill a specific tone in response to silly messages. 

“How’s Sawamura doing?” Tooru asked after a moment. Kuroo’s hand felt hot on his skin, the first thing he’s felt in what seemed like forever.

“Fine, all things considered,” Kuroo said. “He’s been staying at Suga’s. But how are you doing?”

Tooru bit his lip before facing his friend and giving his best smile. “I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” His arm fell lax at his side when Kuroo let him go. “Sorry that the place is such a mess and that I haven’t answered your calls – been kinda out of it lately.”

Kuroo was quiet.

“I burned toast yesterday, can you believe that?” Tooru let out a small laugh. “I’m such an idiot. I mean, who the hell burns toast?” He picked at his nails, eyes burning. “Iwa-chan would’ve yelled at me.” He pulled a half-hearted scowl and imitated Iwaizumi’s voice as best he could. “Dummykawa! How the hell did you burn toast? Pay attention!” His laugh this time held no weight at all. “That’s exactly what he would say.”

“Tooru,” Kuroo said. “You’re not alone in this, you know. We’re all here for you – me, Suga, even Sawamura. We’re here.”

“I know, Tetsu-chan,” Tooru murmured. “I know.”

The sound of traffic hummed between them.

“He was supposed to come home, you know?” Tooru’s voice itched in his throat, cracking, white noise clouding his ears. “We were all supposed to celebrate. Sawamura was going to come back early and surprise him. We were going to have so much fun.”

The roaring was getting louder, the hole was digging deeper, and he didn’t remember when Kuroo wrapped his arms around him or when he crashed to his knees or when uncontrollable sobs passed through him like an earthquake.

Tooru fisted his hands into Kuroo’s shirt, fearing that if he let go, Kuroo might disappear too.

**

_“You gonna actually get away from your desk and join us tonight?”_

Tooru leaned back in his chair. “I never go back on a promise, Tetsu-chan.”

 _“Good. We’re tired of you ditching us. I know you’re a total nerd and love to read but this is getting out of hand.”_ The smirk was evident in Kuroo’s voice.

Tooru rolled his eyes. “Says the chemistry snob.”

_“Chemistry is actually interesting. You only get to read about stuff blowing up. I can make it happen.”_

“You should’ve been a thermonuclear astrophysicist then.”

_“Hey, being a forensic scientist is awesome! But thermonuclear astrophysics is pretty cool too.”_

Tooru let out a mock gag. “Ugh, I’m gonna be sick.”

 _“Tell him he’s got five minutes to get over here or we’re eating without him,”_ Suga’s voice echoed from the background. 

Kuroo laughed. _“I hope you caught that.”_

Tooru smiled, neatly stacking manuscript in front of him. “Tell Suga-chan that patience is a virtue!”

 _“I’m hungry,”_ Suga said.

 _“Oikawa, get here. Now,”_ Daichi piped up.

“I’m leaving, I’m leaving,” Tooru said, slipping out of his sweatpants and putting on skinny jeans and a more presentable shirt.

They hung up shortly after and Tooru finished getting ready, grabbing his keys and slipping on his shoes.

Get-togethers with Daichi, Kuroo, and Suga were common, every weekend almost, as they’d grown closer over the past year. Things were getting better, he and Daichi were healing and Suga and Kuroo were wonderful support systems. Some days were harder than others, and Daichi would crash at Tooru’s place if the silence was too much to bear alone. Of course, Tooru never minded. Daichi was like family to him. And It took some convincing of Daichi’s very independent spirit that he was in no way being a bother and come by if he ever needed anything, but he eventually came around.

But today was Wednesday.

A particularly special Wednesday where his world spun and stopped all at once. When he was breathing but there was no air coming in. 

Tooru looked at the calendar, smiling a bit at the small doodle in the corner of today’s date. “Happy birthday, Iwa-chan.”

He grabbed his keys, intent on making today one of the best he’s ever had, and slipped on his shoes. The twilight was warm and inviting, a little humid, the neighborhood blushing peach and pink, and Tooru smiled. He took a step outside but stopped when his toe nudged something.

The pile of cans in a plastic bag at his doorstep toppled over and there was a small whimper.

He blinked a few times.

A wicker basket?

There was a red blanket draped over the top and there was something underneath breaking ranks in the fabric with no note attached. Tooru knelt down to inspect it pulling the blanket back and holy shit was that a…?

Yeah. That was a baby. A baby that would probably start wailing any minute –

Sobs broke the air, making him step back a bit. Tooru looked around, hoping to catch the eye of any passerby that could possibly explain what the hell was going on until the baby started wailing, making Tooru bend down and pick him up. He wrapped the baby in the blanket, trying to remember when his nephew was born, and brought him close to his chest.

Tooru looked around one more time, his foot kicking the bag of cans on the ground.

Baby formula?

Moving carefully, he picked up the sack and brought it inside with him.

The baby stirred in his arms for a bit but calmed after a minute or two, settling into the warm encasing him, the heartbeat in his ears, and slipped into a blissful sleep. Tooru studied the infant, taking note of the dark hair that stuck up in wild tufts almost everywhere.

“Shit.”

Tooru set the sack down and picked his phone out of his free pocket and speed dialed, sighing heavily.

_“Here already? Dammit, I lost my bet. I was totally expecting you to –”_

“Can you put me on speaker?” Tooru asked.

_“Huh? Is everything okay?”_

“Can you just put me on speaker please?”

There was a small rustle and the chatter of the restaurant became much clearer. _“All right Tooru, you’re on speaker.”_

 _“Everything okay, Oikawa?”_ Daichi asked.

 _“What’s going on?”_ Suga said.

Tooru glanced down at the infant. “Either one of you know how to take care of a baby?”

The other end of the line was silent.

“So... is that a no?”


	2. Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the air was coming in.

_“Please tell me this is just another one of your shitty metaphors.”_

Tooru raised an eyebrow. “What kind of metaphor entails asking how to take care of a baby?”

 _“You’re the one with the English degree,”_ Kuroo said. _“You tell us.”_

“Can you guys just help me please?” Tooru’s tone held a certain edge to it even in a low murmur. “I don’t know what’s going on and this baby could literally start crying any minute. I’m freaking out here!”

There was the scrape of chairs against hardwood floor.

 _“Look, we’re on our way. Don’t panic,”_ Daichi said, voice a lot steadier than Tooru felt. _“Does it look hurt or anything?”_

Tooru looked at the baby. “Not that I can see.”

_“Good. Just sit tight. We’re getting in the car now.”_

They hung up after that and Tooru sighed, stiffening when the baby shifted in his arms and yawned. And something made his heart clench against his ribcage. When the baby continued to stir in his arms, Tooru ran his fingers through the disheveled strands of hair. He tried to smooth it over but the locks stuck right back up again.

What was this… this feeling?

This… familiarity?

This undeniable comfort that he couldn’t seem to shake?

He shook his head. Probably heartburn.

Tooru sifted through the contents of the bag, counting three cans of powdered formula, two empty baby bottles, a few diapers, and no note or anything indicating who the hell this infant belonged to or where it was born. He sighed. Just who in their right mind would abandon a baby on some stranger’s doorstep?

Daichi, Kuroo, and Suga arrived about 10 minutes later, their mouths falling agape as soon as they laid eyes on the baby in Tooru’s arms.

“Holy shit,” Kuroo said.

“That’s an actual baby,” Daichi added.

Tooru deadpanned. “What – you guys thought I was joking? What part of this is funny?” He stepped aside to let them in.

“No, no, no – we didn’t think you were joking.” Suga shook his head. “This is just a little hard to take in.”

“You’re telling me,” Tooru quipped. “What should we do? Should we call someone?”

Daichi stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Well he definitely needs to be seen by a doctor to give him a clean bill of health. That’s our top priority.”

“My mom’s a doctor, she can take a look at him tomorrow when she’s in her office,” Kuroo said, stepping closer. “But from what I can tell, he looks healthy. Was there anything left with him? Like a note or a birth certificate?”

Tooru motioned his head towards the bag on the coffee table. “Just that sack of baby stuff over there.” He looked back at the baby. “I can’t believe someone could leave their kid like this, ya know? And with a stranger.”

He felt something uncomfortable twist inside of him. What if he hadn’t gone out tonight? What if he had decided to stay home and finish editing the manuscripts piling up on his desk? This baby would’ve been left alone all night. And if it had started crying, Tooru could’ve guessed it was one of the neighbor’s children. He wouldn’t have given it a second thought.

And that made Tooru sick.

“Yeah, whoever left him behind apparently thought you were suitable. Don’t know why,” Kuroo said.

Tooru pursed his lips. “Are you saying I can’t take care of a baby?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You were thinking it!”

“Shh!” Suga put his finger to his lips, looking at the infant who was starting to move again. “You’re gonna wake him up.”

“Sorry,” Tooru and Kuroo lowered their voices.

“Anyway, I’ve taken care of my nephew plenty of times so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing,” Tooru continued.

Kuroo shrugged. “Yeah, but Takeru was what, three years old when you started taking care of him? A newborn is completely different, Tooru.”

“I know that, Tetsu-chan. I’m not an idiot,” Tooru said. He carded his fingers through the baby’s hair again as night started to fall between them and found that he was breathing easier, that the air was coming in without hesitation. Like seeing a friend again after being years apart. And he couldn’t explain it.

“What’re you gonna do, Oikawa?” Daichi asked suddenly.

Tooru snapped out of his thoughts. “Huh?”

“What’re you gonna do about the baby? Are you gonna keep him? Are you gonna give him to someone else? Put him up for adoption? What’re you gonna do?”

Tooru looked back to the sleeping infant now that he was settling from the earlier outburst. After learning that Iwaizumi had gone through the adoption system as a child and hearing about some of the friends he had made that didn’t end up with great families, Tooru immediately ruled out just dropping him off at an orphanage. And leaving him on someone else’s doorstep? Forget that, too. Tooru knew he’d spend the rest of his godforsaken life wondering if the baby was okay, if he was happy.

As lackadaisical as he seemed about most things, this wouldn’t be one of them. He was going to make sure that the baby ended up with a good family, like the one Iwaizumi had, with parents who gave plenty of hugs and kisses and said “I love you” unconditionally.

And keeping him?

Well.

Let’s just say that the thought of having children had crossed Tooru’s mind at one point before he completely banished it. No need to create false hope, right?

“I’m not going to just give him away like he’s an old toy,” Tooru said. “But I can’t keep him either.”

“Any particular reason why?” Suga questioned, cedar eyes calculating every flit in Tooru’s expression. “You’re fantastic with kids. I know the children at the athletic center adore you.”

Tooru often spent his free time volunteering at the Athletic Center teaching children of all ages volleyball. He worked alongside the unforgettable Nishinoya Yuu, whom the children loved and were in absolute awe of because he was one of the few people who could receive Tooru’s “killer serve.” Yeah, sure, the kids loved him. And he loved those kids just as much. 

But this was different.

“I just can’t.” Tooru straightened. “I mean, I haven’t seen the world yet, you know? I wanna travel. Cut loose. Can’t do that if I’ve got a kid to take care of. And…”

_And I’ll screw up his life if I take him in._

“And I’ve got work,” Tooru continued, taking note but also trying to ignore how easily the baby fit into his arms. “My work load is insane. I won’t be able to pay attention to him like I should.”

Kuroo looked at him but Tooru refused to make eye contact.

Daichi sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “All right, um, I have a friend who works in social services. Maybe they can find a great home for him.”

“Really? How long do you think that’ll take?” Tooru asked.

“A month? At best?” Daichi shrugged. “There’s paperwork and other legalities that have to be worked out beforehand so it’s hard to tell. I’ll talk to them and let you know.”

“Thank you!” Tooru grinned. “You’re the best, Dai-chan!”

Daichi smiled. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Think you can handle it?” Kuroo wondered. “This wasn’t exactly in the job description.”

He could handle this, right? Right? What was he talking about, of course he could! He was Oikawa Tooru! And he never backed down from anything! A month would pass by in the blink of an eye, like it always did. He just had to take it day by day. Like he always did.

Tooru nodded. “Yeah, I totally got this. I can take care of a baby for a month – no problem.”

“Then we should probably start by feeding him,” Suga said. “We’ve probably got three seconds before he starts –”

The baby released whimper that quickly escalated into a loud cry, and Tooru rocked him gently in an effort to comfort him.

Suga sighed. “Before he starts crying.”

After Daichi quickly prepared a bottle, he handed it to Tooru who put it to the baby’s lips and watched him suckle hungrily, taking long gulps. Daichi and Suga then said that they would run to the supermarket to grab more supplies for the baby since a few diapers and three cans of formula wouldn’t last him a month while Tooru and Kuroo stayed behind.

“You sure you don’t want me to go with?” Tooru asked.

“You just keep your butt right there on that couch, Oikawa,” Suga said. “That baby isn’t going anywhere unless it’s to see a doctor.”

Tooru deflated. “Yes, Suga-chan.”

They decided to put on a movie while waiting for the duo to return, Kuroo’s pick this go around because if he had to sit through War of the Worlds one more time he was personally going to light Tooru’s alien film collection on fire. Putting his degree to good use, Kuroo had said. And once Tooru had relented, they settled on a cheesy comedy that they loved to make fun of.

Tooru held the bottle steady in his hand and the baby continued to suck greedily on it.

“He’s actually kind of cute, you know,” Kuroo remarked, stopping short when his phone trilled in his pocket. He looked at the caller ID. “It’s Kenma – mind if I take this?”

“Not at all,” Tooru shook his head. “Tell the little guy I said hi!”

“I’ll leave the ‘little’ part out of it.” Kuroo stepped right outside to answer the phone.

Tooru sighed, bringing his attention back to the infant in his arms and caught the wide, dark green eyes staring right back at him in wonder, perhaps in awe. And the air was coming in again. He was content in this small moment, this lapse, and he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the gaze that seemed to hold so much more than a few hours of life.

“This is gonna sound crazy, but you remind me of someone I know,” Tooru muttered, running his fingers through the baby’s hair and making it stick up even more. “His name was Iwaizumi Hajime. I think you would’ve liked him a whole lot. I know he would’ve liked you. He’s got a huge soft spot for kids.”

The baby continued to stare at him, the bottle slowly falling from his lips.

“He may have seemed grumpy but he was a really great guy,” Tooru continued, wiping away the formula that had dribbled down the baby’s chin. “He was my best friend.” He chuckled when the baby blinked at him. “You don’t understand a word I’m saying, do you?”

The infant just watched him, seemingly taking in every detail of the man holding him. Like Tooru was the only thing in this world worth paying attention to. Tooru then shifted him upright against his chest, patting his back gently to get him to burp just as Daichi told him to, and when that was done, Tooru rested him back in the crook of his arm.

“Tetsu-chan’s right,” Tooru said, smiling as the baby’s eyes slowly started to slip shut again and Tooru smiled, even as the twinge in his chest returned. “You are kinda cute.”

Daichi and Suga returned about 30 minutes later when Tooru had fallen asleep with the baby resting on his chest, lounged out on the couch, and Kuroo was in the process of drawing spirals on his friend’s face.

“Kuroo, what’re you doing?” Daichi put the sacks of clothes, blankets, and pampers down. Suga came in right behind him with more bags filled with formula, bottles, and body wash.

“Shh!” Kuroo snickered, his hand meticulously moving the marker across Tooru’s cheek to finish out the spiral. “There. And now for the finishing touches.” He pulled out his phone and snapped a photo. “Perfect.”

Tooru stirred not a second too soon and opened his eyes. “Wha…?”

“Mornin’, Sleeping Beauty!” Kuroo grinned. 

Tooru rubbed his eyes. “Are Suga-chan and Dai-chan back?”

“Yup,” Kuroo said.

“Great.” Tooru slowly sat up. “Do you mind holding him? I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Sure thing.” Kuroo easily took the baby in his arms, his chuckles growing.

Tooru raised an eyebrow as smiles cracked across Suga and Daichi’s faces. What was so funny? He didn’t press on the matter, but soon regretted it as soon as he saw his face in the bathroom mirror. He paled at the spirals on his cheeks and the mustache on his upper lip.

“Tetsurou, you asshole!” he shouted.

And all three burst into peals of laughter.

After Tooru cleaned his face, he helped Daichi and Kuroo put everything away and listened tentatively as Daichi told him how much formula to measure out and when to feed the baby. Suga was holding the baby now, smiling as the baby stared at him much like he had with Tooru earlier.

“How do you know all this stuff, Dai-chan?” Tooru asked.

“My parents run a daycare and I’ve had to help them before,” Daichi said.

“In that case, you should just take the little guy.”

Daichi shook his head, an amused smile at his lips. “I would but unlike you, I can’t work from home.”

“Big businessman too busy?” Tooru put his hands on his hips.

Daichi laughed. “As a stock broker, yes – I am very busy.”

Tooru smiled, releasing a small sigh as he watched Suga and Kuroo talk amongst themselves.

“It’ll be all right, Oikawa,” Daichi said. “If anything, it’ll take less than a month and we won’t have to worry anymore. I know there’s tons of parents out there looking to adopt and my friend is very passionate about his work, so he’s gonna make sure they’re nothing but the best.”

Tooru nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.”

_Then why I do I feel like I’m doing something wrong?_

“Anyway, there’s plenty of stuff there for the little guy so you should be good to go – at least for a while,” Daichi said. “And if you need anything, anything at all, we’re here for you.”

“Pssh, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m serious, Oikawa.”

Tooru met the eyes that were a shade darker than his own, that carried so much more weight than his. Daichi, like Tooru, was a fiercely independent person and would rather shoulder things by himself to spare everyone else the burden. They were both stubborn and didn’t like to show that they were in pain. Tooru guessed that’s why they got along so well, minus Iwaizumi being the other common thing between them.

Tooru smiled. “I know, I know. I appreciate your help, I really do.”

“You’d better,” Suga said with a grin, handing the baby over to Tooru. “Now scoot over so Kuroo and I can make dinner. Still starving over here.”

Daichi looked at Kuroo.

“I promise, I’ll make sure he doesn’t kill us all.” Kuroo laughed.

Suga huffed. “You guys aren’t adventurous at all.”

“We don’t like to play ding-dong ditch with death,” Daichi said.

Suga rolled his eyes. “So dramatic.”

Kuroo and Suga made a huge batch of chicken teriyaki with rice and vegetables, Tooru had to wait to eat until the baby was fast asleep so he could actually be put down without crying, and they all sat together and watched crappy horror movies. Tooru emailed his boss as they did so, telling him that an emergency came up and he’d like to work from home until it was resolved. It technically wasn’t a lie, and Tooru assured him that his work output would be the same despite being at home, but he also went ahead and took about two weeks of the vacation time he had racked up.

Luckily, his boss was very understanding about it since he had a reputation for being a hard-ass around the office, and because Tooru had spent most nights sleeping over manuscripts at his desk, he was given the green light but he’d have to stop by the office tomorrow morning to give his boss the current manuscript he’d been working on.

“It’s getting late. I should probably go.” Suga stood up once the third movie was over. “I’ve got a 9:00 appointment tomorrow morning and I’d like to be conscious for it.”

Suga worked as a child psychologist downtown, and in just the few years he’d been in practice, he had helped hundreds of children. He loved what he did, and Tooru could see that Suga understood those children on a level that most people didn’t bother to.

“I should probably get going, too,” Daichi said, heading with Suga to the door. “We’re closing out a big deal tomorrow and if it doesn’t go well, it’s my ass.”

Kuroo lounged back on the couch. “Sucks for you guys, I’m off tomorrow.”

“You’re still on call, aren’t you?” Tooru asked, the baby held close to his chest.

“I’m technically off!” Kuroo retorted. “This case that we’re working on is already going to trial so I’m not needed unless I have to testify. Pray to every god I don’t have to.”

“I pray to every god you have to.” Daichi slipped on his shoes.

Kuroo finished the last of his soda. “Shut up, Sawamura.” He stood up. “But I guess I should get going, too. Tooru’s got a long night ahead of him.”

“What do you mean?” Tooru tilted his head.

“Remember what I said about newborns eating every two to three hours?” Daichi said. “Yeah, he’s gonna wake up in the middle of the night hungry so I suggest you go ahead and make a few bottles because trust me, you’re not gonna want to deal with that at three in the morning."

Tooru made a mental note to do that before going to bed. “Got it.”

“I’ll be by around 10 to take you to my mom’s office,” Kuroo said. “My older sister is letting me use her daughter’s old car seat.”

Tooru followed them to the door. “I’m surprised your sister didn’t blow a gasket when you asked her.”

“Oh no, she did.” Kuroo chuckled. “She said, and I quote, ‘Did you knock up some girl, Tetsurou? What did I tell you about using a condom? You weren’t supposed to make me an aunt this young!’ End quote.” He grinned. “But when I told her it was for my dipshit friend, she backed off.”

Tooru deadpanned. “You’re banished from the island. Leave.”

Kuroo laughed. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Oh Tetsu-chan, do you mind stopping by my job real quick after the appointment? My boss wants me to drop off the manuscript I’ve been working on to check my progress,” Tooru said.

Kuroo raised an eyebrow. “Yeah no problem, but aren’t fax machines a thing now? Like email?”

“He’s old-fashioned.”

Kuroo shook his head. “Yikes. But yeah, I’ll swing you by there.”

“Thanks.”

“Call us if you need anything, Oikawa,” Suga said. “And I mean anything.”

Tooru waved them off. “Sheesh, you guys – I’ll be fine. I got this. See you later.”

When the door shut with a final click for the night, the entire reality of the situation hit Tooru like a freight train. He was going to be alone with a newborn baby. For an entire night. An entire _month._ When he had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

Tooru sighed.

“Son of a bitch.”

He carried the baby to his room after preparing three bottles and placing them in the fridge, gently setting the baby down on his bed before putting on basketball shorts and an old t-shirt and climbing under the covers. He listened to the fan rattle overhead, lulling him into unconsciousness as it did every night, and he placed his hand atop the baby and felt the easy rise and fall of a tiny chest.

There it was again.

That sinking feeling in his gut, the warmth of familiarity coursing through him. Something comforting, something he hadn’t felt for almost an entire year. Something that –

His phone vibrated on the nightstand, and Tooru squinted at the message lighting up the screen.

_**Mom wants to know when you’re coming back down to visit.** _

Tooru suddenly felt very tired.

**

When Tooru was woken up by a loud wail, he thought it was the TV and threw the remote at it in a pathetic attempt to shut the damn thing off. But when it didn’t stop, he lifted his head and found that his TV was dark and that the cries grew louder. What in the world was that – oh shit, right. There was a baby here. And Daichi’s words rang in his ears.

Tooru lifted the baby into his arms, patting his back as he trekked to the kitchen to warm up a bottle. The baby started crying even louder, and Tooru did a quick temperature check on his wrist before putting the bottle to the baby’s lips.

After suckling for a bit, the baby brought his eyes back to Tooru, the deep and vivid green that Tooru knew belonged to only one other person, and just stared. 

Tooru leaned back against the counter, sighing softly. “You remind me so much of him, you know? Which is insane, but… I don’t know. I can’t explain it.” He quickly shook his head. He shouldn’t be getting attached, not when their time together would be so short.

But he had to call the little guy something, right?

And Hajime was the only name that came to mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I didn't expect this to blow up like it did! Thank you guys so much for all your support!
> 
> Here is where this story and A Smile to the West will start branch off. Granted, there might be some similarities, but not many. I'm going to make this as different as possible.
> 
> Thank you guys so much again! I'll try to get as many chapters out as I can before school starts, so I hope you're enjoying thus far! Remember, hit me up on tumblr at tenacioustooru if you'd ever like to chat! I'd love to hear from y'all!


	3. Louder Than Thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quiet like the snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your continued support, everyone! I cherish all the comments, kudos, and hits! You're all wonderful!

“Good morning, Tetsu-chan!” 

“You’re way too bright eyed and bushy-tailed for me this morning,” Kuroo said. He held out a Starbucks cup. “Coffee?”

Tooru took it with his free hand, the other holding the baby close to his chest and grinned. “My knight in shining armor.”

“Got it just how you like it: disgusting.”

“You’d drink yours straight out of a coffee pot if you had the choice.”

“You act like I haven’t.”

Tooru took a sip of his iced caramel macchiato. “Perfect.”

“I thought you’d might need it but you seem to be doing just fine.” Kuroo nodded towards the baby. “How was his first couple of nights?”

Kuroo had called early the other morning and told Tooru that he had to reschedule the appointment with his mom because she was caught up in something and wouldn’t be available until later, which was fine. Tooru understood, not that that made him any less panicky, but he understood things happened and there was nothing he could do about it. He’d just have to take it in stride like he always did. He was good at doing that.

The first and second night were trial and error, trying to figure out exactly what worked and what didn’t. What soothed him and what didn’t. When to feed him, when to change his diaper, what made the baby tick as a person who was still figuring out the people and things around him. And while he didn’t have everything down pat yet, it was going smoothly so far.

“He woke up a few times to eat and for a diaper change but other than that, he was good. I expected him to cry a lot more, you know?” Tooru slung the diaper bag on his shoulder. “I remember Takeru crying all the time. Nonstop. It was insane.”

“Let’s not jinx it, okay?” Kuroo slipped the diaper bag off Tooru’s shoulder and hefted it on his own. “I’ll take this. Just make sure you don’t drop the baby.”

“So little faith in me, Tetsu-chan,” Tooru said as he followed Kuroo out to his car. He strapped the baby into the car seat and rounded the car to the passenger side. “I’d like to say that I’m doing a pretty good job taking care of him.”

_“You’d_ like to say that.” Kuroo turned on the radio before pulling out into the street. _“I_ beg to differ.”

The morning was a cloudy and cool one, a little humid and perhaps promising rain later on in the day, but there were plenty of people out and about toting shopping bags, chattering away on cellphones, or jogging down the sidewalk on a morning run. It was a much needed relief from the heat wave they’d been getting for the last couple of weeks. And Tooru, for one, hated hot weather, which was the main reason why he went for a jog before the sun came up and turned the concrete into a makeshift oven.

“How’s your mom been doing?” Tooru asked over the quiet tune of the radio.

“She’s been good. Busy,” Kuroo said. “But she’s excited to see you. She told me to stop by her house after the appointment and pick up the curry she made for you. She knows how much you like it.”

Tooru smiled. “Your mother is a saint.” He looked out the window. “Almost makes me wonder what happened to you.”

“You’re lucky I’m just as worried about the baby otherwise I’d leave your ass to walk.”

And Tooru just laughed.

When they arrived at the children’s hospital, Tooru toted in the baby still in the car seat with Kuroo leading the way. Tooru was never really a huge fan of hospitals, they always made him nervous, almost ridiculously so. The kind of nervous where it feels like your stomach is about to fall out your butt and you’re going to vomit at the same time. He never could figure it out.

Maybe it was the rooms. The way they reeked of medicine, the cleanliness, and hummed with artificial life. Or the doctors with their icy hands and tired smiles, using their instruments to continuously poke and prod and touch.

Maybe it was the fact that he could be laying where someone died. He was laying where someone took their last breaths, said their final words to someone or no one. That parents could be sitting where other families have, where their tears have fallen, mopped up over and over again.

It helped when you didn’t think about it.

And he could feel the eyes of some of the other people there, some smiling and some staring in what could only be judgment. 

_“He’s so young.”_

_“Is he by himself or are they together?”_

_“Doesn’t matter, they’re too young. Whether one of them got a girl pregnant or they’re a couple and adopted, it’s still wrong.”_

_“Wait, isn’t that Oikawa Tooru? The guy who had the potential to make the national volleyball team?”_

_“What a shame. His family must be so disappointed.”_

The conversation between the two women continued quietly, evidently thinking that Tooru couldn’t hear them, and Tooru had half a mind to turn around and say something until Kuroo grabbed his arm.

“Ignore them,” he said, the growl evident in his voice and emphasized by the sharp glare he threw at the two women that quickly shut them up. “Let’s go.”

Tooru held onto the carrier even tighter, staring at the sleeping baby’s face as they entered the elevator.

“People are ignorant.” Kuroo huffed. “My mom was a teenager when she had my sister and look at her now, medical degree and opened her own practice. And she was single. So just ignore them.”

Kuroo’s mother had his older sister when she was 17 years old with big dreams to become a doctor someday. Her boyfriend bailed on her, saying that he wasn’t ready to be a father so she finished high school and raised her daughter on her own. She then met Kuroo’s father in college and they were married as soon as she finished medical school.

“Your mother had you when she was pretty young too, didn’t she, Tooru?” Kuroo asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Tooru said. "Yeah, she was."

“How old was she again? 20, right?”

Tooru just nodded.

The elevator dinged, signaling that they had made it to the fourth floor, and Tooru sat in a chair in the waiting area while Kuroo talked to the receptionist. Kuroo sat next to him a few moments later.

“My mom is finishing up with a patient right now so she’ll be done soon,” he said.

Tooru nodded, his attention diverted when the baby started sniveling from the carrier and wriggled, obviously displeased at the fact that he was not in someone’s arms. Tooru made haste to bring the baby close to him, patting the tiny back gently and humming softly.

Last night, he had discovered that the baby, for some reason, loved hearing him hum, if the fact that he immediately calmed was any indication. It was something that Tooru did out of habit, it wasn’t with any real purpose. And Tooru honestly hated hearing babies cry. It wasn’t that he found it annoying, no, that wasn’t the case at all. In fact, it was the exact opposite. 

It made his heart hurt.

The baby let out a few soft sobs before quieting against Tooru’s chest, opening his eyes and trying to take in the massive world around him.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Kuroo said. “You aren’t half bad.”

Tooru smirked. “Told you.”

Kuroo grinned at the baby. “Hey there, little guy.”

The baby just blinked at him and Kuroo laughed.

“Tetsurou?”

They turned around, and a woman with brown hair and sharp, honey eyes was standing there with a smile on her face. She came over, and Tooru and Kuroo rose to their feet.

“Great to see you again, son.” She hugged him, patting his shoulder before looking at Tooru. “And Tooru-kun. It’s been a while. How have you been?”

Tooru smiled. “Can’t complain.”

“Great,” she said and then looked at the baby in his arms. “And this is the baby you were telling me about, Tetsurou?”

Kuroo nodded. “Sure is. We’re hoping you could take a look at him, make sure he’s healthy and all that.”

“And this isn’t your son, correct?” Kuroo’s mother asked, her cool eyes back on Tooru.

“Right,” Tooru said. “He was left at my doorstep last night.”

Sympathy lined her gaze. “Poor little thing. We’ll get him checked out.” She beckoned them to follow her to a room down the hall.

Kuroo and Tooru trailed after her to one of the rooms that smelled of baby powder and had an evident jungle theme. A blue sky dotted with fluffy, white clouds and a yellow sun. Giraffes, elephants, lions, and monkeys swinging from the trees had bright smiles and even brighter eyes. Tooru guessed they were supposed to look friendly, but they only perturbed him.

“Okay, Tooru-kun – if you’ll lay him there, I can start the checkup.” She motioned towards the small bed that looked to be specifically designed for newborns while she filled out some paperwork in a manila folder.

Tooru nodded and did as told, despite the hesitation in his bones, and unwrapped the baby from the thin blanket that swaddled him just as Kuroo’s mother approached after washing her hands. He backed away to give them some space and joined Kuroo’s side as he watched the woman work.

She undressed the baby, writing down the weight when the small, built-in monitor flashed the numbers on the screen and measured him. “He’s 8 pounds, 5 ounces and is 42 centimeters long. He’s a solid kid, definitely not malnourished.” She ran her hands along the baby’s torso, moving his arms and legs about.

The baby shuddered, bringing his tiny hands to his chest, and started to cry.

And Tooru resisted the urge to reach out and hold him.

She listened to his heart with the stethoscope and carefully dressed the baby afterwards right as he started to wail. “No abnormalities as far as I can tell, which is fantastic with everything considered. But we’ll have to get some bloodwork done to be absolutely sure. We’ll have to give him his first vaccine, too.” She gave him back to Tooru. “If you’d please hold him, Tooru-kun.”

Tooru held the baby close, rubbing small circles in his back to try and soothe him as Kuroo’s mother went to jot some things down on what he assumed was a medical chart. The baby slowly eased into soft sniffles and hiccups as he relaxed against Tooru’s chest.

Kuroo’s mother smiled. “He certainly seems to like you.”

“We were a little worried at first, but the apartment was still intact this morning so he’s doing a pretty great job considering he wasn’t prepared for this.” Kuroo smirked, but the last half of his comment was absolutely genuine all teasing aside, and Tooru could see that clear as day.

Tooru held his head high. “Tetsu-chan’s just jealous because kids don’t like him as much as they like me.”

That was a lie, kids absolutely loved Kuroo.

Kuroo’s mother rolled her eyes, amusement palpable. “Some things never change.” She slipped on a pair of latex gloves and moved towards a small tray that held a small, cylindrical vial, a syringe with a needle, and a pack of alcohol swabs and Band-Aids. She tore open a swab and rubbed the baby’s leg, the empty vial in the other hand. “All right. Here we go.”

The moment the needle pricked the baby’s skin, he started to scream, fat tears streaming down his face as his blood filled the vial.

She quickly placed a bandage over the area and administered the vaccine just as fluidly, adding a Band-Aid there, too. “All done, little guy. All done.”

Tooru patted the baby’s back, whispering warm, comforting words and humming over the baby’s cries. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.”

**

He didn’t like the sting, the sharp pain in his leg. It hurt – it hurt so bad!

He wanted… he wanted the person who had enveloped him in warmth, in security. Who harbored a strong heartbeat that brought him comfort. Whose voice murmured low, soothing words but also held a certain cadence that he loved to hear even if he couldn’t understand what was being said.

This person didn’t smell of milk, so they weren’t mother.

But they still made him happier than anything could ever describe.

_“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.”_

There they were! They were here! They didn’t leave him to be consumed by the pain in his leg. They saved him. He felt the large, warm hands pat his back, hold him close so he could hear the calming thunder roaring in their chest.

This person… this person was…

_Papa._

Yes. Yes, that’s it.

_Papa._

This person, this man, was his father.

**

And after a few minutes, the baby eventually slipped into sleep, tears still running down his flushed cheeks as he snuggled into Tooru’s chest.

“I’m going to assume you haven’t named him yet?” Kuroo’s mother looked up from the paperwork.

Tooru shook his head. “No, I haven’t. I was going to leave that up to his adoptive parents.” It technically wasn’t a lie. He hadn’t named the baby officially. But he had thought of naming him ‘Hajime’. No other name seemed as perfect as that one. No other name seemed as natural.

She nodded. “Understandable. Well, the bloodwork should be done within the next couple of weeks so until then, we can hold off on making the official birth certificate and other documents. By then you’ll hopefully have someone who’s willing to take the baby in.”

“Sawamura said it could take up to a month, according to a friend he has in social services,” Kuroo said. “Think someone can be found in a couple of weeks?”

“Miracles do happen, son. I see them every day. Besides, it’s best if someone is found soon because it’s going to be hard transitioning to a new home if he gets too attached.” She closed the manila folder. “For now, just focus on taking care of him, Tooru-kun. You’re doing a fantastic job already.”

Tooru nodded. “Thank you.”

“I’ll let you know as soon as the blood results come in and go over them with you, but I’m fairly confident there’s nothing to worry about.” Kuroo’s mother smiled.

“Thanks for getting us in so quickly, Mom,” Kuroo said. “We appreciate it.”

“Of course – anything for you and Tooru.” She followed Tooru and Kuroo out of the room, leaning against the doorjamb. “What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

Kuroo shrugged. “Nothing too big, just taking him by his office so he can drop off the manuscript he’s been working on. Might meet up with Sugawara and Sawamura for lunch.”

“That’ll be fun,” she said. “Oh, Tetsurou – don’t forget that you have to stop and pick up the curry I made. I don’t think Tooru-kun’s getting enough to eat. He looks skinny.”

Tooru smiled. “I promise I eat plenty, Kuroo-san. But I absolutely love your curry so I’ll gladly take it!”

She laughed. “You boys be careful.”

“Always,” Tooru said, slinging the diaper bag on his shoulder. “I’m gonna change his diaper real quick and then we can go.”

Kuroo nodded. “Sounds good.”

As Tooru headed to the bathroom, a young man approached him, and Tooru recognized him immediately. He’d recognize those copper eyes that flitted nervously across the court almost anywhere and the freckles that spotted his cheeks. The jump floaters that gave Tooru’s team hell the second time around. And while the freckles were still loud and proud, the anxiety was completely gone.

Tooru was bad with names, but he hardly ever forgot a face.

“Oikawa Tooru?” The young man held out his hand. “It’s been a while, so you may not remember me. I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi. I played volleyball for Karasuno.”

“I remember you.” Tooru gave Yamaguchi’s hand a firm shake. “And to what do I owe the surprise visit from Karasuno’s former pinch server?”

“Sawamura-san called. I work with social services.”

“Ah,” Tooru said. “I see.”

**

“So how have things been going?” Suga asked, leaning into the table with interest. “Is it as easy as you thought it’d be?”

Tooru puffed out his chest with pride. “Of course it is, Suga-chan! Told you guys I could handle it.”

“You wanna mention how you overheated the bottle and had to make a new one?” Kuroo sipped at his tea, only glancing at Tooru over the rim of the cup.

Tooru huffed. “I got distracted, okay? It happens!”

“How’d his doctor’s appointment go?” Daichi questioned, eyes falling on the baby in Tooru’s arms.

“Fine. He’s a healthy weight and all, but they’re waiting for the blood results to come back just to be sure,” Tooru answered, pulling the edge of the blanket over the baby’s exposed shoulder. The air conditioner was blowing full force throughout the restaurant, and Tooru immediately wrapped the baby in the blanket when he started shivering.

Daichi nodded. “That’s good to hear. Oh, did my friend catch up with you at the hospital? I told him that’s where you’d be.”

“Yeah, I talked to him,” Tooru said.

Well, it was more like Yamaguchi did all of the talking because as soon as he mentioned that he had a potential family that would be good for the baby, Tooru completely zoned out, white noise garbling in his ears. It wasn’t on purpose. It just sort of… happened.

“He said he might’ve found a family,” Tooru continued. “And that he’s working hard to try and speed along the adoption process since it’ll be easier for the baby. He said he’d give me a call.”

“It’s gonna be hard enough as it is,” Kuroo added. “Especially with the way he cries when you leave.”

“What do you mean?” Suga asked.

“When I went to swing Tooru by his office so he could drop off the manuscript to his boss, the baby starts crying when Tooru leaves,” Kuroo explained. “I’m talking the split second he goes inside the building, the baby starts screaming. I thought he was hurt or something so I text Tooru and tell him to hurry his ass up because I’m doing all I can to get him to stop crying and nothing is working.”

Tooru rolled his eyes.

Kuroo doesn’t pay him any mind. “Luckily, he doesn’t spend 30 minutes trying to flirt with the receptionist and as soon as he’s holding the baby – silence. The baby is right as rain.”

“Told you that kids don’t like you as much as they like me,” Tooru quipped.

“You sure you don’t want to keep him, Oikawa?” Suga wondered, resting his hand on the heel of his hand. “You sure you want to give him to another family?”

Tooru took one second too long to answer. “Yeah! Yeah, I’m positive.” He smiled. “It may take a bit, but the little guy will soon forget all about me.”

He once again didn’t meet Kuroo’s eyes.

_Hajime deserves the best he can get in life._

**

The thunder growled overhead as rain pelted the window.

Tooru absently watched whatever cheesy romance was flashing across the screen, the baby tucked safely in the crook of his arm while his other hand held a bottle to the baby’s lips. The baby stared at him, studied him, his tiny hand resting over Tooru’s heart.

“You’re gonna have so much fun with your new family, kiddo,” Tooru said, voice low and warm. “They’re going to love you and teach you so many things.”

The baby continued to suckle.

“You’re going to play lots of games with your new brothers and sisters. Or hell, you might even be an only child. That’s okay though. Siblings suck sometimes.” He chuckled. “I would know. I’ve got an older brother _and_ an older sister.”

The baby unlatched from the bottle, formula spilling down the sides of his mouth, and Tooru shifted him upright so he could burp.

“Your older brother or sister will no doubt get on your nerves.” He chuckled a bit when he heard the tiny burp. “But they’ll be there for you no matter what. They’ll be one of your greatest support systems. You’ll be glad to have them.”

_Hajime deserves the best he can get in life._

Tooru smoothed his hand over the baby’s strands of hair, smiling as the tufts stuck right back up.

_And I have no part in that._


	4. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Denial is a powerful thing.

The days bled into weeks, and the only word Yamaguchi had received from the potential family was that they had backed out of the adoption for reasons unknown. And Tooru would never admit aloud the amount of relief that washed over him.

His entire world was starting to revolve around the baby, every waking minute and every minute spent sleeping was spent with the baby near him or in his arms. Which was just fine. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it. Watching the baby grow every single day, watching him try and lift his head and responding to sounds such as the doorbell when it rang, or when he heard the shake of a rattle, or when someone new spoke never ceased to amaze.

And Tooru found himself being able to sleep through the night again.

Yamaguchi had apologized for the setback and thanked Tooru for his patience and said that he was working diligently to find another family that would want to take the baby in. Tooru told him not to stress over this, that the baby was in good hands until someone suitable was found, and always assured Yamaguchi that he was sure in his decision to put the baby up for adoption.

Tooru just wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

He sighed. The baby was currently resting against his chest fast asleep after a warm bath, and Tooru didn’t really plan on doing anything since he had been up most of the night working late. He ran his fingers through the baby’s hair, watching a sci-fi movie half-asleep, when his phone went off. He rubbed his eyes and felt his heart jump as Suga’s name lit up the screen.

Tooru had had a crush on Suga for some time now, “some time” meaning since Interhigh when he first saw the “refreshing” Karasuno setter, though it was a fact he’d never, ever admit no matter how hard anyone tried to pry the information out of him. Iwaizumi knew, of course he did, but Tooru made him swear the utmost secrecy and to never tell Hanamaki and Matsukawa because the duo would never let him live it down.

Wow, he was keeping a lot of things under wraps, wasn’t he? And people thought Iwaizumi was the one emotionally constipated.

At any rate, Suga was definitely interested in Kuroo. He saw it in the way they interacted, their closeness. And he had no right to let his feelings get in the way of that. Oikawa Tooru was in no way _that_ person who would stop two people from being happy. Kuroo and Suga had known each other for far longer than Tooru had. It was only fair, right? 

But he opened the message anyway.

_**Hey! I was going to run to the store to pick up a few things for dinner tonight! Did you wanna come? Maybe get some fresh air and stuff for the baby? Knowing you, you’ve been at home all day.** _

Shit, Suga was right. He did need more supplies, particularly diapers. He never understood how such a tiny human could produce so much poop.

Tooru typed. _**I reject that statement, I have not been cooped inside all day. I have been recreationally lounging on the couch.**_

Suga’s response was quick. _**So what exactly have you done today?**_ And then another came through. _ **That involved you leaving the house.**_

Tooru smirked. _**I went to get the mail.**_

 _ **All right, smart-ass.**_ Suga could almost be seen rolling his eyes. _**Do you wanna come or not?**_

Tooru chuckled. _**Yeah I’m in.**_

Suga’s response came a few seconds later. _**Good because I’m here. Open the door.**_

Tooru blanched. What? Suga was here? _Right now?_

As if to further prove such a circumstance, there was a knock at his door. And Tooru got up as quickly as he could without disturbing the baby. He had to put on pants!

After slipping on some shorts and making sure his hair didn’t resemble a rat’s nest (he didn’t even know why he cared, Suga’s seen him with no coffee and no sleep), he opened the door when Suga’s knocking became nearly incessant.

“What took you so long?” Suga asked.

Tooru stepped aside to let him in. “I had to make sure I looked presentable enough to face the world, Suga-chan. Beauty takes time, you know.”

Suga rolled his eyes but smiled. “You look fine. Where’s the baby?”

“Sleeping on the couch,” Tooru said.

“No word from Yamaguchi?”

“Not since a couple of weeks ago.”

Suga nodded. “I’m sorry things didn’t pan out well.”

“It’s fine.” Tooru shrugged. “I’m not sweating it. The right family will come along.”

And Suga’s eyes lit up with something that Tooru couldn’t quite read.

Once changing into a clean(er) shirt, Tooru put the baby in the carrier and followed Suga out to the car. “I can drive. My car can fit more stuff anyway.”

Suga paused. “Are you sure? I invited.”

“Totally!” Tooru said as he secured the carrier in the backseat. “I don’t mind at all.”

Suga grinned. “Thanks.”

And Tooru felt his heart jump to his throat.

**

“How about this one?” Suga asked.

Tooru eyed the grey and white striped onesie in Suga’s hands. “I like it.” He then grabbed one he had spotted on the rack. “But how about this?”

Suga laughed. “’The force is strong with this one’? You nerd.”

“Hey, if I’m going to be taking care of this little guy, he’s gotta look great.”

Suga took the onesies and placed them in the basket among the other outfits. They had grabbed some socks, shoes and more toys for the baby, of course along with the diapers, formula and more blankets now that July was nearing its end. It’d start getting cold in a few months and it was best to grab what they could while it was on sale. Perhaps they’d gone a little overboard, they still hadn’t even grabbed the groceries needed, but they didn’t particularly care. They could splurge a little, especially if it was for the baby.

Suga pushed the cart towards the grocery section of the supermarket. “You’re joining us for dinner tonight, right Oikawa?”

Oh yeah, Tooru had forgotten he had been invited to dinner at Suga’s house tonight. He’d been stressing out about the final touches to the big project he’d been working on, and no matter how much sleep he had sacrificed for that manuscript, his boss was still hounding him to get it done.

“Don’t tell me you’re cancelling again.”

Okay, so maybe because his boss was on his ass, Tooru had cancelled three times already. In a row.

“I am not cancelling again,” Tooru said as he unfastened the baby from the carrier when he started to fuss. “I’ll be there.”

Suga nodded once. “Good. Believe it or not, we enjoy your presence.”

Yup, there went Tooru’s heart. It was going to give out, or he was going to combust and either Suga, Daichi, or Kuroo would have to take the baby in until further notice. 

_Act cool, Tooru! Act cool!_

Tooru grinned. “Aww, Suga-chan! You’re so sweet! I knew you liked having me around!”

“I’ll take it back,” Suga said.

“Nope! Can’t! It’s already out there!”

Suga rolled his eyes but smiled. “Come on, Oikawa. Let’s get what we need and get out of here.”

“Nothing spicy this time, okay?” Tooru said. “You nearly killed us all with the soup you made.”

“It was not that hot.”

“Tell that to my singed taste buds! I was _injured!”_

“You are so melodramatic.”

“I’m honest.”

Suga’s response was a beat too slow. “Was it good at least? I mean – it didn’t taste bad, did it?”

“Not at all!” Tooru replied. “It ranked Hell on spiciness level, but it tasted great. I ate it all, didn’t I?”

“You could’ve done that to be nice.”

“Come on, Suga-chan. You know me. Would I have ever done something that jeopardized my wellbeing if I didn’t truly enjoy it?”

Suga laughed, ringing like wind chimes. “I guess not.”

_Ka-thunk._

Yup. That was Tooru’s heart. Hopelessly falling more and more for Sugawara Koushi. Former Karasuno setter and rival. Mr. Refreshing.

Yeah. Tooru was done for.

“Suga-san?”

Tooru and Suga both turned upon hearing the all too familiar voice, and Tooru paled almost instantly. Why? Why here? Why now? Why, why, _why?_

“And the Grand King?” Hinata’s voice was raising by the minute. “What in the world are you two doing here? _Together?_ And with a baby?!”

“Shh!” Suga put a finger to his lips but couldn’t help the amused grin spreading across his face, even as people in the aisle stared. “Not so loud, Hinata.”

“Is your relationship a secret?” Hinata whispered, and it would’ve been taken as a smart-ass response if he wasn’t so genuine.

Suga laughed. “No, nothing like that. We’re just friends.”

“So whose baby is that?” Hinata pointed to the infant.

Tooru held the baby closer to his chest.

“Oikawa’s fostering him for a bit until we can find a family for him,” Suga answered. “Yamaguchi has been a great help in that regard.”

“Oh okay!” Hinata took a closer look at the baby. “He’s so cute! That’s nice of you, Oikawa-san. I’m sure he’s in great hands.”

“Of course he is, Shrimpy!” Tooru held his head high. “I know what I’m doing.”

“He doesn’t know what he’s doing,” Suga said.

“Rude, Suga-chan! Just rude!”

Hinata laughed. “You guys gonna be here long? Tobio is around here somewhere, I’m sure he got lost again looking for the milk.”

“I did _not_ get lost, you dumbass.” Kageyama walked up behind Hinata, a carton of milk in hand. This day just kept getting better and better.

Hinata didn’t miss a beat. “You totally got lost, you don’t have to lie.”

Kageyama looked at Suga and Tooru. “Suga-san, Oikawa-san – nice to see you again.”

“Tobio-chan, it’s been a long time!” Tooru gave his best grin. Take this one step at a time, just like always. One step at a time.

Suga smiled. “Hello, Kageyama. How’s the volleyball team going for you guys?”

“Great! We have a game coming up soon. You guys should totally come and watch us!” Hinata beamed, jumping up and down excitedly. “It’s next Friday!”

And Tooru felt a sharp pain in his leg again, one he knew all too well. It ached. Throbbed. And brought back memories he’d rather forget – the bright lights, the crowd going wild, the bead of sweat, wearing a red and black uniform, going up for the block. The dead silence that fell over the gym. 

The baby started to fuss in his arms, drawing the attention of the others, and Tooru patted his back.

“I’m gonna walk around for a bit, Suga-chan,” Tooru said. “I’ll catch up with you.”

“Oh,” Suga said. “All right.”

“Tobio-chan, Shrimpy – nice seeing you again. Say hi to Ushiwaka-chan for me!” And with that, Tooru left them to their own devices, wandering the aisles as he hummed softly.

Tooru had made the national team right out of college, when the coach had come to watch one of the biggest games in his college career: the game against Iwaizumi’s school. They were both powerhouse universities, making it a highly anticipated game with a full gym. It was a great match, the most fun Tooru had had in a long time – a tug of war on both sides because Iwaizumi and Tooru could read each other perfectly. 

He remembered the excitement, the adrenaline pumping through him, the grins on their faces. Until he went up to block one of Iwaizumi’s spikes. And landed wrong. He remembered the white-hot pain in his leg, the concerned look on Iwaizumi’s face.

But all he wanted to do was forget.

Not the entirety of his volleyball career, no. Those were some of the best years of his life. He’d made so many friends, smiled and laughed more than he’s ever had. It was one of the things that connected him to Iwaizumi. And come hell or high water, he’d never let that go.

He looked at the baby in his arms. “Will you play volleyball one day, too? Or are you gonna be weird and catch bugs all day?”

The baby made a small cooing noise.

He smiled. “Good answer.”

Tooru’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and his brother’s name flashed across the screen. 

He wanted to forget what made him… worthless.

“Hey, you okay?” Suga asked later in the checkout line. “You seemed a little off with Kageyama and Hinata earlier.”

Tooru waved him off. “I’m fine, don’t worry. I just had to make sure the baby didn’t start crying in the middle of the store.” The baby started to cough and he rubbed his back, pressing his lips to the baby’s head. He hoped the baby wasn’t coming down with something. The summer flu sucked, he would know.

Suga raised an eyebrow. “You sure?”

“Yeah!” Tooru grinned as he loaded up the groceries on the conveyor belt. “Definitely.”

Suga eyed the items in the cart that weren’t there before. “Gonna try and make milk bread?”

“Not ‘try’, Suga-chan. ‘Will’. I _will_ make milk bread.” His phone started buzzing in his pocket again.

Suga paused. “You gonna get that?”

Tooru shook his head. “Wrong number.”

**

“Your birthday’s coming up,” Daichi said. “Next week, right?”

“Oh yeah, that’s right.” Tooru closed the refrigerator door.

Daichi laughed a bit, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Don’t tell me you forgot.”

“Sue me, I’ve been busy.”

“Any word from Yamaguchi yet?” Daichi asked.

“Nothing new,” Tooru said, sitting down at the table and placing a glass of soda in front of Daichi. “He’s come by a couple of times to see how the baby was doing. He keeps asking if I’m sure I want to put the baby up for adoption. And I keep telling him I am, but –”

Daichi lifted the glass to his lips. “Are you sure though?”

“Huh?”

“Are you sure? Are you sure you want to give the baby up?”

The baby was asleep in the next room, leaving Tooru and Daichi here by themselves at Suga’s place while he and Kuroo went out to get some dessert after Tooru’s milk bread attempt miserably and hilariously failed. Kuroo had already made it a point he was never, ever letting it go. And Tooru would forever be mortified.

Tooru ran his hands through his hair. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

“Because you keep showing everyone that you’re not sure.”

Tooru raised an eyebrow. “Is this that whole ‘actions speak louder than words’ nonsense? Because if it is, I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Then maybe it’s time to start owning up to your words, Oikawa,” Daichi said. “Because you are a very bad liar.”

“I’m not lying about anything.”

“Lying, in denial – pick your poison.”

Tooru rolled his eyes. “And just what am I in denial about?”

“You not wanting to keep the baby,” Daichi replied.

“Because I don’t.”

Daichi leaned forward a bit, the playful light from earlier this evening completely gone. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t feel anything at all towards that baby.”

Tooru was quiet, his gaze shifting towards the wooden grain of the table.

“You can’t, can you?”

“What do you want from me, huh? I’m taking this day by day. I’m doing the best I can.”

The look in Daichi’s eyes softened. “I want you to tell me exactly what you feel. About the baby. About everything.”

Tooru stared at him.

“I’ve become very good at reading you, Oikawa Tooru. And I’ll know if you’re lying.”

“How in the world did this conversation go from my birthday to my interrogation?”

“Oikawa.”

Tooru chuckled. “So serious, Dai-chan. I’m almost afraid.”

Daichi rolled his eyes. “Cracking jokes isn’t gonna get you out of this one.”

“All right, fine. Fine.” Tooru raised his hands in a placating gesture. “You got me.”

A small silence fell over the duo, heaviness pulsing between them just waiting for Tooru’s next words, when the baby started crying. Tooru reacted almost instantly, going to Suga’s room and pulling the baby into his arms and humming gently.

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, Hajime,” he said when the baby continued to let out small sobs. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

The baby sniffled, opening his eyes after a few moments and staring at Tooru’s face, and Tooru wiped away the tears continuing to form. What was this? This unmistakable warmth coursing through him, this comfort that he hadn’t felt since the accident a year ago. This sense of complete _rightness_ that was new and familiar all at once. And he should’ve been afraid, terrified even, perhaps of what was to come of the future.

He knew there would be a lot mistakes, a lot of mishaps, and probably a lot of tears. But the smiles and the laughs and the unlimited about of firsts far outweighed that. He wanted to protect the baby – _Hajime,_ he decided. He wanted to protect Hajime. Love him. Care for him.

And then he asked himself: did he really and truly want to let go of what was literally a bundle of joy?

Tooru ran his fingers through the baby’s untamable hair.

No. No, he didn’t.

Daichi came in a few minutes later and leaned against the doorjamb. “I’m guessing you’ve decided.”

Tooru nodded, eyes burning. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I have.”

Daichi sauntered over to him. “Then it pleases me to give you this.” He held out a manila folder and grinned when Tooru raised an eyebrow.

Tooru tentatively took it. “What is it?”

“Open it and find out.”

Tooru paused for a few seconds more, his mind running through the possibilities of what it could be, before finally opening it. And he felt all of the air rush out of him. “Adoption Paperwork” stared at him in big, bold letters, along with a lot of other legal information in between, and a line for Tooru’s signature down at the bottom.

“Dai-chan…” Tooru started. “What…?”

Daichi continued to grin. “Happy early birthday, Oikawa.”

And for the first time in a long time, Tooru actually felt worth something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the continued support! Sorry I was so slow on this. I just moved into a new apartment and I'm still trying to get settled in before school starts. On the bright side, I have my dog! 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! And I'll be hopefully be updating again very soon!
> 
> Love you guys!


	5. Better Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well mannered gardens, well tempered seas.

_“Are you going to the party?”_

Tooru sifted through today’s mail. “I’m not sure yet.” He sighed. Fliers, fliers, bills, more fliers – wait, he paid that already. He’d have to make a few calls.

 _“Boss on your ass again?”_ Daichi asked.

“Papa!” Hajime put his hands to Tooru’s face, smiling brightly and laughing.

Tooru grinned. “You could say that.” 

Some annoyance leaked into Daichi’s tone. _“Well, your boss needs to understand that a break is necessary and that’s what we’re gonna do. I’m not going to let you become a workaholic.”_

Tooru sat down on the couch and perched Hajime on his lap. “Says the guy who sleeps at his desk.”

_“Says the guy who brings his work home with him.”_

Okay, Daichi had him there. But Tooru was getting better at it. Now that he had a son. Now that he was, well, a father. The adoption paperwork had been finalized a week after Tooru had signed it, the best birthday present ever, and the official birth documents came rolling in a few weeks after that. Oikawa Hajime. Wow, that had a nice ring to it. Tooru cried like a baby when he was finally able to hold the birth certificate in his hand, and he couldn’t deny it only because Kuroo was there. 

Winter had come silently with crisp air and very little snow, but was emphasized with bright lights, music, and glistening paper. Christmas was coming up very soon, a little less than two weeks, and Tooru still had no idea what he was going to buy Hajime and everyone else. Hajime was growing fast, learning every single day, if the fact that he had almost rolled off the bed last week was any indication. And as he grew, Tooru noticed the similarities.

Hajime had Iwaizumi’s wild, spiked hair, and no matter how hard Tooru tried it wouldn’t be tamed. There were also the piercing green eyes, more emerald than forest and shaped a little differently with flecks of brown, but still harboring the shine of innocence and naiveté. And even though Hajime was only six months old, Tooru wanted him to keep that for as long as possible. But there was something else there, a certain degree of excitableness that Tooru didn’t remember seeing at first.

According to Iwaizumi’s mother, Iwaizumi was very shy as a child, only truly opening up if he knew you well enough. Tooru didn’t really remember much of their early childhood days, most of it was just fragments and bursts of color, sounds of a babbling brook with scraped knees, but he and Hajime had been friends from the start. Immediately latching onto each other and never letting go. Tooru never really had a chance to experience Iwaizumi’s shyness. (Except that one time when Iwaizumi first realized his crush on Daichi. Tooru still refused to let it go.)

But that’s not what Tooru saw in his son. Hajime was always very eager to go with practically anyone, grinning toothlessly when strangers approached. And while there were times where Tooru would have to take a second glance because the way Hajime would look or smile at him reminded him so much of his late best friend, he could see that they were completely different people.

Oikawa Hajime was budding into a whole new person, separate from Iwaizumi Hajime.

Tooru had made it a habit to document almost every single aspect of Hajime’s life. Not only did pictures fill up his phone and two photo albums, but also a growing stack of video tapes. Anytime Hajime did something new, whether he discovered his hands and feet for the first time or rolled over or smiled, Tooru made sure to capture the moment, the lapse in time that disappeared as swiftly as it came. Another memory pinned to the corkboard. Another moment to cherish.

He was also unashamed with how many pictures he uploaded to social media.

Kuroo, Suga, and Daichi had been great support systems the entire time, never once minding when Tooru would call panicking at two or three in the morning because Hajime coughed funnily or had a runny nose. Of course, this was usually Tooru overreacting to a minor case of the sniffles. But the time when Hajime had woken up wailing with a high fever and a cough was the day that Tooru felt his heart come to a standstill. Cue Suga, Daichi, and Kuroo coming to his place to help. 

Yeah, he owed them big time.

Parenthood definitely wasn’t easy, and he honestly never expected it to be. He was learning something new every day, and there were many times where he wondered if he was good enough for Hajime, if he was doing everything a good father should, only to be reassured by Daichi that even parents with three or four kids still made mistakes. And then Hajime would grin at him, immediately easing Tooru’s worries.

Being a parent wasn’t easy. But it was also pretty fun.

And if anyone asked if Tooru knew what he was doing, he’d assure them that he definitely knew what he was doing. (This would later be disclaimed by Kuroo. Or Suga. Or Daichi. Or all three. Whoever happened to be nearby, really.)

He smiled as Hajime tugged on his hair. “All right, all right, fine. I’ll go.”

“Bah! Bah bah!” Hajime babbled.

_“Great. I’ll drive that way you can focus on Hajime.”_

“How long does it take to get to Miyagi again?”

_“About four hours.”_

“Ugh. Fantastic.” Tooru glanced at the invitation again but his attention was redirected when Hajime cooed at him.

_"We could always take the train."_

"No thank you," Tooru said. He'd never been the biggest fan of trains. Well, not since he saw the evening news talking about a train accident that took the lives of most of the passengers. “Anyway, I’d better go. I’ve gotta put Haji down for his nap. He’s so grumpy when he’s tired. See you tomorrow? 9:00, right?”

_“Definitely.”_

They hung up after that, and Tooru picked up the simple card resting on the coffee table. He flipped it over in his hands to read the message on the back: _“We would like to invite you Iwaizumi Sayu’s party this weekend! Please come!”_ He had immediately recognized the handwriting: Iwaizumi’s older sister, Yuki.

He sighed.

When Tooru said that he’d never go back to Miyagi, he didn’t think that “never” meant “six years later”.

Maybe having Daichi there would help. Keep his mind off of things. Keep the memories he had burned away in the ashes. Besides, he couldn’t turn down Iwaizumi’s parents like that. They’d done so much for him when he was growing up, he wasn’t just gonna brush them off. That was an asshole-ish thing to do, and Oikawa Tooru was _not_ an asshole. (This, too, would later be disclaimed by Kuroo.)

But could he face what he’d been avoiding all these years?

Tooru looked at the baby who was gently slipping into sleep, a dimpled hand clutching onto his shirt, and kissed his head.

For the sake of his son, he may just have to.

Tooru ambled around the room for a bit, holding Hajime in his arms and humming a small tune. If anyone had asked him a year ago if he ever imagined being a dad, he would’ve denied it until he was blue in the face, maybe even laughed a little because there was no way that he would’ve ever become a dad even though he wanted to.

But he would never, ever regret taking Hajime in, his little bundle of joy, the one thing that kept his world spinning. And there were a lot of bumps in the road with many more to come, but that was okay. He’d figure it out. He always did.

One step at a time.

The party wasn’t until Saturday so he still had the rest of today and all of tomorrow to get his shit together. Besides, he had other things to be concerned with at this moment. Like running errands. He had to run to the bank, grab some lunch since he didn’t feel like cooking today, and the post office to mail to the RSVP for the aforementioned party.

Yay.

But first, Hajime needed to have his nap.

Tooru was going to put Hajime down on his bed when there was a knock at the door, and Tooru figured that he could spare a few more seconds and let Hajime fall into a deeper sleep. Putting him down too early would cause Hajime to cry, and Tooru always hated hearing him cry.

The knocking continued, and Tooru huffed. “I’m coming, I’m coming!”

He made sure to secure Hajime in a blanket before opening the door, and the chill that ran through him wasn’t because of the icy wind now flowing freely through his apartment. He blinked a few times, thinking that maybe if he did it enough the person before him would suddenly dematerialize and he’d be staring at an empty doorway wondering if he had a brief moment of mania.

But no.

Life wasn’t that merciful.

“Hello, little brother. It’s been a while.”

Tooru moved from the door, more concerned with exposing Hajime to the cold than being courteous. “What’re you doing here, Satoshi? Aren’t you supposed to be halfway across the ocean right now?”

Oikawa Satoshi was older than Tooru by three years and harbored their father’s tall, strong presence and voice that made him a force to be reckoned with in the business industry. He was the rock among the Oikawa siblings, the foundation. And he was supposed to be in America working on some deal for his job and wouldn’t return for another few weeks. Apparently, that wasn’t the case.

“You weren’t answering your phone.” Satoshi closed the door and removed his shoes, looking around a bit. “Wow. Nothing’s changed in this place since the last time I was here.”

“Guess people don’t change like the seasons, then.”

“I said your place hadn’t changed, I didn’t say you hadn’t,” Satoshi said. He then pointed to Hajime. “Who in the world is that? You babysitting?”

Tooru held Hajime a little closer, almost protectively. “He’s my son.”

“You have a son?” Satoshi raised an eyebrow. “You, the illustrious, ostentatious, can’t-tie-me-down Oikawa Tooru, have a son?” He let out a dry laugh. “Who the hell did you knock up?”

“If you’re just here to mock me, the door’s right behind you,” Tooru spat.

Satoshi raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Sorry, sorry. This is just a lot to wrap my head around. I haven’t seen you in a few years, cut me some slack.” He walked over, peering over Tooru’s shoulder. “He’s cute. What’s his name?”

“Hajime,” Tooru said.

Satoshi paused. “Great name.”

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Tooru took a few steps away to get his brother out of his personal space. He needed to breathe and he was feeling extremely crowded. “What’re you doing here?”

Satoshi stared at him for a minute. “You going to Miyagi this weekend?”

Tooru huffed. Just like his brother to answer a question with another question. “I’m not just going to brush off Iwa-chan’s family like that. It wouldn’t be right. Not after all they’ve done for me.”

“Look.” Satoshi sighed. “I know our childhood wasn’t the easiest, but –”

 _“My_ childhood wasn’t the easiest.” Tooru cut him off. “Yours and Akane’s was sunshine and rainbows. Or did you forget?”

“Oh please, you were always the favorite,” Satoshi shot back. “Mom and Dad always spoiled you.”

“But you two could do no wrong. You two got away with _everything._ And then I decided to pursue literature instead of sitting at a desk and crunch numbers all day long. And _then_ I got hurt and couldn’t play volleyball anymore. I wasn’t worth much anything after that, remember?”

“You are so dramatic, Tooru.”

“Someone notify the press – wanting to make decisions about the life I’m living makes me dramatic.”

“They thought what they were doing was best for you,” Satoshi said.

“And calling me conniving, inconsiderate, and selfish because I didn’t choose a degree they approved of constitutes as what was best for me?” Tooru could feel his voice rising, his blood slowly coming to a boil. “I’m not 10 years old anymore, Satoshi. Cut the shit.”

Satoshi mirrored that, his words biting, angry. “Then grow up, Tooru. Avoiding me or anyone else doesn’t make us go away. Can’t ignore us just because you’re pissed. You’re not in junior high anymore.”

“I explicitly remember Dad saying that he didn’t want to see my face again after I graduated, so you know what? I’m going to continue doing him and everyone else a favor and stay out of sight. And I refuse to bring Hajime around that.”

“Tooru –”

“Don’t. I don’t wanna hear any lame ass excuse you have for them right now.” Hajime started whimpering in his arms and Tooru rocked him, murmuring comfort and trying to beckon him back to sleep.

Tooru had already decided a while ago that he wasn’t going to take Hajime to meet his parents. Hajime was only going to experience love and joy, and knowing his parents, the dislike for Tooru would trickle down to Hajime and affect the way they treated him. Tooru wouldn’t subject him to that. His son was innocent in all of this and only deserved the best. And Tooru would make sure to give him that.

The room settled into a tense quiet, the only sounds being Hajime easing into slumber again, and Satoshi didn’t speak until he was sure the baby was asleep.

“I know I haven’t been there at the worst of times. Akane hasn’t, either.” Satoshi said, voice low. “And I’m sure by this point in your life, the whole ‘blood makes you family’ bit doesn’t mean shit to you now. I understand why. And I’m sorry. But I’m your big brother. And I’m worried about you.”

Tooru was quiet for a moment. “You don’t need to be. I’m fine.”

“I’ll always be worried about you, Tooru.” A soft chuckle resided in Satoshi’s chest. “No matter what you tell me. And now that you’re a father, I’m sure you’ll get some semblance of that.”

Tooru faced his brother again. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

Satoshi stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I was just wondering if you’re going to the party, since you said you were never going back home again.”

“You didn’t come all this way just to ask if I’m attending a birthday party.”

Satoshi shrugged. “Well, no. I wanted to see you. Akane wants to see you, too.”

“Is that it?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“You tell me.”

Satoshi exhaled. “I’ll be there with you, Tooru. I won’t let them say anything to you. Not anymore. Besides, they’re not even going to be in town. They’re out on a trip.”

Tooru understood his siblings’ hesitation in speaking out against their parents. They had been raised their entire lives to treat their elders with respect, that defending yourself was talking back which guaranteed more trouble than you were originally in. They were never hit, no. But words tended to cut deeper than any blade.

“I’m going to the party with Daichi, so it’s not like I’ll be alone,” Tooru said.

Satoshi nodded. “I’m just glad you’re going. Takeru is gonna be so excited to see you, even if he doesn’t act like it.”

“Yeah right, your son just likes to pick on me.”

Satoshi laughed. “You make it too easy for him.” 

And Tooru finally let a smile slip back on his face. It felt weird, maybe a little misplaced, but he was looking forward to patching things up with his siblings. While there were times they each had to fend for themselves, even if it meant throwing the other under the bus, they stuck together because of their shared experiences growing up under the same roof.

Hajime cooed in Tooru’s arms, smiling wide when Tooru looked at him, before his eyes caught the other person in the room. Tooru shifted him upright that way Hajime could look at Satoshi head on, study him, and figure out what to do next.

Satoshi grinned. “Hey there, little man. You been giving your dad a hard time? I hope so.”

Tooru glared at his brother but Hajime giggled, reaching out his arms. Satoshi took him easily, Tooru ignoring the emptiness now that Hajime was out of his hold, and Hajime ran his hands along the contours of Satoshi’s face while cooing softly.

Satoshi chuckled, adjusting Hajime on his hip. “He’s a solid kid. Which means he’s definitely gonna grow up to be taller than you.”

Tooru scoffed. “And how do you know?”

“Call it a hunch, half-pint.”

“Being three inches taller than me does not make me short.”

The front door opened just then and a windblown Kuroo stepped inside. He shuddered while kicking off his shoes. “Dammit, Tooru. You gotta stop leaving the front door unlocked. You’ve got a son now, and God forbid if something – oh.” Kuroo stopped upon seeing Satoshi, looking back and forth between him and Tooru. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were expecting company.”

“I wasn’t. He just barged in like a maniac.” Tooru swept Hajime back in his arms happily when the baby reached out to him. “Isn’t that right, Haji-chan?” He grinned when he received a squeal in response.

Satoshi rolled his eyes but looked at Kuroo. “I’m sorry, I don’t believe we’ve met.” He held out his hand. “I’m Oikawa Satoshi.”

“Ah, yes.” Kuroo shook his hand, something darkening in his eyes that Tooru recognized only happened when Kuroo didn’t like someone. “The older brother. I’m Kuroo Tetsurou.”

Satoshi stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Based on how casually you’re addressing my brother, I take it you’ve known Tooru for a while. Or you at least met in college.”

Kuroo nodded, shedding his jacket. “Yeah, we had chemistry together. I helped him out a few times.”

Satoshi laughed. “Well, it’s good someone was there to look out for my mess of a little brother. Thank you for that.”

Kuroo just nodded.

An awkward silence hung over their heads, heavy and thick for a few moments before Kuroo decided to distract himself with Hajime when the baby cooed at him.

“How’s my favorite little nephew doing?” Kuroo grinned as he moved towards the bathroom. “Your nose is starting to run a little. Let’s get you some tissue.”

Tooru turned his attention to his brother, shifting a bit.

Satoshi cleared his throat. “Well, I’d better go.” He headed towards the door. “I don’t wanna keep you. I’ll see you this weekend?”

“I already said I was gonna go, didn’t I?” Tooru said.

Satoshi smiled as he put on his shoes and coat. “Yeah, you did.” He waved. “See you then.”

Tooru shut the door behind him and leaned against it, letting out a heavy sigh. Well, that could’ve gone a thousand times worse. A million times worse, even. He hadn’t seen his brother since his college graduation when his father basically shunned him from the family. But Satoshi was prone to surprise visits, popping in to say hello when everyone least expected it.

But today, after all these years?

Tooru found it odd.

Of course, Tooru hadn’t answered any of Satoshi’s phone calls, emails, or texts to spare Satoshi the hassle of having to lie to their parents about speaking to him. It was a weird sense of helping his brother (and quite possibly his sister). He didn’t mean any harm by it. Tooru loved and cared for his siblings with all his heart.

But if his parents were willing to cast him out simply because of a college degree choice, then he didn’t want to risk his siblings getting the cold shoulder just for talking to him. Tooru ran his hands through his hair. This was going to be one long weekend.

“Is he gone?” Kuroo stepped out of the bathroom.

Tooru nodded. “Yeah, he’s gone.”

“I don’t know if I like him yet,” Kuroo grit out between hard set teeth, handing Hajime back to Tooru.

“You just met him today.”

“Based on what I’ve seen of your family, my distrust is warranted.”

Kuroo had had the wonderful opportunity of meeting Tooru’s parents their freshman year of college, and he was not impressed. They were in the courtyard of the chemistry building working on some last minute assignments when Oikawa’s parents approached, all prim and proper without a hair out of place. Tooru clearly wasn’t expecting them, and he especially wasn’t expecting the earful he got when he told them what he was majoring in.

The Oikawa name was big in the business world, a construction company that had been in the family for generations, and Tooru’s parents had high hopes that he and Satoshi would take over one day. Satoshi was the only one who had ever expressed any interest in learning the business while Tooru was at volleyball practice or had his nose in a book. That upset them immensely.

But it wasn’t as bad as when they found out their youngest son had kissed another boy on the cheek during his second year of high school. And Tooru truly feared for his life that day. It was something that couldn’t be made public lest it soil the Oikawa name, and Tooru never told anyone about the harsh words that followed, not even Iwaizumi.

And his mother had no issue in asking private questions in public.

She asked if Tooru was dating Kuroo, hounding him with so many questions that Tooru couldn’t even get a word in until Kuroo shamelessly cut her off, saying that Tooru’s life was his own before walking off with Tooru in tow and not leaving his side for the rest of the afternoon. Or ever, really.

Satoshi said that their parents weren’t going to be at the party this weekend.

He wasn’t scared of his parents, at least not anymore. All he wanted was a stress free weekend. Would it be okay? How would Hajime act with all those people around? Tokyo was familiar, known, but Miyagi was different.

“Papa,” Hajime said, running his hands along Tooru’s face and babbling some more.

Tooru chuckled. “Hi.”

“Are you going to the party this weekend?” Kuroo asked, the invitation in hand.

Tooru nodded. “Dai-chan’s going with me, and my parents aren’t going to be there so that takes a bunch of the stress off.”

“What a shame,” Kuroo said. “Part of me, of course, doesn’t want them there because I know how much they’ve hurt you. But the other part of me really wants them to see how happy you are now. It’d be the greatest ‘fuck you’ ever.”

Tooru smiled.

Yeah, it’d be okay.

**

“Got everything?” Daichi asked as he loaded the last suitcase in the trunk.

“For the millionth time, Dai-chan – yes. I’ve got everything. I double and triple checked,” Tooru said as he lifted Hajime’s hood over his head. It was a deep blue hoodie that had two wide eyes stitched on the hood and had small, soft dinosaur spikes that ran from the crown of the head and down along the back. And Oikawa Tooru was a weak, weak man.

Daichi laughed. “Hey, I have every right to ask. Remember our camping trip? You forgot bug spray and nearly got attacked by a swarm of mosquitos.”

“That was pretty funny,” Kuroo added.

Tooru huffed. “Not my fault mosquitos find my blood so sweet. Besides, Tetsu-chan’s the one who packed two left shoes.”

“This isn’t about me,” Kuroo said.

“You enter the conversation, you’re fair game.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Just be careful this weekend, all right? Look after my nephew.”

“When have you known me to do differently?” Tooru strapped Hajime into the car seat, admittedly the baby’s least favorite place to be. Tooru hoped he’d be okay for the four hour drive. He climbed into the passenger seat after waving to Kuroo.

“We’ll be back in a couple of days,” Daichi said. “Keep Suga out of trouble, yeah?”

Kuroo grinned. “Of course.”

Daichi got in the car instead of commenting further and started it up. “We’re done for.”

Tooru laughed. “Yup.”

The drive was nothing but rolling hills and clear skies with Daichi and Tooru took turns playing music and giving the other hell for their horrible taste in it. But Tooru had to admit this was nice, sitting here and talking with Daichi. Tooru usually was a terrible person to bring on a road trip because as soon as they left town, he was fast asleep. Not this time, though. He was wide awake. 

“I’m surprised Hajime’s slept this long,” Daichi commented.

“Don’t jinx it,” Tooru said.

Hajime had slept a better part of the drive, but Tooru knew as soon as he woke up he’d start crying to be let out of the carrier. Tooru just hoped that’d happen when they were in Miyagi, or at least close to it.

Tooru listened to the silence still filling the backseat. “You’re on diaper duty if he wakes up.”

“The _horror.”_ Daichi chuckled. He never minded changing a diaper or preparing a bottle. In fact, he often offered. He adored Hajime. And it was clear as day that Hajime adored Daichi, too.

There was a little more than an hour left in the drive, and Tooru picked at his nails as the music hummed between them. 

“How’re you doing, Oikawa?”

Tooru raised an eyebrow. “Um. I’m doing fine.”

Daichi glanced at him. “How are you _doing,_ Oikawa?”

A different kind of light settled in Tooru’s eyes, indicating that he knew exactly what Daichi was asking. Daichi had spent the night at Tooru’s apartment a few nights ago only to wake up and find Tooru in a cold sweat, and Daichi didn’t even have to ask what was wrong. He knew exactly what was going on. 

Tooru knew that he and Daichi would forever feel Iwaizumi’s absence. The pain of losing a loved one is something that doesn’t just go away, no matter how hard time tries to stitch it back together. Something always ended up tearing those stitches open, leaving only Band-Aids to try and stop the bleeding.

“I’m doing fine, Daichi. Don’t worry.” Tooru smiled.

Daichi returned it. “All right.”

They arrived in Miyagi shortly after that, and that totally wasn’t because Daichi had a lead foot but because he had to use the bathroom (Tooru knew it was a complete lie), and they were now parked in front of a house using the directions given.

Daichi was staying at his parents’ house while Tooru took up Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s offer to bunk with them. His parents weren’t going to be home and he’d rather not stay at Akane’s house. He didn’t exactly get along with his brother-in-law.

Tooru opened the trunk and started unloading his suitcase when Daichi grabbed it instead, making Tooru raise an eyebrow.

“I got this,” Daichi said.

“But –” Tooru started until there was a wail. He was quick to take Hajime out of the carrier, patting the baby’s back. “It’s okay, Hajime! Papa’s here!”

Hajime sniffled, opening his eyes and looking at Tooru before fisting his hand in his father’s shirt and cooing softly. His brown-speckled green eyes glistened and smiled.

**

_Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump._

There it was. Steady. Unyielding.

The strong rhythm of his father’s heart, how he loved to listen to it. The sound soothed him, made him as happy as he was when he heard his father’s voice or saw his face. Sure, he liked seeing the other familiar faces that surrounded him almost daily. Like the man with the really bright eyes and funny hair. Or the man that had a deep voice but also a very friendly face. Even the man that had shiny strands of hair that he liked to pull and dark, kind eyes.

But he liked seeing his father the most.

He loved his papa. He loved his papa with all his heart. 

**

Tooru smiled. “There we go.”

"Oikawa, Sawamura - long time no see!"

Tooru and Daichi looked over to find Hanamaki and Matsukawa approaching with broad grins on their faces.

Yeah. It was going to a long but interesting weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so much longer than I originally planned it to be but I didn't think you guys would complain too much XD
> 
> So! School's started and I'm dying. The first two days were the literal definition of hell in a handbasket, not mention more family issues, and I'm very tired. But it's getting better. I'm working myself into a routine so I can try and carve some time to write in my schedule. I also jumped on the Voltron bandwagon and I just started watching Assassination Classroom. Help me.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed! Again, thank you for your continued support! If it wasn't for you guys, this AU would be sitting in a folder on my computer just collecting dust.
> 
> Love you all!


	6. House of Cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Piece by piece.

“Six years and nothing’s changed.” Matsukawa put his hands on his hips, a wry smile on his face. “Well, maybe except for you, Oikawa.”

Tooru tilted his head. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“How about the baby you’re currently holding?” Hanamaki pointed to Hajime who blinked at them sleepily. “Honestly, when you told us that you had adopted a baby we both agreed that we had to see it to believe it.”

Tooru gawked. “I can’t believe you two didn’t believe me! I sent pictures and everything!”

Hanamaki shrugged. “Photoshop is totally a thing.”

“I’m that savvy with computers, you guys.” Tooru pursed his lips. “Can’t believe you two didn’t believe me. I am _hurt.”_

“Can you blame us? Everyone thought you’d be the last one of us to settle down. Hell, you even beat our underclassmen,” Hanamaki continued. “But I don’t know, you seem to be doing a pretty good job.”

Tooru puffed out his chest. “Thank you.”

Daichi chuckled. “He’ll be doing an even better job if we get Hajime inside. Don’t want him to catch cold.”

Tooru bundled Hajime in another blanket and held him close to shield his face from the gust of wind that blew through as they herded themselves inside. Unlike Tokyo, snow covered every inch of the ground here, sparkling in the sun and crunching underneath their shoes. It was almost too quiet, even though the birds were chirping sweetly in the dawning afternoon. There wasn’t the continuous hum of traffic or stream of people chattering that never seemed to end. 

And Tooru realized just how used to the city life he was. 

Matsukawa took Tooru’s suitcase into the next room despite Daichi’s protests that he could do it, and Hanamaki insisted that they sit down. The duo did so, planting themselves on the couch adjacent to Hanamaki.

“You guys want anything to drink? I can make tea or something,” Hanamaki offered.

“No thanks, I’m okay,” Tooru said as he pulled down Hajime’s hood. He smiled when Hajime snuggled into his chest and clutched onto his shirt.

Daichi shook his head. “I’ve gotta get going here in a little bit to meet up with my parents, but I appreciate it.”

“So how have you two been holding up?” Hanamaki asked. “Sawamura? How’s the riveting life of a stock broker treating you? Didn’t Kunimi join the ranks last year?”

Daichi laughed a bit as Hajime held onto his finger. “Yeah, he did. Though he may be determined to expend as little energy as possible, he’s very intelligent. A lot of great ideas. Business is good, so I can’t exactly complain. What about you? You’re teaching, right?”

“Dai!” Hajime said.

Hanamaki nodded. “Science at the junior high.”

“Tetsu-chan should’ve tagged along. You two could really rave about that.” Tooru rolled his eyes.

“Who?” Hanamaki asked.

“A friend of ours, Kuroo Tetsurou,” Daichi answered. “He used to play volleyball and was a chemistry major in college. And he could go on for days about science. Biology, chemistry, physics – you name it.”

“Like I said: you two are a bunch of nerds,” Tooru quipped.

“Says the guy who has his son wearing a _Star Wars_ shirt.”

Tooru looked genuinely offended. “He’s wearing a _Star Trek_ one today, Dai-chan. Get it right.” How dare Daichi get those two mixed up? Those shows were iconic in every way! A foundation for –

“Still nerdy,” Matsukawa said as he entered the room and sat down next to Hanamaki.

“Come on, Mattsun! Someone’s gotta be on my side!” Tooru cried out but paused when Hajime placed his hand to his face, cooing and smiling. “Hey there.”

“Papa!” Hajime’s toothless grin widened, hands reaching up into Tooru’s hair. “Bah!” He tugged on the brown strands, giggling and squealing.

Tooru laughed as his hair was pulled, feeling joy burst in his chest as Hajime grinned as if it was the most amusing thing in the world. And to his six-month-old state of mind, it probably was. Tooru wanted to see that smile every day, the smile that rivaled the sun, wanted it to light up the world. And hardships aside, he wanted his son to be happy.

“Damn, who would’ve thought,” Matsukawa said. “Being a dad almost suits you.”

“He makes me sick,” Hanamaki joked.

The unknown voices caught Hajime’s attention and he turned to look at whoever spoke. Hanamaki and Matsukawa waved and smiled, which earned the same toothless grin as he cooed. Tooru sat Hajime back in his lap so he could face the duo.

“See, Haji-chan? That’s Mattsun and Makki.” Tooru pointed to them respectively. “They can be a pain, but they’re good friends. Mattsun.” He pointed. “Makki.” He pointed to the other.

Hajime cooed, and it almost seemed like he was trying to say their names, which made everyone laugh. He reached out to them, immediately fisting his hands in Matsukawa’s hair and pulling once he was close enough. He laughed and babbled, continuing to tug.

“Ah!” Matsukawa winced and grinned. “You’re small, but you’re strong.”

Tooru smiled, feeling proud of how fast Hajime was growing, how easily he took to people he’d only known for a bit. He started sifting through the diaper bag and pulled out a couple of bottles. The diaper bag was insulated so the bottles were still fairly cold. “Can I use your microwave?”

“Yeah, of course,” Hanamaki said.

“Mind holding him for a bit, Mattsun?”

“Not at all,” Matsukawa said, leaning Hajime over so he could reach Hanamaki.

“I guess I’d better go.” Daichi stood up. “Oikawa, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I’ll meet you there early in the morning to help out. And you don’t have to worry about giving me a ride,” Tooru said as he went to the kitchen, bottles in hand, and he hadn’t even made it a quarter of the way before there was a whimper.

“Papa! Papa!” Hajime cried, the beginning traces of tears in his eyes. “Papa!”

Tooru chuckled, bringing Hajime back in his arms again and smiled as the baby buried his face in the crook of his neck, sniveling a bit. “It’s okay, Haji. Papa’s here.” He rubbed the baby’s back. “It’s okay.”

Well, as much as it seemed that Hajime was comfortable with just about anyone, it was plain to see that was only the case if Tooru was in the same room. Hajime was growing fast, learning every day, becoming more and more of a social butterfly, and Tooru would of course nourish that growth.

But he was also just content holding his baby boy in his arms for as long as possible.

**

“Don’t drink too much, all right?” Matsukawa snickered as he held out a key. “You’re not responsibility-free anymore.”

Tooru rolled his eyes as he took the key. He didn’t drink much anyway, bars weren’t really his thing given that he hated the smell of cigarettes. At any rate, Hanamaki and Matsukawa gave Tooru the spare key they had lying around in the event that the party ended and they weren’t home. The Iwaizumi household wasn’t far at all, almost quite literally a hop, skip, and a jump away, so Tooru said that he’d just walk.

Daichi was going over at the same time to help set up for the party whether it be cooking, cleaning, decorating, or whatever needed to be done. In fact, he might’ve already been there. Daichi was a particularly early riser and didn’t need coffee to function. Tooru, while caffeine was helpful, didn’t necessarily rely on it either. As for Suga and Kuroo? They needed at least two cups before anyone could even approach.

Tooru finished feeding Hajime and bundled him up in a coat and a couple of blankets before slinging the diaper bag over his shoulder and pocketing the key. “Thanks again, you guys. I appreciate it.”

Hanamaki grinned. “Not a problem. We’ll see you later today.”

And Tooru stepped out into the winter morning. The sun was bright today with very little clouds to obscure it, and it felt like Tooru had walked right into a storybook. Since Tokyo got relatively little snow, if any at all, Tooru had almost forgotten how to tread in it. He made sure that Hajime was sufficiently covered before heading towards the Iwaizumi household.

Tooru hadn’t seen Iwaizumi’s parents since his and Iwaizumi’s college graduation. He owed Iwaizumi’s parents so much. They helped him pay a portion of his tuition when his own parents cut him off upon finding out he was majoring in literature, and Tooru took on a part-time job to save enough money and pay them back. The scholarships he had earned from his grades in high school helped immensely, but they still helped him.

Tooru had kept in touch with them over the years, calling and sending emails periodically to see how they were doing, especially now that they lost their only son. He was much closer to them than his biological parents.

He sighed, wisps of breath dissipating into the air. Hajime cooed at him gently as they walked and Tooru could feel his tiny hand clutch onto his shirt. Tooru hummed to him and caught Hajime’s smile, making him grin. Tooru didn’t really know what he would say when he saw Iwaizumi’s parents again, but one thing was certain.

Come what may, he’d make the best out of this weekend.

He arrived at the Iwaizumi household in a little less than 10 minutes, and as he predicted, Daichi’s car was already out front. Daichi had texted him asking if he was sure that Tooru didn’t need a ride, and after what seemed like hours of convincing since Tooru promised that it’d Daichi’s car longer to warm up than it would for Tooru to walk, Daichi relented.

Tooru knocked on the door and Daichi was the one to answer.

“Oh good, you made it,” Daichi said as he moved aside to let them in.

“Do you have so little faith in me, Dai-chan?” Tooru carefully removed his boots that were caked with icy patches of snow.

Daichi shrugged. “I just figured you might’ve fallen in somewhere on the way. It’s totally plausible.”

“Now you’re just being mean.” 

Daichi clapped Tooru on the back. “I’m just messing with you, Oikawa.” He smiled at Hajime. “Hey there, little man. Your dad’s got you snug as a bug, doesn’t he?”

Hajime cooed.

Tooru took off Hajime’s jacket and beanie, causing the unruly spikes to stick out even more, but still kept a blanket handy just in case. He put the diaper bag off to the side as they headed to the kitchen. Nothing had really changed, he knew this house like the back of his hand. And Tooru took comfort in that.

“How’d he do at Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s?” Daichi asked.

“He did great,” Tooru said. “He likes them well enough – can’t figure out why. All they do is tease me. And you’re not gonna believe this. Haji-chan laughed. He actually laughed! My own child betrayed me!”

Daichi grinned at Hajime. “Keep up the good work, kiddo.”

“Dai!” Hajime giggled.

Comical tears streamed down Tooru’s face. “So cruel.”

“Daichi-kun, who was at the door?” There was a small creak of the floorboards giving in to the weight of approaching footsteps.

And it took everything Tooru had not to sweep the woman off her feet as she walked around the corner.

Iwaizumi Sayu was wiping her hands with a towel, her eyes immediately falling on Tooru and a grin spread across her face. “Tooru-kun!” She hurried over and brought him in a tight hug, tears playing at her eyes. “You came!”

Tooru hugged her with his free arm, easily towering over her. “I wouldn’t have missed this at all.” She fit thinly in his arms, almost too thin.

“Thank you so much for coming.” She wiped her eyes and grinned. “Look at you, as handsome as ever. It’s so good to see you again, Tooru-kun.”

Tooru smiled. “It’s good to see you too, Sayu-san. Happy birthday!”

“Thank you, dear.”

“How’re you feeling?”

Sayu had been stricken with an illness in her early days of high school, and doctors never really could figure it out. It came and went, some days better than others. There were times it’d leave her bedridden, and it almost cost her own life and the life of her daughter, Yuki, so she wasn’t able to bear any more children like she wanted. 

She had always been frail, a petite little thing. And despite that Sayu was still strong, always wearing a smile and a brave face. But Tooru couldn’t help but notice that she looked smaller than the last time he saw her. Her hair had lost of some of its shine, her eyes a pinch of their usual spark.

And Tooru didn’t know what he’d do if he lost her, too.

“I’m doing great.” Sayu’s attention was once again diverted, but this time to the baby in Tooru’s arms. Something resonated in her eyes, a light of what seemed to be recognition but also hesitation. “And this must be your son that Daichi-kun was telling me about?”

“Yes,” Tooru said.

Hajime blinked at her curiously, clearly trying to gauge his newcomer as he held onto the collar of Tooru’s shirt. Tooru could almost see the gears turning as Hajime tilted his head.

“I…” she started. “What’s his name?”

“Hajime,” Tooru answered.

Sayu’s eyes widened a fraction. “After…?”

Tooru nodded, tacking on a smile. “Yes.” 

“I-I don’t know if it’s just me, but he looks so much like… oh my goodness.” She tucked a strand of brown hair behind her ear, her eyes never leaving Hajime’s face. 

Tooru knew that Sayu undoubtedly saw the resemblance between Hajime and Iwaizumi, Daichi and Kuroo had commented on it beforehand. Even if that resemblance was slight, it was still there. Tears started to gather in Sayu’s brown eyes, and Tooru wasn’t sure if this was a good idea anymore.

Hajime suddenly squealed, high and sweet, a grin on his face as he reached out to Sayu.

“Would you like to hold him?” Tooru offered.

“S-Sure,” Sayu said.

“Mind your hair, though.” Daichi smiled as Tooru handed Hajime to Sayu. “He’s got a death grip.”

Sayu laughed as Hajime buried his tiny hands in her hair. “Hi there, Haji-chan.”

**

He stared at this woman. She had kind, dark eyes and a bright smile. Her brown hair was long and soft, which made for easy pulling but he just opted to touch it. She had a gentle, flittering voice that eased him, one that sounded like it used to sing to him. He loved it when his papa sang to him, maybe he’d like to hear her, too.

He felt like he had known her for a while, even if he couldn’t explain how. 

She wasn’t foreign, unknown. She was happiness and warmth and love. She was all of those things, and he felt _safe._ She was what his father was, what the man with bright eyes, the man with the kind smile, and the man with the pretty hair was.

And even though he didn’t understand this feeling bubbling up inside of him, he knew he liked this woman. She made him very happy.

And that was all that mattered.

**

“Mom, we’re home!”

“Oh, that’s Yuki,” Sayu said. “She and Kazuo went to the store to grab some last minute things for lunch.” She gently placed Hajime back in Tooru’s arms. “He’s a treasure, Tooru-kun. Cherish him, please. These days will pass by faster than you can imagine, so cherish those, too.” She smiled wide. “And I have no doubt in my mind that my Hajime would be very proud of the man you’ve become. He’d be honored to be your best friend.”

And Tooru smiled through the collecting tears. “Thank you.”

“Mom?” Yuki called.

“I’ll go help them.” Daichi placed his hand on Sayu’s shoulder. “You relax. This is your birthday after all.”

Sayu sighed softly but smiled, only this time she looked 10 years older than she really was. “Thank you, Daichi-kun.”

“I’ll go help, too,” Tooru said, giving Hajime back to Sayu when he held out his arms to her. He grinned, ruffling Hajime’s hair a bit. “Traitor.”

Yuki and her father, Kazuo, hadn’t changed much over the years either. Well, there was the fact that Yuki was expecting twins this coming summer, which neither Daichi nor Tooru were expecting to find out. But despite all that, she still had one hell of a right hook. When she had seen Tooru, she immediately decked him on the arm out of excitement before hugging him. Kazuo welcomed him with a warm hug and mussing his hair with a grin.

And Tooru felt more at home than he ever had here in this town.

They all fell into an easy rhythm in the kitchen, preparing a variety of dishes to suit a variety of pallets, as the time for the other guests would arrive drew nearer.

“Papa!” Hajime said, and if Tooru didn’t know any better, there was impatience leaking in his tone. He’d been moved back and forth occasionally from Sayu to Yuki (mainly because the latter couldn’t stop doting on him), and while it lasted long enough for Tooru to finish helping, it became clear that he was getting tired of that little game. And there was only one person he wanted. He reached out to be held. “Papa!”

Tooru easily brought him close, smiling as Hajime placed a hand to his face and crooned.

“He’s absolutely adorable,” Yuki said. “I might just end up taking him home if you’re not careful, Tooru-chan.” She added a sly grin.

Tooru turned his back to Yuki, sticking his tongue out at her. “You’re gonna have two little ones here soon, leave mine alone.”

Yuki laughed. “Glad to see you’re as mature as always.”

“I am the epitome of maturity.” Tooru huffed.

Daichi scoffed into his hot chocolate.

Tooru peered over at him. “You got something to say, Dai-chan?”

“Nope, nothing.” Daichi looked off to the side, though it did nothing to hide the grin on his face.

And even as their playful banter continued, Tooru found himself laughing and smiling so much easier than he did before. Even when everyone arrived, including Satoshi and Akane and their families, Tooru had found himself feeling liberated. Like he belonged somewhere.

“I can’t believe you actually have a son,” Akane said, sipping on her drink. She favored neither their mother nor their father and instead was a mix of both, harboring the soft shape of their mother's eyes and nose and their father’s dark chocolate hair and almost too serious expression. “I mean, don’t get me wrong – I’m proud of you. I’m very proud of you. You’re out on your own, your career is taking off, and now you’re a dad. You’ve never let anyone stop you, not even our own flesh and blood. And that takes strength.”

Tooru smiled as he watched Hajime mouth at the rattle in his hands as Daichi held him. “Thanks, sis. That means a lot coming from you. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Miss Big-Shot Fashion Designer is getting soft.”

She gave a wry smile. “Don’t get used to it.”

“Papa!” Hajime called out. “Bah!”

Akane giggled. “I think you’re being summoned.”

Tooru ambled over, laughing a bit when Hajime lit up upon his approach, not even paying any mind to the sound of the front door opening. Hajime was right there in his arms and –

“Camille! You made it!” Sayu chirped.

Tooru went stock-still.

There was a small, polite laugh. “Well, of course! I wasn’t going to miss a very dear friend of mine’s birthday! I wouldn’t dream of it!” 

“Oikawa?” Daichi said. 

The chatter in the background died away, like he was underwater, and the only sound pulsating through him was the sock clad feet moving closer and closer.

“Tooru.” Despite having lived in Japan for more than 20 years, her accent was still strong. As if she had left her home country yesterday and not right out of high school.

He felt his blood run ice cold, but he still moved, turning on his heel to face his past. “Mother.”

Oikawa-Charbonneau Camille. Wife of Oikawa Daisuke. Mother of Satoshi, Akane, and Tooru. Looking crisp, clean and professional, much like Tooru remembered of his childhood. Someone that Tooru didn’t expect to see again after six years. And judging by the looks on his siblings’ faces, they didn’t expect her to show up either.

The conversations continued to buzz around them, the other guests immersed in their own worlds bouncing around each other, but to the present members of the Oikawa family, Daichi, and Sayu, the tension was almost impregnable. Almost suffocating.

“It’s been a long time,” Camille said as she shed her coat. Her eyes, the eyes that Tooru inherited, were razor sharp. They caught every expression, every minute twitch. Nothing slipped by.

Tooru gave a curt nod. “Yes, it has.”

“And just what are –”

“Papa!” Hajime’s cries shattered whatever conversation was going to follow. “Papa! Bah! Bah!”

Tooru gathered his bearings and turned back to his son with a smile, and Hajime was evidently glad that he finally garnered his attention. Tooru held him close, kissing his head and shielding him from the prying eyes of the woman behind him. He could feel Daichi’s concerned gaze, but he didn’t meet it. 

This was the last thing he wanted. She wasn’t supposed to be here, she wasn’t supposed to –

“Who is that baby?” Camille questioned, her voice still collected but coated in ice.

Tooru took a deep breath, blood storming in his ears, and steeled himself. “He’s my son.” He paused, turning around but not head on. “Your grandson.”

He saw that those words struck a nerve if the way her brow twitched was any indication. To someone who wasn’t paying attention, it would’ve been easily missed. But Tooru had inherited his mother’s impeccable observational skills, the gaze that missed nothing, the mind that formed tactical strategies. It was a blessing.

And a curse.

“Tooru, may I speak to you in private?” The switch in language was sudden, and her reason for doing so was to catch Tooru off-guard much like she’d caught Sayu and Daichi. She wanted him to falter so she could further prove how much he’d been slacking. How he didn’t deserve to harbor the Oikawa name.

From a very young age, he and his siblings had been learning French and bits of other languages – Italian, Portuguese, Spanish, German – mainly because it’d help them in the business world when they were older and were ready to take over the company. 

But Tooru knew better.

“No,” he said.

“I said I need to speak with you, young man.”

Satoshi cut in, his French fluent and easy. “Mother, this isn’t the time or place to discuss family matters. Leave Tooru be.”

“He’s right, Mother,” Tooru said, obviously surprising his mother with how polished his French still was. He’d kept practicing because he was spiteful. He wanted to show them that he was the same as them and better. “Family issues should stay within the family.”

Hajime started whimpering in Tooru’s arms, staring at Camille with wary eyes, and Tooru carried him to the kitchen to try and comfort him. His son was his first and foremost priority, his mother’s presence be damned. His father’s too, if the guy even bothered to show up. All he needed to be concerned with was Hajime, who was still hiding his face in the crook of his neck and whining.

Tooru hummed to him, a soft and sweet tune that he had learned calmed Hajime more often than not. He remembered Kuroo's words, that showing them how happy he was would be the greatest way to prove them wrong.

And it wasn’t long before Daichi tailed after him.

“Hey, what was going on out there?” Daichi asked, brow drawn together. “Is everything okay?”

Tooru inhaled and plastered on his best smile. “Peachy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was feeling ambitious, not to mention I was ignoring responsibilities, and this was an immense stress reliever. I needed a break and the end result was posting a chapter four days after I posted the last one.
> 
> I hope you're all still enjoying the story so far! The Oikawa family dynamic is becoming a bit too fun to write - whoops.


	7. Now or Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caught in the undertow.

“If I had known she was coming, I would’ve said something, Tooru. I wouldn’t have kept that from you.”

Tooru rubbed Hajime’s back as the baby snuggled further into his neck and fell into a sound sleep after eating. The party was starting to die down a bit, guests were starting to leave, but Sayu had offered the spare room in the house so Tooru could put Hajime down for a nap undisturbed. Tooru was grateful for the privacy, even if it was short lived since Satoshi and Akane slunk away from the festivities to talk in hushed tones. And about their fucked up family, no less. 

Tooru decided he’d rather watch paint dry.

“Don’t worry about it, Satoshi,” Tooru said. “This would’ve happened sooner or later.”

Akane sighed, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed across her slender frame. “I can’t believe she just showed up like that. You’d think she’d drop a line or something.” She brought her eyes to Tooru. “And I’d say to just up and leave, but she’s not gonna let this go. She’s going to want to meet Hajime, you know. Actually meet him and not just see him in passing.”

“No,” Tooru said with absolutely no hesitation.

“Tooru –”

 _“No.”_ Tooru’s voice was steely, low, colder than the wind howling outside. “I’m not having this discussion. So just drop it.” He gently set Hajime down on the bed, carding his fingers through the unruly tufts of hair, watching the baby sleep.

He could give his mother a chance, give in and let her meet her third grandchild.

Then again, out of the hundreds of chances he’s dealt, he could count on one hand how many times he hasn’t been let down. He didn’t want Hajime to have to start keeping count, too. But people changed, right? They change as often as the seasons, a different face for each one, some melding so seamlessly that it was hard to tell which one was genuine.

But his parents hadn’t been interested in the daily trivialities of his life for the past six years.

Why would they start now?

Tooru placed two pillows on Hajime’s right and left side to keep the baby from rolling off the bed. It was only for now, they weren’t going to be here much longer anyway. He’d help clean up, talk for maybe another couple of hours, and then he’d go back to Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s place.

Easy. One step at a time.

“I know I can’t run away from them forever, and I’m not trying to.” Tooru straightened. “I’m just not going to tolerate our mother causing a godforsaken scene at Sayu-san’s birthday party to try and make me look bad for keeping her in the dark about my son.”

Satoshi chuckled, albeit dryly. “If there’s anything she’s good at, it’s causing a scene.”

“We know you have your reasons for not telling her, Tooru. Or telling any of us, really. We’re not blaming you, you’ve got as good a reason as any,” Akane said. “That in mind, just know she’s not going to go easy on you for this. She’ll hold it against you for as long as she can.”

Tooru shrugged. “When has she ever gone easy on me about anything?”

His siblings didn’t say anything, not that words could change the past, and they knew that. Don’t get them wrong, they loved their parents very much. But they’d given their parents way too much control over their lives. And they weren’t going to let this weekend be claimed either. Tension hovered over them like a glass ceiling, and it was anyone’s guess who’d go at it with a sledgehammer.

Well, it wasn’t so much a sledgehammer as it was a knock.

The door opened and Daichi poked his head in. “Hey, Oikawa – oh.” He glanced between Satoshi and Akane. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“No, you’re fine, Dai-chan. We were just finishing up.” Tooru placed a gentle kiss to Hajime’s head and smiled before going over to his friend. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Daichi said. “You looked a little shaken up earlier.”

Tooru grinned. “Aww, Dai-chan! You were worried about me! I’m touched.”

Daichi deadpanned. “Anyway, you gonna help us clean up?”

“Of course!”

Only a few close friends of Sayu’s remained, including her younger brothers, after all was said and done. They were now sitting at the table enjoying the strawberry cake that Daichi had made (the guy always had a knack for baking) and just chatting amongst themselves, swapping stories of memories long since passed.

“Remember when Tooru-chan and Haji-chan went exploring and fell in that drainage ditch?” Yuki snickered. “They smelled like, well, shit for three days.”

Those who had dealt with the aftermath – Sayu, Kazuo, and Satoshi – all laughed.

Tooru could feel his cheeks heating up. “Aw, come on! That was only one time!”

But Tooru would never forget it.

He and Iwaizumi were five going on six, and this was before they even knew what volleyball was, so these little explorations in the woods just outside their hometown were frequent. They were looking for stag beetles, particularly an albino one, which were very rare.

The hill they were searching on was a bit steep, but they’d traversed that neck of the thicket often enough where they could comfortably explore. It had rained the night before, so the air was thick and sticky, and if there was one thing Tooru hated, it was the heat. But Iwaizumi was determined to find an albino stag beetle, with or without Tooru, and naturally, Tooru didn’t want to be left behind.

They’d found quite a few normal stag beetles, and even though watching Iwaizumi touch them without so much as flinching made Tooru’s skin crawl, he was having a lot of fun. Well, that was until he slipped on a loose patch of mud.

He had immediately grabbed onto Iwaizumi with high hopes that he wouldn’t fall but that only caused them both to go tumbling down the hill. And right into a drainage ditch. They weren’t hurt too bad, maybe some scrapes and bruises, but they were more concerned with the stench. But their concerns were short lived because the bright grin on Iwaizumi’s face made it all worthwhile.

He had caught an albino stag beetle.

And they went home stinky but on cloud nine.

Tooru finished his third slice of cake and put his plate in the sink. He tied off the full trash bag and took it upon himself to throw it out. But he didn’t miss the footsteps trailing after him. The waning afternoon was quiet, the sun dipping lower and lower in the sky with each passing minute. He tossed the bag into the dumpster, dusting his hands of metaphorical dust.

“Yes, Mother?”

Camille put her hands on her hips. “You can’t hide behind your brother and sister forever, Tooru. They’re not always going to be there to protect you.”

“Who said I was hiding? Maybe I’m just tired of all the shit you and Dad have given me for the last 20 years of my life.” Tooru stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Is that why you didn’t tell me you had a child?”

“Don’t take it personally, I didn’t tell anyone other than my friends who were with me from day one.”

“You don’t think we would’ve been there for you?”

“Given your track record? Not a chance.”

She huffed. “And how do you expect to raise this child on your own? I’m sorry, but you’re not cut out to be a parent, much less a single one. You’re not selfless enough.”

Tooru’s laugh was dry, bitter. “That’s rich coming from the woman who left for weeks at a time and had the nanny and her oldest son to take care of her younger children.”

“This isn’t about me, this is about you,” Camille said. “Who did you get pregnant? I don’t want her going to the media and seeking publicity or some sort of compensation from the company.”

How typical.

She wasn’t concerned with repercussions when Satoshi got his girlfriend-now-wife pregnant when he graduated college. They weren’t even engaged yet, even though he had plans to ask for her hand. She wasn’t concerned with that when Akane nearly flunked out of graduate school because she spent a majority of the year partying.

No, only because it was Tooru, the child that never did anything with his life, the fallen pillar, was she concerned about the Oikawa name being damaged.

He clenched his fists. “Did they buy your silence when you got pregnant with Satoshi as a teenager and out of wedlock?”

Tooru didn’t see it, but he knew it was coming. His cheek burned red, the cold wind stinging and soothing all at once, as a telltale handprint formed.

“How _dare_ you,” Camille hissed. “You don’t know anything about mine and your father’s past and don’t even think to pretend like you do.”

Tooru simply looked at her.

She straightened herself. “Now, you’re going to tell me the name of the woman you were with so we can find her and deal with this accordingly.”

Tooru’s hands twitched at his sides. “For your information, I adopted Hajime. So no, you won’t find his mother because I don’t even know who she is. He was left on my doorstep as a newborn with no birth documents.”

Camille stopped.

“I took care of him, I changed his diapers and fed him. I was the first person he saw in the morning and the last person he saw at night. He is as much my son as I am yours, adopted or not.” He moved past her. “And if you’re truly worried about the Oikawa name being dragged through the mud, maybe you should talk to your personal accountant that’s been siphoning funds from the company for the last four years. Hayato, right?”

Camille’s eyes widened. “How could you possibly know that?”

“I know plenty of people, just like you,” Tooru said. “You’ve gotten lax, Mother. You’ve lost your touch. Maybe you should try getting your life in order before you start criticizing mine.” He turned to look at her. “Oh, and give Dad my regards. Before his entire life’s work is flushed down the drain because of a phishing scam.”

And his mother was silent.

**

He felt cold. And empty.

He opened his eyes, looking around at unfamiliar surroundings and foreign smells. There was no one here. He was by himself. Wasn’t he just in his father’s arms? He remembered his father saying things he didn’t understand to two people he didn’t know and couldn’t understand either. He could tell by the sound of their voices that something was wrong. His papa sounded upset, and in turn, that upset him.

Where was his papa? Where’d he go? He didn’t leave him all alone, did he?

“Pa…pa?” He rolled over onto his tummy, looking around some more. He didn’t understand! His papa always came when he called! Why wasn’t he coming this time?

He was afraid. So very, very afraid.

He wanted his papa!

And when he realized that no one was coming, he started to cry.

**

“Tooru-kun?” Sayu’s voice was faint in the breeze, almost drowned out by the snow crunching under her shoes, and she finished zipping up her jacket.

Tooru gnawed on the inside of his cheek and turned around. “Yes?”

Sayu’s dark eyes flicked back and forth between him and Camille, the obvious tension causing her brow to draw in concern. “Haji-chan is awake and we can’t calm him down. He keeps crying for you.”

He gave his best smile and went over to her, placing his hand at the small of her back and walked back to the house. “Thank you, Sayu-san. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. Now let’s get you inside. It’s freezing out here.” He didn’t pay too much attention if his mother was following or not.

“Tooru-kun, your cheek,” Sayu said.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about. Just a little cold out here, is all.”

Hajime’s wails were loud and clear, even as he sobbed into Daichi’s shirt. Daichi was doing what he could, speaking soft words and patting the baby’s back, but nothing would do. Yuki was offering to try and hold him when Tooru and Sayu came back inside.

“Papa… Papa…” Hajime wept, hiding his face in the crook of Daichi’s neck.

Daichi turned around when he heard the backdoor shut and looked at Tooru with the loudest cry for help in his eyes.

“Hajime?” Tooru said once he got closer and smiled when his son turned to him. He chuckled as Hajime blinked rapidly, as if he couldn’t believe that he was there. “Hey.”

“Papa!” Hajime squealed, almost flinging himself into Tooru’s arms. He sniveled into Tooru’s neck, tiny hands fisting into his shirt clearly with the intent to never let go. “Papa… Papa…”

Tooru rubbed his back. “It’s okay, Haji. It’s okay.” He gave everyone in the room a nervous smile. “Sorry about that. I didn’t think he’d wake up so soon.”

“Don’t worry about it, Tooru-chan,” Yuki said.

“Thank you.” He then started gathering Hajime’s toys and blankets, stuffing them in the diaper bag.

“You’re leaving?” Yuki asked.

Tooru took a deep breath and turned to face them. He gave his best smile. “I’m afraid so. I almost forgot that I made plans with Makki and Mattsun later on, and I don’t want to disappoint them. I’m sorry, I hate to just up and leave like this.” He could feel Satoshi and Akane staring at him, or more importantly the burning handprint on his cheek.

Sayu smiled, caressing the side of his face, her fingers cool and welcoming on the mark his own mother left behind. “I understand, dear. Thank you so much for coming. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Of course, Sayu-san.” Tooru grinned. “I’ll come by before I head back to Tokyo.”

Sayu looked at Hajime, brushing some of his strands of hair. “You come back and see us soon okay, Haji-chan? We’ll have some gifts for you next time.”

Hajime cooed, smiling.

A small coughing fit then wracked Sayu’s frame, and she held the shawl around her shoulders tighter. Kazuo stepped over, leading her to the kitchen to make her some tea as a different kind of silence settled over the Iwaizumi household. And after saying goodbye to everyone and being finally convinced to take back some leftover cake, Tooru bundled Hajime up in his jacket and beanie.

Daichi came over with the wrapped leftover cake and Hajime’s bottles that were still in the fridge. He placed them in the diaper bag next to Tooru. “What happened to your face?” He kept his voice low, expression blank so as not to cause any concern.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” Tooru wrapped Hajime in a blanket and pulled him into his arms. He smiled as Hajime cooed at him, and he kissed the baby’s head. “Ready to go, Haji-chan? It’s been quite a day.”

Daichi was quiet for a moment. “All right, come on. I’ll take you back.”

“It’s not that far of a walk,” Tooru said.

“I’m not taking no for an answer this time, Oikawa.” Daichi slung the diaper bag on his shoulder and picked up the plate of cake. “Let’s go.”

Tooru sighed but followed Daichi out to the car.

“Tooru-chan, Daichi-kun – wait a minute!” Yuki came outside, still putting on her jacket and zipping it up.

The duo turned around.

“Is everything okay, Yuki-san?” Daichi asked.

“Thank you both so much for coming,” she said. “I’m sure you have your reasons for not coming back home, Tooru, but I know it made Mom’s day to see you. Especially after everything that happened last year.”

“It was honestly no trouble at all. I had a great time,” Tooru said. 

Yuki smiled, even if it looked like it hurt. “She thinks of you as a second son, and I haven’t seen her smile this much in what seems like forever. Makes her feel like my little brother isn’t truly gone, you know?” She nibbled on her bottom lip for a bit, her hands clasping together. “Mom’s health has been failing ever since Hajime’s accident, and we’ve all come to terms that we may not have much longer with her.”

“Yuki-san –” Daichi started.

“And thank you too, Daichi-kun.” Yuki looked at him. “You’ve also been here for us every step of the way, and we can’t thank you enough for that. You’re family, and you carry a piece of my little brother in you, too. The guy would never shut up about you, to tell the truth. You’ve helped Mom more than you know just by being here.”

Daichi was quiet, for once unable to find encouraging words.

“Take care of yourselves, okay?” She gave a small bow and headed back inside.

Tooru and Daichi looked at each other for a moment, both clearly wanting to say something but unable to find the right words if there were any. The fading afternoon was crisp, clear, but asphyxiating at the same time. So Tooru just fastened Hajime into the car seat and climbed into the passenger side. He turned on the radio when Daichi pulled out into the street, not even paying any particular attention to the station. He didn’t really care what came rambling through the speakers.

He just didn’t like the quiet.

“Did your mom do that?” Daichi suddenly asked. “Your face, I mean.”

Tooru kept his eyes on the road ahead. “Don’t –”

“Worry about it, yeah I know. You’ve used that line way too many times for it to have any real effect anymore, Oikawa. We’re your friends, we’re always going to worry about you. It’s what we do.”

Tooru nodded. “Yeah, she did.” What was the point of hiding it anymore? They all bore witness to the near fiasco she caused in the middle of a crowded room. Can’t exactly ignore that.

“She seemed pretty surprised about Hajime,” Daichi said. “I’m guessing you didn’t tell her.” 

“No, I didn’t.”

“Any particular reason why?”

“I didn’t realize you taking me back was going to turn into a therapy session.” Tooru knew he probably shouldn’t be making jokes at a time like this, not when he was so on edge and Daichi was seeing right through him. He hated feeling so vulnerable. So exposed where anyone could take a peek and poke around.

He loathed it.

Daichi sighed. “I’m only trying to help, Oikawa. You were clearly shaken when she showed up. That’s usually not the reaction one has when seeing their mother.”

“My family has been known for preying on the weak, Daichi,” Tooru said. “And according to most of them, I am the weakest link.”

“What do you mean?”

Tooru glanced at him.

“Oikawa, I can’t help if you don’t talk to me. If this is hard, I understand. But –”

“No, it’s just…” Tooru exhaled. “It’s just a lot.”

“I’ve got all night.”

And so Tooru told him. About everything. He kept talking even long after they had arrived at Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s, and he was pretty sure Hajime fell back to sleep. But Daichi listened, never once interrupting, not even to ask a question. He didn’t miss the subtle change in Daichi’s expression as he continued or the way his shoulders felt a thousand pounds lighter when he finished.

“Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?” Tooru picked at his fingernails. “You’re the only one who knows. Not even Iwa-chan knew.”

Daichi took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t do that, Oikawa. But I’ve gotta ask: why didn’t you tell anybody?”

Tooru shrugged. “I don’t know. Guess I just got used to it after a while. I grew thick skin.”

And the last thing Tooru expected was for Daichi to chuckle, as broken and bitter as it sounded. “You should write a book.”

“About my life?” Tooru raised an eyebrow.

“Sure.” Daichi shifted in his seat. “It could help you reach some closure, help you let some of this go. Even if you don’t publish it, it’ll be on paper. And then you can burn it, shred it – do whatever you want. From what I’ve heard, you’re a pretty damn good writer. It's what got you interested in the publishing business in the first place.”

“I don’t write anymore, Daichi. You know that.”

“Why? Because your family said so? The same family that cut you off when you decided to pursue something you were passionate about because you supposedly can’t make a career out of it?” Daichi looked at him, his eyes dark and sharp. “I say fuck it. Do what you want. Be who you want. Write if it makes you happy. You’ve already done the worst thing you can do besides commit murder, according to them. So what’s stopping you?”

Tooru was quiet for a long moment, ruminating on Daichi’s words. Maybe his friend was right. He’d already screwed up royally in college when he decided his major, and now that he was a parent, the hole burrowed even deeper. What was he so afraid of? Kuroo had been encouraging to pick up writing again for years now. There was nothing there but his own reservations.

And despite all that, the only thing he could think to say was, “Wow, Dai-chan. Such coarse language. You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“I hate you,” Daichi said.

Tooru laughed. “Thank you though. Seriously. I really appreciate it.” He smiled. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a lot of thinking ahead of me.”

Daichi shook his head in amusement, running his hands through his hair. “You guys stress me out to no end. Hajime’s more manageable than you, Kuroo, and Suga are combined. And he’s six months old.”

“You wouldn’t have it any other way.” Tooru grinned.

“No,” Daichi said with a smile. “No, I wouldn’t.”

**

_“So, how’d it go?”_

“It went fine,” Tooru said as he tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder. He glanced over at a sleeping Hajime and lowered his voice some more. “I had fun. Iwa-chan's sister is having twins here pretty soon, and Haji-chan kept trying to eat some of my cake.”

_“You’re not giving Sawamura any trouble, are you?”_

“I could ask you the same thing, Tetsu-chan. Have you and Suga-chan given Tokyo a run for its money?”

_“Hey, we put everything back together. No big deal.”_

Tooru chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure everything’s going to look spotless when we get back.”

Hajime stirred next to him, making small noises, and Tooru ghosted his thumb over the back of Hajime’s dimpled hand. He smiled when Hajime immediately clutched onto his finger and settled down again, his tiny chest rising and falling easily.

 _“Any issues with the parental unit?”_ Kuroo’s tone held a certain sharpness to it now.

Tooru stayed silent. When he was bathing Hajime before bed, he had received text messages from both Satoshi and Akane asking what had happened but mainly if he was okay. He didn’t go into too much detail, but he assured them that he was all right and that he’d tell them later.

“Mom showed up, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle,” Tooru said. “May or may not have given her a piece of my mind.”

 _“Hell yeah! That’s my boy!”_ Kuroo cheered. _“What’d she say? Or was she was too shocked to speak? You know what, that doesn’t even matter. I’m just glad you said something to her. I’m proud of you, Tooru. It couldn’t have been easy.”_

Tooru laughed a bit. “Surprisingly, it was.”

 _“That’s even better,”_ Kuroo said. _“By the way, not that I don’t enjoy our late night conversations but what the hell are you doing up? Don’t you have to get up early tomorrow?”_

“Yeah.” Tooru flipped through the pages of his journal, reading over the notes he had scribbled years ago, thumbing through the pages until he found a blank one. He put pen to paper. “But I figure it’s worth it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay - so I'm just as surprised that I'm able to cough out these chapters as quickly as I am. I call it ambition, others may call it avoiding responsibilities. Who knows /shrugs
> 
> I had plans to make Tooru a writer the moment I started this story because I haven't read a fic where he is one (I honestly may not have found one yet) and I feel that while yes, he is charismatic and can talk to people, he'd also be amazing with the written word. I just. I dunno. That's a personal headcanon of mine. Anyway.
> 
> Follow your dreams, everyone. No matter what anyone tells you.
> 
> Also, someone get Daichi some soap. He needs to watch his language.


	8. Feel Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Introductions and misconceptions.

“Please tell me you have everything.”

Tooru glared at Hanamaki as Hajime rested comfortably in his arms. “I forget bug spray one time and you and Dai-chan hold it against me forever. You guys are ruthless.”

“Suga’s not gonna be there to lick your wounds next time.” Matsukawa snickered.

Tooru felt all of the heat rush to his cheeks. “S-Suga-chan did _not_ lick my wounds! He just helped me put on itching cream!”

To help with the twenty plus mosquito bites that he had acquired in the span of less than an hour into their camping trip, Suga had arrived in the nick of time with an ample amount of bug spray and itching ointment. Ergo, Tooru’s knight in shining armor. He remembered how warm and soft Suga’s hands felt, how gently they held his own, even as Suga chastised him to stop scratching the reddened, swelling lumps.

Hanamaki wiggled his eyebrows. “You know you liked it.”

“Did not!”

“Jeez, you’ve got it bad,” Matsukawa said. “When are you finally gonna tell the guy how you feel? You’ve liked him since high school, and your constant one-sided pining is giving me a headache.”

Hanamaki folded his arms behind his head. “I seriously thought you would’ve made a move by this point. If it were any other person, you would’ve swept them off their feet by now. It’s strange to see the suave Oikawa Tooru acting so shy about a little crush.”

“I’m not shy!” Tooru said.

“Shy about what?” Daichi asked as he approached.

“N-Nothing!” Tooru squeaked. “Let’s just get going.” He cleared his throat, cheeks still dusted pink as placed Hajime in the car seat. “We got a hell of a drive ahead of us.”

Daichi raised an eyebrow. “O…kay?”

The afternoon sky was now swept in soft pinks and peaches, purples streaking within, as the sun dipped lower and lower in the horizon. Tooru and Daichi had spent a majority of the day at the Iwaizumi household, but they had to leave earlier than planned when Sayu started to feel weak and tired. 

“Thanks for dealing with this guy.” Daichi looked at Hanamaki and Matsukawa. “It was nice seeing you two again after so long.”

“It was nice seeing you too, Sawamura,” Matsukawa said. Then he smirked. “But I have to admit that Hajime was the highlight of it all.”

“Rude!” Tooru said.

Hajime squealed and giggled from his place in the car seat, laughing even harder when Tooru grinned and started tickling his sides.

“Be careful on the way back,” Hanamaki said. “And try not to be total strangers, yeah? This is your hometown, after all.”

“Aww, Makki! Mattsun! You’ve missed seeing my face every day!” Tooru said.

Matsukawa raised an eyebrow. “We were talking about Sawamura.”

Tooru placed his hand over his chest in mock hurt. “That hurts my soul.”

“What soul?” Hanamaki tilted his head, feigning innocence.

Tooru pouted and Matsukawa and Daichi laughed.

“You set yourself up for that one, Oikawa.” Daichi rounded the car to the driver’s side.

Tooru exhaled sharply. “Yeah, yeah. You guys are just out to get me.” He climbed in the passenger side. “Thanks again, Makki and Mattsun. It was nice seeing you again.”

“Is he being genuine?” Matsukawa turned to his husband.

Hanamaki smirked, wiping his arms rather dramatically. “Ew, get it off – it’s contagious.”

Tooru rolled his eyes, and despite their incessant teasing he knew they were happy to see him, too. It’d been six long years since he saw them, and he easily considered those two troublemakers some of his closest friends. They’d been there for him ever since they were awkward first years on the same volleyball team. And they always would be.

They grinned and waved, and Daichi, Tooru, and Hajime were on the road back to Tokyo.

The drive home was a lot better than the drive up there, at least to Tooru. He felt more liberated, more carefree, more… he didn’t know but he liked it. Daichi seemed a lot easier, too. Playful banter was frequent and flowed smoothly, and Tooru sang the songs he knew at the top of his lungs while Daichi just laughed at him. 

They arrived at Tooru’s apartment a few hours after the sunset. Hajime had fallen asleep, and Tooru and Daichi had plans to do the same very soon. Tooru hefted his suitcase out of the trunk.

“I’m gonna go take this inside real quick.” Tooru dug his keys out of his pocket. “Mind staying out here with Haji for a sec?”

“Nope, not at all,” Daichi said. 

“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” Tooru hefted the suitcase along and unlocked the door, setting it down just in the entryway. There were a couple of lights on in the apartment, mainly to ward off any potential intruders, so seeing them on didn’t exactly set him on edge.

It was the rustling further in the apartment that did.

Tooru froze, turning back around. What the hell?

He inched forward, avoiding the one creaky floorboard so it wouldn’t give away his position, but he was pretty sure his thundering heart would. He put his back against the wall as he saw a shadow glide across the living room. Whoever was here was already aware of his presence, he was almost sure of that. He didn’t exactly make a quiet entrance.

There was more rustling. A creak in the floor.

His hair stood on end, there was a ringing in his ears. 

Besides the self-defense class that he was required to take in college, Tooru didn’t know anything about fighting. Sure, he was strong and quick on his feet, but he didn’t necessarily have brute strength.

What was he going to – oh shit!

Tooru ducked from the incoming blow, and the way the light was splaying through the apartment made it hard to see the person’s face. But whoever it was, they were clearly a skilled fighter. 

And Tooru was not.

Tooru slid into the open space of the living room, ducking another swing. He cut his fist across the air, catching his assailant square in the jaw. The man staggered back, but recovered almost instantly and dealt a sharp blow to Tooru’s face.

Stars danced across his vision, and the man grabbed his arm, flipping him over his back and throwing him to the ground. Tooru grunted when the guy’s knee dug into his back and his arm was twisted uncomfortably behind him. He tried to move but his arm was pulled slightly and he winced. Any further would dislocate his shoulder.

The man placed his other hand atop Tooru’s head, keeping his face pressed to the floor.

Dammit. He was stuck.

More footsteps echoed further in the apartment, and Tooru prayed to every possible deity that Daichi wouldn’t come up here with Hajime. He had to –

“What the hell is going on out here?”

Wait a minute, he knew that voice.

More lights flicked on, and Tooru blinked to adjust.

“I caught this dude just walking in here, Kuroo,” the man said. “Should we call the cops?”

“That’s because I live here, you asshole!” Tooru growled, his words a little muffled.

“Bo, get off of him! That’s Tooru!” Kuroo said.

“Oh!” the man now known as Bokuto jumped off and helped Tooru to his feet. “Shit, I’m so sorry, man! I didn’t know!”

Tooru worked out his arm, looking over this newcomer.

Bokuto had gravity defying white-gray hair and golden eyes a similar shade to Kuroo’s, only his eyes were much rounder and seemingly took everything in. They were wild and excitable, like fireworks. And if Tooru didn’t know any better, he’d say this guy resembled an owl.

“You all right?” Kuroo came over.

Tooru touched his eye, hissing a bit. “I’ll live.”

“I really am sorry, man,” Bokuto said. “I totally thought you were a robber or something. I didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?” He rubbed his cheek, wincing. “You’ve got one hell a left hook though. You almost knocked me on my ass.”

“Good to know. I’ll keep that in mind the next time some random person decides to sit in my apartment,” Tooru said. His arm was definitely going to be a little sore tomorrow. Not to mention that Bokuto clocked him. Blow for blow, he guessed.

Kuroo sighed. “Tooru, this is Bokuto Koutarou. Bo, this is Oikawa Tooru. Sorry you two had to meet like this. I was planning on introducing you guys tomorrow.”

Ah, right. Kuroo had mentioned last week that he was excited his best friend was finally coming back into town and Tooru could meet him. Kuroo said that Bokuto was an engineer and travelled a ton, bouncing back and forth between countries. He’d only seen this Bokuto character in pictures, and Tooru was a little taken aback with himself that he’d forgotten what such an eccentric person looked like. 

“Not that I don’t enjoy your company, Tetsurou, but what the hell are you doing here?” Tooru asked. 

“I ran out of those barbecue chips I liked earlier tonight, and I was going to make a trip to the store but then I remembered you had like two bags here.” Kuroo grinned.

Tooru narrowed his eyes. “I gave you a key for emergencies!” 

“This was an emergency, Tooru! It was totally justified! Those chips are awesome, I’m tired, and I didn’t wanna deal with people. I mean, yeah, I probably should’ve told you that I was going to be here, but we honestly didn’t mean to scare you. We were just going to stop by.”

“You’re lucky Hajime wasn’t with me.”

“We’re really sorry.”

Tooru sighed heavily. “Don’t worry about it. Now I’d better go back down before Dai-chan comes up here looking for me and asks if I got lost.”

“Dai-chan?” Bokuto tilted his head.

“Sawamura Daichi,” Kuroo said. “You remember him, right Bo?”

Bokuto beamed. “Oh yeah! Karasuno’s captain! I haven’t seen him in a while!”

“Don’t jump him when he comes in, yeah?” Kuroo said.

“Aw c’mon! I already apologized!” Bokuto whined, slumping his shoulders and almost quite literally deflating like a balloon.

Tooru went back outside, leaving them to bicker. It was going to be a long night, and all he wanted to do was cuddle up next to Hajime and sleep. He moved his arm again in small circles, wincing a bit, and he could feel the area around his eye beginning to swell.

_Great._

Daichi exited the car upon his approach. “Did you get lost?”

“I clearly walked into the wrong apartment,” Tooru said.

“What do you mean?” Daichi asked.

Tooru rounded to the backseat, unlatching the baby carrier from the safety base and slipped the diaper bag over his shoulder. “Kuroo and uh, what’s his name, Bokuto are there. Apparently barbecue chips constituted as a late night emergency.” He walked easily back to his apartment, making sure not to disturb Hajime. “Oh, and did I mention we fought?”

Daichi blinked a few times. “Wait, what?” He caught up to Tooru. “What do you mean you fought? Who’d you fight? What happened?”

“Tooru got his ass handed to him,” Kuroo said as soon as they entered, holding out a pack of ice to Tooru. “Then again, it was kind of a mismatch. Bokuto’s been trained, Tooru not so much.”

“Rub it in, why don’t you?” Tooru gently set the carrier down and took the bag. “Thanks.”

“Hey, be proud. You actually got a good hit in. He’s gonna be feeling it tomorrow,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto whined, a bag of ice pressed to his own face. “I already said I was sorry!”

Daichi pinched the bridge of his nose. “I swear, I turn my back for two seconds and you’re already in some kind of trouble. But Tokyo looks to be in one piece, so I’ll count that as a plus.”

A Cheshire grin crossed Kuroo’s face… and was that a soft tinge of pink sweeping across his cheeks? Tooru placed the ice to his eye, the cold sharp and relieving. He was tired and probably imagining things.

“Holy crap, do you have a baby?” Bokuto bounced over to the carrier, crouching down to get a better look at the infant. “I remember Kuroo mentioning that you were a dad. He’s so cute! What’s his name?”

“Hajime,” Tooru said.

Bokuto grinned. “I like that! I feel like it really suits him!”

“You do?” Tooru asked.

“Definitely!” Bokuto nodded. “You know how some people look like they live up to certain names? I feel like this little guy will.”

And Tooru couldn’t help but feel immense joy at that. Hajime stirred, probably at the sound of a new voice so close, and whimpered before starting to cry. Tooru put the sack of ice down on the table and unfastened Hajime from the carrier, smiling as his son latched onto him.

“Hey there, sleepyhead,” Tooru said, stroking the baby’s head.

**

He stared at the people in the room, glad to be in his father’s arms again. He didn’t like being stuck in that thing that held him secure. It wasn’t anything like being near his dad. He loved his dad very, very much. But now there was another person in the room, a new person, with funny hair and bright eyes too, and while he seemed nice and interesting, he was very tired and all he wanted to do was sleep.

He listened to the heartbeat in his ears, the soft thunder he had come to know so well, and fisted his hands in his father’s shirt.

_Ba-dump…_

_Ba-dump…_

_Ba-dump…_

And then he closed his eyes.

**

“All right, you two. We’d better get going. It’s late,” Daichi said, keeping his voice down.

“About this weekend, Dai-chan,” Tooru said. “I, uh, thanks for convincing me to go.”

“Sure thing.” Daichi smiled, ruffling Hajime’s hair gently and heading for the door. “I’ll see you later. Get some sleep.”

Kuroo clapped Bokuto on the back. “You heard him, Bo. Let’s go home.”

“Oh?” Bokuto snickered. “You chickening out? You’re not gonna ask Sawamura –”

Kuroo immediately covered his friend’s mouth with his hand, glaring daggers and a deep red still splayed out on his cheeks. _“Shut up,_ Bokuto.”

Tooru watched them, wondering if it was just exhaustion tugging at the edges of his mind or if he was really seeing Kuroo acting embarrassed and flustered about something. Just what was his deal? Why was he acting so weird about Sawamura – oh.

_Oh._

If Tooru was right, and exhaustion wasn’t just being an asshole, he was never letting this go. Not even if Kuroo bribed him with a week’s worth of milk bread. There was no way in hell he was going to let this slide by.

Daichi raised an eyebrow, hand on the doorknob in mid-turn. “Um? What’s he talking about?”

“Nothing,” Kuroo said, smiling. “Bokuto here was just talking about asking if you wanted to come to dinner with us tomorrow night. Akaashi and Suga are gonna go, too. I know its sorta last minute, but we’d love to have you there.” He gave a threatening smile. “Isn’t that right, Bo?”

Bokuto nodded without hesitation.

Kuroo looked at Tooru. “Of course, you’re welcome to come, too.”

“Sure, I’d love to go.” Daichi grinned.

And did Tooru hear the faint sound of Kuroo’s heart going ka-thunk in his chest? He sure did.

But wait. Wasn’t Kuroo romantically interested in Suga? And vice versa?

Tooru could’ve sworn those were the signals he was reading from those two! But here was Kuroo confusing him with almost obvious signs that he liked Daichi and what the actual hell was going on here? This was making his head hurt, and he was pretty sure the punch from earlier didn’t help.

He was going to get to the bottom of this, and while Tooru was fairly certain Kuroo wasn’t the type to string someone along, the last thing he wanted was for Suga to get hurt. He didn’t want Kuroo to get hurt either. There was the possibility that Kuroo’s “kind” personality (as the former Nekoma captain so eloquently put it) could be mistaken for flirting. It happened. He remembered seeing it all the time during their college days when girls would talk to Kuroo and turn as red as tomatoes.

Investigator Oikawa Tooru was on the case.

When he was more conscious.

“Here.” Tooru tossed the unopened bag of chips at Kuroo.

Kuroo easily caught it. “You sure?”

“You snuck into my apartment in the dead of night to get them and two of your friends fought,” Tooru said. “I’d be pissed if you didn’t take it after going through all this trouble.”

Kuroo grinned. “You’re the best! We’ll see you tomorrow. And put some ice on that eye.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Tooru waved them off. “Lock the door on your way out, you’ve got a key.”

Kuroo just laughed, and Tooru waited for the soft sound of the lock sliding in place before he started settling down for the night. He set Hajime down on the bed and iced his eye for about 20 minutes while putting down some ideas in his journal. And he’d be lying if he said the sound of pen scratching marks into the paper wasn’t comforting.

And once he was under the covers, surrounded by darkness, he realized just how great his life was. Sure, he had rather… interesting friends, but they were his family. Just like the infant next to him sleeping ever so soundly, smiling as he dreamed.

His son.

His little blessing.

**

Tooru cursed. 

He stared at the torn contact lens at the tip of his finger and sighed. Of all the days…

Pushing his glasses back up further on his face, Tooru tried and made some sense of his hair and didn’t pay much mind to the dark, ugly purple splotch surrounding most of his eye. He expected it to bruise, but he didn’t think it’d be this bad. He was still a little bitter about it, but he got a bit of satisfaction when Kuroo said that Bokuto had a bruised cheek.

So Tooru could be petty sometimes, sue him.

At any rate, Tooru rarely ever wore his glasses out in public and never while playing volleyball (glasses were expensive, come on), and while his stigmatism wasn’t terrible, it was just enough to be a pain in the ass. Not to mention it had gotten worse over the years.

He could practically hear Kuroo’s voice. _“That’s what happens when you stare at computer screens for too long and read in the dark. Dork.”_

At any rate, Tooru was just super insecure about them, and while Iwaizumi always said he looked fine despite calling him a nerd in the process, he hardly believed it.

“Papa! Papa!” Hajime called from his playpen, kicking his legs and moving his arms excitedly as Tooru approached. He found purchase in his father’s clothes as soon as he was held close.

Tooru smiled, rubbing the baby’s back. It was about time to meet up with Kuroo and the others.

Hajime grabbed the sides of Tooru’s glasses, a curious look on his face as he cooed, and tried to pull them off. Tooru laughed, easing the glasses out of Hajime’s hand and slipping them back on his face.

“Sorry, Haji. Kinda need those to see.” He gently nuzzled Hajime’s nose with his own and grinned when the baby giggled.

“Papa.” Hajime placed his hands Tooru’s face. “Bah…beh…”

Tooru kissed his cheek. “I love you, too.”

After sufficiently dressing Hajime for the weather, Tooru slipped on a coat and beanie for himself and they were out the door. Everyone had decided on the yakitori restaurant on the east side of town after much debate between Suga, Kuroo, and Bokuto, though Kuroo said it wasn’t much of a debate since Akaashi was the one who suggested it (whoever that was).

But when Tooru arrived, he quickly realized who this character was. And the only word Tooru could come up with to describe the guy was _pretty_ , even as Akaashi gave his sincerest apologies for Bokuto last night. He was pretty in the unfair, I-want-to-punch-but-also-caress-your-face, aggravating kind of way. He also looked to be perpetually done with the world (or Bokuto, no one knew).

Yeah, it was confusing but bear with him for a minute.

Another thing he noticed was that Kuroo and Daichi were decidedly _missing._

“So, uh, where are they?” Tooru asked.

“Daichi’s having car trouble so Kuroo went to go get him,” Suga said. “He caught a flat tire on his way home from work today, and he may or may not be a little salty about it.”

“Car trouble” – is that what they were calling it these days?

“We’ll leave those seats just for them,” Suga said, gesturing to the two empty ones right next to each other on Bokuto’s right. “There’s an extra seat next to Akaashi that no one’s taking or you can sit next to me if you want, Oikawa.” Then he smiled.

And Tooru could’ve stared at it all day.

“Why thank you, Suga-chan.” Tooru grinned even if he was internally combusting and took the offered seat. “Aren’t you kind.”

Suga snickered. “I do try.”

Hajime squealed and held out his arms as soon as he noticed it was Suga right beside him, babbling and grinning until he was in the man’s arms. Suga laughed as Hajime immediately fisted his hands in his hair and blew raspberries on the baby’s cheeks and Hajime’s high-pitched squeals rang through the restaurant.

It was quite a sight. At least to Tooru.

“How’s your eye?” Bokuto asked. He didn’t look too bad, at least Tooru didn’t think so, but Kuroo was right about the bruised cheek. The swelling wasn’t horrible, could be missed if not actively sought out, and the only giveaway was the dark splotch right under his cheekbone.

“It’s fine. How’s your face?” Tooru asked maybe with more sarcasm than intended.

Bokuto laughed. “That’s fair.”

“I heard about that,” Suga said. “What’re the odds of you two mistaking the other for a burglar? That’s the kind of thing you’d find in a suspense movie. Maybe even a comedy.”

Tooru blamed it on his luck. Or lack thereof.

“It’s a nice look for you two though. Makes you seem rugged and dangerous, or that you’re just clumsy and ran into a pole.” Suga snickered.

“No way am I that clumsy!” Bokuto said.

“You tripped over nothing yesterday, Koutarou,” Akaashi piped up, looking at Bokuto with that same neutral expression but there was clearly amusement in his eyes. 

“There was clearly a bug there, Keiji!” Bokuto looked at the man beside him with clear betrayal. “I just didn’t want to step on the poor little guy. He deserves to live a long and healthy life.”

Suga rolled his eyes and looked back to Tooru as Bokuto and Akaashi went back and forth. “I’ve never seen you with glasses before.”

Tooru could feel heat rising to his cheeks despite his efforts to squish it down. He grinned. “I just thought I’d add a little variety today. And because I can’t see. But that’s beside the point.”

Suga laughed as he bounced Hajime on his lap. “Well, I like it. You look very nice.”

Tooru felt his heart jump. “T-Thanks.”

“Hey guys, did we miss anything?” Kuroo approached the table.

“Yeah, we already ate. You took too long,” Bokuto said.

Kuroo sat down, messing up Bokuto’s hair as he did so. “Then you wouldn’t mind waiting longer while Sawamura and I order then.”

“Sorry that we’re late,” Daichi said, taking the open spot next to Kuroo. “Flat tire.”

“Dai! Dai!” Hajime cooed.

Daichi grinned. “Hi, Hajime.”

“Oh a flat tire?” Bokuto snickered, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Maybe Kuroo can help you ‘fix’ that.” He suddenly winced. “Ow!”

Kuroo didn’t answer, but Tooru guessed that he had dealt his friend a swift kick to the shin. 

“Kuroo said that he’d help me switch it out later. Even though I can do it on my own,” Daichi said.

“No, no, no – let him help,” Suga cut in. “He’s way more efficient at fixing cars than you are.”

Daichi sighed. “Guys, I can change a flat tire.”

Tooru leaned over to Suga, keeping his voice at a whisper. “I’m gonna walk out on a limb and say that this dinner is your way of trying to start something between Tetsu-chan and Dai-chan.”

Suga grinned mischievously. “Sharp as a tack you are, Oikawa. Yeah, Kuroo’s been crushing hard on Daichi for a while now, and I’m tired of seeing all this pining. And Daichi’s about as thick as a brick wall when it comes to these things, so Kuroo’s gonna have to work hard to let his feelings be known.”

Ah, so it was true. Tooru wasn’t delusional last night. Kuroo has a crush on Daichi.

Then did that mean…?

“So,” Tooru started, “you and Tetsu-chan aren’t interested in each other?”

Suga chuckled. “No way, not a chance. We’re close since we’ve known each other for years but there’s nothing even remotely romantic between us.”

“Oh,” Tooru said.

“Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering.”

“Papa!” Hajime reached out to him.

Tooru brought him into his arms, smiling as Hajime giggled. Even though Suga and Kuroo weren’t interested in each other, and as much as he wanted to be that special person in Suga’s life, Tooru realized he may not be who Suga wants. Besides, he may not have time for romance.

He had a child to raise after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /dances away


	9. Wisteria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In tender ground, as bare as birth, a shoot emerged from beneath the earth.

He crept through the living area, mindful of the creaky floorboards that he knew by heart. He looked high and low, opening cabinets and looking under blankets. He even looked behind the couch. Nothing. Empty.

Hmm.

Tooru listened for it – the _pat pat pat_ echoing throughout the apartment, a tiny giggle. It would be soft, quick, a flutter. Almost unnoticeable. But hide-and-seek was the game they played daily – before bath time, before dinner, before bed. Before most things, really. But Tooru never minded, especially if it meant that he’d hear his son’s laughter.

“Haji-chan?” he called out.

A giggle.

There we go. 

Traversing to the next room, he caught sight of a small lump under the dinosaur themed blankets and another giggle. He grinned, and then sighed rather dramatically. “Oh, no! Where in the world has my little Haji-chan gone? We were supposed to go to the park today, but I can’t find him!”

A bubble of laughter. Another rustle under the blankets.

Tooru sat on the edge of the bed, looking around at the dinosaur decals all over the walls, the glow-in-the-dark stars plastered to the ceiling, the crayons and sheets of paper among the plethora of toys. An alien plushy resting on the bed. Colorful drawings were taped to the walls, even if some of those masterpieces were on the actual wall. In washable marker and crayon, thankfully.

“What am I gonna do if I can’t find him?” Tooru laid back on the bed, draping his arm over his eyes. “I guess I’m just gonna have to go to the park all by myself.”

“Boo!” Hajime burst from underneath the covers, a grin on his face. “Hi, Papa!”

“Hey!” Tooru laughed and wrapped him in his arms, tickling his sides. “There’s my baby boy!”

Hajime squirmed in his arms and squealed, the entire room ringing with his laughter. “Papa! Papa!”

Tooru relented, holding his son close and smiling when Hajime snuggled into him.

Two and a half years had passed in the blink of an eye, and Tooru couldn’t believe how fast Hajime had grown in such a short amount of time, how fast he was learning and becoming his own person. Hajime was becoming fiercely independent, wanting to do everything on his own from taking off clothes to building towers of blocks to buckling his seatbelt (any help usually resulted in a crying fit), and while Tooru was so very proud, it also made him a little sad. 

Very soon, Hajime wouldn’t need him anymore.

But then there would be days where Haji would cling to him and still want him to kiss little scratches he got from falling down (it definitely didn’t help that Hajime was especially clumsy, even for his age), and Sayu’s words would ring clear in his mind. And Tooru would happily oblige.

Hajime was a very rambunctious toddler with seemingly endless energy and more than often gave Tooru a run for his money. He could usually be found digging through cabinets to play with pots and pans or sneak in a few extra snacks when Tooru had his back turned, not to mention there were a few broken bowls and plates along the way when Hajime grew extra daring and decided to climb the counters.

It had in no way been easy, and every day had Tooru hoping he was making the right decisions, and every day Hajime’s smile would reassure him.

“You wanna go to the park?” Tooru asked.

Hajime wriggled out of Tooru’s arms and jumped up and down on the bed. “Park! Go to park!” He clapped his tiny hands together. “Park! Park! Park! Go play!”

Tooru picked up the boy and placed him safely on the floor. “Let’s go put on your shoes. You can pick the ones you want.”

“Yay!” Hajime darted off, and Tooru was pretty sure he heard him trip along the way.

Out of the pairs he had, Hajime immediately picked the green and white shoes with little dinosaurs on the side that lit up every time he took a step. They were admittedly his favorite pair, and Tooru knew he’d have to buy some new ones here pretty soon judging from the signs of wear and tear.

Tooru packed a backpack with water bottles, different baggies filled with fruit snacks and crackers, a small toy pail and shovel set, and even a tiny box of Band-Aids (because heaven knew he’d need them at some point). He lifted Hajime in his arms, and they were off.

“I walk, Papa,” Hajime said, squirming. “I walk!”

Tooru smiled. “Okay, okay.” He rested Hajime back on the ground. “Wait for me, okay?”

“’kay!” Hajime said, now bouncing around as Tooru locked the door. 

Tooru was at his side. “Hold my hand?”

Hajime wrapped his tiny hand around one of Tooru’s fingers and started to walk as fast as his little legs could carry him. “Park, park! Go to park!” he sang, skipping along.

It was a beautiful day for the park – the air was pleasantly warm, the sky was clear, and the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. Tooru would take Hajime out every Saturday morning to go out and play, especially during those weeks when work would require him to stay up most hours of the night, and seeing Hajime this excited each time never failed to make Tooru’s day.

When the hustle and bustle of the innermost part of the city grew nearer, Tooru lifted Hajime in his arms until they reached the park. They didn’t need a repeat of the time Hajime thought running through the aisles of the busy supermarket was an epic game of tag.

“Hey, Haji-chan,” Tooru said, drawing the toddler’s attention. “Where’s your nose?”

Hajime seemed to think about it for a few seconds before touching his nose. “Here.”

Tooru smiled. “Great job! And where are your ears?”

“Here!” Hajime covered his ears with both hands, grinning wide.

Tooru nodded. “Very good! Where are your eyes?”

“Um.” Hajime paused. “Here!” He placed his hands over his eyes and then removed them. “Boo!”

Tooru chuckled. “Good! And your mouth?”

“Here!” Hajime put his hand to his mouth. He kissed Tooru’s cheek. “I kiss Papa!”

Tooru laughed and peppered kisses all over Hajime’s face, earning high-pitched laughter his son. Their attention was diverted when the sounds of children at play met them, Hajime was once again trying to wriggle out of Tooru’s arms.

“Papa, go play! Go play!” Hajime said once he was on the ground, and he ran off to the sandbox amongst the other kids his age.

Tooru easily caught up to him, settling down next to the toddler and pulled out the toy pail and shovel from the backpack. “Here you go, Haji-chan.”

“Tank you!” Hajime said, filling up the pail with sand and singing a song. 

Tooru sat there with a smile on his face, watching him play and just generally be excited about something as simple as filling a bucket of sand and dumping it out. Hajime loved being outside, even if it was just sitting on the sidewalk and drawing with chalk or walking around. 

Hajime tugged on Tooru’s shorts after a bit and held out the second shovel. “Papa play!”

Tooru smiled, taking the shovel. “You wanna make a sand castle?”

“Cassle?” Hajime tilted his head. “What that?”

“A castle is a big place that a king and queen live in,” Tooru said. “We can make one out of sand. Does that sound like fun?”

“Yeah! Yeah!” Hajime nodded. “Sand cassle!”

Tooru grabbed one of the water bottles and poured it over a small area of sand before shoveling it into a pail and dumping it out. He smiled at Hajime’s confused expression upon seeing the sand packed into the perfect mold of the bucket. He grabbed a nearby twig and pushed it through a small leaf before sticking it to the top of the mound. He smoothed out any lumps with the shovel.

“See?”

Hajime blinked.

Tooru chuckled. “You try.”

Hajime started filling the bucket with wet sand and looked at Tooru. “Now, Papa?”

“Yup! Go ahead!” Tooru said.

Hajime flipped the pail over, lifting it up and grinned when he saw that the sand retained its shape. “Yay!” He clapped his hands and pointed to it. “Lookie, Papa! I did it!”

Tooru ruffled his hair and smiled. “Good job, Haji-chan!”

They entertained themselves with building castles for a while as the morning sun waned into high noon, but that changed when Hajime wanted to climb the jungle gym like the other children. And after a quick snack break, Tooru helped him conquer some of the obstacles and caught him when he zipped down the slides.

Hajime was now racing to the merry-go-round with Tooru close behind, but his foot caught on a rock and he went tumbling forward into the grass. He sat up, seemingly trying to process what in the world just happened, before his bottom lip trembled and he started to cry.

Tooru came over, kneeling down next to the toddler. “Uh-oh, what a wipeout! Are you okay?”

Hajime sniffled, thick tears still streaming down his cheeks as he held his knee. “O-Owie, Papa… I got an owie… ow…”

Tooru inspected the small scrape. It wasn’t bad at all and didn’t even draw blood. Probably just stung a bit. “It’ll be okay, Haji-chan.” He slipped the backpack off his shoulders and pulled out the box of Band-Aids. Dinosaur themed per Hajime’s request. “Because look what I got!”

Hajime rubbed his eyes of tears. “Boo-boo stickers?”

Tooru grinned. That _never_ got old. “Yes, I brought boo-boo stickers.” He opened the box and plucked one. “Let’s see which one we get this time.” He rubbed a bit of ointment on the scrape and peeled the cover off the Band-Aid and stuck it to Hajime’s knee, giving the toddler a surprised look. “Wow, Haji-chan! We got a T-Rex!”

“T-Rex,” Hajime said, the words a little mispronounced.

Tooru nodded. “Yup! A T-Rex.”

“Roar!” Hajime hooked his hands into claws and bared his teeth, scrunching his face into the best scowl before giggling.

Tooru smiled, helping the boy to his feet and dusting off his clothes. “That’s exactly right. I’m so proud of you, Hajime.”

“Papa happy?” Hajime asked with a tilt of his head.

Tooru hugged his son tight. “Papa is very happy.” He wiped any lingering tears. “How about we go eat some lunch and then we can come back later. Sound like a good idea?”

Hajime nodded, holding out his arms. “Uh-huh. Hungry.”

Tooru picked him up, brushing Hajime’s wild strands of hair out of his face and smiled as the toddler clung to him and buried his face in his neck.

“I love you, Papa,” Hajime said.

“I love you too, Hajime.”

Tooru made some turkey sandwiches for lunch and Hajime chose popsicles for dessert. He would’ve made some with peanut butter, one of their favorites, if perhaps the toddler wasn’t ridiculously allergic to peanuts. When Hajime had developed a rash and had trouble breathing after munching on some peanut butter cookies the bakery was giving out a few months ago, it was definitely one of the scariest days of Tooru’s life. 

But right now, Hajime was content with coloring for a bit while watching cartoons as Tooru picked up around their home before they’d go back out to the park again.

“What’re you drawing there, kiddo?” Tooru leaned over, some toys in hand. “Who’s that?”

“Papa!” Hajime pointed to one of the figures on the page.

Tooru pointed to the other, much smaller person on the paper. “And who is this?”

“Me!” Hajime pointed to himself, donning a proud grin.

Tooru ruffled the toddler’s hair. “This is a great drawing, Haji-chan. You did so good!”

Hajime giggled, continuing to scribble on the page, but stopped when the trill of a cellphone pierced the air. And with a mere glance at the caller ID, Tooru groaned.

He pressed the button. “Hello?”

 _“Oikawa, how’re you doing?”_ Fujioka Takeshi. Tooru’s boss. Well, his boss’s assistant but still higher than Tooru on the corporate ladder. And the fact that he was calling on a weekend couldn’t possibly be good. 

“I’m doing fine. What can I do for you, Fujioka-san?”

_“I’m glad you asked. It seems that our friend from the board decided to drop in early and hear our proposal for the project your team has been working on. He’s scheduled a meeting at 1:30.”_

Tooru looked at the clock and felt some color drain from his face. “That’s in an hour.”

_“I know, it’s super inconvenient. I’m not too happy about it either since I’m having to round everyone up. But it is what it is.”_

Tooru sighed. “With all due respect, Fujioka-san, this has nothing to do with me. I just helped edit the manuscript, my job is done.” He knew there was some irritation beginning to leak into his tone though he couldn’t exactly be bothered to care.

_“Yes, I know. But you were essential in this entire process, and you know the ins and outs of this project. I need you here, Oikawa. It’s only for a few hours.”_

“Fujioka-san –”

_“Now.”_

Tooru was quiet for a moment. “All right, I’ll be there within the hour.”

_“What do you mean?”_

“I have a two-year-old son, and I need to find a babysitter. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

_“All right. Thank you.”_

Tooru sent Daichi a quick text, and once he got the green light, he ran his hands through his hair and leaned against the counter. Just great, just freaking great. He was planning on spending the whole day with Hajime since he’d been so busy with the aforementioned big project, and he was hoping to make up for it. And here comes Fujioka with –

There was a tug on his shorts.

“Papa?”

Tooru looked down. “Yes, Haji-chan?”

“Papa mad?” Hajime asked.

Tooru knelt down, gently caressing the toddler’s cheek. “No, Haji-chan. I’m not mad.” He smiled. “Say, I have an idea. How about we go see Daichi? Won’t that be fun?”

Hajime immediately brightened. “Daichi! Daichi! Go see Daichi! Yay!” He bounced around and started tugging on Tooru’s hand. “Go now, Papa! Go now!”

Tooru laughed. “Okay, we’re going now. You can bring whatever toy you want.”

“Yay!” Hajime ran off to his room.

Tooru started packing one of Hajime’s backpacks with training diapers, some snacks, and coloring books just as Hajime came back out with the alien plushy that was almost as big as him. Tooru had bought that plushy for Hajime’s second birthday (he was a weak man, remember?), and the toddler took it nearly everywhere with him when he could.

It was actually high time that Tooru washed it. Maybe he could sneak it in the washing machine without Hajime knowing.

“Ready?” Tooru asked.

“Uh-huh!” Hajime said, racing to the car as soon as the front door was open. 

And when they arrived, Hajime immediately hugged Daichi’s leg.

Daichi laughed, ruffling the toddler’s hair. “Hey!”

“Hi, Daichi!” Hajime said, holding out his arms and grinned when Daichi lifted him up.

Tooru smiled. “I really appreciate you doing this, Dai-chan. Sorry this was so last minute. I literally got the call less than 20 minutes ago.” He held out Hajime’s bag. “I should be done around three. Four at the latest.”

“Don’t worry about it, Oikawa,” Daichi said, taking the backpack. “I was actually going to try and pay you guys a visit at some point this weekend. Looks like I won’t need to.”

“Aw, looks like someone missed us!”

“I missed Hajime.”

Tooru deflated. “So mean.”

Hajime giggled. “Silly Papa!”

Tooru handed the toddler the alien plush, brushing his fingers through some of Hajime’s hair only for it to fall right back in place. “Be good for Daichi, okay Hajime? I’ll be back later.”

“Where go, Papa?” Hajime asked. 

“I have to go to work,” Tooru answered. “But I promise I’ll be back to pick you up when I’m done. Have fun, okay?” He kissed Hajime’s head. “I love you.”

**

Daichi waited until Tooru’s car was out of sight before shutting the door, and Hajime immediately started to cry. He rubbed the toddler’s back. “It’s okay, Haji. It’s okay.”  
“Papa…” Hajime sobbed, hiding his face in Daichi’s neck and fisted his hands in Daichi’s shirt. “I-I want Papa! Papa!”

“He’ll be back, I promise,” Daichi said, voice low and warm. “It’s okay.”

Hajime looked at him, sniffling. “Papa come back?”

“Of course.” Daichi smiled, wiping away some stray tears. “He’ll come back. He wouldn’t leave and not come back. He loves you a whole lot.” He said, walking over to the clock mounted on the wall. “See? When that is pointing to the three, your dad will come back.”

Daichi knew that Tooru was helping Hajime learn a few numbers and colors, and while he still didn’t understand a whole lot just yet, Daichi knew that Hajime was smart and understood enough. Even during those times when Hajime would get this look in his eye that made him seem so much older than he really was.

And when that happened, Hajime reminded him so much of Iwaizumi.

But of course, there were many days where Hajime was the absolute spitting image of Oikawa, especially when he pouted or got a particular fire in his eye when he was determined to figure something out. Like now. 

“Tree?” Hajime said.

Daichi chuckled a bit. _“Th_ ree.” He made sure to put extra emphasis on the ‘th’ sound. “Three.”

“Th-Three?” Hajime tried, looking at Daichi for approval. 

Daichi grinned. “That’s right! Very good, Hajime!”

“Yay!” Hajime clapped his hands. “Three! Three! Three!”

Daichi sighed in relief. Crisis averted. Now what was he going to do to entertain a very rambunctious two-and-a-half year old for the next few hours? Hmm, what was there to do that’d be fun enough for a child his age? There _was_ the park, but knowing Oikawa, they probably went early this morning. Then again, what kid didn’t like going to the park twice a day?

So the park was definitely an option. Then there was the planetarium that had a lot of interactive exhibits, same thing with the aquarium. Now which one would Hajime like best?

“Color!” Hajime said as he pulled some coloring books and crayons from the backpack and settled at the coffee table with the alien plush at his side.

Maybe Hajime would be content just coloring here for a bit while Daichi figured this out. Oikawa more than likely shared his love of space with Hajime, so the planetarium might actually be a good idea. All right, now to see how much tickets would be and –

A knock at the door.

Daichi raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t expecting anyone today. So who…?

There was the rush of tiny footsteps to the door, and Hajime was on his tiptoes, pawing at the doorknob to try to open it. Daichi lifted the toddler into his arms before opening the door and blinked in surprise at the person standing in front of him.

“Kuroo?” Daichi readjusted Hajime on his hip.

Kuroo scratched the back of his head. “Hey! I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“No, not at all,” Daichi said. “I’m just watching Hajime for a few hours since Oikawa was called into work. Is everything okay?”

“Tetsu!” Hajime grinned.

Kuroo smiled at the boy before redirecting his attention back to Daichi. “Everything’s fine! I was just wondering if you would maybe like to, uh, go to the aquarium. My sister gave me two extra tickets and she said I should invite someone. So, uh, here I am.” 

“Kids under 10 get in for free on the weekends, so Hajime can have a great time, too.” Kuroo tickled Hajime’s side and grinned as the toddler laughed.

The aquarium? Well, that _was_ one of the places Daichi had in mind to take Hajime. And Kuroo was a nice guy, Daichi definitely enjoyed his company. He was pretty funny, and despite most of his jokes being terrible, Daichi still managed to laugh – even if he was the only one who did. Not to mention that he was pretty cute –

Okay, no. Not happening. Not today. Nope.

Daichi released the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. He smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” He looked at Hajime. “Do you want to go see the pretty fish, Haji?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh! Go see fishies!”

Kuroo grinned. “Great! Let’s get going then!”

Daichi grabbed Hajime’s backpack and slung it on his shoulder, and he couldn’t help but laugh as Hajime tugged them outside.

**

“Wow!” Hajime said, eyes wide and sparkling as they made their way through the crowd. He was holding onto Daichi’s hand as told, but it was evident that he was entertaining the idea of running ahead to see the possibilities that lay ahead. He pointed to the fish swimming by in a giant tank. “Lookie!”

The hall was dark, the marveled expressions of the crowd only lit up by the deep blue of the water as fish of all different hues swam through and added splashes of color. 

Daichi smiled. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?”

“Pretty,” Hajime repeated.

The aquarium was fairly crowded today given that it was a weekend, not to mention that there was a dolphin meeting later on today that Kuroo was adamant to take Hajime to. And despite the big crowd, Daichi was glad he was out and about with people he cared for. Even if he could feel his hands start to clam up.

“There! Go there!” Hajime pointed, pulling Daichi towards the long tunnel.

Kuroo chuckled, coming to stand at Daichi’s side. “I don’t know about you, but I think he’s a little excited.”

“What kid wouldn’t be excited about an aquarium?” Daichi said, allowing the toddler to take the lead and suddenly all too aware of Kuroo’s presence. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t either.”

He had to keep it together.

Kuroo smiled, and if Daichi wasn’t mistaken, he could’ve sworn that there was a slight red color brushing across his cheeks. It was probably just him, but Daichi kind of liked it. A lot. Kuroo was like an ember at his side, comforting and inviting. And in this darkened hallway, in this deep blue that seemed to swallow everything, it was if Kuroo’s golden eyes took on an entirely different hue.

“Pretty!” Hajime exclaimed, looking up and gasping at the whale shark that swam above him. He immediately clung to Daichi’s leg, his eyes never leaving the shark. “Whoa…”

Daichi placed his hand atop Hajime’s head reassuringly.

“Big fishy…” Hajime murmured as he watched it swim away. “Scary…”

Kuroo knelt down to be at eye level with Hajime. “It is a big one, isn’t it? But look what we have here.” He pointed ahead of them. “That’s a sea turtle.”

“Wow!” Hajime’s face lit up again, and he started take a few steps away from them but was closely followed by Kuroo.

Daichi smiled, parking himself on one of the few benches that lined the sides of the tunnel. 

He needed to take a breather, talk himself through the sudden way his nerves were on edge. And it wasn’t because he thought Kuroo was cute. (All right, fine, he admitted it. He thought Kuroo Tetsurou was cute. Handsome, even.) But he honestly wished it was his shyness getting the better of him.  
He could taste the water in his mouth. Feel the cold surrounding him like a vice.

He just needed to breathe, he was on dry land for heaven’s sake.

But being surrounded in the blue like this…

“Hey, you okay?” Kuroo was suddenly at his side again, concern lining his gaze.

“Yeah,” Daichi said, but he guessed the way his voice held no real strength behind it told Kuroo otherwise. “I just, uh, I needed to sit down for a bit.”

“You sure? You look a little pale.” Kuroo placed his hand on Daichi’s shoulder. “You’re shaking.”

He was? Shit. 

Get it together, he had to keep it together. He was a grown ass man. He needed to get a handle on this. But he honestly thought he was okay now. He thought…

“Sorry,” Daichi said as he watched Hajime continue to marvel at their surroundings. “I thought I’d gotten over this.”

“Over what?” Kuroo asked, gently and low.

Should he…?

“I promise I’m fine.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“You’re gonna think it’s stupid.”

Kuroo waited, as if to say “try me”.

Daichi sighed. “It’s not so much a fear anymore as it is an… aversion. Every winter when I was a kid, my brothers and I would go ice skating on the pond outside our house.” He smiled a bit, remembering the chill of his hometown. “I loved going out there.” But it didn’t last long. “The pond didn’t freeze over well enough one year, and I fell through some thin ice.”

He could feel the cold water stabbing him like a thousand needles again, taking his breath away, taking away his ability to think.

“I wasn’t underwater for very long, might’ve only been for a 30 seconds at most, but it felt like forever. I haven’t been the biggest fan of water since then.”

And being here, surrounded by all this water even if it was contained by thick frames of glass, didn’t leave the best feeling in his stomach. And while he wasn’t terrified of water anymore like he used to be when he was growing up, he still preferred to not be _in_ it.

Kuroo nodded and didn’t say anything for a bit, watching Hajime stare at a nurse shark that glided by.

Daichi knew it. Kuroo totally thought he was pathetic and this was the most irrational fear in the world.

“If you’re concerned that I think you’re ridiculous for this, don’t be,” Kuroo said. “I’m not going to judge you over something like this. We’re all scared of something, even if it’s just a little bit.” He grinned. “It’s what makes us human, after all.”

Daichi smiled. "Thanks."

Yeah. Kuroo was a great guy.

“Daichi! Tetsu!” Hajime ran over and pulled on their hands. “Go! Go now!”

“Where are we going?” Daichi asked, getting to his feet.

“Fishies! Fish!” Hajime giggled. 

Once they were sure they had been through the aquarium at least three times, they had all made a stop at the gift shop on their way out. Hajime couldn’t decide between sea turtle and the dolphin plushies so they bought him both. Not to mention they had to wear jellyfish hats because Hajime wasn’t taking no for an answer.

And just outside the gift shop, Kuroo spotted a photo booth. And with a mischievous grin, he practically dragged Daichi inside, their jellyfish hats still on.

**

“Thanks for today, Kuroo,” Daichi said, holding a sleeping Hajime in his arms. “I had a good time. And I think I can speak for Hajime, too.”

Kuroo smiled. “Not a problem. I’m glad you had fun. I did, too. Even if Hajime did shove his ice cream in my face.”

They went to an ice cream shop on their way back, and Hajime offered some of his chocolate ice cream for Kuroo to try – whether the man wanted to or not. Honestly, the whole ordeal was hilarious and Kuroo’s bewildered expression with chocolate ice cream smeared all over his face was totally worth it. Daichi had never laughed so hard in his life, even as he helped Kuroo clean his face.

“We should do this again sometime,” Kuroo said.

Daichi chuckled. “I can’t take you seriously when you’re wearing that.”

Kuroo slipped off the jellyfish hat and grinned. “As I was saying, we should do this again sometime. Maybe you’ll get an ice cream shoved in your face next time.”

Daichi could feel his face heating up, suddenly feeling as if he was under a microscope as Kuroo looked at him. “Sure. I’d like that.”

There was a beat of silence that pulsated between them, and while most people would agree that it was supposed to be awkward, it turned out to be the exact opposite for them. It was lighthearted and warm, and it wasn’t because of the sun shining down on them.

Daichi knew that he felt something stronger than just friendship for Kuroo. It’d been burgeoning, growing with each passing day and every time he saw the man smile. Especially after three long years of being in the dark nestled in empty sheets and feeling Iwaizumi’s presence on some days more than others, this was… nice.

And even though he knew he wasn’t alone, he could feel the last bits of it slowly ebbing away.

Kuroo then leaned over, placing a soft kiss to Daichi’s head.

Daichi blinked, the spot on his forehead practically aflame. “Wha…?”

Kuroo smiled. “I’ll see you later.” 

And then he left, leaving Daichi to internally combust. What just happened?

Oikawa arrived about 15 minutes later, apologizing once more as he brought a still sleeping Hajime in his arms. He smiled. “Thanks again for watching him. I hope he didn’t give you too much trouble.”

“Not at all,” Daichi said. “We went to the aquarium with Kuroo so he wore himself out.”

“Oh?” Oikawa’s eyes glinted with mischief and excitement as he wriggled his eyebrows. “And how did that go? Was it a date? Please tell me it was a date!” 

“It wasn’t a date!” Daichi answered maybe just a tad too quickly.

Wait a minute, was it a date? Did Kuroo Tetsurou ask him out on a date and he didn’t know it? Was that what happened?

“You’re about as red as a tomato, it was totally a date!” Oikawa grinned. “What happened? Tell me everything! Did he kiss you?”

“N-No, he didn’t!” Daichi could feel his face getting hot, his heart picking up as he remembered the feather light kiss Kuroo placed to his forehead.

“You’re such a bad liar, Dai-chan. Don't do that, it belittles us both,” Oikawa said. “I say you should totally go out on a date with him. Again. And hopefully this time it’ll just be you two.”

Daichi hesitated, watching as Oikawa gathered Hajime’s belongings. And the emptiness of his apartment settled over him again. “You,” he started, “really think I should? Go out on a date with him?”

Oikawa looked at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Of course I do. Kuroo can be an asshole sometimes, sure, but he’s a good guy.”

“You don’t think…” Daichi clenched his fists, eyes trained to the floor. “You don’t think I’m betraying Hajime like this? Iwaizumi Hajime?”

Oikawa paused, sighing a bit before offering a smile. “No way. There’s nothing wrong with moving on and trying to be happy, Daichi.” He placed his free hand on Daichi’s shoulder. “It’s something that we all want for you, and I know for a fact that Iwa-chan would want that for you, too. He wouldn’t want you to sit here alone for the rest of your life. He loved you so much, just as much as you love him.”

Daichi looked at him.

“And if being with Tetsu-chan makes you happy, then I support it all the way. And he would, too.”

And Daichi finally let a few tears fall.

**

When Tooru arrived home, he intended to follow Hajime’s example and take a power nap. The meeting was exhausting and even boring at one point. He did most of the talking out of the people in his team, which he didn’t mind since public speaking came almost naturally to him, but he was still quite bitter about having his weekend cut short.

At any rate, Tooru hadn’t even made to Hajime’s room before there was a knock on the door. Tooru sighed, readjusting his son in his arms before making the trek back to the front.

And when he opened it, he couldn’t even bring himself to speak.

“Hello, Tooru. It’s been a long time.”

Tooru finally collected himself, holding Hajime closer. “Father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was super long mainly because I'm going out of town this weekend to go to the Avenged Sevenfold concert so I wanted to give you something (hopefully) worthwhile. I AM SUPER PUMPED Y'ALL.
> 
> Also, I know that the number three in Japanese is 'san' but I honestly couldn't resist Hajime trying to pronounce things. I am a weak, weak person.
> 
> There was so much more I wanted to say in this note but it's 5 AM and I have to be up in three hours.


	10. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fall another moment into gravity.

“My, how you’ve grown.”

Tooru readjusted Hajime in his arms, moving away from the door. “A lot happens in six years. Not that you’d care.” He walked away just as his father entered, moving to Hajime’s room.

He didn’t understand why after all this time his father was here at his door. It didn’t make any sense. His father had said that he didn’t want to see Tooru again. So why? _Why was he here?_

Tooru placed Hajime on the bed, pulling the covers over him and smiled as the boy curled in on himself and tucked the blankets under his chin. Tooru set the alien plush next to him, and Hajime held it close to his tiny chest, and he kissed his son’s head softly.

He shut the door on his way out. He didn’t want Hajime to wake up from the conversation that followed. 

Tooru turned to look at his father, the tall, strong and daunting figure he’s always known, and held his ground. Never in his life did he think he’d be standing across from his father like they were on equal ground. Across from _the_ Oikawa Daisuke, the businessman, professional with everyone – even his family.

As a kid, the mere thought of being equals with his father wouldn’t have even crossed his mind.

But eight years gives one a lot of time to think. And to grow. And to learn.

Now… now he wasn’t afraid.

Daisuke put his hands in the pockets of his well-pressed suit. “Well, Tooru –”

“Why’re you here, Father?” Tooru asked, ambling about to pick up the crayons and drawings Hajime left on the coffee table. “Shouldn’t you be in some country working on some kind of deal right now?”

“I can’t meet the grandson you refused to tell me about?”

“I’ll tell you what I told Mother: no one knew.” Tooru turned to face him again after putting the crayons away in a small container full of markers and colored pencils. “You can’t just tell me to disappear and then expect me to give you every detail about my life like nothing ever happened. It doesn’t work like that.”

Daisuke let out a dry chuckle. “Fair enough. So. Let’s catch up.” His dark eyes watched Tooru carefully. “How’re things going? How’s your job? You moving up the corporate ladder as quickly as you hoped?”

“And I’ll tell you what I told Satoshi: if you’re just going to belittle me, the door is right behind you.”

Wow, this was going a lot better than –

“Looks like you’ve gotten a real chip on your shoulder since you’ve been gone,” Daisuke said. “You upset your mother the last time you spoke, and she expects you to apologize.”

Yup, there it was.

“Why should I apologize for speaking my mind?” Tooru said. “All you and Mother have ever done is ridicule me for my passions. If it didn’t fit into your ‘Plan’, you didn’t want to hear it.”

“We supported you in volleyball.”

“You came to one game. When I was 12.”

“We were busy, I thought you understood that.”

“And all those times when you were home? You sure as hell didn’t miss any of Satoshi’s games.”

Tooru remembered the almost countless days he had invited his parents to come and watch him play, all those times when he’d glance at the stands hoping that two seats would be taken by the people he looked up to the most, only to find that they remained empty. And he would just smile at whatever excuse his parents gave at the time, waving off the disappointment, until they just flat out told him they didn’t like volleyball and that he’d never surpass the geniuses soaring ahead of him.

Which was fine. 

He won the Best Setter award in junior high. He was made captain of his high school volleyball team. He was renowned for his monster serves. He made the college and national volleyball team. 

He proved them wrong one way or another.

“Watch your tone, young man.” Daisuke’s eyes narrowed, a look that often stopped Tooru in his tracks.

Tooru crossed his arms, nails digging taut into his arm. “Why? I’m going to be in trouble no matter what I do so I might as well just put it all out there on the table.”

“I’m your father and I deserve some goddamn respect, that’s why,” Daisuke growled. He was nowhere near as even-tempered as his wife. She was water while he was fire, and maybe that’s why they balanced each other out so well.

“I’ll show you respect when you’ve earned it,” Tooru said. “We’re not those scared children you raised anymore, Father. We’ve grown up. And we’re not going to let you push us around. _I’m_ not going to let you.”

**

It was loud.

He sat up, looking around and felt his heart settle at the sight of familiar surroundings. He was in his room, surrounded by the toys and drawings he saw every day. But where was his papa? His papa sometimes stayed next to him when he went to sleep so why not now?

Maybe this was a game!

Maybe it was hide-and-seek!

He loved hide-and-seek!

Hajime kicked himself from the covers, swinging his little legs over the side of the bed, excitement coursing through him at the idea of playing his favorite game, but he stopped short when he heard his father’s voice. And at first, Hajime was very confused. Didn’t his papa know that he was supposed to stay quiet during hide-and-seek? You were supposed to stay quiet so can’t be found!

Well, his papa was very silly sometimes so maybe he just forgot!

Hmm. Maybe it was a different kind of game? Yeah, that could be it! Either way, it’d be fun!

He eased himself off the bed, clutching onto the blankets to make sure he didn’t fall too fast, before grabbing the alien plush and dragging it by its arm. He reached up on his toes for the doorknob.

Finding Papa would be so easy!

And then Papa would be very happy and –

_“Don’t act like you care because I know damn well you don’t!”_

Hajime drew his hand back. What…?

Another voice came in, much deeper than his father’s, but still just as angry. _“You better realize who the hell you’re talking to because I know it’s not me!”_

Hajime squeezed the alien plush close to his chest. Why was his papa mad? He didn’t like hearing his papa getting mad. He wanted his papa to be happy like he always was! He wanted him to smile and sing silly songs! He didn’t know how he was going to get his papa to smile but he’d do it!

He just… he didn’t want his papa to be mad.

He reached up for the doorknob, and after a few tries he finally managed to get it open and shuffled out into the living area. “Papa?”

His father and the other man he didn’t recognize both turned to look at him, and even though the other man had the same colored eyes as his papa, they weren’t as soft and welcoming. It made him nervous. So he hurried to his father’s side and clutched onto his leg.

“Hey there,” Tooru said, patting Hajime’s head. 

Hajime stared at the other man, slinking further and further behind his father.

Tooru knelt down and smiled. “Did we wake you up? I’m sorry, Haji-chan. Are you hungry?”

Hajime looked at his father’s eyes, listened to soft tones he was speaking in. His papa didn’t look angry like he did before, and now that he thought about it he definitely was hungry, but his mind was suddenly redirected to the small pressure he felt in between his legs.

“Papa, I gotta go potty,” Hajime murmured.

“You do? Okay.” His father walked with him to the bathroom.

Hajime hoisted himself onto the toilet, staying quiet for a few moments, waiting to go potty. Sometimes it came easy and sometimes it didn’t. Like that one time he wet his diaper because he didn’t want to stop playing with his toys and then he ended up wetting his shorts. His papa wasn’t mad, but Hajime still felt bad because he wasn’t supposed to mess his diaper. He was supposed to use the potty like a big boy.

But all he could think about was the big man in the other room. The man was loud, and seemed to be angry at his papa. And Hajime didn’t like that very much.

“Scary man, Papa…” Hajime muttered, glancing up and drawing his father’s attention. “M-Mad…”

His papa sighed. “Yes. Yes, he’s mad. But not at you, okay? He’s not mad at you.”

Hajime met his father’s eyes. “Mad at Papa?”

“Yes.” Tooru nodded. “He’s mad at me.”

“Why?”

“I’m not too sure, Haji-chan,” his father said. “But you know what? I’m so proud of you. You used the toilet like a big boy! You did it!”

Hajime didn’t even realize he was going, but was relieved to have the pressure off his bladder.

“Papa happy?” he asked.

Tooru grinned. “Papa’s very happy.”

After washing his hands all by himself (he was a big boy now, he could definitely do that!), Hajime waited for his father to make the macaroni and cheese he asked for. He usually waited for his food at the table but the angry man was still nearby so he just clung to his father’s leg.

He climbed into the seat once it was done, almost losing his footing and his papa had to help him, and he barely had the patience for it to cool before starting to eat. He winced. “Ow!”

Tooru chuckled. “It’s hot, silly goose. You’ve gotta be careful.”

Hajime nodded, blowing on the piece of macaroni on his fork before stuffing it back in his mouth and smiling now that it was much cooler, and he did the same with another forkful.

“Is it good?” his father asked.

“Mhmm,” Hajime said.

It was very good.

**

Tooru stayed at Hajime’s side to try and bring some semblance of comfort and stroked the toddler’s hair as he ate quietly, which was an odd sight in and of itself. He’d never seen his son so careful, so reserved. Hajime was always eager around everyone, he never really knew a stranger. But right now, Hajime was worried. Anxious. And that was something Tooru didn’t want. At all.

Daisuke cleared his throat. “Anyway, I had another reason for coming all this way.”

Tooru just looked at him. What else could his father possibly want? What other accusations could he hit him with? What other –?

“Thank you.”

Okay, that was definitely not it.

At first, Tooru didn’t know what to say. He was at a complete loss for words. “Thank you”? What could his father possibly be thanking him for? It was hard enough getting a pat on the head out of the guy but a _thank you?_ That was like pulling teeth.

“What…?” That was all Tooru could manage.

“Thank you,” Daisuke said. “You really helped us out with the scandal a couple of years ago and stopped us from going under. You and didn’t have to tell us, and I don’t think you were trying to help, but you did. So thank you.”

“Uh, yeah,” Tooru said. “Sure.”

There was a softer look in Daisuke’s eyes now. “He reminds me a lot of you, you know. When you were his age.” He smiled a bit. “Such a rambunctious little thing. You couldn’t hold still for more than two seconds.”

Tooru stayed quiet.

“But it was worth it, even if you did like stuffing pudding in our shoes because you didn’t want us to leave. Satoshi used to get so upset.”

Tooru remembered when Hajime did that a few months ago when Tooru was getting ready for work. Hajime cried and cried as Tooru cleaned up the mess, and honestly, Tooru couldn’t even be mad. He found it endearing more than anything.

Daisuke went to the door. “And I’m sure this won’t mean much to you, but for what it’s worth – I’m sorry. And I know it won’t happen overnight or even within the next few months, but I’d like to try and patch things up.”

Tooru just stared. 

“Even if you don’t apologize to your mother, you two should at least talk – you know, try to find some middle ground. She’s, uh, she’s got a lot to tell you.” Daisuke slipped on his shoes before opening the door. “Just think about it.” And then he left.

Tooru blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

What the actual hell just happened?

His father, ever stiff and professional, not only thanked him but apologized. On the same day. Thank you’s were rare and apologies were even rarer. He did a complete 180 in less than 30 minutes, and Tooru wondered if this was the same man that had raised him. 

“Papa?”

Tooru turned around, making sure to smile. “Yes?”

Hajime just grinned.

**

“Are you sure it’s all right for us to go?”

Suga laughed as he placed his duffel bag into the back of his car next to Tooru’s and Hajime’s bags. “Yes, I’m positive. My mom practically begged me to bring a friend.” He shut the trunk. “To be honest, my family is 50 shades of crazy and I don’t wanna deal with that alone.” And then he grinned.

A few weeks ago, Suga had invited Tooru and Hajime to a family reunion over in Kyoto, and while Tooru was more than happy to accompany Suga, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t the slightest bit anxious. What if he made a fool out of himself in front of Suga’s family? What if they didn’t like him? It’s not like he and Suga were dating, but he still gave a damn about what his family thought.

“No offense, but I’m surprised you asked me,” Tooru said. “I was sure you’d ask Dai-chan first.”

Suga’s grin widened to mischief. “He had a previous engagement this weekend otherwise I’d pull him along for the ride, too.”

“You set up Dai-chan and Tetsu-chan up this weekend, didn’t you?”

“I had to!” Suga said. “Kuroo’s a massive dork and gets shy sometimes so he asked for my expert tutelage in helping him set up a date night – well, weekend – for him and Daichi.” He chuckled a bit. “He called me after his aquarium date and I seriously thought he was going to combust. Daichi was, too.”

Suga was right, Kuroo was a massive dork. He usually tried to act suave around the person he was currently crushing on, but Daichi was the first person to render Kuroo to a shy and stuttering mess. It was adorable, to say the least.

“And to make sure neither one chickens out, Bokuto and Akaashi are keeping an eye on them,” Suga continued. “You know how they are.”

Yes, Tooru definitely knew. And he was a little disappointed that he wasn’t going to be there to see it unfold. But if he was telling the truth, spending an entire weekend with Suga and Hajime (even if they were going to be surrounded by Suga’s family) sounded much more appealing.

Tooru hadn’t really been to many family reunions besides his own, and those were already a dime a dozen. If he and his siblings could barely stand to be in the same room as their own parents for more than an hour, he didn’t want to imagine an entire weekend with _everyone_ there. 

He’d been to a few of Iwaizumi’s when he was a kid, which were always a blast. Of course, they’d have to travel to meet everyone, and it was usually held in Osaka so there would be more activities. And even though Iwaizumi and Tooru hated the long drive as children, arriving was always worth it. 

“Kou-chan, where we go?” Hajime asked as he tugged on Suga’s pants, the alien plush tucked safely in his other arm. “Where we go?”

Suga knelt down and smiled. “We’re going to see my family in Kyoto. You’re gonna meet my mom, and my brothers and sisters. There are also lots of other kids that you can play with there. Does that sound like fun?”

Hajime bounced up and down on his little feet, obviously excited at the idea of a new place. “Uh-huh! Uh-huh! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

Suga laughed, scooping the toddler up in his arms. “Did you already go potty, Haji-chan?”

“Uh-huh! I go all by myself like a big boy!”

“Very good! Now let’s ask your dad if he’s ready to go.” Suga looked at Tooru.

“Ready to go, Papa?” Hajime asked.

Tooru smiled. “Yup! Let’s hit the road!” 

“Yay!” Hajime clapped his hands, grabbing onto Tooru’s and Suga’s hands once he was set to his feet. “Hurry, Papa! Hurry, Kou-chan! Hurry! Let’s go!”

From what Suga told him, the reunion was going to be held in Kyoto since his parents had a vacation home there and it was the easiest place for everyone to get to. It was about a five hour drive so it wasn’t too bad in terms of distance, but Tooru just hoped that Hajime wouldn’t get too restless during the ride.

“We can even go into the city and get Haji-chan a birthday present,” Suga said to him with a wink, low enough where the boy couldn’t hear.

Hajime’s third birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks, and now that he was starting to expand his interests outside of dinosaurs, Tooru had been thinking about getting him an insect terrarium designed specifically for young children. Hajime had always been fascinated with insects, but when he was digging in the mud one day after a rainstorm and found earthworms wriggling just beneath the surface, that was the tipping point. He’d also learned how to count from one to four and could name a few colors, which the boy took great pride in. 

They made a game out of it on the road, asking Hajime the colors of trees, flowers, the sky and even the signs that they passed.

“So, Haji-chan – what color is that sign right there?” Suga pointed from the passenger seat, turning around to look at the boy.

“Red!” Hajime said, kicking his tiny legs back and forth. “Red means stop and green means go!”

Suga grinned. “Very good, Haji-chan!”

“Great job!” Tooru said, glancing in the rearview mirror and smiling when he saw Hajime do the same.

“Papa, Kou-chan – what color is that?” Hajime pointed to the green sign that blurred by.

“Hmm, that’s a tough one. Oikawa?” Suga looked at Tooru. 

Tooru hummed in thought. “I’m not sure. Maybe it was orange. What do you think, Suga-chan?”

“Orange? Are you blind, Oikawa? It was yellow,” Suga quipped. “It was yellow right, Haji-chan?”

“It was orange!” Tooru said.

Hajime giggled. “No! It was green!”

“Aw, you’re right! It was green!” Suga slumped his shoulders, mock disappointment on his face. “I can’t believe we got that wrong, Oikawa.”

Tooru grinned. “You’re just too smart for us, Haji-chan.”

“Silly, Papa! Silly, Kou-chan!” Hajime said.

They carried on like this for about an hour until Hajime fell asleep, leaving Suga and Tooru to fill the silence with their choice of music and conversations about anything and everything, and Tooru found that the time passed relatively quickly. Almost too quick.

“You’ve got a lot more American music than I thought you did,” Suga said as he sifted through the playlists on Tooru’s phone. “I’m going to guess that was Iwaizumi’s doing.”

Tooru nodded, a small smile playing at his lips. “Yeah, I often blamed him for me being broke in high school. He’d say he was educating me in rock music since I’m more of a pop kind of guy.”

“At least _someone_ was educating you.” Suga snickered.

Tooru huffed. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with my taste in music.”

“Yeah, if you’re a 16-year-old girl.”

“I take offense to that.”

“Well, you’ve got One OK Rock on here so I guess I can forgive you.” Suga smirked, glancing at Tooru from the corner of his eye.

“Iwa-chan put all their albums on my phone without me knowing.” Tooru chuckled, nostalgia washing over him as he remembered the “argument” that followed. “They’ve grown on me since then.”

The next song that came through the speakers was more upbeat than the last, and Tooru turned up the radio another notch and looked back at Hajime to make sure he wouldn’t wake up.

“I love this song,” Tooru said. 

Suga looked at the screen, raising an eyebrow. _“Closer_ by The Chainsmokers?”

 _“Hey, I was doing just fine before I met you,”_ Tooru sang, and while his accent was still very prevalent, his English was solid. _“I drank too much and that’s an issue but I’m okay.”_

Suga blinked a few times. “What?”

 _“Hey, you tell your friends it was nice to meet them,”_ Tooru continued, a giant grin on his face. _“But I hope I never see them again.”_

“You never told me you were fluent in English,” Suga said. 

Tooru beat his hands on the steering wheel to the song. “I’m fluent in about four languages.”

“And those are?”

“Japanese, of course. Then English, French, and Spanish.”

“Interesting.” Suga nodded, peering down at the phone. “I’ve, uh, always wanted to learn another language. Would you, uh – would you teach me?”

Tooru could feel a bit of heat run along his cheeks. “S-Sure. I’d be happy to.”

“Thanks.” Suga grinned and started to sing. And effectively surprising the hell out of Tooru. _“I know it breaks your heart; moved to the city in a broke-down car. Four years, no call; now I’m looking pretty in a hotel bar. And I can’t stop.”_ His English was strong too, almost as strong as Tooru’s, not to mention he had a damn good singing voice.

It took Tooru a moment to collect himself because holy shit could Suga sing, not to mention he was pretty sure his heart skipped about four to five times since it was Tooru’s favorite song he was doing so much justice to.

“Suga-chan, you didn’t tell me you could –”

“You’re not the only one with hidden talents, Oikawa.” Suga winked and grinned.

And as Suga hit each note in the chorus perfectly, Tooru couldn’t help but join him.

They arrived in Kyoto closer to sunset since Hajime woke up during their singing session and had to take multiple bathroom breaks after drinking about three cups of grape juice. And being in the more northern, rural part of Kyoto, surrounded by trees and tall grasses and hills, reminded both Suga and Tooru of the woods just outside of Miyagi.

“Wow!” Hajime marveled, craning his neck to look at the trees that towered lush and green over him. “So pretty!” He scurried off to a part of the nearby thicket, crouching down and pointing. “Papa, look! A caterpillar! And ants!” He gasped and scampered off to another spot. “A beetle!”

“That’s pretty cool!” Tooru smiled as he grabbed his and Hajime’s bags from the back of the car. “Don’t run off too far, okay?”

“’kay!” Hajime said.

Suga hefted his bag on his shoulder. “He’s gonna have a blast out here in all this nature.”

“He’s gonna have a blast, I’m gonna die,” Tooru said.

Suga laughed. “I have allergy medicine if you need it. I’m gonna need it, too.”

“My knight in shining armor.” Tooru smiled.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Suga chirped. “I also brought bug spray.”

“Oh come on, it was _one time!”_

“Koushi!” came a voice that drew both Tooru’s and Suga’s attention.

A young boy, probably no older than 10 or 11, waved from the doorstep before running over and jumping into Suga’s open arms. This young boy had the same silvery strands of hair though it fell more in his face rather than parted to the side like Suga’s was, but he had bottle green, firework eyes instead of Suga’s smooth, cedar brown.

A brother, Tooru guessed. 

“Big brother!” A girl around the same age as Hiro raced over, hugging Suga as well. Her hair was more blonde than silver but she had the same eyes as Suga, and her face was dusted with freckles. “Where have you been? We’ve missed you!”

“Hey!” Suga laughed, ruffling the younger’s hair. He looked at Tooru. “This is Hiro, my little brother and Kaede, my little sister. They’re twins.”

Hiro stared at Tooru, eyes piercing and calculating. “Are you Koushi’s boyfriend?”

And Tooru resembled a tomato more than an actual human being.

“N-No, no, no, no, Hiro,” Suga said, turning as pink as the sky. “This is my good friend, Oikawa Tooru. He played on the national volleyball team.”

Both Hiro’s and Kaede’s eyes widened and sparkled. “Whoa, that’s so cool!”

Tooru grinned. “At least some people recognize my greatness when they see it.”

Suga didn’t miss a beat. “They’ve known you for less than five minutes. Their opinion will have changed by the end of the weekend.”

“Rude!”

There was the soft sound of grass crunching under tiny feet. “Papa?”

Tooru turned around and smiled. “Hey. Come say hi to Suga-chan’s little brother and sister.”

Hajime ran over, standing at Tooru’s side and staring at Hiro and Kaede with the utmost curiosity. “Hi! My name is Oikawa Hajime! And, uh, hi!”

“You’re so cute!” Kaede squealed, and then she looked at Tooru. “Is he your son?”

“Yup!” Tooru nodded.

“Kaede, Hiro – let your brother come inside!” a woman stood at the door, an amused smile on her face as she put her hands on her hips.

“Aww.” The twins pouted in unison as they trudged over.

Suga laughed as he followed with Tooru and Hajime close behind. “They’re fine, Mom. Just a little excited, is all.” He placed his hand on Tooru’s shoulder. “Mom, this is Oikawa Tooru and his son, Hajime. Oikawa, this is Sugawara Sachiko, my mother.”

“You mean the woman who made you into the impeccable young man you are today,” she said, a wry smirk on her face, and now Tooru could see exactly who he took after if at least in personality. She had pale blonde hair, green eyes, and cheeks peppered with freckles like her daughter.

Tooru gave a small bow and smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Sugawara-san.”

“Please, dear, call me Sachiko,” she said. “The ‘san’ makes me feel so old. But it’s nice to finally meet the Oikawa Tooru that I’ve heard so much about.”

Oh?

“You are absolutely handsome, I can’t believe Koushi-kun hasn’t brought you around here before!”

 _“Mom,”_ Suga said. Well, it was more like a plea.

“What? I’m just saying.” Sachiko smiled mischievously, but then suddenly looked down when she felt a pat on her leg, and her smiled waned into sincerity as Hajime stared back up at her. “Well, hello there!”

“Hi,” Hajime said.

She crouched down. “Aren’t you just the cutest little thing? What’s your name, sweetie?”

“Oikawa Hajime!” he grinned.

“And how old are you, Haji-chan?”

“Um, uh.” Hajime looked at his fingers. “Um…”

Tooru knelt down beside the toddler, smiling. “Remember, Haji-chan?” He helped his son shape his fingers into the number two. “You’re two years old.”

“Oh yeah!” Hajime proudly held out the number two. “I’m two!”

“Wow!” Sachiko smiled. “You’re a big boy, aren’t you?”

“Uh-huh!” Hajime nodded.

“Well Haji-chan, thank you so much for visiting us this weekend! We’re very happy to have you here. We’re gonna have lots of fun games for you kids to play, and the winner gets a goldfish!”

Hajime’s eyes glistened as he turned to Tooru, tugging on the hem of his father’s shirt. “Papa, I get a goldfish if I win! I get a goldfish!”

Tooru smiled. “That’d be pretty awesome to get one, wouldn’t it?”

“Goldfish! Goldfish!” Hajime cheered.

“Hey Haji-chan, we have a puppy,” Hiro said. “You wanna meet her? She’s really nice!”

“Puppy!” Hajime followed the twins inside the house.

Tooru watched him go. “I think you just made his day, Sachiko-san.”

Sachiko laughed. “Well, I’m glad! Even if he doesn’t win any of the games, the younger children always get a goldfish. Don’t even ask Koushi-kun how many he had as a kid.” She brightened. “Now that I think about it, I actually have a picture of him holding the bag of fish he won. He had lost his second baby tooth that day too, so he was just the cutest thing! Come on, I’ll pull out the album!”

Suga paled. “Mom, no!” 

Seeing Sugawara Koushi as a child with missing baby teeth? Time for some payback.

“This I gotta see.” Tooru smirked at Suga’s distress and followed her inside.

“Oikawa, don’t humor her!” Suga called after him.

And Tooru just laughed.

**

To say that Suga’s family was interesting was an understatement. 

Sachiko spent at least a solid hour sifting through the photo albums and fawning over her children and telling what Suga dubbed “lame jokes”. Tooru personally thought she was hilarious. Hiro and Kaede were little spitfires, not to mention little pranksters, and they entertained Hajime for hours by pulling him into their mischief. Tooru had the pleasure of meeting Suga’s aunt and uncle (and their families) who were also equally as outgoing, if not more, as Sachiko.

But when Tooru noticed that Suga’s father was nowhere to be seen, it was revealed that Suga’s father unfortunately passed away in a car accident when the twins were only a few months old. So Suga, at age 13, sort of became brother and father both and did his best to be a good role model for his younger siblings.

“Papa, all done!” Hajime showed Tooru his bowl, the last few grains of rice sticking to his cheeks. “Can I go play now?”

“Hang on there, whirlwind.” Tooru chuckled and wiped the rice. “Unless you plan on saving it for later.”

Hajime grinned.

“So Tooru-kun, what’s your family like?” Sachiko asked at dinner.

Tooru stopped.

Suga’s aunt, Mizuki, tapped her chin in thought with a bowl of rice in hand. “I feel like I’ve heard the name Oikawa somewhere before. Well, I mean, outside of you making the national volleyball team. Which, by the way, is an amazing feat.”

“Oikawa Construction Company, sis,” Suga’s uncle, Shiro, chimed in. He was an architect. “We work with them pretty closely.”

“Ah, that’s right,” Mizuki said. “It’d be nice if we got to meet them someday. Do they live in Tokyo or are they still in Miyagi?”

Suga sighed. “You’ve all been interrogating him since he got here, what’s with the 20 questions?” 

“We’re just trying to get to know your friend a little better, Kou-kun,” Mizuki replied.

Tooru cleaned the last bit of rice off Hajime’s cheeks and offered them his best smile. “My family and I don’t really talk anymore.” He looked back to Hajime. “You’re done eating?”

“Uh-huh.” Hajime nodded. “I go play with Hiro-chan and Kae-chan now?”

Tooru ruffled the toddler’s hair. “Sure. Go on ahead.”

“’kay!” Hajime ran off just as Hiro and Kaede called for him.

Tooru couldn’t get his father’s words out of his head – the thank you, the apology – and was still having a hard time deciding if it was sincere or not. Again, apologies and appreciation were hard to come by so the fact that he even said them in the first place meant something. Then again, his father was renowned for twisting words around to get what he wants.

Was he being honest? Could he trust those words? Could –

“Oikawa? You okay?” Suga asked, pulling him back into reality. His brow was creased in worry, his eyes darkened in concern.

“Oh, yeah,” Tooru said. “I’m fine.”

“I’m so sorry, Tooru-kun. We didn’t mean to upset you,” Sachiko said. “Please forgive us for prying.”

Tooru waved his hand, making sure to smile. “Don’t worry about it, Sachiko-san. You couldn’t have known.” And he meant every word.

After dinner, Tooru helped Suga clean up the dishes and put away leftovers as Sachiko and her siblings readied everything for tomorrow when the rest of their relatives would arrive. And once that was done, Tooru laid on the floor as Hajime decorated his face with stickers from his new coloring book.

Hajime peeled a new one off. “What’s this one, Papa?”

“A ladybug,” Tooru said.

“L-Lady…lady…”

“Ladybug.”

“L-Ladybug.”

Tooru smiled. “That’s right.”

Hajime stuck it to his nose and giggled. “Ladybug, ladybug, ladybug.”

Suga came over, chuckling. “Having fun there?”

“Uh-huh!” Hajime nodded, sticking a beetle sticker on Tooru’s forehead. 

“Don’t I look just stunning?” Tooru asked.

“As always.” Suga crouched down. “Say, why don’t we take a break from decorating your dad’s face with bug stickers and go see some actual bugs?”

That immediately caught Hajime’s interest. “Really?”

Suga grinned. “Yup! I know a really great spot where we can see lots, even if it’s nighttime. How does that sound?”

“Cool! Papa, can we go see the bugs?” Hajime asked, tugging on Tooru’s hand. “Please, Papa? Please?”

Tooru smiled. “Of course we can.”

Suga led them out the back, and instead of a backyard like Tooru was expecting, it opened up into an open field that melded into woods. The night was sticky with the day’s humidity, and since there weren’t many lights this far out in Kyoto, the stars were vibrant and excited and just as bright as the moon’s pale waters washing over them. With the house being situated on a slight hill, Suga and Tooru helped Hajime trek his way down, and as soon as his feet were on more stable ground, Hajime took off running through the tall grass.

“Not too far, Haji-chan,” Tooru said.

“’kay!” Hajime continued to make his way through the blades of grass that were nearly as tall as him.

“So what exactly are we looking for, Suga-chan?” Tooru asked. He was glad to see that Hajime was excited about this, but he didn’t understand what kind of bugs they’d see at night.

Suga peeled the very last sticker off Tooru’s cheek. “You’ll see.”

Hajime ventured out a little further, but stopped short when a small yellow light floated in front of him, dancing in front of his wondrous expression, and hovered for a few seconds before finally drifting further into the sky. His eyes followed it up and up, that is, until a breeze ruffled the grass and hundreds of small yellow lights burst into flight all around them and seemed to replace the very stars above. 

“Wow!” Hajime squealed, spinning around and laughing. 

“Fireflies,” Tooru said, watching as one flew particularly close.

Suga smiled as one skittered along his finger before flying away. “This was always my favorite spot as a kid. I’d come out here all the time in the summer and just sit here and watch them, especially after my dad passed.” He looked at Tooru, the strands of his hair appearing more blonde now as fireflies danced around him. “I figured Hajime would enjoy it, too.” 

Tooru smiled, simply just in awe of the irrevocable beauty of Suga’s heart and soul, honored that he’d allow them into such a special place. “Thank you, Suga-chan.”

Suga grinned.

“Papa, Kou-chan! Come!” Hajime waved from a few feet away, the fireflies lighting his silhouette. 

“We’re coming!” Suga called out before giving Tooru a quick tap on his shoulder and sprinting into the field. “Tag, you’re it!” He hurried over to Hajime. “Run, Haji-chan! You’re dad’s it!”

“Papa’s it!” Hajime followed Suga further out.

It took Tooru a moment to realize what just happened before he chased after them. “You’d better hurry! Loser gets tickled!”

And their peals of laughter echoed into the night, free from the gravity of today and tomorrow, as the fireflies bobbed and weaved around them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Avenged Sevenfold concert was insane, y'all. I thought I was gonna die.
> 
> Anyway, Word is messing up on my computer so if some names are replaced with other names, I'm sorry. But it's 4:30 in the morning and I don't have the attention span to deal with this right now. I'll fix it later.
> 
> /dies


	11. Wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paper lungs holding fragile hearts.

“Did you feed him?”

“Uh-huh! I fed him lots!” Hajime nodded as he buried himself further under the covers, staring at the goldfish swimming around in the lidded plastic cup. It was only a temporary arrangement until they went home tomorrow and could put it in a bigger bowl.

To say that Hajime was excited about his new pet was a severe understatement. As soon as he won it after playing one of the many children’s games, all he did was watch it for the rest of the night with utter fascination on his face. And, funnily enough, Hajime dubbed his new fish ‘Sushi’.

The rest of the Sugawara family had welcomed Tooru and Hajime with open arms, making them feel like they really were a part of something so much bigger than themselves. Hajime got along great with the other children, and no one scoffed when Tooru mentioned what he did for a living.

It was…

It was nice.

“You know what happens if you feed goldfish too much, don’t you?” Tooru said.

Hajime looked at him curiously. “What happens?”

“They grow up to be… sharks!” He tickled the boy’s sides and under his arms, blowing raspberries on his cheeks and grinning as Hajime’s high-pitched laughter echoed through the room.

“Papa!” Hajime squealed and tried wriggling out of his father’s grip.

Tooru relented, carding his fingers through the spiked strands of hair with a warm smile on his face. “Did you have fun this weekend?”

“Uh-huh! Lots of fun!” Hajime said before yawning. “I had… lots and lots of fun.”

Tooru chuckled and kissed the toddler’s head. And Hajime, despite having participated in a water balloon fight, going “exploring” with Hiro and Kaede, and it being a few hours past his usual bedtime, was fighting off sleep hard. Stubborn child. “Get some rest, okay? I love you.”

Hajime fisted his hand in Tooru’s shirt, trying to keep his eyes open. “Stay, Papa. Stay…”

And unable to deny such a request, Tooru laid down and brought his son close to his chest, sighing softly. Hajime had insisted over the weekend that he was a “big boy and could sleep by himself”, which Tooru honored, even if he cried to Suga that his little boy was growing up. But now, as Hajime clung to him like a lifeline, Tooru couldn’t help but smile as he started to hum softly, gently, easing his son into sleep.

Even as thunder started to roll outside.

After a bit, when Tooru was sure that Hajime was in a deep enough sleep, he placed a feather light kiss on the toddler’s cheek and slunk out of the room to join everyone else downstairs, but he stopped as soon as he saw a photo mounted on the wall. Tooru guessed in the hustle and bustle of the weekend, he completely overlooked this. 

It was a family photo, and Tooru easily recognized Suga and Sachiko, and even little Hiro and Kaede as infants, but the man in the photo was one he didn’t know. A bright smile, cedar brown eyes, silver hair. Suga’s father, he assumed, who Suga resembled heavily.

Tooru sighed a bit, wondering what kind of man he was.

“Hajime finally fall asleep?”

Tooru looked over and finished descending the staircase. “Yeah, he’s out like a light. Here’s hoping the storm doesn’t wake him up.”

Come to think of it, rain wasn’t supposed to be in the forecast this weekend.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.” Suga smiled. “Come on. I managed to save the last slice of cake and if you don’t eat it right now then one of the twins will swipe it.”

“No way, I haven’t had one yet!” Tooru raced to the kitchen. He had a small bite before Hajime came running over after having eaten the slice he’d been given and eyed Tooru’s with want. And Tooru, of course, handed his over to the toddler.

“Too late, Tooru-san!” Hiro said with icing at the corners of his mouth. He grinned.

“We got to it before you could!” Kaede giggled.

“Big brother was saving it only because he likes you!” Hiro said.

“He sure wouldn’t have saved it for us!” Kaede added.

Tooru felt warm all over, trying to keep himself in check. If this kept up, his heart was going to give out. Or he’d combust. No, that’d be embarrassing. He’ll just move to a different country (he spoke enough languages to get by almost anywhere), change his and Hajime’s names and take up an unassuming job like bartending or something. He didn’t know, he was just making this up as he went along.

Suga didn’t even bat an eye. “You two know you’re not supposed to have sugar this late. And I’m sure Mom already told you not to eat anymore cake.”

“Aw, c’mon! You’re no fun!” they whined.

“There’s still one more in there for you, Tooru-san!” Kaede said. “It’s big brother’s, but I’m sure he’d let you have it! He likes you a whole lot!”

“And not just the friend kind of like. He _like_ likes you.” Hiro wiggled his eyebrows.

Suga’s cheeks turned bright pink. “A-All right, that’s enough you two! Off to bed, it’s late!” 

Sachiko came in, an amused smile on her face. “Hiro, Kaede – leave your brother and Tooru-kun alone. And he’s right, I already told you two no more cake.” She crossed her arms. “Go on and get ready for bed, you two. It’s late.”

“Mom, five more minutes!” Hiro said.

“Not yet!” Kaede chimed in.

“No buts. You two are grumpy when you get less than eight hours of sleep and I’m not prepared to deal with that,” Sachiko said. “Off to bed.”

“You and Tooru-san aren’t allowed to leave until we wake up!” Hiro declared, tugging on Suga’s shirt. “Hajime-chan can’t leave either!”

“Promise you won’t leave before we wake up, Tooru-san!” Kaede said.

Tooru smiled. “I promise Haji-chan and I will be here when you wake up in the morning. We wouldn’t leave without saying bye to you. We wouldn’t even dream of it!”

The twins grinned before saying goodnight and rushing up the stairs to try and claim the shower first. Sachiko sighed, shaking her head a bit.

“Those two, I swear,” she said. “Sorry about that, Tooru-kun.” And then she smiled. “There’s a whole other cake in the fridge just waiting for you. Mizuki made an extra one just in case.”

Tooru lit up. “I could hug your aunt right now, Suga-chan.”

“Go right ahead, she has no boundaries.” Suga chuckled.

They leaned against the counter as Sachiko cut slivers of cake for each of them. “So Tooru-kun, I know you’ve been bombarded with questions all weekend but I have to ask you something very important. And it’s a tad bit personal, if you don’t mind.”

Tooru had just put a forkful of cake in his mouth, just basking in the richness of it, and looked at Sachiko. He blinked curiously. “Hm?”

“Do you have anyone special in your life? You know, a significant other? If you don’t mind my asking, of course. We opened up a can of worms when we asked about your parents, and I apologize for that again, but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Suga almost choked on his own bite of cake. “Mom, I’m sure Oikawa doesn’t wanna talk about that.”

“I don’t mind,” Tooru said with a small shrug. “Given that I’m not actually seeing anyone.” Even if he was, it wasn’t something he’d be ashamed or even embarrassed to tell someone about.

“Really?” Sachiko seemed to perk up. “No one?”

Tooru would be lying if he said that no one, girls and guys alike, hadn’t approached him twirling their hair, or batting their eyes, or flirtatious remarks on their tongues. But as soon as they saw Hajime or told them that he was a father, they lost interest. So no, there wasn’t a shortage of people who wanted to be a significant other but if they weren’t willing to accept Hajime then they might as well quit while they were ahead.

Tooru shook his head. “No one. I don’t mind, though.” He set his now empty plate down. “If it happens, it happens but I’m not gonna go out every night trying to find someone. I’ve got a son to look after.”

Sachiko smiled. “Well said, Tooru. Now that we’ve got that established, how about you and Kou-kun go into the city before you two leave tomorrow and go walk around for a bit? Maybe even find a birthday present for little Haji-chan. We can look after him while you’re out.” She winked before leaving the kitchen.

Wait, was that a date? Was Sachiko trying to set him and Suga up _on a date?_ Because that’s what it sure as hell sounded like and Tooru needed to start thinking of those aliases like _now._

Suga sighed, turning back to Tooru once he was sure his mother was out of earshot. He scratched the back of his head, a smile tugging on his cheeks. “Sorry about that. My mom, she – uh – yeah.”

Tooru shook his head. “I love your mom, she’s great. And hilarious, even if you don’t think so.” He smirked. He just had to keep playing it cool. _Play it cool._

Suga rolled his eyes. “Keep sucking up like that and you’re gonna replace me, Oikawa Tooru.”

“Well I _am_ the better looking one.”

“Oh shut up.”

“I only speak the truth, Suga-chan.”

“Kuroo always did say you were a horrible liar.”

Tooru held his head up high. “See? I rest my case.”

“That doesn’t mean you always tell the truth, that just means you’re horrible at lying,” Suga said.

“Shot down again.” Tooru slumped. “No respect at all.”

Suga laughed. “You’ve got enough self-respect to last you a lifetime, Oikawa.”

Tooru just smiled. If Suga only knew.

A bit of silence fell over them, light and unassuming, but Tooru wasn’t really sure if he could call it silence at all because his heart was about to thrum out of his chest. Suga hadn’t moved from Tooru’s side, constant and warm, their shoulders almost touching and the taste of sweet frosting on their lips.

Tooru wondered if kissing Suga would be as sweet as many people thought him out to be or spicy like the mapo tofu he loved so much. He shook his head. No, no, no – don’t do that. Don’t think about that. If he did, he’d have to live in a hole for the rest of his life. Screw society.

“So you’re not seeing anyone at the moment?” Suga suddenly asked, pulling Tooru from his inner crisis. He was looking at Tooru, more like studying him, his eyes as dark as trees at twilight.

Tooru swallowed the dryness in his throat. “No strings attached.”

Suga nodded, his gaze falling to the floor. “I see.” And if Tooru wasn’t mistaken, that was relief in his tone. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked back up at Tooru. His eyes seemed brighter, more open. Vulnerable. “Then, maybe –”

The trill of a cellphone went at the atmosphere like a sledgehammer, shattering it, just as a clap of thunder rolled over the house, and Tooru felt like he could breathe again. Who…?

He pulled his phone from his pocket, raising an eyebrow at the caller ID. “It’s Dai-chan.”

“That’s weird, considering how late it is.” Suga looked just as confused but also curious. “Go ahead and answer it.”

Tooru pressed the phone to his ear. “Hey, Dai-chan. What’s up?”

It was a long few seconds before Daichi said anything. _“Hey, Oikawa. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting anything.”_

“No, you’re fine. What’s going on?”

_“Where are you right now?”_

“I’m here at Suga-chan’s parents' house,” Tooru said. What was this hole worming its way into his stomach? It was unsettling. Familiar. _Sickening._

_“Is Suga with you?”_

“Yeah, why?” It was making him sick. Weak. Daichi sounded quiet, careful, like if he spoke too loud he’d cause a disturbance. He sounded broken. “Dai-chan, what’s wrong?”

There was a sniffle. A deep breath. A pause.

_“It’s Sayu-san, Oikawa.”_

Tooru gripped the phone tighter.

_“She passed away this afternoon.”_

**

“Oikawa, try to eat something. Please.”

Tooru stared at the plate of biscuits and the jar of grape jelly resting beside it, his head resting in his hand, before nudging it away. His stomach churned at the thought. How could he eat at a time like this? Just hours after finding out the woman he considered the closest thing to a mother was…

He looked into his coffee. It might as well have been liquid diabetes at this point, but no matter how much sugar or cream he added it would never get rid of the bitter taste. “Thank you, but I’m not hungry.”

Tooru was trying his best to keep it together, to keep his tears at bay so his coffee wouldn’t taste as pitiful as he felt right now. He should’ve gone to Miyagi this past weekend like he was planning to. He should’ve gone to take Hajime to see them. They didn’t know how much time Sayu had left, and now…

Oh no, how was Yuki doing? And her kids? What about Kazuo? The funeral was this coming Friday, and he needed to help in any way he could. He had to go check on them. He had to be there for them. He had to –

“Oikawa.”

Tooru didn’t even realize that Suga’s hand was atop his until Suga gave a reassuring squeeze. 

“It’s okay to cry, you know. To grieve,” Suga said. “You and Iwaizumi’s mom were very close. No one will blame you.”

Tooru shook his head. He’d done all his crying last night, heard only by his pillow as Hajime slept soundly next to him, unaware that the world had just lost another soul. But how would Hajime react to this? He and Sayu were very close, and he always looked forward to seeing her.

How would he explain to his two and a half year old son that someone he loved was gone?

Tooru was a grown man and the concept of who lived and who died still baffled him.

Especially when it was two people he and others loved so dearly.

Tooru cleared his throat. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

“I hope you know you’re asking the impossible,” Suga said with a smile. 

Tooru gave him props for trying. 

The rain had carried on well into the morning, but it was only a light drizzle as the morning sun rose higher into the sky. And it may have seemed as if the weather was mocking him. Hell, the thought even crossed his mind more than once. But then he remembered that Sayu loved the rain, and she often joined Iwaizumi and Tooru in splashing in countless puddles and epic games of tag. And even if they all caught a minor case of the sniffles, it was worth every second as she peppered wet kisses on their cheeks that were as soft and numerous as the raindrops themselves and told them how much she loved them.

Her boys. Her treasures. Her little blessings.

And Tooru found the rain more beautiful than ever.

“Papa?”

The small voice made Tooru and Suga turn.

Hajime walked further into the kitchen, the alien plush held close to his chest. He shifted on his feet, his eyes flitting nervously between Suga and Tooru. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Tooru smiled and opened his arms, pulling Hajime close once the boy ran over to him. “Did you sleep well?”

Hajime nodded, placing his head on Tooru’s chest. “G’morning, Kou-chan.”

Suga smiled. “Good morning, Haji-chan.”

Hajime reached out for the plate of biscuits, and Tooru grabbed one, spreading some jelly on it before handing it over. And for a minute, the only sound between them was the rain gently hitting the windows as Hajime munched on his biscuit. 

Tooru stroked Hajime’s hair, sighing softly. He just needed to focus on his son right now. He had to be there for him. Everything would be okay. He’d get through this just like he did before. He had to. There was no other choice.

Everything would be okay.

“How come Grandma Sayu come over, Papa?” Hajime asked.

Both Tooru and Suga froze, catching each other’s surprised stares, before turning their attention back to the toddler.

Hajime looked at him, obviously wondering why Tooru hadn’t answered him yet. “Papa? How come Grandma Sayu come?”

“W-What do you mean, Hajime?” Tooru asked. “What do you mean Grandma Sayu came over?”

“She wake me up and said I had to be good, and she said she loves me lots and lots. Then she went bye-bye.” Hajime took another bite of his biscuit, the grape jelly sticking to his cheeks. 

Tooru almost couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Grandma Sayu go to see you too, Papa?” Hajime asked.

“No,” Tooru said gently. “No, she didn’t.”

“How come?”

“I’m not really sure, Haji-chan.”

Hajime looked confused, tilting his head a bit before a very contemplative expression on his face. “She loves you lots and lots too, Papa. I know she does. Do you love her too, Papa?”

Tooru did his best to smile. “I sure do.”

“Did she go, Papa? Did she go home?”

How in the world was Tooru supposed to answer that? Hajime was only two years old, would he even understand? He could name a handful of colors, count from one to four. But death? He looked to Suga for a moment, wondering if he should just tell the truth or beat around the bush. 

Not explaining the situation would only deter the questions for now, but how would it affect Hajime in the long run? How would the boy feel when he’s expecting to see Sayu and she’s not there? Hajime was smart, he knew something was up. Tooru could tell the moment the toddler walked into the kitchen.

Tooru sighed. “No… no, she didn’t go home.”

“Where she go?”

He moved Hajime in his lap so he was facing him completely and wiped the toddler’s cheeks of jelly. He had to explain this in the easiest way he could, in a way that Hajime would grasp.

“Remember,” Tooru started, “remember how Grandma Sayu would get sick sometimes and we couldn’t see her? How she would get really, really sick?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“Well, sometimes, when people are very, very sick or very, very old, they… they die.”

The boy tilted his head. “Die? What that?”

“Dying means that a person’s body stops working. They can’t breathe or sleep anymore. They can’t walk or talk,” Tooru said. “And when people die, they don’t come back, so Papa will be sad sometimes. Daichi will be sad sometimes too, but everything will be okay. But we’ll be happy sometimes, too.” Tooru waited for a moment, allowing Hajime to soak this in. “And if you get sad, it’s okay. It’s okay to be sad.”

Hajime was quiet for a few minutes, fidgeting a bit. “Grandma Sayu not come back?”

Tooru shook his head, stroking Hajime’s cheek and tried to fight the break in his voice. “No. No, she’s not coming back.”

And Tooru held his son tight as he cried.

**

The morning of the funeral was sunny. Cloudless. Warm with a slight breeze. Essentially a perfect day.

For everyone else, that is. 

Hajime had clung to Tooru the entire time, clearly fearing that if Tooru left the room, he’d disappear too. And honestly, Tooru didn’t blame him. He remembered feeling that way about Kuroo and everyone else when Iwaizumi passed away. He understood all too well.

Hajime also asked lots of questions, repeating himself many times: “Grandma Sayu going to be dead all day?” “How come Grandma Sayu was sick?” “When is she coming back?” And Tooru did his best to answer each and every one. 

“You must be Tooru-chan and Daichi-kun’s friends I’ve heard so much about,” Yuki said. “Kuroo Tetsurou and Sugawara Koushi, right?”

Kuroo nodded. “Right.”

“Thank you so much for coming.” Yuki smiled. “It’s a shame we have to meet under such circumstances, but I know Tooru-chan and Daichi-kun appreciate you being here. I do, too.”

Kuroo and Suga had offered to watch Hajime during the funeral, but Hajime refused to go anywhere without his father. And Tooru wasn’t going to force him anywhere he didn’t want to go.

“Thank you for allowing us to be here,” Suga said. “And we offer our deepest condolences.” 

“Thank you, Suga-kun.” 

Tooru stayed quiet as they talked, keeping an eye on Hajime as he played with Yuki’s twins. Daichi was just as quiet beside him, but he also kept himself busy from time to time by checking in on guests to see if they needed anything or engaging in small conversations.

“You wrote a beautiful eulogy, Tooru-chan,” Yuki said, grabbing Tooru’s attention. “Everyone loved it. Dad and I especially.”

Tooru smiled, the paper he had written on burning in his pocket with words both said and unsaid. “Thank you, Yuki-san.” 

**

“Mommy cried a lot today,” Yori said.

“Mommy is sad, ‘member?” Yuji said. 

Hajime remembered seeing his papa cry, and he had never seen his papa cry before. Hajime cried, too. But he was still confused. Even as he played with Yori and Yuji, Auntie Yuki’s sons, he was still confused.

The house felt different now that Grandma Sayu was gone, and Hajime wanted her to come back. But Papa said that Grandma Sayu had died. And when people die, they don’t come back. They don’t get sleepy or hungry. Their bodies stop working. But Hajime still didn’t understand _how._

He remembered that Grandma Sayu was sick a lot, but she was always so happy to see him.

Grandma Sayu left sometimes but she always came back. But she didn’t come back this time. And that made Hajime very sad. He loved his Grandma Sayu a lot. She made him good food and took care of him and gave him lots of hugs and kisses. She loved him.

She loved him like his papa loved him.

Would… would his papa leave and not come back, too?

He hoped not! He loved his papa, and he wanted to always be here! His papa couldn’t leave! Ever! It terrified him to think about it. They had to stay together no matter what. His papa said that he’d always be there, and Hajime believed him wholeheartedly.

“Was your daddy sad too, Haji?” Yuji asked.

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh. He cried lots, too.” He started coloring the puppy in the picture book again. “Papa said it’s okay to be sad.” 

“Mommy said it's okay to be sad, too,” Yori said, turning through the pages of his own coloring book. “But lookie! I have new stickers!” He showed the page full of sparkly and brightly colored stickers. “Wanna see?”

Hajime smiled. “Yeah!”

Everything would be okay. Just like Papa said.

**

Tooru found himself easing into the conversation as time passed. Daichi was, too. And he could speak for him and Daichi both when it came to feeling grateful for Kuroo and Suga’s presence. They had been there when Iwaizumi passed and now here they were again. And he didn’t know what he’d do without them.

“I remember the time Hajime fell in a pile of fire ants when he was kid and Tooru-chan thought he was gonna die,” Yuki said. “It took Mom at least a good hour to console him.”

“An hour, huh?” Kuroo raised an eyebrow, smirking.

Daichi took a sip of his soda. “That’s all? I was banking on longer.”

Tooru could feel a smile inching across his face. “You guys weren’t there. Those fire ants were huge, okay? My fear was totally warranted.”

Yuki laughed a bit. “Whatever you say, Tooru-chan. You’ve always hated bugs. Mom was there to cover you in bug spray long before Suga-kun was.”

Tooru narrowed his eyes at his three friends. “All right, who told her?”

Kuroo, Suga, and Daichi all looked away, finding the hardwood floor more interesting or taking nonchalant sips of their drinks. But Yuki had a point. Sayu had always been there, whether it was to kiss bumps and bruises or help with romance issues. She indulged in their imagination. She never missed a volleyball game, cheering for both him and Iwaizumi. She was constant and unmoving. 

And Tooru would miss that.

He was about to continue when he felt a tug on his pants. He looked down, and Hajime was staring up at him. He knelt down. “Hey, Haji-chan. You okay?”

Hajime fidgeted. “I’m hungry.”

“There’s some sandwiches,” Tooru said. “Want one?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh.” And he lifted his arms to be held as Tooru moved towards the kitchen, watching as his father put small sandwiches on a plate and sat down next to him at the table. He took tiny bites out of them, kicking his legs back and forth in the seat.

“Are you okay?” Tooru asked after a minute.

Hajime nodded again. “Uh-huh. I play with Yori and Yuji and that was fun.” He took another bite. “It made me happy.”

Tooru smiled. “Good. I’m glad it made you happy.”

“Are you sad, Papa?” Hajime asked.

“I am,” Tooru said. “But I’m happy you’re here with me.”

“I make Papa happy?”

“You sure do.”

Hajime grinned and continued to eat, but stopped short when he saw someone walking over to them. He tapped on Tooru’s arm and pointed. “Um, Papa…”

Tooru turned around and couldn’t help the bit of surprise on his face. “Mother.” 

He had seen her at the funeral, but he didn’t know if he should approach or if she would. He had never seen his mother so misshapen, so… so… _broken._ She had always been a pinnacle of stability and order, and Tooru had never seen her any different. But he was hoping that she had at least enough decency to not cause a scene here of all places. A birthday party is one thing, but after a funeral? Well…

Camille was quiet for a few moments, seemingly an eternity, before clearing her throat. “I’ve been thinking, and I,” she paused and kept her voice low even though she was speaking solely French. “I want to try and make amends. Things haven’t really been okay between us since, well, you graduated from high school. And I want to change that. I truly do.”

Tooru stayed quiet.

“I know it’ll take a long time, and you may never forgive me for all the things I’ve said to you, but…” She looked up at him, tears in her red-rimmed eyes. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Tooru.” She sniffled. “I never took into account how you felt these past few years, and after realizing that Sayu was there all the times I wasn’t, after realizing that Sayu was there for you in ways I wasn’t, I… I want to try again.”

Tooru just stared.

“I want to fix this, Tooru.” She straightened just a bit, wiping her eyes as her mascara began to run. “But if you don’t, then I understand. I won’t blame you.”

Tooru took a moment to process this. 

Here was his mother, Oikawa-Charbonneau Camille, a woman who upheld appearances regardless of the situation, opening herself up to him. Something that she didn’t do even with her husband. It was hard seeing like this, and Tooru thought he never would. But after hearing her words, Tooru knew he could never hate her, no matter what she said or did. She was his mother, for heaven’s sake. And even if he did hate her, he knew there would be some part of him that would always love her.

Would it take time? Of course it would. That whole “time heals all wounds” bit. It’d take time for the trust to rebuild, to not expect disappointment. And while he hated reopening old wounds after they had been closed for years, he figured it was high time for it get some proper treatment. 

To strengthen the links in the chain.

He smiled. “Mom, I’d like you to meet your grandson. This is Hajime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, everyone. School has been kicking me in the teeth, which is why I haven't been responding to comments. But please do know that I read every single one of them and I cherish the time you took into saying something about my story. You guys seriously brighten my day.
> 
> The next chapter will be much happier, I promise. Plus I may or may not have another fanfic or two in the works so once I've straightened out all the kinks, I'll debate on if I should post it or not.
> 
> Thank you so much everyone.


	12. Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ready, set, go.

“Be careful, okay?”

“I will!” 

The afternoon was sticky, warm, the locusts stirred the air around them, and Tooru stepped over a protruding tree root as he followed the boy moving further and further into the woods. They had wandered this part of the thicket many times over the past couple of months, and Tooru had taken the time to memorize where and where not to step.

But Hajime was far smaller and could slip under bushes with ease. And he tended to get a little excited. 

“Papa!” Hajime waved, sporting a butterfly net that was almost as tall as him. “Papa, look!”

“I’m coming.” Tooru was at the boy’s side, minding a particularly deep-looking puddle from last night’s rain. “Whatcha got there, kiddo?”

“Butterfly,” Hajime said.

The butterfly was a deep brown color with white, yellow-ish spots, and it rested contentedly on a tree while occasionally flapping its wings. Hajime stayed still, knowing that if he moved too much the butterfly was likely to fly away, but the excitement was still there in his eyes.

Now that Hajime was four years old, Tooru often took him to explore the wooded area about 30 minutes outside of Tokyo instead of limiting their adventures to the many parks located throughout the city. And Hajime, being the rambunctious, curious child that he was, couldn’t help but want to traverse deeper and deeper in.

“That’s a pretty cool looking one, huh?” Tooru said and knelt down beside him.

“What kind of butterfly?” Hajime asked.

“I’m not sure. Let’s have a look.” Tooru slipped the backpack off and rummaged through it, pulling out a children’s book: _Common Insects in Japan._ He handed it to Hajime.

The boy plopped down to the ground, flipping through the pages with expert four-year-old eyes until he reached the butterfly section. He glanced over the brightly colored pictures, looking for one with brown and white spots among the blues and greens on the page with utter determination.

Tooru waited patiently as Hajime continued his search. He would’ve offered his help, but as he expected with Hajime’s constant burgeoning independence, he knew the boy wanted to do this entirely on his own. It was a sense of pride. The pride of a four-year-old being able to do (most) things on his own. He wanted to prove that he wasn’t a baby. If Hajime needed help, he’d ask. Besides, Tooru would be lying if he said that how fast Hajime was learning filled his chest with his own definition of pride.

“Um…” Hajime scooted closer to his father, an embarrassed flush to his cheeks as he positioned the book where they could both see it. “I can’t find it. Help me, please?”

“Sure thing.” Tooru smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair. He started thumbing through some of the pages. “Hmm, let’s see…”

Hajime sat up on his knees, eyes bright with intrigue.

Tooru spotted it almost immediately. “Man, this butterfly is really good at hiding! But I’m sure we can find it if we look hard enough.” He turned the book over so Hajime could have full view of it. “How about we look really closely at this page?”

Hajime scanned it, his tongue sticking out in concentration until his entire expression lit up with unbridled joy. He pointed to the picture. “Right there! Right there!”

Tooru grinned. “Great job! Now, let’s see what kind of butterfly it is.” He read the name below. “It’s called a speckled wood butterfly. Pretty cool, huh?”

“Uh-huh!” Hajime said. “Speck-speckled wood butterf-fly.”

Tooru nodded. “That’s exactly right. Very good!”

Hajime started inching towards it again, pausing when the butterfly gave the impression that it was going to fly away. “It’s pretty. But it’s kinda hard to see. That’s, um, camu – camo – um…”

“Camouflage,” Tooru said.

“Camou-Camouflage,” Hajime repeated. “That’s why it hides so good because of c-camouflage. I read it in the book you got me! They hide so birds don’t see them and eat them! I almost didn’t see it! You didn’t see it either, huh Papa?”

Tooru smiled. “I sure didn’t.”

Hajime giggled before turning back to the butterfly, but pouted as it took flight. “Aww, I was gonna try and catch it.”

“There’s always next time, Haji-chan,” Tooru said. “We can look for some stag beetles later. Maybe even take one home if we catch it.”

Hajime immediately brightened. “Really? I can take one home, Papa?”

“Of course!”

“Yay!” the boy bounced up and down on his feet. “Let’s go catch one, Papa! Let’s go catch one! I wanna catch the one with white eyes!”

Tooru couldn’t help but smile. “An albino one?”

“Uh-huh, that one!”

And even though looking for albino stag beetles was something Tooru shared with Iwaizumi, he intended to make this moment special with his own son, too. 

Hajime looked around. “Papa, where’d Kaito go?”

Now that Tooru thought about it, he hadn’t seen him for a few minutes now. Hopefully he hadn’t gotten in some sort of trouble. But knowing him, he probably did. 

Tooru whistled, high and loud. “Kaito!”

There was only the sound of nature buzzing around them for a few minutes until there was a rustle in the bushes, and out came a white German Shepard puppy that immediately ran over to them and jumped into Hajime’s waiting arms, knocking the boy over with licks and nuzzles. Well, his fur wasn’t exactly white anymore given that he was covered in patches of dirt.

“Kaito, there you are!” Hajime laughed. “Where’d you go, you silly puppy?”

The pup let out happy yips and continued licking Hajime’s face.

Tooru smiled and lifted the puppy in his arms. “Kaito, easy boy.” Then he started laughing as Kaito started licking him instead, and he put the pup down once Hajime was on his feet.

Kaito was a present for Hajime on his fourth birthday after the boy had expressed time and time again that he wanted a puppy. So Tooru, being the weak, weak man he was, gave Hajime exactly what he wanted. And even if some of his shoes were chewed up, particularly the left ones, seeing Hajime happy was all worth it.

Hajime started running off with Kaito close behind. “Come on, Papa! Let’s go find the beetle!”

“Hold on, Hajime. Wait for me,” Tooru said as he caught up. Some parts of these woods became loose and slippery after rainstorms, especially as close to the edge of a hill as they were, and the last thing that needed to happen was –

And right at that moment, part of the muddy earth gave in under Hajime’s foot and all Tooru saw was the boy tumbling down the small hill as his eyes widened with both fear and surprise. He succeeded grabbing onto Hajime’s arm before he fell too far, but now that he was off-balance, Tooru went rolling down the hill as well and barely managed to bring Hajime in close to his chest to try and shield from the oncoming twigs and branches.

They hill wasn’t very high, and they landed in a small river at the base of it. The water was fairly cool and not very deep, but it made the small cuts and scrapes sting just a bit.

Tooru sat up, looking down at Hajime who was still clinging onto him for dear life and shaking. “Haji-chan, are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Hajime blinked up at him, evident tears in his eyes as he sniffled. “I-I’m okay.”

Tooru looked the boy over, taking note of a few cuts on his legs and arms, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed with some ointment and Band-Aids since Tooru seemed to have endured the worst of it. He sighed in relief. Thank goodness. 

“Are you okay, Papa?”

Tooru smiled, ruffling the boy’s now wet hair as the wild strands clung to his forehead. “I’m perfectly fine, don’t worry about me. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He looked back up at the hill, Kaito’s barks sounding distant. While the fall wasn’t too bad, they didn’t leave unscathed, and now that they were soaking wet and this river not exactly being the cleanest, a bath was definitely in order and –

“I’m sorry, Papa,” Hajime said. The tears were dangerously close to spilling. “Y-You told me to be careful and – and –”

“Hey, hey, don’t worry about that. “I’m not mad.” Tooru wiped away the oncoming tears. “It was an accident, it happens. I was just scared you were going to get hurt.”

“You’re not mad?” Hajime asked.

“I promise I’m not mad.” Tooru smiled just for good measure. “What do you say we go home and come back another day? I’m sure there’ll be plenty of stag beetles next weekend.”

Hajime nodded and then had a sudden realization. He started looking around. “Where’s Kaito? He didn’t fall, did he? Kaito!”

“He’s fine, he’s up there on the hill.” Tooru stood up with his son still in his arms. He pointed. “See?”

“Kaito, you’re okay!” Hajime said.

The puppy continued to bark and whine, trying to ease himself down the hill but opted against it and continued to cry out for them. Hajime looked at his father, his brow creased in worry, and Tooru kissed his head and stepped out of the river.

“We’ll get him,” Tooru said. “It’ll be okay.”

**

“Bath time, Haji-chan!” Tooru said as he walked out of the bathroom and into an empty living room. He looked around, and a smile stretched across his face. He should’ve guessed. “Hmm, I could’ve sworn there was a little boy named Oikawa Hajime in here but he seems to have disappeared! Where in the world did he go?”

He moved throughout the living area, avoiding that one creaky floorboard and listened. Hajime had gotten a lot better at not revealing his hiding place as he grew up, but sometimes he’d laugh or shift whatever item was around him. Kaito was also very good at giving away his position.

Any second now. He just had to be patient.

There were soft scratches coming from the kitchen. Definitely Kaito. And then a whisper.

“Shh, Kaito! Papa will find us!”

Tooru smiled, walking into Hajime’s room. He could entertain the boy for a little bit longer. He slipped behind the bedroom door, remaining as still as possible when he heard the pantry door open in the kitchen. Hajime would be looking for a new hiding place now that Kaito had given them away.

“Do you think we lost him, Kaito?” Hajime asked. “Maybe if we hide forever, Papa won’t give us a bath. I don’t like baths. You don’t like baths either, do you?”

Tooru chuckled quietly.

“Come on, let’s hide over here. He won’t find us.” He shuffled further away, and judging by the sound of his footsteps he was going to Tooru’s room.

Tooru headed to his room, sighing heavily as soon as he entered. “I’ve looked everywhere but I can’t seem to find him! I can’t even find Kaito!” He laid down on his bed. “What am I gonna do without my Haji-chan? I love him so much, and I can’t believe he’s gone.”

There was a small rustle under his bed. There we go.

“I can only think of one more place to look,” Tooru said. He leaned over, lifting the covers from the side of the bed and grinned. “Boo!”

Hajime squealed and broke into peals of laughter as Tooru pulled him carefully from underneath the bed and brought him into his arms. “How’d you know where I was?”

“Papa knows and sees all!” Tooru grinned and hoisted Hajime to the bathroom on his shoulder as Kaito followed them excitedly. “All right, kiddo – bath time.”

“Aw! But Papa, we already had a bath, remember? In the river!”

“Nice try, Hajime. But bright side, there’s bubbles!”

The boy perked up instantly. “Okay!” Then another thought seemed to have occurred to him. “Are you gonna take a bath too, Papa? I don’t wanna be the only one!”

“Of course! I can’t be stinky all day either.”

“Stinky Papa! Stinky Papa!”

“You’re even stinkier!”

“Nu-uh, you are!”

Tooru chuckled. “Well, if you take a bath then I’ll definitely be stinkier than you.”

“You’ve gotta take a bath too, Papa.” Hajime pouted, and if anyone else had been present at the time, they would’ve commented how much he resembled Tooru in that moment. He started undressing as soon as they were in the bathroom. “You don’t want Kou-chan to think you smell bad. Kou-chan always smells nice so you have to smell nice, too!”

“W-What?” Tooru sputtered.

Hajime grinned. “You need to smell nice for Kou-chan, Papa! You like him and you gotta smell nice for the people you like! You like Kou-chan, right Papa?”

“Well yes, of course. Suga-chan is a great person.”

“No, no, no!” Hajime tugged on Tooru’s sleeve. “You want him to be your, uh, your boyfriend! Yeah! You want Kou-chan to be your boyfriend!”

_What?_

Tooru was most certainly not flustered at this point, but it wasn’t so much the fact that his four-year-old son called him out on one of his biggest secrets as it was that he couldn’t believe what his son was saying. “Where in the world did you hear that?”

“Tetsu-chan told me!” Hajime said rather proudly. “He said that you like Kou-chan and that you want him to be your boyfriend! He said you want to kiss Kou-chan!”

Tooru’s brow twitched. He’d have to remember to have a long, _long_ talk with Kuroo later. But for now, he simply smiled. “Okay, silly goose – time to get in the tub.”

Hajime did as told, stepping into the tub and was almost obscured by the sea of bubbles. He leaned over the edge of the tub as suds stuck to his hair. “Your turn, Papa.”

“I’ll take one after you.”

Hajime pouted.

“Haji-chan.” Tooru did his best to look offended. “You don’t believe me?”

Hajime was quick to shake his head.

“Okay, okay.” Tooru said, undressing and climbing into the tub as soon as he was done. He grinned mischievously. “But you’re gonna get tickled!”

“Papa, no!” Hajime tried scrambling out but he was no match for his father’s long arms and was instantly pulled back. Water sloshed onto the floor as he tried to kick himself free, his laughter ringing in tandem with Tooru’s. “N-No fair, Papa! You cheated!” 

Tooru let out an exaggerated, evil laugh as he continued to tickle Hajime’s sides. “The tickle monster doesn’t play by the rules!”

And as they scrubbed themselves clean and styled their hair crazily with soap, Kaito took it upon himself to hop into the tub with them.

Once dried off and dressed, Tooru tended to Hajime’s scrapes and placed Band-Aids over them – Godzilla ones this time – and he pressed soft kisses to them since “Papa’s kisses have magical healing powers and makes the pain go away”.

“There,” Tooru said. “All done.”

“Papa, you have a cut on your face.” Hajime painstakingly peeled a bandage open and stuck it on Tooru’s cheek, kissing it softly afterwards. “There! All better!”

Tooru wrapped his son in a tight hug. “I’m cured, Haji-chan! You saved me! Thank you so much!”

Hajime laughed and clung to Tooru, but his attention was redirected when his father’s phone started to ring, and Tooru hoped that it was something not work related. He almost didn’t want to look at the caller ID, but when he did it was a number he didn’t recognize. But he answered it anyway.

“Hello?”

_“Oikawa! Where the hell have you been, man?”_

“Noya?”

_“Who else would it be? Anyway, it’s been too long! Where have you been? What have you been up to? You kinda disappeared.”_

Tooru rolled his eyes but smiled. “I’ve just been busy, that’s all. Sorry I’ve been so out of touch. I didn’t expect you to call. Did you get a new phone?”

Noya laughed. _“Yeah, I jumped into a pool and my phone was still in my pocket. But that’s not important. What’re you doing right now?”_

“I’m at home?” 

_“Great! Can you come to the Athletic Center? There’s a lot of kids today, and I was telling them about your killer serve so they wanna see it. You mind coming by for a demonstration?”_

“Really. The great Nishinoya Yuu is admitting that a task is too much for him.”

_“You said it, I didn’t. I just asked if you minded coming down for a demonstration.”_

Tooru raised an eyebrow. “Why do I feel like there’s a catch?”

_“No catch, just volleyball. Come on, it’ll be fun! The kids have been begging me all week for you to show them so can you please get your ass down here? Don’t make me go over there and drag you.”_

Well, now Tooru felt bad. He hadn’t really volunteered at the center anymore since Iwaizumi passed away. He tried for a bit, but his heart wasn’t in it much like everything else at the time, and he especially hadn’t gone back now that he was a father. To be honest, it was on the back burner. And now that he thought about it, it’d been four years since he’d seen Noya. Surprisingly enough, they weren’t friends on social media so they kind of fell out of touch.

“Okay, okay, fine. I’ll go down there. Give me like 30 minutes.”

_“You’re the best! Thanks, man! Afterwards we can definitely catch up on whatever’s been going on! See you soon!”_

And that was it. Noya always was the excitable type.

“Who was that, Papa?” Hajime was now clinging to Tooru’s back.

Tooru pocketed his phone. “An old friend of mine. We’re going to go meet him here in a little bit. How does that sound?”

“What’s his name?”

“Nishinoya Yuu.”

“What’re we gonna do when we see him, Papa?” Hajime’s voice was now growing in curiosity but most of all excitement at the idea of something new. “Does he like to go exploring? Maybe he can help us find that stag beetle! The white one!”

Tooru smiled. “We’re gonna go play volleyball.”

“Volleyball?” Hajime tilted his head. “What’s that?”

“It’s the sport I watch on TV, remember? The one where two teams have to hit the ball over the net.”

“Oh yeah!” Hajime said. “Is it fun?”

“Lots of fun.”

“Do I have to play volleyball too, Papa?”

“You can if you want, you don’t have to. You can bring your toys and books if you just want to watch.”

“Did you play volleyball, Papa?”

“I sure did!” Tooru said. “It’s my favorite sport ever.”

“Mine, too.” A new voice was in the bathroom doorway.

Tooru nearly chucked a bottle of shampoo at the newcomer’s head if he hadn’t immediately recognized them. “Tetsu-chan, what the hell? Haven’t you ever heard of knocking or maybe, you know, _calling?”_

“Come now, Tooru – where’s the fun in that?” Kuroo grinned. “Besides, I sent you a message. Check your phone every once in a while, will you?”

Tooru looked at his phone and saw that he did indeed have a text message from Kuroo. Whoops.

“Tetsu-chan!” Hajime hopped off the bathroom counter and immediately flung himself into Kuroo’s open arms, grinning wide.

“Hey! How’s my favorite little nephew doing?” Kuroo hugged the boy tight and then his eyes caught sight of the bandages on Hajime’s arms and knees. “What in the world happened?”

“Papa and I went exploring! Kaito came, too!” Hajime replied. “We looked for all kinds of bugs and then we found a speck – a speckled wood butterfly! I wanted to catch it but it flew away. So Papa said we should find a stag beetle, the kind with white eyes!” He looked over at Tooru. “What’s that one called again, Papa?”

“An albino stag beetle,” Tooru said.

Hajime nodded. “Right! An albeeno stag beetle! We looked for one but then we fell down a hill and into a river. It was kinda cold but Papa gave me a warm bath even though I hate baths. Then he put Band-Aids on my cuts and kissed it so it doesn’t hurt anymore!” He lowered his voice to a whisper, though it couldn’t exactly be called that since Tooru could still clearly hear him. “Papa says kisses have magic healing powers. Do you think that’s true, Tetsu-chan?”

“I sure do, Hajime,” Kuroo said.

“I think so, too.” Hajime grinned. “Oh! We’re gonna go play volleyball, Tetsu-chan! Wanna come?”

“Play volleyball?” Kuroo looked at Tooru and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m just showing the kids at the Athletic Center my jump serve, that’s all,” Tooru said. “Say, Haji-chan – why don’t get your backpack and you can bring whatever books or toys you want so we can get outta here.”

“’kay!” Hajime ran to his room.

Kuroo waited until Hajime was out of earshot before speaking again. “What about your knee?”

“It’s been years, Tetsu-chan,” Tooru said. “I’ll be fine.”

“You’re wearing your brace.”

“It’s a jump serve. It’s not gonna give out on me.”

Kuroo crossed his arms. “I don’t care, you’re wearing it because I don’t think you realize how scary it was to see you go down like that when we were in college. We thought you were done for good. And the last thing you need is for it to give out while your son is there.”

Tooru sighed. His knee hadn’t really been bothering him, it sometimes tightened up if he was standing for too long or he climbed a lot of stairs so in reality it wasn’t even that bad. He should be okay for one measly little jump serve once he stretched it enough. 

But Kuroo was right.

If it scared his teammates in college, it’d definitely scare Hajime.

“That reminds me, Tetsu-chan,” Tooru said. “What exactly have you been telling my son about me and Suga-chan?”

**

“Tooru-kun! Tetsurou!” 

“Hamada-san, so good to see you!” Tooru grinned at the middle-aged woman behind the desk.

Being here brought back a lot of memories, mostly filled with children’s laughter and the squeak of shoes against the court. Mostly good memories, but he wished he had left this place on a good note. When Iwaizumi passed, everything was different. Tooru’s heart wasn’t in anything anymore. He had lost his foundation, his pillar, the one person who understood him better than even Tooru himself did, the one person he wanted to toss to more than anyone, and he could feel himself crumbling under the weight of it all.  
Volleyball was something that they shared together, and while Tooru knew very well that Iwaizumi would want him to continue playing, even if it was just practice matches, Tooru just… couldn’t.

And now with Sayu gone…

Suga, Kuroo, and Daichi had been talking about maybe starting up a sort of Neighborhood Association Team like Karasuno did back in Miyagi these past couple of weekends when they went out for dinner, just to keep themselves sharp and muscles warm, and Tooru would always decline while doing his best to ignore the twinge in his leg and in his heart.

But he did miss it.

She smiled, hands on her hips but shaking her head in amusement. “Where in the world have you been, young man? We’ve missed you being here these past few years. Life caught up with you?”

“Well, I guess you could say that.” Tooru placed his hand atop Hajime’s head, effectively drawing the woman’s attention to the boy.

“Oh? And who might this be?”

Hajime looked up at Tooru, and smiled once he received a nod. “I’m Oikawa Hajime! It’s nice to meet you, Hamada-san!”

“Aren’t you just the cutest little thing? And so polite, too!” she said.

“Surprisingly,” Kuroo said under his breath.

Tooru just smiled as he gave Kuroo a swift jab in the ribs.

“And how old are you, Hajime-chan?” Hamada asked.

Hajime started counting on his fingers until he reached four and held it up. “I’m four years old!”

“Wow, you’re getting so big!” she said. “Are you coming here to help your dad?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh! Papa is gonna play volleyball and I’m gonna watch!” His attention was then diverted when he caught sight of the trophy case down the hall and started tugging on Kuroo’s hand. “Tetsu-chan, come on! I wanna go see that!”

She smiled as they walked away and then looked at Tooru. “He’s absolutely precious, Tooru-kun. I can see why you’ve been MIA, you’ve got your hands full.”

Tooru chuckled. “Yeah, he’s a little spitfire.”

“He looks like you, you know.”

Tooru looked at her. “Really? You think so?”

“Of course. He’s got your eyes and definitely your personality.” She grinned. “And I can see that he wants to be just like you.”

And Tooru felt his chest swell with pride.

Hajime ran back over, grabbing onto Tooru’s leg and jumping up and down with the brightest grin pulling at his round cheeks. “Papa! Papa! I saw your picture when you played volleyball! You looked way cool! Tetsu-chan was telling me he played volleyball with you and he said you were great!”

Tooru pat the boy’s head, throwing a smirk in Kuroo’s direction. “Did he now?”

“I wouldn’t use those _exact_ words,” Kuroo said.

“It’s okay, Tetsu-chan.” Tooru held his head up high. “It’s about time you recognized my impeccable volleyball skills.”

“This is exactly why I don’t tell you anything.”

The gym doors suddenly burst open, making everyone’s heads turn, and there stood Nishinoya Yuu in the flesh. He didn’t look any different than he did in his high school days, maybe just an inch taller if you counted the slight compensation from his sneakers.

And, just like Noya, he stomped over. “Oikawa! There you are! It’s about time you got here!”

“Noya-chan, so good to see you.” Tooru grinned.

“Yeah, I’m sure it is,” Noya grumbled. “You wouldn’t have to say that if you stopped by every once in a while. It’s like I can’t get ahold of any of you guys anymore! Just what has you so busy that – oh?” He stopped short upon seeing the child latched onto Tooru’s leg. “And who’s this little guy?”

Tooru smiled as Hajime looked up at him. “Go on, introduce yourself.”

“I’m Oikawa Hajime!” Hajime grinned. “And I’m four years old!”

Noya blinked once. Twice. Three times. “Oikawa… Hajime?”

“Uh-huh!” Hajime nodded. “Papa says that you’re his friend. Did you play volleyball, too?”

“’Papa’?” Noya looked back up at Tooru. “Oikawa, are you –”

“A father?” Tooru said. “Yes. Yes, I am.”

It took them a solid 30 minutes to calm Noya down. 

But once that was done and they were in the gym, Tooru noticed the very obvious lack of children in the area and was instead faced with Suga, Daichi, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Bokuto, Akaashi, Kageyama, Hinata and even the libero from Nekoma that Kuroo had mentioned from time to time. What was his name? Yaku? Yeah, that was it. 

And they were wearing practice jerseys.

“Kou-chan! Uncle Daichi!” Hajime ran over to the duo, hugging them tight before going over to talk to the other former volleyball players.

"Do I even want to know what happened to your face, Oikawa?" Daichi asked.

"No, you really don't," Kuroo said.

Yamaguchi and Yaku greeted Hajime happily, wide smiles on their faces as Hajime introduced himself, and while Tsukishima seemed stiff and unsure, he didn’t look entirely put off by the very personable four-year-old. In fact, there might’ve been the start of a smile pulling at his cheeks.

Kuroo came up beside him, smirking at Tooru’s bewildered expression. “Surprised?”

“What’s going on here?” Tooru asked.

Suga walked over with a grin. “We figured it was high time we got the gang back together and played a practice match.”

“And knowing you,” Daichi added, “you would’ve found some excuse to not come, so we had Noya here pretend that some kids here needed your help with serving.”

Tooru just stood there, absolutely baffled. He suspected something was up the minute Noya called out of the blue, he should’ve seen this coming a mile away. And the little shit said there was no catch.

“It also took me and Kuroo some time to convince Daichi to get back here on the court, but we honestly wouldn’t have done this if we didn’t think it was a good idea,” Suga said. “I know you and Daichi have been through a lot together these past couple of years, and we wanted to show that we’re there for you guys, too.” His eyes were soft, knowing. _Understanding._ Understanding of everything that Tooru and Daichi had faced. Understanding that volleyball was both sorrow and comfort all at once. 

And Tooru could practically hear Iwaizumi demanding him to play.

“So what do you say, Tooru?” Kuroo asked. “You in?”

Tooru could feel a smile playing at his lips but he morphed it into a smirk. “I don’t wanna hear any whining when I kick your asses.”

Kuroo scoffed. “For someone who hasn’t played, you sure do like to talk a lot of shit.”

“You guys have been out of practice for way too long,” Hinata said, smirking. “I think we’ve got this.” He had shot up a few inches, gained some muscle, and his entire demeanor screamed confidence. But it was honestly confidence well-earned. 

Noya returned that very same smirk, a fire igniting in his eyes. “Shouyou’s gotten a big mouth since making the national team. I’m excited to see how he and Kageyama have improved.” He chuckled. “Maybe even shut them up a bit.”

“Challenge accepted!” Bokuto declared. “Get ready to get your asses handed to you.”

“Papa.”

Tooru looked down as Hajime tugged on his shorts, volleyball in hand.

“Are you gonna play volleyball?” Hajime asked, blinking curiously.

Tooru smiled. “I sure am.”

Hajime looked at the volleyball in his hands before holding it out to Tooru, grinning wide. And it was such an Iwaizumi but also such an Oikawa grin that it caught everyone off-guard. Even Tooru himself. “Please do your best, Papa! I know you can do it!”

Tooru took the ball and hugged his son tight. “Of course. I’ll score one just for you.”

After everyone had sufficiently warmed up, Tooru slipped on a lime green practice jersey and joined the side of the court with Daichi, Noya, Tsukishima, Bokuto, and Akaashi. On the other side of the net was Kuroo, Yaku, Suga, Yamaguchi, Kageyama, and Hinata clad in red. Bokuto joked about separating the lovers, and by that he meant Kuroo and Daichi. Kuroo finally asking Daichi out wasn't flashy or extravagant like one might think, but seeing Kuroo shifting on his feet and as red as a tomato and Daichi stuttering a yes was very amusing. And adorable. Suga was like a proud parent.

"Oikawa, nice serve!" Daichi and Noya said.

“Just like old times, right guys?” Suga said. “Except Daichi, Noya, and Tsukishima betrayed us.”

“Not by choice, Suga-san!” Noya grinned.

“I’ll get to see how our dear Tsukishima has implemented my expert tutelage over the years.” Kuroo snickered. “As a middle blocker, you’ve gotta stay sharp.”

Tsukishima smiled, but it was one of those smiles that screamed murder. “Of course, Kuroo-san.”

“Tobio, you better be ready!” Hinata said.

Kageyama scoffed. “I’m always ready, you dumbass!”

And as Tooru stood there, ball in hand, all he saw was the last Aoba Jousai and Karasuno game, the one they ultimately lost because he couldn’t receive the last freak quick that Kageyama and Hinata threw at them. All he saw were Iwaizumi’s tears. All he saw was the game that cost him the rest of his volleyball career. He could feel the pain in his knee. It was growing, burning. It was –

“Go, Papa! You can do it!” Hajime cheered from the sidelines.

Tooru smiled, tossing the ball up and allowing his body to roll through the motions he had practiced day in and day out.

And the pain went away.

**

Hajime was so excited! He was going to get to see his dad play volleyball, not to mention that he was gonna see everyone else, too! Sure, he had seen a lot of games on TV since his papa watched it, but seeing it on TV and being right here was completely different. It was so amazing!

Papa and everyone else explained the different jobs everyone had, and he understood a solid majority of it. His father, Kou-chan, Keiji-chan, and Kage-chan were something called “setters” and he had to give the ball to their teammates so they could spike it and get a point. Uncle Daichi and Boku-chan were “wing spikers”, and they had to hit the ball really hard to get through a block. Tetsu-chan, Shou-chan, Yama-chan, and Tsukki (Yama-chan said he could call Tsukishima-san that) were all “middle blockers” and they had to stop the ball. Noya-chan and Yaku-chan were something called “liberos” and they just had to receive the ball.

And while Hajime couldn’t explain it, this seemed so familiar and foreign all at once. It was like he’d played volleyball before but that wasn’t possible. He’d never done it before in his life! But his papa said that it was fun and volleyball was his favorite sport ever, just like everyone else did. So Hajime was happy to see them play.

He watched his father toss the ball into the air and jumped, and Hajime didn’t even realize he was holding his breath. His father’s hand slammed into the ball, sending it soaring to the other side of the net and it landed right behind Yaku-chan, just inside the line.

And Hajime felt something resonate within him. The sound was so familiar, comforting, and he knew that he wanted to hear it over and over again.

“My bad!” Yaku said. “I’ll get it next time!”

“Don’t worry about it!” Suga said.

Hinata was positively beaming. “The Grand King has returned!”

And as he watched the match continue, Hajime came to a decision.

He wanted to play volleyball.

And most importantly, he wanted to be a setter.

Just like his papa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next two weeks are gonna kill me.


	13. Here, Here and Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He pointed to his heart, mind and ears.

“One touch!” 

“Nice, Kuroo!”

Tsukishima didn’t show any outward reaction to his spike being slowed by Kuroo, but it was clear in his eyes that he wasn’t exactly thrilled. Kuroo smirked as Yamaguchi received it, and the ball arced towards Kageyama.

Kageyama had his hands at the ready. “Nice receive!”

Hinata, Kuroo, and Suga charged towards the net, and Tooru, Tsukishima, and Bokuto waited to see where the ball would go.

“Make sure you’re ready,” Bokuto said, his legs coiled and ready to jump.

Tooru scoffed. “Make sure _you’re_ ready, Boku-chan.”

Tsukishima let out a sharp sigh.

And playful banter aside, the second Kageyama tossed to Suga they were on the move, jumping up as one collective unit to block the coming spike. They knew Suga had more power than he liked to let on, and it’d be absolutely asinine to underestimate him. But apparently blasting through the three-man block was no longer on Suga’s agenda.

Suga brushed the ball with the tips of his fingers, and it floated easily behind them.

“Feint!” Bokuto said.

Daichi dove but missed it by mere centimeters. He huffed. “Sorry!”

“Don’t mind!” Noya said.

Tooru chuckled, smirking. “Sneaky, sneaky, Suga-chan. Not much has changed since high school, I see.”

Suga grinned, innocence down pat. “I got you then, and I’ll get you now.”

And man, was Tooru looking forward to see how that would play out. Wait, what? No. No, no, no. Stop it. He had to concentrate on the match otherwise he’d get blindsided again. He didn’t need that. Not at all. 

It was nice getting back into the swing of things, though. He never realized how much he missed volleyball until he sent that ball soaring over to the other side of the net, until he sent it catapulting from his fingertips to Daichi or Bokuto or Tsukishima, or even Akaashi. He had never played with either one of them before, but he was able to adapt to where they needed the ball just as easily as he had before.

It was natural. Like clockwork.

_And he missed this so much._

“You gonna let him talk to you like that, Oikawa?” Kuroo said.

“We don’t need you antagonizing them, Kuroo!” Yaku snapped. “Focus or they’re gonna score on us!”

Kuroo shrugged. “Hey, the lovebirds started it. Tell them to get a room.”

“We’re not lovebirds!” Tooru and Suga said in unison, their faces equally red.

“I find it ironic how that’s coming from someone who actually has his boyfriend on the court,” Bokuto said, causing Daichi to turn three different shades of red in less than a second.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Kuroo shot back. “Given your libido.”

“You’re no better than I am!”

“Stop scarring my son, Tetsu-chan,” Tooru said.

Daichi managed to collect himself. “Yeah, can we not talk about this in front of Hajime, please?” 

“Hey, I’m just saying. Bokuto’s over here giving me shit when –”

“Papa! Papa!” Hajime ran over and clutched onto Tooru’s leg, smiling as his father put his hand on his head. “Papa, guess what! Guess what! You know how you said I don’t have to play volleyball if I don’t want to?”

Tooru nodded. “Mhmm.”

“Well, I wanna play volleyball!” Hajime said. “And, and I wanna be a setter! Just like you! Please teach me how to be a setter!”

The gym was silent. 

Tooru stroked the boy’s hair, and to be honest, he had immediate flashbacks to when Kageyama was a tiny first year in junior high asking him to teach the basics of a jump serve. And, to be honest, there was a part of him that regretted never saying yes. But he was also in junior high and he was stupid and severely insecure.

Hajime got excited about a lot of things – the park, animals, even the clouds in the sky. But there was only one thing that set this fire in his eyes, this utter determination to succeed, and that was catching any insects he found skittering around the woods or even around the house if one happened to get inside. (Tooru had to get over his hatred for spiders quick because Hajime absolutely refused to squish them.)

The boy was absolutely serious about this.

Tooru had decided early on that he would never force Hajime to play volleyball, no matter how much joy it would bring him to see his son play his favorite sport. If Hajime wanted to play soccer or basketball or no sport at all, Tooru would accept it. He wanted Hajime to have a choice, and no matter what that choice was, Tooru would be proud of him.

But Hajime had come to him of his own volition saying that he wanted to play volleyball. 

He couldn’t deny his son this.

Even if he wanted to.

Tooru lifted the boy into his arms and grinned. “Of course I will, Haji-chan! You’re gonna be the greatest setter ever!”

“Yay!” Hajime said.

“And we’ll help, too!” Suga chimed in. “Kageyama, Akaashi, and I can show you a thing or two, you know.” Then he winked.

Hajime’s eyes sparkled. “Really?”

“Of course!” Suga looked over his shoulder at the other two setters. “Isn’t that right? Akaashi? Kageyama?”

Akaashi nodded, his smile warm. “Yes.”

“Definitely,” Kageyama said.

Hajime looked at Tooru. “Did you hear that, Papa? Kou-chan, Keiji-chan, and Kage-chan are gonna help me be a setter!”

Tooru smiled. “I sure did.” 

Kuroo leaned over with a smirk. “You know, I can teach you some really awesome blocks, Hajime. Tsukki can, too.”

“It’s Tsukishima,” Tsukishima said.

“And I’ll teach him the super awesome spikes!” Bokuto said.

“Me, too!” Hinata piped up. “Daichi-san can help!”

“Wow!” Hajime was practically buzzing with energy. There was no settling him down at this point. “Can I learn now? Please, please, please?”

Tooru wiped a bead of sweat trailing down the side of his face. “I’m up for it.” He looked to the others. “What about you guys?”

“Count me in,” Daichi said, and the others nodded after him.

Bokuto bounced over and swept Hajime in his arms and started running with the boy all around the gym on his shoulders. “You’re going to be the greatest volleyball player ever!”

“Yeah!” Hajime laughed.

**

Hajime was more excited than he’d ever been before. He was going to learn how to play volleyball! Actual volleyball! He was going to be just like his papa! He was going to be just like Uncle Daichi and Tetsu-chan and Kou-chan! He was going to be like everyone he looked up to!

This was the best day ever!

“What do we do first?” Hajime asked.

“How about you pick, Hajime-chan,” Yamaguchi said.

“Um…” Hajime hummed. What _did_ he want to do first? There were so many cool things that he saw everyone do! What should he pick first? He wanted to hit the ball like Uncle Daichi! No, he wanted to block it like Tetsu-chan! Wait, no – he wanted to push the ball in the air like Papa did! What else was there? He was missing something.  
He looked at everyone, remembering the jobs each person had, until his eyes rested on Noya and Yaku.

Then it occurred to him.

“I wanna hit the ball like this.” Hajime clasped his hands together and moved his arms up. “Like that!”

“You want to receive first?” Tooru asked.

Hajime nodded, bouncing up and down. “Yeah! Yeah! Receive!”

Noya stepped up. “Naturally, that’s where I come in.”

“Can’t forget about me,” Yaku said. “I _am_ the other libero here, you know.”

Noya slung his arm around Yaku’s shoulders. “Of course not, Yaku-san! We can both make the little nugget our protégé!”

Hajime tilted his head. “Is that a vegetable?” He stuck out his tongue and scrunched up his face. “I don’t like vegetables.”

Everyone laughed and Hajime looked around at them. What was so funny?

His father knelt down, laughing still, and stroked his hair. “It’s not a vegetable, Haji-chan. A protégé is a student. Noya-chan and Yaku-chan are saying that you are their protégé because you’re gonna learn how to receive from them.”

“Oh!” Hajime said. That made a lot more sense. He was worried that he was going to have to eat vegetables again. Wait, would he have to eat them for dinner? He didn’t want that at all! “Papa, I don’t have to eat vegetables for dinner, do I?”

His papa pat his head and grinned. “How about if you eat all of them, you can have two popsicles for dessert instead of one?”

Hajime brightened. “Yeah!” He held out his hand, pinkie finger out. “Pinkie promise?”

Tooru smiled and linked it with his own. “Pinkie promise.”

Hajime grinned. He could work with this. 

Noya then put his hand atop Hajime’s head and ruffled his hair. “Now then, my little protégé – what do you say we get started?”

Hajime threw his fist in the air. “Yeah!”

He knew the order he was going to learn in. He’d receive, block, spike, and then set.

The best for last, like his papa always says.

**

Receiving lessons with Yaku and Nishinoya went well, considering Noya couldn’t exactly put how to receive into words that Hajime could grasp. The guy was a natural so there was no helping that, but Tooru could tell that Hajime was excited to learn. He and Suga contributed by tossing the ball softly to him, and Hajime made it a point to actively go after every ball even if he missed.

“Ready?” Tooru said.

Hajime crouched a bit. “I’m ready!”

Tooru threw the ball up, watching it softly arc towards the boy and saw Hajime’s eyes follow it carefully. Hajime stepped over a bit with arms at the ready, and when he softly bumped it the entire gym erupted into cheers.

“I did it!” Hajime said.

Tooru ran over, sweeping the boy into his arms and spinning him around. “I’m so proud of you.”

“You are, Papa?”

“Of course I am!” Tooru playfully pinched Hajime’s nose and smiled as he set the boy back on his feet. “I’m so very proud of you. You received it all by yourself and you’re only four!”

“That _is_ pretty awesome.” Daichi grinned.

“Pretty soon you’re gonna be able to receive spikes that go ‘gwah!’ and ‘bam!’ and ‘wah!’ all by yourself!” Hinata chimed in.

“Explain it in a way he can understand, dumbass,” Kageyama said.

“I’m not a dumbass!”

 _“Language,”_ Suga cut in.

“I wanna do what you did, Noya-chan!” Hajime said. “I wanna catch the ball with my foot like you did!” He demonstrated by getting low and kicking his leg out, only he lost his balance and toppled over with a laugh. He quickly stood back up. “And it was really cool how you stopped it with only one arm, Yaku-chan!” He made it a point to jump to the side while holding out one arm. “I wanna do that, too!”

Yaku laughed. “You will! Keep on practicing, and you’re gonna be a fantastic receiver” He held out his fist and smiled when Hajime bumped it with his tiny one. “I guarantee it.”

“You sure we can’t change your mind about being a setter?” Noya said. “I know you’d be a great libero!”

Hajime giggled and shook his head. “I wanna be a setter!”

“All right, all right. You win.” Noya grinned. “Okay, who’s got the nugget next?”

“That’d be me,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto stepped over. “No way, I’m gonna teach him next.”

“You snooze, you lose.” Kuroo shrugged, kneeling down and placing his hands on Hajime’s shoulders. “He’s my nephew so even if you had managed to call first dibs, I’m first by association.”

Bokuto gawked. “That’s not fair!”

“Too bad.”

Tooru rolled his eyes as they continued bickering, but Hajime seemed to have lost interest in watching that since he went over to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. And he smiled when the boy tugged on the middle blocker’s shirt to get his attention.

“Hm?” Tsukishima looked down.

“Please teach me how to block!” Hajime said.

Yamaguchi smiled, and looked to his now slightly flustered friend for an answer. “Well, Tsukki?”

“Please, Tsukki!” Hajime bounced on the tips of his toes.

Yamaguchi put his hands on Hajime’s shoulders, holding the boy close. “How can you ignore this face, Tsukki? Come on.”

Tsukishima looked off to the side, his cheeks pink. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi smiled.

The duo walked with Hajime to the net, despite Kuroo protesting that he wanted to be the one to teach the boy, but once they enlisted Daichi’s help to supply some gentle spikes (Bokuto and Hinata would take turns with him) they were back in motion again.

Hajime looked up at the net. “It’s high.”

“Don’t worry, little man.” Kuroo mussed the boy’s hair. He winked. “We got your back.”

Hajime grinned.

“Ready?” Akaashi asked.

Tooru waved. “Fire away.”

Akaashi threw the ball up towards Tooru, the latter sending the ball to Daichi who was already at the net and moved his arm back, and Hajime was buzzing with clear anticipation.

“Arms straight up, okay?” Tsukishima said.

Hajime nodded. “’kay!”

Moments before the ball reached Daichi, Tsukishima lifted Hajime easily where the boy’s arms reached the top of the net, and Daichi gently pat the ball against Hajime’s hands so it could be blocked. Hajime lit up the second the ball hit his hands, and he looked at Kuroo and Tsukishima.

“Great job, Hajime!” Kuroo grinned.

Tsukishima nodded as he set the boy down. “Great block.”

“Thank you! Thank you!” Hajime hugged Tsukishima’s leg, effectively surprising the middle blocker, and he ran over to hug Kuroo before going over to Tooru, Akaashi, and Daichi. “Papa, Keiji-chan, Uncle Daichi – did you see me? Did you see me? I blocked it!”

Akaashi smiled and high-fived the boy as Daichi ruffled his hair, and Tooru hugged him tight while singing nothing but praises.

After blocking for about another ten minutes, Bokuto, Hinata, and Daichi took over and gave some spiking pointers for 15 minutes. Hajime was almost a natural at spiking, he was on target more often than not, though it was obvious that he was much more excited about what was coming up next. But first, Tooru brushed his sweat-dampened strands of hair and handed him a bottle of water.

“How about we take a break?” Tooru said. 

Hajime took a few sips of water. “Aww! But Papa, I wanna keep going!”

“You can after we rest for a bit.”

Hajime pouted. “I can keep playing! Please, Papa? I don’t wanna take a break! I’m okay!”

Tooru sighed a bit as Hajime continued to plead his case, wondering if he should stand his ground or relent and let the boy continue. They had been going for almost a solid hour, and though Hajime was stubborn and had seemingly endless stamina, Tooru took note of the flush in the boy’s cheeks and the slight panting.

“No, Haji-chan.” Tooru shook his head. “Let’s take a break.”

“I’m not tired, Papa,” Hajime said. “I don’t wanna stop! I wanna learn how to set! Please, Papa! Please! I can keep going! I can keep –”

 _“Hajime.”_ Tooru said, making the boy stop. He always hated getting onto his son, and Tooru was fairly lenient about most things. An extra piece of candy? Sure. Staying up ten minutes past bedtime? Easy enough. But this…

This wouldn’t be one of them.

Hajime looked down at his feet, shifting a bit and wringing his hands together. “B-But…”

“There’s nothing wrong with taking a break, son,” Tooru said, leading Hajime to the metal benches on the sidelines. “I promise that once you rest for a bit, we can go back to practicing.”

Hajime was quiet for a moment. “Are you gonna take a break too, Papa?” 

“I sure am.” Tooru nodded. “We all are. It’s very important that we all take breaks, so…” he paused, staring at his knee, remembering the sheer amount of pain that echoed through him when he first injured it. He would never wish that on anyone, and definitely not his son. “So we don’t get hurt.”

“Really?” Hajime blinked up at him.

“Really.”

Hajime seemed to be thinking about something, his gaze landing on Tooru’s knee, before he looked back up at his father. “Did you get hurt, Papa?”

Tooru nodded. “Yes, I did. I hurt my leg a long time ago.”

Hajime placed his hand atop Tooru’s right knee. “This one?”

“Yes.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“Sometimes, but it’s a lot better now.”

Hajime nodded, his hands squeezing the side of the water bottle. “I’m sorry you got hurt, Papa.”

Tooru smiled. “It’s okay, Haji-chan. My friend was there to help me.”

Hajime looked at him. “Who was your friend?”

Tooru exhaled softly, watching everyone else chat amongst themselves and engage in playful banter. “His name was Iwaizumi… Hajime.”

The boy tilted his head. “He had the same as me?”

“He sure did. I named you after him, you know.”

“What was he like? Was he cool?”

Tooru chuckled. “Way cool. And he could be a little grumpy sometimes, and he was scary when he got mad, but he was a nice guy. A great guy, even.”

“Where is he? How come I haven’t met him?”

Tooru sighed, running his hands through his hair. “Well, he died before you were born.”

“Like Grandma Sayu?”

“Yeah, like Grandma Sayu.”

“Do you miss him like you miss Grandma Sayu? Do you miss him a lot?”

“Yeah, I miss him a lot.”

“Tons and tons?”

“Tons and tons.”

Hajime nodded, seemingly ruminating on that information for a bit. “He misses you too, Papa.”

_What?_

Did Tooru hear him right? Did Hajime just –

“He misses you, and Uncle Daichi, and Tetsu-chan, and Kou-chan. He misses you guys a lot, and he's happy you're playing volleyball again,” Hajime said and took another sip of water, leaning against Tooru’s side. “But I’ll take a break so I won’t get hurt, right Papa?”

It took Tooru a moment to gather his bearings, and he carded his fingers through the boy’s hair. “Right.”

And after taking a 20 minute break, they called it a day since Hajime fell asleep.

**

“Kou-chan, did you play on the same team as Papa?”

“No, I’m afraid I didn’t, Haji-chan,” Suga said.

Hajime fumbled with the brand new volleyball in his hands, tossing it up and down a few times and catching it. “What team did you play on?”

Once Hajime had had a solid nap, Tooru said that they’d meet up with Suga, Daichi, and Kuroo in the park across the street from the restaurant they planned to have dinner at. Suga had arrived early, as usual, and now they were just strolling through the park as a group of children playing freeze tag breezed by them.

“I played for Karasuno High School.”

“Karasuno?”

“That’s a school in Miyagi,” Tooru answered. “Suga-chan and I lived there when we were little.”

“Really?” Hajime looked back to Suga for confirmation.

Suga smiled. “Yup. Daichi, Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, Noya, and Yamaguchi all did, too. We all played on the same team.”

“Wow! Your team must’ve been super cool!”

“They were all right, I guess,” Tooru said, a playful glint in his eyes.

Suga raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

“Papa, what team did you play on?”

“I played on the wonderful, amazing Aoba Jousai!” Tooru said. “Or Seijou, as we were often called.”

“Seijou,” Hajime said. “Will I play there like you did, Papa?”

Tooru picked up his son, rubbing their cheeks together as comical tears trailed down his cheeks. “Of course you can! You can play wherever you want!”

“That means he should just go to Karasuno,” Suga said.

“No, he’s gonna go to Seijou and succeed his father in being the greatest setter ever.” Tooru stuck out his tongue and put Hajime back down. “Not to say that Karasuno didn’t have amazing setters, but still.”

“Yeah, Kageyama was – still is – an amazing setter.”

“To be fair, I wasn’t talking about Tobio-chan.”

Suga blinked a few times, obviously caught off-guard, and Tooru gave himself a mental pat on the back for delivering that line without botching it up. Suga’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink and cast his gaze to the side, and Tooru was about to continue but he noticed Hajime taking off after his stray volleyball and towards a more crowded area of the park.

“Hajime!” Tooru called, following him with Suga close behind.

“He sure does get around quick,” Suga said.

“Remind me to tell you about the supermarket incident later.”

The ball bounced right in front of a young couple, and the woman picked it up, handing it to Hajime with a smile on her face. “Here you go.”

“Thank you!” Hajime grinned.

“Haji-chan,” Tooru said once he caught up. “You can’t run off like that, remember?”

“Sorry, Papa. I lost my ball,” Hajime said, going over to his father. He kicked at a patch of grass. “I-I didn’t want to lose my ball. Please don’t be mad.”

Tooru smiled and lifted his son in his arms. “I’m not mad, I promise.” He turned to the couple. “Sorry about that. Thanks for helping him out.”

“Oh, it was no problem at all.” She smiled gentle and sweet, seemingly the complete opposite of the man beside her who had yet to say a word. Her emerald eyes shone in the sunlight, and she tucked a piece of her dark brown hair behind her ear. “He’s absolutely adorable. Hajime, right?”

Tooru nodded. “Yes.”

“How old is he?”

“I’m four!” Hajime piped up.

“Wow, already so big!” she said and looked back to Tooru. “I’m Kobayashi Ayame. And this is my husband, Kazuhiro.”

Tooru glanced at Kazuhiro, suddenly feeling like he was under a microscope under those hard set brown eyes, but he paid it no mind. “Oikawa Tooru. And this is Sugawara Koushi.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Suga smiled.

“Likewise,” Ayame said. 

“Look, Papa! It’s Uncle Daichi and Tetsu-chan!” he tugged on Tooru’s hand once he was back on his feet. “Come on, Papa! Come on, Kou-chan!”

Tooru laughed as he was practically dragged away. “We’re coming, son.”

“Sorry to have to just take off like this,” Suga said, giving a small bow. “Thanks again for helping out Hajime. Have a good evening.”

“Who was that?” Kuroo asked, glancing towards the couple as he picked up Hajime and put the boy on his shoulders.

“Just some people that helped little Haji-chan catch his volleyball,” Suga said. 

And even though he couldn’t explain it, Tooru didn’t like this knot that had settled in his stomach. But he didn’t think about it too much. It was probably just indigestion or something.

“You okay, Oikawa?” Daichi raised an eyebrow.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, I’m fine,” Tooru answered. “I’m great.” He straightened himself. “Let’s get going. I’m freaking starving over here.”

Suga scoffed. “Says the guy that usually keeps us waiting.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being fashionably late, Suga-chan!”

“Yeah, if you actually had some fashion sense.”

Ouch.

Kuroo snickered. “Damn, Suga’s living that savage life.”

“Remember Papa, you don’t stink because you took a bath!” Hajime chimed in.

“My own child is even throwing me under the bus.” Tooru deflated. “What has this world come to?”

Daichi pat him on the back with a smile. “Don’t mind, Oikawa.”

“Don’t forget about your promise, Papa!” Hajime said, his hands curling into Kuroo’s wild tufts of hair. “You said that if I eat all my vegetables, I could get two popsicles and not one! You pinkie promised!”

Tooru smiled. “I didn’t forget, Haji-chan. If they don’t have popsicles where we’re going, you can order a dessert and you can have mine, too.”

“Yay!” Hajime cheered. “Let’s go, Tetsu-chan! Let’s go eat those yucky vegetables!”

“And away we go!” Kuroo started skipping down the sidewalk towards the restaurant.

“Kuroo, be careful!” Daichi said.

“I’m always careful,” Kuroo said, turning back around. “Besides, you better get used to it when we adopt one of our own one day, right babe?” He kissed Daichi on the cheek and winked before taking off again.

Daichi froze, and the only indication that he was even still alive was the heat rushing to his cheeks.

“Moving pretty fast there, aren’t you guys?” Suga said.

Tooru smirked. “Man, I’m offended. We weren’t even invited to the wedding, Suga-chan.”

“How dare they.”

“That’s just rude.”

“I hate you both,” Daichi said.

After dinner though, when Hajime had definitely eaten all of his vegetables and was hyped up on the two slices of cake he had, the boy had taken it upon himself to invite Daichi, Kuroo, and Suga over for movie night. And movie night meant that Hajime was going to pick even if it was the silliest cartoon ever.

But who in their right mind was going to turn him down?

However, when Tooru arrived at his apartment, there was someone already waiting in the parking lot. Tooru didn’t think too much of it, he just kept Hajime close to his side as they walked to their front door now that the sun was setting. The man wasn’t too tall and foreboding and was clad in a business suit, but he didn’t trust anyone as far as he could throw them. Call it a paternal instinct.

Hajime just continued to sing the song that had been playing on the radio, not really paying any mind to his surroundings.

But when the man started walking towards them, Tooru slowed and stepped in front of Hajime slightly, gauging the man’s intentions by his approach. Hajime stared up at him curiously, but as soon as he caught sight of the man coming over, he clung to Tooru’s leg. The area was dimly lit, and Suga, Daichi, and Kuroo would be here in a few minutes. If push came to shove…

“Can I help you?” Tooru asked, obvious suspicion in his tone.

“I apologize for coming by unannounced, but I’m afraid I couldn’t have stopped by at any other time,” the man said. “I’ve been waiting for some time now. I didn’t expect you to be gone as long as you were, Oikawa-san.”

“All right, who the hell are you,” Tooru demanded.

“Rest easy, Oikawa-san. I mean you and your son – well, Hajime – no harm. I’m just here delivering something for my boss since he couldn’t make it, and for that he sends his condolences.” He pulled out an envelope from his inside suit pocket and held it out to Tooru. “My name is Oshiro Sora, and I’m from the law offices of Saito Yuji. You’re being summoned to court, Oikawa-san.”

Tooru took the envelope. “What do you mean?”

“You haven’t done anything illegal, I assure you,” he said. “But from what I’ve been told, you met my boss’s clients earlier this evening, Kobayashi Ayame and Kazuhiro. Correct?”

“What?” Tooru was still wrap his head around this.

“As you are aware, you are not Hajime’s biological father. However, Kobayashi Ayame and Kazuhiro are his biological parents. And you are being summoned to court in the next month for a custody hearing. I suggest you contact your lawyer and let him know what’s going on.” Sora pulled his car keys from his pocket. “Saito-sensei will be in touch once you have done so.” He gave a slight bow. “Have a good evening.”

And when he left, Tooru was still standing there in the middle of the lot, the envelope heavy and burning in his hand. Summoned to court? Custody hearing? Hajime’s _biological parents?_ Where the hell was this coming from? What the hell was going on?

Sweat was starting to trail down the back of his neck and it wasn’t because of the thick, humid, August evening. It was getting harder to breathe. _Pull it together, dammit!_

How the hell was he supposed to process this?

What was he going to–?

“Papa!”

Tooru felt a hard tug on his jeans and he looked down to see Hajime staring up at him with wide, teary eyes. He made sure to smile so as not to worry the boy further. “Yes, Haji-chan?”

“Are you okay? Who was that man?” Hajime asked.

Tooru picked Hajime up, taking comfort in the fact that he fit so easily in his arms, just as Suga, Daichi, and Kuroo arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No killer virus this time, just biological parents wanting their child back.
> 
> That's better, right?
> 
> No?
> 
> I'll just leave then.


	14. Bullets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Precious moments.

“Can we watch this one?”

Tooru looked at the DVD in Hajime’s hands as he bounced up and down. It was a film about a young boy who was raised by wolves and discovers that he’s human, and it was one of Hajime’s favorites. Tooru could probably recite the whole film from memory, as well as Kuroo and Daichi. 

He smiled. “Of course. Go ahead and put it in.”

“’kay!” Hajime opened the DVD player and popped the disc in. “Kou-chan, have you seen this movie?”

“I haven’t,” Suga said. “Is it good?”

“It’s great!” Hajime said as he climbed in Suga’s lap. “It’s my favorite movie ever!”

Tooru watched Hajime continue talking to Suga about the movie, unable to help the smile that slipped across his face or the clenching in his heart. Oshiro’s words echoed in his mind over and over. There was the possibility that Hajime would be taken from him simply because he was not his birth father. How was that fair? How could they just expect to waltz back in when they abandoned him as a newborn? On a stranger’s doorstep no less? They didn’t know if Tooru was some psychopath or not, they knew nothing about him. They just left Hajime when he was less than a day old.

And what about Hajime? Did they even consider how this would affect him? Did they even think about–? 

“…kawa. Oikawa.”

Tooru turned around to find Daichi, Kuroo, and Suga all staring at him. Shit, how long had they been trying to get his attention? He needed to pull it together. Play it cool, act natural.

“Yeah?”

“You feeling alright? You’ve been acting strange ever since we got back from the restaurant,” Daichi said.

Tooru nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Probably just something I ate at the restaurant, it’ll pass.”

“You sure?” Kuroo asked.

“Yeah, definitely. I’m fine.”

“Papa, you can’t be sick!” Hajime said, hurrying over to sit in his father’s lap. “If your tummy hurts, you should go and take medicine! That always makes me feel better, remember?”

Tooru smiled, gently rubbing the boy’s head. “I remember. I’ll be okay, Haji-chan. Don’t worry.”

“Pinkie promise?”

“Pinkie promise.”

Hajime grinned and curled into him when the movie started, and Tooru carded his fingers through the wild tufts of hair, making sure to hold his son extra close as he hummed a lullaby he had sang over and over again. Kaito jumped up on the couch with them, snuggling into Tooru’s leg. And as the movie continued and Hajime started to unwind, relaxing against his chest as he slipped into sleep, Tooru sighed as his thoughts drifted back to what had happened less than an hour ago.

He pressed a soft kiss to Hajime’s head, and opened his phone and started a new message thread. He typed out: _**Are you busy?**_ before placing it on the table and waiting for a reply.

“…ru. _Tooru.”_

“Huh?”

“Dude, are you okay?” Kuroo asked. “You’re really out of it today, space cadet. What’s on your mind?”

And for a moment, Tooru thought about telling them, telling them why he was so close to falling apart with every second that ticked by, but found that he couldn’t. Nothing made sense, even to him, so how could he hope to explain what was going on?

He needed to get it together.

He’d tell them.

Just not now.

“Sorry guys, I guess I’m just tired. It’s been kind of a long day,” Tooru said. “Falling down a hill tends to take a lot out of a guy.”

“So that’s why you and Hajime are covered in bandages?” Suga raised an eyebrow.

Tooru grinned. “Guilty as charged.”

“Looking for bugs again?” Daichi said.

“You know it.”

“Well, if it was for Hajime, I’m sure it was completely worth it.”

Tooru smiled. Yes. Yes, it was.

“I guess if you’re that out of it, then we should probably go,” Kuroo said as he stood up and stretched. “Get some rest, all right? It’s weird seeing you so spacey, I don’t like it.”

Tooru stood up, adjusting Hajime in his hold. “Will do, Tetsu-chan.”

“I guess I’d better go, too,” Suga said and went over to put on his shoes with Daichi. “I’ve got a session in the morning. Rest up, Oikawa. I expect you to be bright-eyed and busy tailed tomorrow.”

“Of course, Suga-chan.”

“Remember – call us if you need anything, Oikawa,” Daichi said.

“I know, Dai-chan.”

 _“Anything,_ Oikawa.”

Tooru paused, reading the clear message in Daichi’s eyes and words. But no, he couldn’t say anything just yet. He needed to figure this out, plan his next move before he completely lost his metaphorical shit. One step at a time just like always. He had to keep a clear head not only for his sake but also Hajime’s. He could do this.

He just needed to breathe.

“Everything’s fine, Dai-chan. I’ll call if I need anything.”

Daichi paused for a few moments, his eyes obviously scanning for a single flit in Tooru’s expression that said otherwise, but he finally nodded. “We’ll see you later. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” And when Tooru shut the door, he released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He leaned back against the door, his legs weak and shaky, but he forced himself onward and moved to Hajime’s room with Kaito close behind.

He changed Hajime into some PJ’s and placed him gently on the bed, smiling when the boy brought the alien plush close to his chest. Tooru turned on the nightlight, and the shapes of different dinosaurs started revolving slowly around the room. Kaito hopped up on the bed as soon as Hajime was under the covers and laid at the foot of the bed.

“Good boy.” Tooru scratched behind the dog’s ears. “Stay.”

Kaito simply placed his head down as Tooru exited the room and left the door slightly open. When he returned to the living room, his phone was buzzing with multiple text messages, and instead of answering any of them he just decided to call.

_“Hello?”_

“Hey, Mom. Got a minute?”

_“Of course, dear. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”_

Even though it was still a process, Tooru and his parents were working hard to try and patch up the gigantic hole that had been left by six years of silence. And it made Tooru happy to know that he could once again go to his parents when he was confused or worried about something, when he was stressed out. He was glad to know that they’d be there for him and try to make up for the times they were gone. They were wonderful with Hajime, and despite everything that had happened, that was all that mattered to Tooru.

Tooru pulled out the envelope from his pocket. He hadn’t even opened it yet. He didn’t even know if he wanted to. “Do you, uh, do you know a good lawyer? A great one, even?”

_“A lawyer? Tooru, what do you need a lawyer for? Are you in trouble?”_

“Well, yes. But no. I didn’t do anything bad. I just got summoned to court next month because Hajime’s biological parents suddenly decided they want him back.”

 _“Wait, what?”_ Camille asked, her voice only slightly raising an octave.

“Yeah, um, I’m kind of freaking out over here. Can you help me?”

_“I’ll make some calls, okay? Don’t worry, they’re not gonna get away with this. Who have they hired?”_

Tooru scanned the front of the envelope. “Saito Yuji? One of the lackeys from his office came and delivered the message.”

_“Saito Yuji? Damn.”_

“Let me guess: he’s good at his job.”

Camille sighed. _“That’s putting it lightly. But hey, your father and I have a few aces up our sleeve, too. We have a lawyer friend who’s just as great, if not better. He’s never lost a case. I’ll call him tomorrow and you can stop by there on your lunch break or something. We’re not going down without a fight.”_

Tooru was quiet.

_“Take a deep breath, okay? You know how you get when you’re stressed out. Just breathe. It’ll be okay.”_

Tooru breathed in shakily and let it out slowly. His eyes burned with unshed tears, and he coursed his free hand through his hair. “I know, Mom. I know.” He sighed. “I know.” Maybe if he repeated that enough everything would actually turn out okay. Maybe he wouldn’t be choking back tears or fighting this knot in his stomach.

This wasn’t even close to being over, he knew that much. He’d see this through like he did with everything else, and then he and Hajime could continue their lives like normal. 

Everything would be okay. He had to believe that.

 _“Are you all right?”_ Camille’s voice was soft, like if she spoke any louder she’d wake up the neighborhood.

Tooru nodded, more for himself than for her. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

_“We’ll be sure to show up for the court date. Remember, you can call me or your father if you need anything.”_

“Thanks, Mom. Tell Dad I said hi, okay?”

_“I will, dear. Get some sleep.”_

“I’ll try.”

_“Tooru.”_

“I will, I will.” He moved around the apartment to make sure everything was locked tight. “Thanks again, Mom. I appreciate it.”

_“No need to thank me. You’re my son. I’m happy to help. We’ll come down to Tokyo for the trial, okay?”_

Tooru smiled, and when they hung up, Tooru felt a little better than he did before. He knew what he was going to do. He knew his next move, so now he might be able to sleep. He changed into a t-shirt from his college days and some old shorts before going back to Hajime’s room and lying next to the boy. And Hajime, sensing the new source of heat, snuggled into Tooru’s chest and fisted his hand into Tooru’s shirt.

Tooru held his son close and placed a tender kiss atop his head.

It would be okay.

It had to be.

**

“Okay, hold your arms up like this. And then your hands are gonna move like this.”

“’kay!”

“Wanna give it another shot?”

“Yeah!”

Tooru tossed up the ball, watching it drift slowly towards Hajime who was ready in a setting position. He thought Hajime would get it this time, but he couldn’t help but smile as the ball bounced gently atop the boy’s head and not in his waiting hands. Hajime rubbed his head, a telltale pout on his face, as he went to retrieve the ball.

The appointment with the lawyer Camille was talking about ended up being on Friday rather than, well, today like Tooru hoped. It was just a minor setback, and there wasn’t anything he could do so it wasn’t worth getting into a tizzy about. So Tooru went to work, Hajime went to preschool, and they went about their day afterwards. That meant going to the park and learning how to set. He tended to miss it more often than not, and Tooru was patient in his teaching. He didn’t expect Hajime to get it on the very first try. 

But even though Tooru was patient, it didn’t mean Hajime shared that sentiment.

Hajime came back over with the ball, obvious frustration on his face. He stared at the volleyball, and his grip tightened on it.

“What’s the matter?” Tooru knelt down. “Did the ball hurt your head? Did you wanna take a break?”

Hajime shifted on his feet. “Papa, um, do you think…” his eyes flitted back and forth to Tooru’s, and he flicked a piece of grass stuck to the ball. “Do you think I can be a good setter?”

“Of course I think so,” Tooru said. “I know so. I _know_ you can be a great setter.”

“R-Really?” 

“Sure I do. Why do you ask? Do you think you’re not going to be a good setter?”

Hajime was still for a moment but finally nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“Why do you think that?”

“B-Because I can’t set it right.” Hajime sniffled a bit. “I-I try and – and I can’t get it. I wanna be a g-great setter like you. You’re the best, and –” He didn’t even finish because he started to cry. He hung his head low, hiding his face with his arm. “I wanna be a good volleyball player. I w-wanna make you proud, Papa.”

And Tooru felt his heart clench in his chest.

“Haji-chan,” Tooru said. He kept his voice low, warm, and welcoming. “Hajime, look at me.” 

The boy tentatively raised his head, evidently ashamed of his tears, but he didn’t have to be for long because Tooru immediately started clearing them from his cheeks.

“No matter what, I will always be proud of you,” Tooru said. “You are doing such an amazing job. You can block, you can receive, you can spike, and now you can set. And you’re only four! That’s awesome! And it’s okay if it takes more than one try, I can promise you that I didn’t get it my first try either.”

“Really?” Hajime sniffled.

“Really. I failed a lot. But you know what? I kept practicing until I could get it. If you don’t get it the first time, I promise it’s okay. I’m not gonna be mad. We can try again and again, we can keep practicing.” Tooru smiled. “And if you get it on the third try or even the fiftieth try, I will always be proud of you.”

Hajime stared at him, some tears ghosting along his cheeks again, and Tooru was quick to clear them.

“Because you, Oikawa Hajime, are my son. You are my pride and joy. And nothing will ever change that.”

Hajime grinned as Tooru ruffled his hair, and there was a newfound determination in his eyes. A look that rivaled even Tooru’s on the volleyball court. “Can we try again, Papa? I think I can get it this time.”

Tooru smiled as Hajime handed the volleyball to him. “Of course we can.”

Hajime jogged a few feet away with more excitement than he had when they first arrived.

“Ready?”

“Ready!”

Tooru tossed the ball over, and it arced gently as Hajime held his hands at the ready. Hajime’s eyes followed it carefully, and as soon as the ball came down his fingertips brushed against it and sent it flying back into the air. Hajime looked back at his hands in complete awe before looking over to his father and grinning.

And Tooru ran over, hugging Hajime tight and spinning him around until they fell back into the soft grass, their laughter ringing out into the setting sun.

“I did it, Papa! I did it!” Hajime said. “I set the ball!”

“I knew you could do it,” Tooru said as he lifted his son in his arms and brushed the spiky strands of hair back. “I’m so very proud of you, Haji-chan. You’re going to be the best setter ever.”

Hajime clung to him, a smile still pulling at his cheeks. “Do you think I could even play for the school you did, Papa? What’s it called again?”

“Seijou.”

“Do you think I could play for Seijou when I get bigger? Like when I get really big and strong and I can set really good?”

Tooru smiled. “Of course! You can play for any school you want to when you’re older.”

“Did your best friend play on Seijou with you, Papa?”

“He sure did.”

“What was his job?”

“He was a wing spiker.”

A light seemed to go off in Hajime’s head. “Like Uncle Daichi and Boku-chan?”

“That’s exactly right.”

“Was he a good wing spiker, Papa? Did he score a lot of points?”

Tooru could practically feel the ball leaving his hands and hear it slam against the court. He could hear the crowd going wild as the referee blew the whistle to call a fair point. He could hear his teammates cheering. He could feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins like wildfire.

“Tons of points,” Tooru said. “He was the best wing spiker I ever had the privilege setting for.”

Hajime smiled. “I’m sure he thought you were the best setter too, Papa.”

“You think so, Haji-chan?”

“I know he did.”

Tooru grinned and ruffled his hair, and set Hajime to his feet and started gathering their things. “I think this occasion calls for ice cream after dinner. What do you say, Haji-chan?”

“Yeah!” Hajime jumped up and down. “Can I get two scoops this time?”

“Sure thing, kiddo.” Tooru smiled as the boy continued cheering. He stuffed the volleyball into the backpack just as he heard Hajime cry out, “Uncle Daichi!” that made him turn around. And Daichi was indeed heading towards them and opened his arms so Hajime could jump into them.

“If I didn’t know any better, Dai-chan, I’d say you were stalking us.” Tooru slung the backpack on his shoulder and smiled.

Daichi chuckled. “Well, luckily you do know better. I just figured you two would be here working on setting, and what do you know? I was right.”

“Uncle Daichi, guess what!” Hajime said. “I set the ball! I set the ball today!”

“You did?” Daichi said with absolute astonishment and incredulity. “That’s amazing, Hajime!”

Hajime tugged on the hem of Daichi’s shirt. “Can I show you, Uncle Daichi? Can I? Can I?” 

“I’d love to see it.”

Tooru pulled the volleyball from the backpack and tossed it to an already ready and waiting Hajime who, this time, set it much easier than before and earned both the praises of Daichi and his father.

“Papa said we can go get ice cream after dinner! I can get two scoops today and not one!” Hajime skipped ahead of Tooru and Daichi. The boy was on cloud nine after managing to set it twice in a row, and the oncoming sugar rush wasn’t going to settle him down. “I’m gonna get chocolate and blueberry! Maybe even chocolate and more chocolate! Papa, what’re you gonna get?”

“Hmm,” Tooru said. “I think I’m gonna get orange and melon.”

Hajime looked to Daichi. “What about you, Uncle Daichi?”

“I think I’ll get strawberry and chocolate,” Daichi said.

Tooru smiled. “Looks like you’re stuck with us for dinner.”

“Only if I’m not intruding on anything.”

“Yeah, I’m on my way to a date and I totally plan on you third wheeling.”

“With Suga?”

“Definitely.” And it took a minute, but Tooru stopped walking entirely when he realized what just came out of his mouth. And he would’ve been mortified at how red his cheeks turned if he wasn’t so concerned with covering his tracks. “Wait, no! Not Suga-chan!”

“Too late, it’s already out there.”

“No, no, no! It’s not like that! I just – I don’t –!”

Daichi clapped him on the back and smiled. “Relax, Oikawa. Breathe. I’m not gonna tell Suga if that’s what you’re worried about. Your secret is safe with me.”

 

Tooru sighed, and he quite literally deflated. “I’m that obvious, huh?”

“Not really,” Daichi said. “Well, I didn’t notice anything.”

“No offense Dai-chan, but that doesn’t really bring me any relief. You’re kind of dense when it comes to romance. You were completely blind to Tetsu-chan’s advances.”

Daichi flushed. “T-That’s beside the point. What I’m saying is that the only reason why I’m even bringing it up is because Kuroo said he’s tired of the ‘pining’ and wishes you two would just go out already.”

“Boku-chan noticed Tetsu-chan had a crush on you.” Tooru pouted.

Daichi rolled his eyes. “That’s only because Bokuto is nosy and Akaashi told him what was going on.”

“But –”

“Again: relax. No one else knows. But I just need to say one thing.” The look in Daichi’s eyes turned dark and his smile was razor sharp. “When you do decide to get your act together, keep in mind that Suga is my best friend. And I’d rather you not find out what will happen if you hurt him.”

Tooru felt a chill trickle down his spine.

“But I know you fairly well and I don’t think you’d ever do something like that, so you there isn’t anything for you to worry about,” Daichi said. “Right?”

“R-Right!”

“Perfect. It’s settled then.” Daichi then walked ahead to catch up with Hajime who was calling for them to hurry and catch up.

Tooru sighed. Iwaizumi and Suga weren’t kidding.

Daichi could be scary.

“Papa!” Hajime said. “Come on!”

Tooru smiled. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

And after they had filled themselves up on ramen and sweetened the evening with well-deserved ice cream, Tooru couldn’t help but laugh as Hajime practically shoved a spoonful of the blueberry flavor into Daichi’s face and getting all over the man’s cheeks. Daichi, in turn, dotted Hajime’s nose with strawberry ice cream and laughed at the boy’s bewildered expression, Hajime joining him soon after.

It was laughter much cherished.

It was laughter much needed.

“You feeling any better from last night?” Daichi asked as he cleaned his face with a napkin. It’d be sticky later but this would do for now.

“Yeah,” Tooru said. “Yeah, I am.”

And he absolutely meant that.

**

“Oikawa-san?” the secretary stepped out what Tooru assumed was an office. “Thank you for your patience. Moriyama-sensei will see you now.”

Tooru stood up, took a steeling breath, and walked into the next room. This Moriyama Atsuko that his mother spoke of was a big-shot family attorney that had yet to lose a case. She had gone to college with Daisuke years ago and they had remained good friends ever since. Tooru had never heard of her, but his father didn’t mention any friends outside of business acquaintances.

Daichi and Kuroo were at home with Hajime under the pretense that Tooru had to meet up with a coworker real quick about an upcoming project. Suga would be joining them later since dinner was going to be made at Tooru’s place anyway, and Tooru wanted to return to them with good news and hopefully a better night’s rest.

Moriyama smiled when Tooru entered and rose to her feet to shake his hand. Her eyes were a bright, almost electric blue that popped against her short, dark hair. “Oikawa Tooru. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot from your parents.”

“All good things, I hope.” Tooru returned his own smile.

“Of course,” she said as she sat back down at her desk. “All they’ve done is sing your praises. Please, sit.” She gestured to the open chair next to Tooru and started clicking through some files on her computer. “I just can’t get over how much you look like your mother. You could be her spitting image.”

Tooru sat down. “I get that a lot.”

There were a few pulses of silence that followed after that save for the soft click of the keyboard as Moriyama typed, and Tooru shifted in the leather seat. He was so freaking _nervous._ Sure, he was used to being under pressure – hell, he almost thrived on it. But this was a different kind of pressure.

This would make or break him.

“How old are you, Oikawa-kun?” Moriyama asked.

“29,” Tooru said.

“And little Hajime is four, correct?”

“Yes.”

“I’m told he’s a little spitfire.” She chuckled a bit. “And that he’s adventurous type. Camille told me he likes to go after bugs?”

Tooru nodded. “He’d spend all day looking for them if I let him.”

“Well, it’s good that you allow him to pursue something he’s passionate about.”

 _Of course I do,_ Tooru wanted to tell her but he kept his mouth shut. Silence once again fell over them, and after a few more minutes of her searching whatever it was she was looking for on the computer, Moriyama once again faced him.

And she sighed.

Which was never a good sign.

She folded her hands together. “I’m just going to come out and say that this case is not as open and shut as we might think it is, Oikawa-kun.” 

“What do you mean?” Tooru asked.

“What I mean is that while yes, you legally adopted Hajime and you are his father by law, the adoption policies favor the biological parents. And if the birth parents suddenly decide that they want their child back, they can come back and take them.” She pulled up a scanned document on her computer screen, her eyes flying across it. “I was hoping that this was all just a mistake, that maybe they have the wrong child or something along those lines. But after looking over the DNA test and other official records, I’m afraid Kobayashi Ayame and Kazuhiro are Hajime’s biological parents.”

“How in the world is that fair? They just abandon him and then come back four years later asking for the child they left behind? Where did they even come from?”

“That’s our system,” she said. “And unfortunately, I can’t guarantee a win on this.”

Tooru felt everything sink out from under him. “What?”

“I’m just being honest. You needed to know. Since adoption laws generally favor the birth parents and they technically never signed away their parental rights, the judge is going to look out for Hajime’s best interests – not yours and not even the Kobayashi’s. And unless the Kobayashi’s pose a threat to Hajime’s safety, the judge will mostly likely be in their corner.”

“They _abandoned_ him on my doorstep. Yamaguchi and I did everything that was needed to make sure this adoption was finalized. Hajime is _my son,_ not theirs.” Tooru’s words were sharp, piercing. And was it totally fair that he was aiming this at her? Probably not. But he was frustrated. Angry. And most of all, _scared._

“By paper and not by blood, Oikawa-san. And even though you and I don’t think that should matter, that’s all the Kobayashi’s may see. Not to mention that’s probably what their lawyer is going to come at you with. He’s going to say that you look nothing like Hajime, while the Kobayashi’s do so it’s in Hajime’s best interest to be with those who resemble him most so he doesn’t grow up confused. He’s going to do anything and everything within the law to make sure Hajime is returned to them.”

If she kept talking, Tooru wasn’t listening. How could she just automatically say there was a high chance they weren’t going to win? How could she just say that they were going to take Hajime away all because those two were related by blood and Tooru wasn’t?

Tooru couldn’t lose Hajime, he just couldn’t. Not now, not ever. That was his son, his baby boy. Tooru loved Hajime as if he was his own flesh and blood. The mere thought of having the one person his entire world centered on taken away…

“But.” Moriyama’s words snapped him back to reality. She was looking at him now, her eyes sparking. “I’m not going to give up on this. I’m not going to give up just because we’re facing against Saito Yuji. The guy’s an asshole, so shattering his case will be entertaining. Not to mention I hate the fact that there is such a blatant disregard for the role you have in Hajime’s life as a father. You’re all he’s known. And you’re all he will ever know.”

Tooru was quiet.

She leaned forward against her desk. “So don’t give up on this either, Oikawa-kun. I told your mother that I would help you, and I will. I’m going to pour everything I have into this case, so I’m going to need you to remain vigilant. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure your son stays with you.”

Tooru was feeling everything all at once: anger, frustration, fear. Anger at the fact that after four years, the Kobayashi’s wanted the child they abandoned. Frustration because there was literally nothing he could do but sit and wait for a decision. Fear because there was a chance that Hajime may very well be taken from him.

But he had to trust in Moriyama’s abilities and judgment. She knew what she was doing, and she seemed rather passionate about the case, even if she did give rather discouraging news about how this case and cases prior to this would turn out. It was disheartening but hopeful all at once.

And Tooru just had to cling to that sliver of hope.

Otherwise he’d lose it.

He had to keep it together.

And even though she promised to keep Hajime home, why did he still feel so sick?

But he smiled at her anyway. “If you know my family, you should know me. Giving up isn’t something we do easily.”

**

“Papa, you’re home!” Hajime ran over as soon as Tooru came inside and hugged the man’s leg. He looked up at Tooru with firecracker eyes. “Papa, you’re never gonna believe it! Uncle Daichi showed me the volleyball game when he and Kou-chan played against you! It was so cool! You hit the ball like ‘bam!’ and everyone was like ‘wah!’ I wanna do that, too! Can I?”

Tooru lifted his son into his arms, still reveling in the fact that it felt so right, and made sure to smile. “Sure you can! I’ll teach you all my tricks!”

“Yay!”

“How’d the meeting go?” Daichi asked as Suga and Kuroo waved from the kitchen.

Tooru shrugged as he set Hajime to his feet again. “Eh, it was fine. I swear, they’d fall apart without me.”

The smell of dinner wafting throughout the apartment was strong, and if Tooru wasn’t mistaken, that was Kuroo’s special katsudon recipe and Suga’s “mild” miso soup to compliment it. Tooru hoped that Daichi reminded Suga that his “mild” and their “mild” were on totally different spectrums, even if they ate it anyway.

“Papa, lookie!” Hajime ran over to the coffee table Daichi was sitting at and brought back a sheet of paper with colorful doodles and writing on it. He held it out with a proud grin. “Uncle Daichi was helping me practice writing my name!”

Tooru took it and smiled. “Wow, Haji-chan! This looks great! You’re getting better and better!”

“I’m gonna draw a picture of all of us and then give one to you, Uncle Daichi, Kou-chan, and Tetsu-chan!” he then went back to the table and grabbed blank sheets of paper and started to scribble.

And it took everything Tooru had to keep himself glued together.

He joined Hajime at the table, just set on watching the boy color.

“You wanna color too, Papa?” 

Tooru smiled. “Sure, I’ll color with you.”

Hajime handed him a sheet of paper. “What’re you gonna draw, Papa?”

“I’m not sure yet, Haji-chan.” Tooru just started scribbling on the page with a blue crayon. He was just drawing circles, nothing with any real purpose. All he could think of were Moriyama’s words to him and the weight they placed on his shoulders. 

“You feeling all right, Oikawa?” Kuroo said. “You’re kinda quiet. I half expected you to be ranting about the competence of your coworkers at this point.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I’m good.”

And if Daichi, Kuroo, and Suga exchanged knowing glances, Tooru didn’t notice.

Dinner was eaten soon after, even if some of it ended up in Hajime and Kuroo’s hair because they decided to play fight with their food instead of eat it, and after a much needed bath, Hajime was ready for bed. Well, that’d be the case if Hajime wasn’t currently hiding.

Tooru smiled. “Now where could my little Haji-chan be hiding today?” He looked around at Suga, Kuroo, and Daichi. “I’m guessing I’m not getting any help from you guys?”

“Nope,” Daichi said.

“We’ve been sworn to absolute secrecy,” Suga said.

“Yeah, I thought that might be the case.” Tooru started searching high and low, listening for any indication that Kaito might give about Hajime’s hiding place.

He waited patiently, and…

There was a soft whine that came from Hajime’s room.

And got him.

Tooru went over, quietly creaking the door open so as not to alert Hajime to his presence. Kaito was pawing at the lump under the blankets and whining, obviously ignoring Hajime telling him to stay quiet. Tooru leaned against the doorjamb, deciding to watch this unfold.

Hajime poked his head out from under the covers. “Shh, Kaito! Papa is gonna find me! He’s really good at hide-and-seek so I wanna see if I can beat him this time.”

Tooru smiled. “Boo.”

Hajime yelped and jumped a bit, still clutching the blankets around him. “Papa, you found me!” He pouted. “That’s no fair! Kaito told you where I was!”

“Maybe I’ll just let Kaito play hide-and-seek with you since he’s a lot better at finding you than I am.” Tooru sat down on the bed next to the boy.

Hajime climbed into Tooru’s lap and snuggled into his chest to hear the heartbeat he had come to know so well. “Nah, I wanna play with you, Papa. It’s fun playing with Kaito but I like playing hide-and-seek with you.”

Tooru stroked Hajime’s head, holding him close. “I like playing hide-and-seek with you, too.”

“Really?”

“Really. You’ve gotten really good at it, you know. I even asked Dai-chan, Suga-chan, and Tetsu-chan for help and they didn’t know where you were either. It was like you disappeared!”

Hajime giggled. “I got all of you good, didn’t I?”

“You sure did.” 

There was nothing else said for a few moments as Tooru carded his fingers through Hajime’s hair, but when he felt the boy relax against him, Tooru started to hum. It was something that always soothed Hajime, and that was something that the Kobayashi’s didn’t know. They knew absolutely nothing about Hajime.

Oikawa Hajime was Oikawa Tooru’s son.

Nothing should change that.

Nothing _was going_ to change that.

After making sure that Hajime was in a deep enough sleep, Tooru placed him back on the bed, tucked him under the covers and placed a soft kiss to his head. Tooru clicked on the nightlight, Kaito laid down in his usual spot, and he shut the door on his way out.

Suga, Kuroo, and Daichi were all watching some comedy flashing across the television, but Tooru really couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to it. So he went to the kitchen to make some coffee. He probably shouldn’t be having caffeine this late, but there were a couple of manuscripts on his desk that needed some final touches, and Tooru knew himself well enough that he probably missed some things while being sleep deprived. If he didn’t fix it now, it was never going to get done. 

It was going to be a long night. 

_‘Hajime is only your son on paper and not by blood. And that’s all they’re going to see.’_

No, that was wrong. That was completely wrong.

“Hajime finally call it a night?” Kuroo asked.

Tooru pulled out the coffee pot. “Yeah.”

“I didn’t think he hated baths so much,” Suga said.

“That’s right, you haven’t tried putting him to bed yet,” Daichi said. “He’s incredibly stubborn so he’ll try and persuade you all the way until he’s actually in the tub.”

Tooru grabbed a mug from the cupboard.

_‘You look nothing like Hajime, while the Kobayashi’s do so it’s in Hajime’s best interest to be with those who resemble him most so he doesn’t grow up confused.’_

What the hell did that have to do with anything? Appearance shouldn’t be a factor in this at all.

He shut the cupboard harder than he meant to.

“You trying to tear down your entire kitchen, Tooru?” Kuroo teased.

“Sorry,” Tooru said but nowhere near loud enough where Kuroo could hear.

_‘Since adoption laws generally favor the birth parents and they technically never signed away their parental rights, the judge is going to look out for Hajime’s best interests – not yours and not even the Kobayashi’s.’_

No, that wasn’t fair! This was the only home Hajime ever knew. Suga, Kuroo, and Daichi were all Hajime had ever known. Tooru was the only parent Hajime had ever known. He knew no one else. He knew of no other place outside of this apartment, outside of the toys and drawings in his bedroom. He knew nothing but Tooru’s butterfly kisses and gentle hugs.

Did they even care about that? Did they even consider how Hajime would feel?

He clenched his fists as he watched the coffee brew.

“Oh Oikawa, before I forget.” Suga’s voice was a lot closer than it was before. “There’s something that Kuroo, Daichi, and I want to tell you.”

Tooru didn’t turn around. “What’s up?”

“Well, we’ve heard how much Hajime wants to go to Disneyland and that you have plans to take him one year,” Suga said, an evident smile in his voice.

Tooru kept his eyes on the filling coffee pot.

“So Kuroo, Daichi, and I have taken it upon ourselves to save up a bit over these past few months to help you out so we can all go for Hajime’s fifth birthday.”

Tooru poured some coffee into the mug as soon as it was done.

“What do you think?” Suga asked. “Does that sound like a good idea? I think Hajime would be really excited to go!”

“Yeah,” Tooru said and cleared his throat of the rising lump. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great.”

“Are you okay, Oikawa? You seem a little –”

“I’m fine, Suga-chan. I’m fine.” He gripped the mug to pick it up, but it ended up slipping out of his hand and shattering all over the floor. “Shit!” He kneeled down to pick up the porcelain chunks out of the coffee.

Suga started to approach. “Oikawa –”

“I’ve got it,” Tooru said. It was probably a bit harsher than he intended, and Suga didn’t deserve this, Tooru knew he didn’t. But he felt like he was falling apart from the inside out and everything was spilling out all over the place and he didn’t know how to handle it and – fuck, he was crying. Stop it, stop it!

_Get it together!_

Tooru felt a firm hand grip his wrist to stop him from touching the glass. He didn’t have to look to know that it was Suga.

“You’re going to cut your hands,” Suga said.

Tooru heard Daichi and Kuroo approach and this was definitely not what he needed right now.

“Do one of you mind getting a broom?” Suga asked.

“I got it,” Kuroo said and his footsteps faded out.

Tooru made sure to keep his head down so they wouldn’t see his tears, but the hitch in his breath and the shake in his shoulders said otherwise. He bit his lip and the pinch of blood tingled across his tongue.

“Oikawa.” It was Daichi this time. “Oikawa, what’s going on? You’ve been completely on edge for the last couple of days. We’re worried about you.”

And as Tooru finally met their eyes, all three of them harboring different shades of brown with different fires behind them, he couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Crashed and burned.

**

The month went by painfully slow as August bled into September and the leaves, with their bright colors, sagged and drooped with the oncoming chill. Tooru had spent as time as he could with Hajime. While he knew that absolutely ever second of every moment mattered, this last month had been the most important.

And today was the day that decided whether or not those precious moments would continue or not.

And as Tooru sat in that courtroom, just mere feet away from the people that were trying to take that, he could only hope.

Tooru had left Hajime with Suga since that’s who the boy wanted to stay with, and Kuroo and Daichi sat amongst Satoshi, Akane, and Tooru’s parents. Yamaguchi was also there along with Tsukishima. There were also people on the Kobayashi’s side, but Tooru didn’t really pay much attention. They were all only allowed in the courtroom to view and be a sort of moral support as they wouldn’t be allowed to speak on either party’s behalf.

It had seemed like they had been there for hours, and Tooru was tired. Moriyama was completely right about Saito pulling the whole “Hajime looks nothing like you” bit, and Tooru rebutted it while managing to retain his calm countenance. If there was one thing he was good at, it was putting on a cool demeanor and getting away with it around those who didn’t know him.

Tooru had tried not to show any outward reaction when he heard the Kobayashi’s testimony: they were young and jobless when Hajime was born so they didn’t see any other option than to leave Hajime in the care of someone else. They worked hard to get back on their feet and provide for the child they would return to, but years of searching had turned up nothing until they managed to get some answers with the help of some outside sources.

“We’ve had a hard time conceiving another child ever since Hajime was born,” Ayame had said. “We would just like to spend the rest of our days with the son we were blessed with.”

Tooru drummed his fingers on the table. All that was needed now was the judge’s decision after both sides had presented their cases. And the pressure was starting to get to him.

“Hey,” Moriyama said. 

He turned to her.

“It’s okay. Just breathe. We did what we could. We pled the best case we could.”

He only nodded. 

It would be okay.

It had to be.

The judge entered the room once again and sat down at her bench, her eyes scanning over the courtroom as everyone held their breath to hear the metaphorical pin drop.

“This was not an easy decision to make,” she said, taking a deep sigh. “But I have ultimately decided to have Hajime return to his biological parents.”

There was a mix of sighs in relief and in sorrow throughout the courtroom.

Tooru hid his face in his hands.

And his world stopped spinning.

**

He didn’t exactly know how he was supposed to go about this. How was he supposed to explain to a four-year-old that the home he knew his entire life would no longer be home? Tooru had tried to put it into terms that Hajime could understand, but the boy didn’t really seem to grasp what was about to happen. There was a bag resting by the front door full of Hajime’s favorite things.

And Tooru could hardly bring himself to look at it.

He stood in the doorway of the boy’s bedroom, watching him play with the toy soldiers Bokuto and Akaashi had gotten him a few weeks ago. Hajime loved those, and Tooru wondered if he should put them in the bag, too.

“Haji-chan, it’s time to go,” Tooru said.

Hajime stopped playing and blinked a few times. “Where are we going, Papa?”

“Remember when I told you that you were going to meet Miss Ayame and Mister Kazuhiro?” Tooru kneeled down in front of him and waited for Hajime to nod before continuing. “Well, you’re going to go live with them.”

“And then I’ll come home,” Hajime said.

Tooru next words caught in his throat. “N-No, Haji-chan. You won’t be coming home.”

“Where’s Uncle Daichi?” Hajime started to leave the room.

“Haji-chan, wait – wait a minute.” Tooru managed to catch the boy’s arm and guide him back. He ran his fingers through Hajime’s hair and gently stroked his cheek.

He just… he just wanted to get one more look, one more smile, even one more laugh. Hajime tilted his head a bit, staring at Tooru with such wonder and confusion. And Tooru smiled through the oncoming tears.

“Hey, Haji-chan. Remember that song we sing sometimes? The one about being in each other’s hearts? How I’ll be in yours and you’ll be in mine?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh! I like that song.”

“Well, I want you to remember that song, okay? I want you to know that no matter what, I will always be with you. In here.” Tooru pointed to Hajime’s chest. “In your heart. And that you’ll always be in mine.” Tooru gestured to his own chest. “And it doesn’t matter what anyone says, I will always love you. Okay?”

Hajime nodded again, and Tooru brought him in for a hug.

God, this hurt.

_This hurt so bad._

“Papa, why are you crying?” Hajime asked.

Tooru was going to try and answer but Daichi stood in the doorway with Hajime’s duffle bag in hand. And Tooru knew that it was time. He lifted Hajime in his arms, intending to hold him as close as possible until the very last second as he followed Daichi to the front door.

“Uncle Daichi!” Hajime grinned.

Daichi did his best to smile. “Hey there, Haji.”

“Where are Kou-chan and Tetsu-chan?” Hajime looked around.

“We’re right here, Haji-chan,” Suga said. He was smiling too, though it never reached his eyes. And it looked like he wanted to say so much more but the words were struggling to make it past the tremble in his voice.

Kuroo grinned his best grin and ruffled the boy’s hair. “You keep on practicing volleyball, okay? You’re going to be the greatest setter ever, and I want to see you play one day, okay?”

“Uh-huh! I’ll be the best ever! I’ll even beat you, Tetsu-chan!”

Kuroo looked about two seconds from shattering. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Two women, who had so far been standing off to the side, then approached, and the one with blonde hair held her arms out to take Hajime. Her smile was supposed to be disarming, but the minute Hajime saw her he clung to Tooru and eyed the woman with suspicion.

“Haji-chan, they’re going to take you to see Ayame and Kazuhiro,” Tooru said.

“No.” Hajime shook his head and buried his face into Tooru’s neck.

Tooru pat the boy’s back and kissed his head. “It’ll be okay, Hajime. It’s okay.”

The blonde managed to free one of Hajime’s arms. “Why don’t you just let me take him?”

That was the last thing any of them wanted.

She continued to pry Hajime off of Tooru, which only made the boy cry out and fight her grip, and as she struggled to get a hold on him, it took everything Tooru had not to take his son back in his arms again.

“Papa! Papa!” Hajime cried.

“Do you want his things?” Daichi asked.

“He has belongings at the Kobayashi’s,” the other woman, a brunette, said as her associate took Hajime outside.

_“Papa!”_

“Can I just get another minute with him? Just a minute!” Tooru said. Everything in him was screaming to take Hajime back, to comfort him. To make his son feel safe again. Hajime was absolutely terrified. He was just a baby, he didn’t understand what was going on.

She shook her head. “Doing that will only make this harder, Oikawa-san.”

“I hope you know that what you’re doing is going to destroy him,” Suga said, his words as cold as steel and sharp as ice as the woman headed out.

She spun on her heel. “And what exactly qualifies you to say that?”

“Maybe it’s my doctorate in child psychology that _qualifies_ me.”

The woman stopped for a moment, but only for a moment, before leaving.

And even with the door shut, Tooru could still hear Hajime’s cries. Even as he crumbled to his knees, his hands clenched into fists, his blood rushing in his ears, his body alight with earthshattering grief. Even as he let out his own cry of agony…

He could still hear Hajime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /plays dead


	15. Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain so familiar and close to the heart.

He woke up.

Hajime sat up, taking in his surroundings. The room was dark, the only light the moon pooling in through the window. And even in this limited light, Hajime could tell that he was not in his room. The sheets were different from the way they smelled to the way they felt under his fingertips. The drawings he had done weren’t tacked on the walls. The stuffed animals in the corner of the room were not his. The room even smelled different. And most importantly, his papa was not next to him.

He wasn’t at home.

He remembered two ladies taking him away from his papa, and he remembered crying and crying until he fell asleep in the car they put him in. The ladies tried to calm him down but all he wanted was to go home. Why did they take him from his papa? He didn’t want to go anywhere, he wanted to stay home!

He rubbed his slightly swollen eyes. He had to find his papa. He had to go home.

Hajime slid off the bed but ended up falling since it was a lot taller than he was used to. He whined a bit but got to his feet and opened the bedroom door into a long hallway. He looked down both sides, taking note of the many other rooms there, and a curious part of him wanted to go and see what was in store until he spotted the staircase a few feet away.

This place was so much bigger than his home.

He slipped out into the open and made his way down the stairs, pausing when he heard two voices he did not recognize. Hajime followed the voices, particularly those of a man and a woman, and discovered that the room they were in was a kitchen, and the smell of food made his tummy growl.

“Papa?” he poked his head around the corner.

The man and woman turned to him, and the woman smiled.

“Hajime, you’re awake,” she said, approaching him.

He took a step back. She didn’t look mean, but she was a stranger and sometimes strangers were not nice even if they looked nice. His papa taught him that.

“It’s okay, Hajime. We’re not going to hurt you,” she said. “Are you hungry? We’re making ramen. You like to eat ramen, don’t you?”

Ramen? He loved to eat it. Uncle Daichi made really good ramen. But…

“Papa says I shouldn’t take things from strangers,” Hajime said.

The woman smiled. She had really pretty green eyes. She had eyes like him. “That’s a very good rule to have, Hajime-chan. Let’s introduce ourselves, okay? I’m Ayame, and that’s Kazuhiro.”

Hajime just stared at them. They kind of looked like him. They both had dark brown hair, and she had green eyes and he had brown eyes just like him. But that didn’t matter. What mattered is that he went home to Papa. Maybe they’d help him. Maybe they had a phone and could –

“We’re your mommy and daddy,” she said.

_What?_

That didn’t make any sense. He didn’t know these people. He’d never seen them before. How could they possibly be his parents? She was wrong. She was lying. And lying was bad.

“No, you’re not.” Hajime shook his head. “You’re not my mommy and daddy.”

He only had one parent, and that was his papa! He didn’t know his mommy. Other kids in his class had mommies, but some only had daddies like he did and some only had mommies. He only had one papa and that was all! That was… that was all he wanted. 

The man started to come over. “Hajime-chan –”

“No! I want my papa!” Hajime said. His tiny heart was hammering against his chest and more tears collected in his eyes. His mouth felt terribly dry and his legs felt weak. “Where’s Papa? I want Papa!”

“Hajime, we’re your mommy and daddy,” Kazuhiro said. “Your real mommy and daddy.”

“No! Liar, liar! You’re a liar!” The tears were dangerously close to spilling. He was scared. He didn’t know them. “I want to go home! Take me home now! Right now!”

Ayame held out her arms to him. “Hajime –”

“No! I want Papa!” 

He took off running down the hall. He didn’t know where he was going and that scared him, but the thought of not seeing his papa scared him even more. Maybe this was just a game of hide-and-seek. Yeah, that had to be it! His papa would never, ever leave him so maybe he was hiding! 

Hajime started opening doors to different bedrooms and closets, calling out for his father. But the more he looked and the more rooms he found empty, his fear started to boil over. Where was he? _Where was he?_

“Papa!” He ran back up the stairs. “Papa wins! Papa is the best at hide-and-seek ever!”

Hajime tripped and tumbled over, and even though his knees stung from the slight carpet burn, it didn’t compare to the absolute agony in his heart. His papa… he wasn’t here. He looked and looked but his papa wasn’t here. Where did he go? Why wasn’t he here?

He curled into himself, feeling cold and alone as tears barreled down his cheeks. 

He wanted Uncle Daichi to give him piggy back rides. He wanted to help Tetsu-chan pull pranks on Boku-chan. He wanted Kou-chan to color in picture books with him. He wanted his papa to hug him and kiss his scratches and color with him. He wanted his papa to read him bedtime stories and to tickle him and sing silly songs. He wanted his papa to play volleyball with him and tell him how good he was doing. He wanted…

“Papa…”

These people took him away from his family. They wanted him to call them mommy and daddy, but he didn’t want to call them that because they weren’t his parents. He didn’t know them.

He wanted to go home. He wanted to go home. 

_“Papa!”_

**

Tooru hadn’t really moved.

A bowl of rice only eaten a third of the way through rested on the coffee table. He felt bad because Daichi had made it for lunch, and he honestly tried eating but he just couldn’t stomach anything. The apartment was far too quiet even as the TV hummed in the background and Daichi shuffled from room to room. The apartment felt terribly empty even though he was taking up space. Daichi had been staying with him for the past few days just in case Tooru needed anything and to also make sure Tooru was eating properly. Which he wasn’t. 

All Tooru had really done was sleep. His eyes were red and puffy, he felt drained all the time, and if he didn’t pass out on the couch after watching some sitcom, he was asleep in Hajime’s room. And instead of the days passing by in minutes, it trudged along in years.

But Tooru was immensely grateful for Daichi’s presence. On the first day, when all Tooru wanted was to be left alone, Daichi didn’t leave. He had stayed. Daichi held him when he cried, gave Tooru his space when needed, but he was there. Kuroo picked up some of Daichi’s clothes, brought them over and Daichi hadn’t left since. Kuroo and Suga had come by every day since then as well. Tooru knew that Daichi was hurting, too. They all were. They found what comfort they could in each other’s company, and Tooru would never be able to find enough words in the dictionary to describe how _grateful he was._

He flipped through the channels on the TV, and when a cartoon Hajime used to watch flashed across the screen for a brief moment, he clutched onto the alien plush in his arms that was soaked with tears.

Kaito felt Hajime’s absence, too. For the first few days, he trotted back and forth from the living area to Hajime’s room every day and whined when he couldn’t find the boy. So now he spent his time lying next to Tooru, occasionally whining and nudging for pets. Much like he was doing now.

Tooru obliged and scratched the puppy behind his ears. He thought he heard Daichi mention that Hanamaki and Matsukawa were coming by later, maybe tomorrow, but he hadn’t really been paying attention. He felt bad, but everything was kind of like white noise to him now, from the hum of traffic outside to his own thoughts. The center of his universe was missing. His world had stopped spinning. And the only sound that came through was the echoes of Hajime’s laughter.

The sun was starting to dip lower and lower in the sky, bathing the entire room in a warm, orange glow, and Daichi grabbed his coat and car keys.

“I’ve gotta stop by my office real quick. Want me to pick something up on the way back?” Daichi asked. “It’s getting to be around dinnertime. Kuroo’s thinking takeout but I can always make something if you want. Suga’s coming by too, so maybe you’ll like his food better.”

“No, I’m fine. Thanks though,” Tooru said.

“Oikawa, it’s been three days and you’ve barely touched anything.”

Tooru sat up and continued to pet Kaito. “I’m not hungry.”

Daichi sighed and came over. “Oikawa, you can’t keep doing this. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

Tooru looked at him. He was exhausted, dark circles surrounded his eyes, and his clothes seemed to swallow him whole. To be blunt, he looked and felt like absolute shit. “I’m fine. I promise I’ll make something if I get hungry.”

Daichi placed his hand on Tooru’s shoulder and patted it softly. “Okay. I’ll be back soon. Suga may or may not beat me here.”

Tooru only nodded.

And when Daichi left, the silence became deafening.

Kaito whimpered some more, so Tooru put some fresh food and water in his bowls before sitting back down on the couch, only to be woken up a bit later by a warm hand placed on his shoulder.

“Hey.” Suga smiled.

Tooru sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Hey, Suga-chan. You haven’t been waiting long, have you?” He ran his hands through his hair.

“No, I just got here. Daichi gave me a spare key.” Suga pushed up his sleeves. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a freight train.”

Suga picked up the still full bowl of rice and took it to the kitchen. “I can make you some tea.”

“Dai-chan made some earlier that I still have to finish.”

“Maybe having a fresh cup will help.” 

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“Thanks.”

Suga bustled about the kitchen for a bit, and Tooru welcomed the noise.

“So,” Suga said, “Daichi was telling me that Kuroo was wanting takeout for dinner but the last time he chose, we all got sick.”

Tooru remembered that. Kuroo chose some barbecue place that was supposed to be good but it ended up making them nauseous for the next week. Hajime was the only one spared since he was adamant about eating somewhere else.

“I was thinking that I could whip something up for us real quick. It won’t be spicy, I promise, but I don’t know what I should make.” Suga waited for the tea to steep. “Daichi chose last time so it’s totally your call tonight. We can have whatever you want.”

“I have no preference,” Tooru said.

“Aw come on. You gotta have _something_ in mind.”

“I don’t.”

Suga sighed. “I’m sure you’re tired of everyone getting on your ass about this but you’ve gotta take care of yourself, Oikawa. It’s important.”

Tooru stared at the alien plush beside him. And what was left of him shattered.

“How the hell can I take care of myself when I don’t even know if Hajime is being taken care of? They took him away from the only home he has ever known, so what if he can’t sleep at night? He has to sleep with a light on, what if they leave him in the dark? What if he’s not eating? I didn’t get to tell them that he’s allergic to peanuts. They don’t know anything about him, they don’t…” Tooru felt the hitch in his throat, and he lowered his head. “They don’t…”

“You’re absolutely right, they know nothing about Hajime,” Suga said, now sitting next to Tooru. “They don’t know that he has to sleep with a nightlight. They don’t know that he likes dinosaurs, blueberry ice cream, or likes the crust cut off his sandwiches. They don’t know that he likes volleyball, something that you introduced him to. And I don’t give a damn what the judge said. Knowing all of this and more, loving Hajime as much as you do, makes you, Oikawa Tooru, his father.”

Tooru lifted his head, eyes widened a fraction.

“You are his _father._ You’ve raised him for the past four years, not them. He is the person he is because of you. They gave him up, and therefore gave up the right to have any say what goes on in his life. Being blood doesn’t make you family, and that’s something they don’t understand.”

Tooru felt himself beginning to shake, and Suga steadied him by placing his hands on Tooru’s cheeks and thumbed away the collecting tears.

“We’re going to get this turned around. We’re going to get Hajime back. Yamaguchi hasn’t rested since the hearing, and I know he’s gotten Tsukishima to ask his brother for help. Akaashi and Bokuto are on this as well.” He offered a smile. “We’re going to get your son back, so stay with us, okay? Hajime needs you now more than ever. And I know the second he comes home, he’s never going to want to let you go.”

And that was all that was needed for Tooru to completely and utterly collapse. And that was all that was needed for Suga to hold him close and card his fingers through the now wild tufts of brown hair. That was all that was needed for Suga to place the gentlest kiss to Tooru’s head. 

And Tooru fisted his hands in Suga’s shirt as he listened to the strong heartbeat residing in Suga’s chest. He clung to that fact just like he clung to Daichi’s constant presence in his apartment over the past few days or the levity Kuroo tried to add.

But he wanted – no, he _needed_ – his baby boy home.

He needed Hajime to come home.

**

Hajime didn’t know what day it was.

He kept falling asleep in the bathtub and waking up in the bedroom that wasn’t his. Ayame and Kazuhiro were always worried because they couldn’t find him, and he didn’t mean to scare them. It was just that the room was just too different and he couldn’t sleep. It didn’t have dinosaur pictures, his drawings weren’t there, and he didn’t feel like putting new ones up. He wanted his old ones. That’s what made it feel like home.

He hoped that maybe if he went to sleep or wished on a star like they did in the stories, he would wake up back home and his papa would tell him good morning and hug him tight.

But that didn’t happen.

Ayame tried to hug him sometimes but he didn’t want her hugs. He wanted Papa’s hugs.

He didn’t eat a whole lot either. It wasn’t because they weren’t feeding him or because their food wasn’t bad. In fact, he told them some of the things he liked when they asked. But he only nibbled at it because it didn’t taste the same. It wasn’t gross, it was just different.

And then he’d get sad because all of those foods reminded him of home. Of Dai-chan, Suga-chan, and Tetsu-chan.

It reminded him of Papa.

“Hajime-chan, please try to eat something,” Ayame said. She didn’t sound angry.

Hajime pushed the plate away. He’d taken a few bites out of the fish and rice they had made for breakfast but he didn’t want it anymore.

“How’re you supposed to get big and strong if you don’t eat, little man?” Kazuhiro said.

Hajime stayed quiet.

“We can make you something else. What would you like?”

He didn’t say anything. He had told them over and over that he didn’t want to be here but they didn’t listen to him so he didn’t see the point in talking anymore. He was tired, and he just wanted to go home. But they weren’t taking him home. They were taking him somewhere since they were dressed in nice clothes like his papa wore sometimes, but he wasn’t going home.

Ayame stood from the table, grabbed Hajime’s backpack and put his lunch box inside it. “Okay, Haji-chan. Let’s get going.”

Hajime hopped off the chair and followed her to the door.

Kazuhiro ruffled Hajime’s hair and smiled. “Have a good day, okay? We’ll see you later.”

Hajime didn’t look at him.

Ayame led Hajime out to the car, helped buckle him into the car seat, and they were off soon after. Music poured from the radio but it wasn’t something that he recognized. He just kept staring at his lap even as Ayame glanced at him from the rearview mirror.

“What kind of music do you like to listen to, Hajime?” she asked.

He didn’t answer.

“I can put it on whatever station you want. I even have some CDs that have a lot of fun songs on them.”

Again, he didn’t answer and only hummed under the tune of the song coming through the speakers. It was the song that he and his papa sang, and he had hopes that maybe Papa would hear him and come get him. Papa said that he’d always be in Hajime’s heart, Hajime would always be in his, and that wouldn’t change no matter what anyone told him.

The car came to a stop, and Ayame opened the backdoor so Hajime could hop out. He followed her into a building that was filled with the laughter of children of different ages, and Hajime realized that this was a school but it was different than his other one. Ayame took his hand and led him inside, and he simply watched the other children run around the brightly colored room.

He didn’t know any of these children or the teachers, and he could feel his tummy doing flip-flops.

“Oh, and who do we have here?” a nice-looking lady asked with a smile. She knelt down in front of Hajime. “Is he your son?”

“Yes,” Ayame said. “This is Hajime. He’s four.”

“Hi, Hajime-chan. It’s nice to meet you,” the woman said. “I’m Minako-sensei.”

Hajime glanced at her before returning his stare to the floor.

Ayame quickly filled the silence. “He gets shy sometimes.”

“That’s quite all right, he’ll warm up soon enough.” Minako smiled until her attention was diverted by two children starting to argue. “Excuse me.”

Ayame knelt down and stroked Hajime’s cheek. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t fight it anymore. “Haji-chan, I’m going to go to work, and you’re going to stay here with Minako-sensei and the other children. I’ll be back later to pick you up, okay?” She hugged him, but he didn’t return it. “Have a good day.”

Hajime didn’t even watch her leave.

He looked at all the other kids his age running around, at the unfamiliar faces, at the names he’d have to learn all over again and instead opted to sit down at one of the tables. There weren’t name tags in front of the respective seats like there were at his old preschool so he didn’t know where to sit. He thought about coloring but he didn’t know what he’d color so he left the crayons and sheets of paper in front of him alone.

“That’s my spot.”

Hajime looked over to find a boy a year older than him, maybe two years, standing next to him with a couple of other boys beside him. They easily taller than him, and they didn’t look very nice. All the other children at his preschool were always nice to him.

He stood up. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

“My name is on it. Didn’t you see it, you big dummy?” the boy pointed to a spot on the table.

Hajime looked over and there was indeed a name written in pencil on the table, but it was faint and barely legible. Hajime just thought it was a doodle of something. He could read some of the books that Papa got him but he was still learning.

“Sorry,” Hajime said again.

“Just remember that you’re younger than me and you have to sit over there with the other babies.” He gave Hajime a firm shove, effectively knocking him over. “Don’t sit in my chair ever again.” And then he walked away with some of the other older children.

Hajime could feel tears prick his eyes and he sniffled.

He didn’t like this school. He wanted his old one.

And the song he was humming earlier formed into words.

_“You’ll be in my heart; no matter what they say…”_

**

“How was your day, Haji-chan?” Ayame asked as she helped him slip on his coat. “Did you have fun?”

Hajime didn’t say anything.

After getting pushed down by the bigger kid, Hajime kind of kept to himself. He didn’t know any of the kids there, and it seemed like they had made other friends already, so he wasn’t invited to participate in many of the games. They asked him a lot of questions about his family that he didn’t feel like answering so they said he was weird and went to play.

“Did you make any friends?”

Hajime just climbed into the backseat and stared out the window. The sky was darkening with gray clouds. Gray clouds meant rain and probably thunder. Hajime was scared of the dark, but he wasn’t scared of thunder or lightning. Sometimes he and his papa would go and splash in the puddles when the rain wasn’t very strong. It was a lot of fun, and sometimes Uncle Daichi joined in even though he said that Hajime and Papa could both get sick if they were outside for too long.

Papa always said that it was worth it. Hajime didn’t really know what that meant, but his papa smiled when he said it so Hajime could only assume that it was a good thing.

“Looks like a big storm is coming in,” Ayame said as she opened the door to the house that wasn’t home. “Are you scared of thunder, Hajime-chan?”

Hajime just took off his shoes and went to sit on the couch. Ayame turned on the TV to some cartoon that he’d never seen before and she sat down next to him. She was holding a sack filled with something that Hajime really couldn’t bring himself to care about.

“Look, Haji-chan.” She rummaged through it and pulled out some toys. “I heard that you like dinosaurs so I went to the store and bought you some toy ones.”

Hajime stared at the brontosaurus toy in her hand, and when he didn’t take it she set it next to him. She placed a variety of toy dinosaurs next to him, most of them being his favorite dinosaurs ever. But he just stared at them.

She pat his head with a smile. “You can play with those for as long as you like until dinner is ready, okay? Your father will be home soon.”

And as soon as she walked away, he pushed the toys off the couch and watched them clatter to the floor before laying down.

Kazuhiro came back soon like Ayame said, and Hajime still hadn’t moved from his spot on the couch. He ruffled Hajime’s hair, but Hajime didn’t say hello or anything. He just stared at the cartoon dancing across the screen in bright colors and upbeat music.

“How was his first day?” Kazuhiro asked Ayame.

“I don’t know. He’s still not talking to me,” she said, and then lowered her voice but Hajime could still hear her. “Kazu, I’m worried. He’s barely eating, he sleeps in the bathtub, he’s had nightmares, and he refuses to say anything.”

“It’s only been a week, Ayame,” Kazuhiro said. “You’ve gotta give him some time. Remember what Saito-san said? He’s not gonna adjust to us overnight. We have to be patient.”

“I remember, I remember.” There were sounds of her moving around the kitchen. “I just can’t help but wonder if we’re doing the right thing here. I love him so much, but he can’t hardly stand us.”

“I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but Hajime will eventually come around,” Kazuhiro said. “We’ve spent years searching for him, and now he’s finally back home with us. Where he belongs. It’ll be okay, just give him a bit.”

She sighed. “Okay, okay. You’re right. I gotta give him time to adjust.”

Dinner was ready shortly after, and after Hajime picked at his food for a bit, a bath followed and then it was time for bed. He didn’t even fight trying to get in the bathtub. He washed his body and then slipped into his pajamas. Ayame said that he was going back to that school tomorrow, and Hajime definitely didn’t want to go but he just laid there under the covers as she turned on the closet light. Kazuhiro sat down on the edge of the bed, and Hajime curled into himself.

“Goodnight, Hajime.” Kazuhiro smiled softly.

Ayame came back over and placed a soft kiss to his head. “Goodnight, sweetie. We love you so much.”

Hajime only turned around as they left and listened to the thunder roaring overhead, remembering the sound of his papa’s heartbeat. It made it seem like his papa wasn’t so far away and that brought him some comfort. And as he laid there listening to the thunder, an idea popped into his head.

Papa always said that if Hajime ever needed help and he wasn’t around, then Hajime could always ask an adult he trusted or a policeman. Policemen stopped bad guys and they even helped find people!

He sat up.

Why didn’t he think of this before? He could ask a nice policeman to help him find his papa and take him home! It would be so easy! And Hajime felt more excited now than he had that entire week.

He slid out of bed and opened the door, coming face to face with very a dark hallway. Fear nipped at him, but he steeled himself because he was Oikawa Hajime, and he could do anything he set his mind to, just like Papa said. And right now, Hajime needed to find a policeman so he could go home.

Hajime crept into the hallway, making sure to tiptoe like the characters in his cartoons sometimes did when they had to be quiet as he made his way down the stairs. He couldn’t let Ayame and Kazuhiro know because they would stop him from going home and being with his father again.

The living area was dimly lit which made it easy enough for Hajime to put on his shoes, and he wasn’t tall enough to reach the lock on his own just yet, so he brought over the small chair from the activity desk Ayame and Kazuhiro got for him and stood on top of it to unlock the door.

The front door creaked open with the breeze beginning to blow through with the oncoming storm, and as lightning streaked across the sky, Hajime was starting to feel afraid. He was starting to think that maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, but the warmth of memories harboring love, home, volleyball, and familiar surroundings were far too great.

 _If I go home, I can be with Papa again,_ he told himself. I want to go home to Papa.

So he took that first step outside.

And into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big shoutout to my friend who is a psychology student who helped me write this chapter. Child psychology is honestly so interesting, you guys.
> 
> Anyway, I cranked this out mainly because my life is going to be riddled with essays and a group project over the next two weeks and I didn't want to leave you all high and dry as I drop this massive cliffhanger in your laps.
> 
> /dances away


	16. Find You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These rooms keep changing color.

He was up way too early for his liking.

After staying up till at least 2:45 in the morning (that was the last time he looked at the clock, it could’ve been later) and nearly getting into an argument with an impatient customer behind him at Starbucks, Sugawara Koushi was _not_ in the best mood.

He was a complete night owl, often staying up late to look at some case files or just the fact that he couldn’t sleep overall and had to force himself to go to bed and anyone with a brain or basic survival instincts knew not to wake him up before 10. It was a real pain, honestly. And while the job could be emotionally exhausting to the point that people asked _how the hell he did it_ , he always said that the smile that spread across a child’s face was well worth losing sleep over.

But that wasn’t the reason he was up early today.

The air was still heavy with last night’s rainstorm, and while it practically clung to his skin it was still rather refreshing.

He sipped on his coffee and sighed. Since Koushi was booked all day yesterday, he didn’t have a chance to go and visit Oikawa and Daichi to see how they were doing, so Daichi had filled him in that same evening. But Koushi wanted to see with his own eyes since both Oikawa and Daichi were stubborn as hell and refused to ask for help, and who was Koushi to ignore a friend in need? 

Especially now when said friend had lost the centripetal force in his world.

Koushi always wondered how Hajime was doing, and he could only imagine how the boy was feeling. Being ripped away from the only home he’s ever known was a humongous blow to the psyche, especially to a four-year-old boy. He had the same questions Oikawa had: was Hajime eating? Was he sleeping? God forbid they give him peanuts in any form.

He’d been working with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima’s brother, Akiteru, who worked for a law firm in Osaka, to try and find some sort of loophole to this. Koushi himself, if the court had allowed, would’ve gone up on the stand and testified about the tremendous effect taking Hajime away like that would have on his young mind, but Akiteru said that because Koushi had such strong ties with Hajime and Oikawa, his testimony would be considered severely biased and the prosecution could easily toss it out.

Koushi had never felt so helpless in his life.

But he still wasn’t going to rest comfortably until he found something.

Nothing was the same without Hajime. Oikawa was in shambles. Kuroo didn’t crack as many jokes, and Daichi was oddly silent. And Koushi would be lying if he said that he was entirely unaffected.

Hence why he looked like shit this morning.

And Koushi would honestly be embarrassed at the fact that his hair was disheveled and that he was wearing yesterday’s t-shirt with some sweatpants, given that he may or may not have had the biggest crush on Oikawa since before their college days, but it was seven in the morning and he didn’t have near enough caffeine or sleep in his system to give much of a damn.

He’s seen Oikawa at his worst. He didn’t think the former Seijou setter would mind.

Koushi’s always admired Oikawa for not only his skills as a captain and setter but also who he was as a person. He was so electrifying, magnetic. Oikawa drew people to him, he knew how they ticked, and that was something Koushi himself couldn’t seem to do even if Daichi and Asahi said otherwise. Koushi tried, sure, but he didn’t think he had the same effect Oikawa did.

And in terms of volleyball? They all called Oikawa a monster, and when facing those serves from the opposite side of the net that definitely rang true, but Koushi found his playing beautiful (as cheesy as that sounded). It was something you couldn’t take your eyes off of even if you wanted to. And those same hands that brushed against the volleyball or sent it catapulting across the net held Hajime with unsurmountable tenderness and love. Those same hands wiped tears and brushed back hair, placed bandages on scrapes, turned the pages of a bedtime story.

Oikawa himself was nowhere near perfect, but the love for his son was. And if Koushi could still be a part of that somehow, even if he couldn’t be something more to Oikawa, he was fine with that.

He just hoped Oikawa was okay. 

Well, as okay one could be in the present situation.

He wondered if Kuroo was already –

 _“What the hell do you mean he’s missing?!"_ Oikawa’s voice rang loud and clear in the rising sun, and a few birds burst into flight. _“You lost my son?!”_

“Well, I definitely know who’s not getting the Parent of the Year Award.” Yup, there was Kuroo. 

“Oikawa, get ahold of yourself!” That was Daichi. And now Koushi was moving a little bit faster.

“Sir, you need to calm down,” another voice said, one that Koushi didn't recognize. 

Koushi’s hands seemed to have completely forgotten that he was holding coffee because he dropped it once he saw that it was taking both Daichi and Kuroo to hold a very angry Oikawa back, something that he definitely wasn’t expecting. He wondered what had the man absolutely bristling until he saw Kobayashi Ayame and Kazuhiro standing before them with a police officer at their side. And then it clicked.

“I can’t believe you fucking lost him!” Oikawa yelled. “What the hell is wrong with you!”

“Wait, Hajime’s missing?” Koushi asked.

“There was a news alert on TV this morning,” Daichi said. 

Now Oikawa absolutely flipping his lid made too much sense. And Koushi figured that the only reason Kuroo and Daichi were holding Oikawa back was to avoid any more trouble. 

“We didn’t lose him, he ran away,” Kazuhiro shot back. “We figured this is the first place he would go.”

Kuroo’s eyes narrowed. “He’s four years old, and you live on the other side of Tokyo. How much fucking sense does that make? How long exactly has he been missing?”

“We’re not entirely sure,” Ayame said. She looked to be on the brink of an emotional breakdown. “W-We put him to bed last night, and when we woke up this morning he was gone. We called the police as soon as we couldn’t find him.”

He’d been missing since last night? Or perhaps very early this morning? It rained last night and well before the sun started to rise. And in the middle of Tokyo, parts of which were completely unknown and sometimes even dangerous? If Hajime had stayed out in that…

Koushi suddenly felt very sick.

Kazuhiro glowered. “Either that or you took him.”

“You son of a –! Are you fucking kidding me!” Oikawa said.

“Kobayashi-san, please. Keep your suspicions to yourself for the time being,” the officer said. The small name plate on his uniform read Akiba.

Kazuhiro huffed.

“Do you mind if we come in and ask you and your friends a few questions, Oikawa-san?” Akiba said. “We’re treating this case very seriously since the boy is so young.”

Oikawa eased, and the obvious exhaustion not only showed in the dark circles surrounding his eyes but also the way it weighed on his shoulders. He straightened once Daichi and Kuroo let him go, fixed his glasses on his face, and he gave every indication that he was relaxed. “That’s fine.”

“Thank you, sir.” Akiba turned back to the Kobayashi couple. “I’ll take care of things from here. Go home and try to rest. We’ll keep you posted.”

Kazuhiro nodded and walked with his wife back to their car.

They all entered the apartment with the officer right behind them, and Koushi could easily tell that he was not the only one struggling to breathe.

“Can I offer you something to drink, Akiba-san?” Oikawa said.

Akiba shook his head. “No, thank you. I’m fine.”

“Then by all means, make yourself at home.” Oikawa sat down on the couch.

Koushi took note of the way Akiba’s eyes scanned the apartment, on the toys and the drawings and crayons scattered all over the table, on the smaller pair of shoes by the door. All of it untouched.

“Okay, Oikawa-san – I’d like to begin by saying that you’re not under arrest or that you’re in any legal trouble,” Akiba said. “I was asked to come here by the Kobayashi’s because you and your friends played a huge part in Hajime’s life.”

Oikawa was in no way amused. “So they suspect that one of us took him because we were upset about the custody verdict.” He scoffed. “Figures.”

“There was no evidence of forced entry at their house so we’re keeping all possibilities open,” Akiba said and then turned to the other men in the room. “I’d like to get all of your names, ages, and relationship to each other, please.”

They all gave the necessary information, and Koushi couldn’t help the nervous energy that expended itself in his fidgeting.

“Oikawa-san, we’ll begin with you.” Akiba flipped to a blank sheet in his notepad. “Where were you between the hours of 9 pm and 6 am?”

“Here. At home,” Oikawa said.

“I swear those assholes just showed up to throw Tooru under the bus,” Kuroo whispered. "They don't even care how Tooru feels."

“Tetsurou, calm down,” Daichi murmured. “Raising hell isn’t gonna solve anything right now. We need to focus on doing whatever we can to find Hajime.”

“We could always go banging on doors like they do in the movies.” Koushi kept his voice low.

Kuroo smirked. “I like the way you think, Suga.”

Daichi rolled his eyes. “All joking aside, knowing Oikawa, he’s not going to sit idly by while his son is out there missing. He _will_ tear Tokyo apart if he has to.”

“Is there anyone that can confirm this?” Akiba’s voice interrupted their conversation.

“We can,” Kuroo chimed in. “Daichi’s been staying with him this past week, and I was here all last night.”

Akiba nodded and jotted it down. “And from what I’ve been told, you were Hajime’s adoptive parent for the last four years. Correct?”

The pain that flashed in Oikawa’s eyes would be invisible to most. “Yeah.”

“And I’m sure hearing about all of this worried you.”

“Wouldn’t you be?” There was a slight clip to Oikawa’s words.

“Oikawa,” Daichi said.

The man sighed and took on a softer tone. “I practically raised him from the moment he was born. I fed him, I clothed him, I loved him – I did everything a father would do. But according to the law, that’s no longer the case. According to the law, because I didn’t help conceive him, I have no right to call him my son or even be slightly upset at the fact that he was taken.” He leaned forward, his elbows coming to rest on his knees. “And now he’s missing and I’m supposed to just lie here be suspected of kidnapping him? Give me a break.”

“I apologize, Oikawa-san. I didn’t mean to offend.” Akiba sighed and closed his notepad. “As someone who has also adopted a son, I couldn’t imagine the thought of him being taken from me.”

That definitely grabbed everyone’s attention.

“Rest assured that we will find him and that I don’t suspect you of taking him.” Akiba smiled at Oikawa’s slightly bewildered expression. “My colleagues and I are going to turn over every stone and look in every nook and cranny. And I myself will keep you updated on how it’s going.”

And for the first time in what seemed like years, there was a spark of hope in Oikawa’s eyes. And Koushi couldn’t help but smile.

“Thank you,” Oikawa said.

Akiba finished questioning Kuroo, Daichi, and Koushi which didn’t take too long, and he left shortly afterwards with promises to call if anything came up. Oikawa’s leg bounced up and down with nervous energy as he tangled his hands in his hair.

Daichi stepped forward. “Oikawa, are you –?”

Oikawa suddenly stood, grabbing his keys and coat and heading towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Koushi asked.

“I can’t just sit here while my son is out there alone. I’m going to go look for him.” He bent down to slip on his shoes and nearly toppled over.

“Whoa there, tiger.” Kuroo easily steadied him.

“I’m fine.”

“How many hours of sleep are you running on?”

“Enough.”

Daichi grabbed his car keys. “That does it, we’re getting you something to eat.”

“Dai-chan –”

“You’re barely eating and you’re not sleeping, so we’re stopping by the convenience store to get you something.” Daichi put on his shoes. “And I don’t wanna hear any arguing. You can’t look for Hajime in your condition so think about what you want.”

“That’s time wasted on me when we could be looking for him!”

“I know you’re worried. We’re _all_ worried. But you have to be there for Hajime, Oikawa. I won’t allow him to see you like this.”

Oikawa clearly looked to Kuroo and Koushi for some sort of help.

Kuroo only shrugged. “Sorry, man. Daichi’s got a point. You can’t look for Hajime if you can barely move. And I’ve been telling your ass to eat since Daichi made breakfast this morning.”

“I ate some of it,” Oikawa said.

“You can’t keep neglecting your health, Oikawa Tooru,” Koushi said, flicking Oikawa softly on the forehead. He sighed heavily and put his hands on his hips. This man was going to be the death of him. “But we’ll talk about that later. Right now, go look for Hajime. I’ll wait here in case anything comes up.”

Oikawa smiled, and even though it looked tired and painful it still managed to make Koushi’s heart skip. “Thanks, Suga-chan.”

“I’ll stay here, too,” Kuroo piped up.

Daichi smiled. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

Kuroo leaned over and kissed Daichi’s forehead. This was something that had become habit between them, at least on Kuroo’s part, and it was feather light but it never failed to make Daichi turn beet red. “Be careful, okay? Keep us updated.”

“Definitely.” Daichi nodded, a pink tinge to his cheeks.

“Ugh, you guys make me sick,” Oikawa said.

“I will make out with my boyfriend right in front of you. Don’t tempt me, Tooru.”

“Please don’t,” Daichi said.

Koushi started nudging them out the door. “Get out of here, you two. Again, keep us updated.”

“Sure thing, Suga-chan,” Oikawa said.

And when the door shut, Koushi sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Well, if he wasn’t awake before he sure as hell was now. Who needed caffeine when a free heart attack was on the menu?

“You’ve got it bad, man,” Kuroo said.

Koushi felt his face heat up, and he could practically hear his mother urging him to hurry up and date Oikawa as his brother and sister chimed in from the background.

 _He won’t wait forever,_ she said. _As your mother, I say this in the most loving way possible: get your shit together!_

“Shut up, Kuroo.”

**

He was warm.

Hajime stirred, and he felt sheets rustle underneath him. Where…?

Could he possibly be back…?

No!

He shot up, his chest heaving as he took in his surroundings. He wasn’t back in the room that wasn’t his but he wasn’t in his room at home. This room was bright and it smelled funny, like it was too clean. There was a machine beside him that was beeping rhythmically and there were strange things stuck to his chest with little wires coming out of them. There was also a bandage wrapped around his head and his hands.

Was he seeing a doctor?

No, he wasn’t supposed to find a doctor! He was supposed to find a policeman!

But…

Hajime remembered looking and looking but he couldn’t find a policeman. And what was even worse, he didn’t know where he was! He didn’t recognize any of the buildings around him or the people that passed by him. When he left that house that wasn’t home, it started to rain when he was walking. And he would’ve enjoyed it any other time, but it just made him cold and sad so he hid inside one of the tunnels on a playground and accidentally fell asleep.

How did he get to a doctor’s place?

He didn’t remember walking there.

Did someone bring him here?

But who would–?

The door opened, and for a split second Hajime hoped his papa would come in and hug him and take him home. But it wasn’t his papa. It was a man he didn’t know who had so little hair he looked almost bald and was probably really scary if he got mad. He was holding a glass of water, and Hajime suddenly realized he was very, very thirsty.

“Ah, you’re awake,” he said as he approached. He smiled and held out the glass of water. “You’ve gotta be thirsty, kiddo. Here you go.”

Hajime quickly took the offered water and started downing it.

The man laughed. “Not so fast, little guy! You’re gonna give yourself a stomachache.”

Hajime was halfway done with the water before he remembered that his papa said he wasn’t supposed to take things from strangers. And this man was a stranger.

He stopped and looked at the man.

“How’re you feeling?” the man asked.

“My head hurts,” Hajime said. It hurt his throat to talk and his hands stung lightly under the bandages.

The man grinned. “What’s your name, little man? I’m Tanaka Ryuunosuke.”

“Oikawa Hajime.”

“Hajime, huh? That’s a great name. I like it!”

Hajime couldn’t help but smile. “Ryuu is a cool name, too! Can I call you Ryuu-chan?”

Tanaka looked surprised, and for a moment Hajime thought it wasn’t going to be okay until the man laughed. “Of course you can.” He brought over a chair and sat down next to Hajime’s bed. “But I have to ask, Hajime – what were you doing outside all by yourself? How old are you?”

“Four,” Hajime said and started drinking more water.

“You’re four and you were all by yourself? Where are your parents?”

“I was looking for a policeman.”

“A policeman? Why did you need a policeman? Were you in trouble?”

Hajime nodded and handed the now empty glass to Tanaka. “Uh-huh. I needed help. I needed help finding my papa, and policemen always find people. So I went to go find one.” He scratched at the gauze around his head. It itched a lot.

“Did you lose your papa somewhere?” Tanaka asked.

“Uh-huh. These ladies took me to another house I didn’t know. I looked for Papa there but I didn’t find him.” Hajime’s eyes started to burn with fresh tears. He wanted to go home. 

He wanted to go home so badly.

“Well Hajime, I’ll have you know that I am a policeman,” Tanaka said.

Hajime snapped to attention. “Really? You’re a policeman?”

“I sure am!”

“Can you help me find my papa? Please, Ryuu-chan?”

“Of course I can! I wouldn’t be doing my job if I said no!” Tanaka ruffled Hajime’s hair. “Don’t worry, kiddo. We’re gonna find him and you’re gonna go home.”

Hajime grinned and pure happiness burst in his chest. He was gonna go home!

He was going home!

**

Tooru would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate everyone’s help.

As soon as the alert was broadcasted, he received phone calls from everyone: Noya, Yaku, Yamaguchi, and Bokuto. Even Kunimi dropped a line to see what was going on. Noya and Bokuto were adamant about helping search. Yamaguchi was, too.

They looked for a majority of the day only for it to lead to nothing but dead ends. Officer Akiba hadn’t called either, and now that the sun was setting, Tooru was starting to panic all over again.

Where could Hajime have gone? He was probably cold, hungry, and scared out of his wits. Did someone already find him? What if someone took him? No, no, no, don’t think like that! Maybe someone helped him. Maybe someone noticed a little boy wandering all by himself and tried to help.

Tooru could only hope.

He sighed and placed his head against the car window. 

“You okay?” Daichi asked. They was an accident up ahead so traffic was moving slower than usual.

“As okay as I can be,” Tooru said. He had bought a bento box from a convenience store and practically forced himself to eat it since his worry was doing everything in its power to keep him from doing so. “I’m about to get out and walk.”

“Hold your horses.”

“Patience has never been my strong suit.”

“Well, you’re not wrong.”

“Have you heard anything from Boku-chan?”

“Not since this afternoon. He and Akaashi are still searching the east side of town.”

Tooru sighed. They’d gone to nearly every restaurant and playground on the block, approached nearly every stranger they came across, holding up Hajime’s picture and asking if they’d seen him. Of course, no one had and only offered sympathetic or pitying stares.

They were now heading to a different block to try and tackle those other stores before they started shutting down for the night. But Tooru knew that he wouldn’t stop. He’d keep going well into the early hours of the morning if that’s what it took.

He just… he wanted Hajime to be okay.

Tooru’s phone trilled in his pocket, and for a moment he thought it was Suga or Kuroo until he saw Noya’s name flash across the screen. Noya had gone with Yamaguchi to the north side of town while Tsukishima and his brother took the south.

He didn’t hesitate in answering it. “Noya, did you find him?”

 _“No, I didn’t.”_ Noya sounded completely out of breath but Tooru could tell that he was running if Yamaguchi’s calls for him to slow down were any indication. _“But Ryuu has! My friend found Hajime!”_

Tooru felt all of the air rush out of him but he quickly got a second wind. “Where!”

_“They’re at the hospital! We’re heading there now!”_

“Daichi, get us to the hospital! They found Hajime!” Tooru said.

And if Daichi made an illegal U-turn back into oncoming traffic, well, it was deemed completely necessary.

**

“So Hajime, what do you like to do for fun?”

“I like to look for bugs!” Hajime said.

Ryuu laughed. “Bugs, huh? That’s awesome! Do you have a favorite one?”

“I think stag beetles are pretty cool! There are some that have white eyes! Have you seen beetles with white eyes, Ryuu-chan?” 

“Nope, can’t say I have.”

“You can come look with me and Papa next time! Papa takes me to go look for bugs and he even helps me catch them! Papa doesn’t like bugs but he still helps me.”

The moment that Ryuu heard the name, he couldn’t help but wonder if this boy was related to Oikawa Tooru. The Oikawa Tooru. The two didn’t really look alike except for those sharp, fiery eyes that Ryuu had met on the other side of the court as he received a jump serve. There were probably plenty of people in Tokyo with the last name “Oikawa”, and the hospital said they’d contact the boy’s parents, but Ryuu called Noya just in case and asked if he still volunteered alongside the former Seijou setter. The weird thing was that Noya practically wigged out and hung up the minute Ryuu mentioned Hajime.

Well, it probably wasn’t that weird considering it was Noya he was talking to.

But it still struck a chord with him.

“Your dad sounds like a great person.”

“He is! He colors with me, and reads to me, and he helps me play volleyball!”

“Volleyball, huh?” Ryuu said. “You like to play volleyball?”

“Uh-huh!” Hajime nodded. The kid had a lot of spunk considering he was running a fever from being out in the rain all night. “I wanna be a setter just like Papa.”

“Your dad was a setter, huh? Do you know what team he played on?”

“Ao-Aoba… um… Aoba J-Jousai,” Hajime said. “Yeah! Aoba Jousai! He played on that one!”

A father that played volleyball for Aoba Jousai and was a setter? Oh yeah. Now Ryuu was certain that this boy was Oikawa Tooru’s son. While Ryuu never knew Oikawa on a personal level, he honestly never expected him to settle down and start a family. Time changed people, he guessed.

It was Ryuu’s day off today, but thanks to his spastic and rather unreliable work schedule, he could no longer sleep past seven so he often spent that time going on a jog or working out in some other way. But when he saw missing child alert early this morning, he decided to head to the station and see if he could help. The trash needed to be taken out before he left, and when he did he expected to find a couple of stray cats looking for their next meal. Not a sleeping, shivering boy clad in damp pajamas and running a low-grade fever.

It was clear that Hajime needed help and that he’d run away to seek that. Hajime said that ladies took him from his dad. So was he kidnapped? That was the only thing that made sense. And if so, Hajime was only four years old and managed to escape all on his own. And that on its own was a godforsaken miracle.

Ryuu had seen too many cases go cold because of no leads.

And now this boy was getting to go back home to a loving family.

That was easily the best part of Ryuu’s job.

“Well, I’ll have you know that I played volleyball, too,” Ryuu said.

Hajime lit up. “Wow, really?”

“Sure did!”

“What job did you have?”

Ryuu blinked a few times. “Job? Oh! You mean what position. I was a wing spiker.”

“Just like Uncle Daichi!”

“Uncle Daichi?”

“Yeah! Uncle Daichi is a wing spiker, too!”

Did this boy mean Sawamura Daichi? The captain of Karasuno, _that_ Sawamura Daichi? It’d been a while since he last heard from his former upperclassman, and now that Ryuu thought about it he wondered how Daichi was doing. He should drop a line tomorrow and catch up.

“I can’t wait to play volleyball with Papa,” Hajime said, smiling. “It’s gonna be so much fun!”

“I can teach you a few things about spiking, you know.” Ryuu puffed out his chest. “Might even change your mind about being a setter.”

“You can come play volleyball with us next time, Ryuu-chan! I wanna see you play!”

Ryuu grinned and mussed the boy’s hair. “You got it, kiddo.”

There was a knock and the door opened, revealing one of the nurses in charge of looking after Hajime.

“Hajime-chan’s parents are here, Tanaka-san,” he said.

“Great, thanks.” Tanaka smiled. “I’ll see you later, little man. I can’t wait to see your skills as a setter. You can toss to me one of these days, okay?”

Hajime nodded, his excitement palpable. “’kay!”

Ryuu ruffled the boy’s hair one more time before stepping out of the room, raising an eyebrow as a young couple who were decidedly not Oikawa Tooru were led inside. Did Hajime know these people? Then again, Hajime never gave a name as to who his father was and the only other thing he had to go on was Noya’s reaction.

That wasn’t nearly enough to go on.

But why couldn’t he shake off this feeling?

Maybe he should stick around just in –

A loud wail suddenly resounded from the room, and when Ryuu could finally make out that Hajime was calling out for him, he wasted no time in rushing back inside.

“What the hell is going on?” Ryuu demanded, taking note of the couple’s rather shocked and saddened expressions. But when he saw Hajime reach out to him, he went to the boy’s side and allowed himself to be clung to. He rubbed Hajime’s back. “Well?”

The nurse spoke up first even though she seemed just as speechless as the other two. “I-I don’t know what happened, he just started crying. T-These are Hajime-chan’s parents.”

“No!” Hajime cried. “No! I want my papa!” His hands tightened in Ryuu’s jacket, and he looked up at the man with tears streaming down his face. “Please take me to my papa, Ryuu-chan! I-I don’t wanna go with them! Please take me home!”

Ryuu’s eyes narrowed at the couple and placed his hand atop the trembling boy’s head. “This usually isn’t how a child reacts to seeing their parents. Is there something going on that I should know about?”

The couple glanced at each other.

**

Tooru couldn’t get to the hospital fast enough even though Daichi was going well over the speed limit. Kuroo and Suga were on their way too, along with everyone else. They were all so relieved that Hajime was okay, but Tooru wanted to – no, needed to see him. The custody order be damned. Hajime was his son and always would be. No flimsy piece of paper was going to change that.

As soon as Daichi parked the car they were scrambling inside, startling the receptionist as they asked for the room number before bolting for the third floor. Kuroo and Suga were hot on their heels, having arrived just seconds after they did.

And when the elevator opened, and the crying fell on his ears, Tooru felt his heart clench and burst all at once. He knew that sound. He _knew_ that sound. That was his son. That was his baby boy. That was Hajime calling out to him.

They headed for Room 314, and they slowed once he saw Ayame and Kazuhiro standing outside. Kazuhiro looked pensive and Ayame was almost in shambles, and Tooru might’ve given a damn if he wasn’t so worried about Hajime.

“Is he okay? What’s going on?” Tooru asked.

“He’s not even letting us near him so they asked us to wait out here until he calmed down,” Kazuhiro said. “He keeps asking for you.”

“Please, Oikawa-san. _Please.”_ Ayame wrapped her arms around her thin frame, tears running down her face. “Go in there and make sure he’s okay, I beg of you. I just – I need to know that he’s okay. I won’t be able to rest until I know.”

And Tooru didn’t need to be told twice.

When he opened that door and Hajime’s cries became louder and that much more earthshattering to listen to, he drew the attention of one Tanaka Ryuunosuke that Noya was talking about who was rubbing small circles in Hajime’s back to try and comfort him.

“Haji-chan?” Tooru said. And he couldn’t help but smile as Hajime blinked rapidly, as if he couldn’t believe that he was there. The tears were dangerously close to spilling now. “Hey.”

“Papa!” Hajime scrambled out from underneath the covers and flung himself off the bed and into Tooru’s open arms. He sniveled into Tooru’s neck, his tiny hands fisting into his shirt clearly with the intent to never let go. “Papa… Papa…”

Tooru held Hajime close to his chest, and the weight that’d been sitting on him, suffocating him, was suddenly lifted. He could breathe. Oh God, the air was coming in. His world was spinning. He felt so _alive._ His son… his baby boy… he was here. Oh God, he was here.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Tooru said through his tears. “I’ve got you, Hajime. I’m here.”

Tanaka slowly made his way out of the room, and Tooru quietly thanked him before directing his attention back to the boy who fit so comfortably in his arms.

“I missed you, Papa,” Hajime hiccupped. “I-I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Hajime. I missed you every hour of every day.”

Hajime looked at him, his hands still clutching onto Tooru’s shirt, and he sniffled. “I looked for you, Papa. I looked and I couldn’t find you and I was so scared. I wanted to go home but I couldn’t.”

Tooru thumbed away the boy’s tears.

“A-And I sang our song, Papa. I sang our song because you said you were in my heart and – and I was in yours. I wanted you to come get me. Did you hear me, Papa? Did you hear me sing our song?”

“I sure did, Haji-chan. I heard you loud and clear.”

Hajime grinned and rested against Tooru's chest.

Right where he belonged.

**

“It’s quiet.” Ayame sighed, relief clear on her face. “Good.”

Koushi just glanced at her, and he was honestly expecting a lot of things from the duo when they arrived. Whether it be they refuse to let Oikawa see Hajime or be gone by the time they even got here, but Ayame asking Oikawa to go in there and check on Hajime was definitely not one of them. Whatever her reason was behind it, Koushi was glad.

Oikawa needed this. He needed to be with Hajime. To hold him in his arms again, to dry his tears. Hajime considered Oikawa his parent through and through. And that was something that he wouldn’t consider Ayame and Kazuhiro, sad as that was. They didn’t know Hajime. And Hajime didn’t know them. And unless Hajime wanted to open himself up to them, they never would. And Koushi understood that they loved Hajime. He knew that. But Hajime didn’t know that. All he saw were two people who took him away from his father.

He was just so glad that Hajime was okay, and now Oikawa would hopefully be, too. Seeing Oikawa like that, broken and unmoving… he could only imagine how Hajime was.

The Kobayashi’s aside, Koushi was definitely surprised to find Tanaka here. It’d been years since he’d seen the guy, and he was eager to –

“Excuse me?”

Koushi looked over, and in turn so did everyone else, as Ayame approached them.

Koushi raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

“Um, you’re Oikawa-san’s boyfriend, right?” she asked.

“W-What? N-No!” Koushi said, his face flushed.

Kuroo snickered off to the side but was quickly silenced by Daichi.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Forgive me for assuming. But I was wondering if you would give Oikawa-san a message for us.” She paused for a moment, fidgeting, before finally bringing her emerald eyes to meet Koushi’s. “If you would please tell him that Kazuhiro and I are going to contact our lawyer and officially terminate our parental rights.”

 _“What?”_ everyone said in unison, even Kazuhiro.

“Ayame, what’re you doing?” Kazuhiro said.

“I can’t do this anymore, Kazuhiro,” she answered. “He’s miserable with us, don’t you see that? We may have conceived him, but he is not our son. We lost that privilege when we left him on Oikawa-san’s doorstep, and it was foolish of us to think that we could just waltz back in and expect him to call us family. We were young and stupid and deciding to leave him in the care of another until we got back on our feet was what was best.”

“Ayame –”

“And I firmly believe that leaving him with Oikawa-san _is_ what’s best. We can’t be selfish about this, Kazuhiro. I know you love him, and I love him, too. But I can’t – I _won’t_ – make him suffer anymore. And if that makes me a bad mother, then so be it. But I won’t do this to him anymore. I refuse.”

Kazuhiro sighed, and he looked at his wife sadly. “Is this what you really want? Even though you won’t be able to bear any more children?”

“Yes.”

The man nodded. “All right. Then I’m with you.”

Koushi honestly couldn’t believe what he was hearing right now, and judging by the look on everyone else’s faces, they couldn’t believe it either. After all this trouble, they’re just going to undo it all? After the emotional breakdowns, the exhaustion, everything – they’re giving Hajime back?

And by no means was Koushi complaining. It was just, well, unexpected.

Ayame turned back to Koushi. “I’m sure we’re not Oikawa-san’s favorite people, but do you think he’d be willing to give us periodic updates? Just so we can see how Hajime’s doing.”

“You sure you just don’t want joint custody?” Kuroo crossed his arms. “And I’m asking because I want to make sure you don’t come back and try this stunt all over again.”

“We’re just bad memories for Hajime at this point, so I think it’s best if we don’t share custody. He’s made it pretty clear who he wants to live with, and I think we should honor that decision.” She smiled even if it looked broken. “So do you think Oikawa-san would be okay with telling us how he’s doing?”

“I’m sure he can work with that,” Daichi said.

Ayame sighed in absolute relief and bowed deeply. “Thank you very much.”

And Koushi watched them leave, but when he heard the door open and there stood Tooru with puffy eyes but a bright smile, telling them to come in because Hajime wanted to see them, he knew they’d be okay.

Their perfect little makeshift family would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I neglect 3 essays and a group project.


	17. Simple Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Always giving; never asking back.

“Uncle Daichi! Tetsu-chan! Kou-chan!”

Kuroo grinned. “Hey! There’s my favorite little nephew!”

“I missed you!” Hajime said.

“We missed you too, Hajime.” Daichi smiled.

Hajime lit up. “Really?”

“Of course we did!” Suga said. “You’re our little Haji-chan!”

Tooru smiled as Hajime continued talking, the boy’s eyes bright and just so full of life, and he couldn’t help but notice how tightly Hajime was holding onto his shirt. Like Tooru was a lifeline. Like Tooru was going to disappear if he let go. And honestly, Tooru didn’t want to let him go either. Not after almost losing him twice. Even if it was in a hospital room. Even if it was only for a short while. Tooru wanted to hold him as close as possible. 

Upon seeing the bandages around Hajime’s hands and head and feeling the extra warmth radiating from his small body, Tooru could only imagine what happened during those twenty hours he was out on his own, and he couldn’t help but feel tremendous guilt that Hajime was hurt and sick. He was Hajime’s father, wasn’t he? He was supposed to protect his child. And there was nothing that Tooru wanted to do more than take Hajime home where he would be safe and happy.

But…

“Did you play volleyball without me?” Hajime asked.

“No way! We wouldn’t play volleyball without you. We wouldn’t even dream of it!” Kuroo said. “We couldn’t ever play without your amazing setting skills.”

Hajime beamed and tugged on Tooru’s sleeve. “Papa, did you hear that? Tetsu-chan said I was an amazing setter!”

Tooru smiled and ruffled the boy’s hair. “And he’s absolutely right.”

“When can we go home, Papa? Can we go now?”

Oh no, how was Tooru supposed to answer this? There was such utter hope in Hajime’s eyes, and the last thing Tooru wanted to do was destroy it. All Ayame had asked of him was to check on Hajime, nothing more. They were probably standing outside right now just waiting to take Hajime away again. And Tooru didn’t know if he had the strength – if _Hajime_ had the strength – to endure it twice.

Tooru started. “Well –”

“Very soon, Hajime,” Suga cut in. “You’ll get to go home with your dad real soon.”

_What?_

“Really?” Hajime was practically bouncing with excitement.

“Yup! You’ll be home with your dad before you know it.” Daichi smiled.

Tooru watched them, obvious confusion on his face. What were they talking about? It wasn’t like them to lie to Hajime, so why…?

“Really? I don’t… I don’t have to go back to Ayame-san and Kazu-san? I can stay here?” Hajime asked, looking back and forth between Tooru and everyone else. 

Hajime was asking all the questions Tooru had, and he could feel his hopes beginning to soar. What were they saying? Was… was Hajime allowed to…?

Daichi, Suga, and Kuroo seemed to catch the look in Tooru’s eyes and they all smiled.

“You’re here to stay, little man.” Kuroo gave a thumbs-up.

Hajime grinned and turned around to look at Tooru, but his smile fell face and his brow knit together in concern. “Papa, why’re you crying?” He tugged on Tooru’s sleeve, and tears started gathering in his own eyes. “Please don’t be sad, Papa! I-I can come home!”

Tooru blinked a few times, and only then did he realize tears were streaming down his face. He was quick to wipe his eyes, and he smiled at the boy leaning against him. “I’m not sad, Haji-chan. I’m very, very happy.

“You’re happy, Papa?”

“I am.” Tooru brought Hajime close to his chest and blew a raspberry on the boy’s cheek, and the sound of his son’s laughter echoed throughout the room like pure, blissful music. He was so happy, he could just burst.

Hajime was coming home.

Hajime was coming _home._

There was a knock on the door, softly disrupting the moment, and in walked Kuroo’s mother with a smile on her face and clipboard in hand.

“Well, well, well,” she said, “sounds like someone’s up and at ‘em.”

“Mom?” Kuroo said, obviously surprised at her presence.

“Hello, dear.” She nodded at Suga and Sawamura, her honey eyes glinting. “Suga-kun, Sawamura-kun – nice to see you again.”

Suga and Daichi smiled and greeted her as she walked over to the bed where Tooru and Hajime were sitting.

“Tooru-kun, you’re wearing glasses,” she said. “You look very nice with them on despite the fact that you look like you haven’t slept for a week.”

Tooru laughed nervously.

“I didn’t know you were working late, Mom.” Kuroo put his hands in his pockets. “Figured you’d be home by now.”

“A little overtime never hurt anyone, Tetsurou. Besides, I’m here of my own personal request.” She turned her attention to the small boy in Tooru’s lap, her smile softening. “Hi there, Hajime.”

“Hi,” Hajime said, snuggling a little closer to Tooru.

“I’m Kuroo Shiori, Tetsurou’s mother. I’m also a doctor.” She sat down in the small swivel chair in the room. “How’re you feeling?’

Hajime looked up at Tooru, his hands tightening a bit in the man’s shirt, and answered once receiving a nod. “My head hurts. My hands kinda hurt, too.”

“Well, we have medicine for that so don’t worry, okay? You’ve been such a big boy, and I’m sure your father is super proud of you. I know I am.”

“You’re proud of me, Papa?” Hajime asked.

Tooru smiled. “I always am.”

Shiori’s eyes fell on Tooru. “I’ve been told that you’re going to be taking care of Hajime now – rightfully – but due to legalities and all that, I’m going to need your signature on this medical consent form. I’ve already gotten the Kobayashi’s. All I need is yours.” She held out the clipboard with a form on it and offered a pen.

And Tooru didn’t even hesitate in signing it.

“Great. Now that that’s done, I can tell you about Hajime’s condition.” She jotted down his vitals from the machine. “It’s nothing too serious, just a low-grade fever and some minor scrapes and bruises from when he fell on his hands and knees. A few of those were from stray cats.”

Hajime pouted. “They were mean.”

Tooru chuckled and placed his hand atop the boy’s head.

“He also seems to have bumped his head against something,” Shiori said. “Again, it’s not serious – just a small cut – but we want to keep him overnight just to be sure. I want to make sure that fever breaks so I recommend grabbing some clothes from home.”

Tooru sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

“Also, Tetsurou was filling me in over the past week. What the actual hell was –”

_“Hajime!”_

The door suddenly flew open and in came Bokuto and Noya, both obviously frazzled and nearly crashing into each other. Daichi managed to pull Kuroo out of the way in time, and Suga was also lucky in avoiding the duo.

“Where’s Hajime?” Bokuto asked.

Noya grabbed Daichi’s shoulders. “Daichi-san – the little nugget. Is he okay?”

“Take it easy, Noya – take it easy. He’s fine,” Daichi said.

Hajime blinked a few times. “Noya-chan? Boku-chan?”

They both turned upon the small voice, and tears rimmed their eyes as absolute relief washed over their faces. “Hajime! You’re okay!”

Akaashi came in, followed by Azumane Asahi, Yamaguchi, and Tsukishima. Tooru remembered the former Karasuno ace very well, being as strong as Iwaizumi as he was. 

“Keiji, look! He’s okay!” Bokuto said. “Hajime’s – ow, ow, ow!” He winced as Akaashi pinched his ear. “K-Keiji, that hurts!”

Akaashi didn’t look the slightest bit amused. “Koutarou, you can’t just go barging into people’s hospital rooms. What if Hajime had been sleeping?”

“I-I’m sorry! I was just so excited!”

“Oh come on Asahi, don’t scold me either,” Noya grumbled as Asahi sighed.

Akaashi gave a small bow. “We’re very sorry, Oikawa-san. Pardon the intrusion.”

“Keiji-chan!” Hajime grinned. “Hi!”

Akaashi smiled. “Hello, Hajime.”

“We all came over to see you, Hajime-chan!” Noya said. “Yamaguchi, Tsukishima, and Tsukishima’s brother are here, too!” He nudged Asahi forward, donning a proud smile. “And this is Azumane Asahi, my boyfriend! He looks scary but he’s a big teddy bear!”

Asahi rubbed the back of his neck, a soft red tint to his cheeks. “H-Hello. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Hi, Asahi-chan,” Hajime said, giving a small wave.

“Friends of yours and Tetsurou’s, Tooru-kun?” Shiori raised an eyebrow, the amusement plain on her face.

Tooru smiled. “Yeah.”

Well, at this point they were more like family. A big, goofy, unpredictable family but family all the same. They had all come together to help look for Hajime without a second thought, and they all rushed over here just as fast to make sure he was okay. Everyone cared so much, everyone was here because of their love for the little boy currently laughing at one of Noya’s jokes.

And Tooru thought that was the greatest thing of all.

But he still couldn’t forget what he’d been told earlier.

Hajime… Hajime was here to stay. He wasn’t going back to live with Ayame and Kazuhiro. And some part of Tooru wanted to pinch himself and make sure this wasn’t some sick, twisted dream, but the other part of him really didn’t want to wake up back in a quiet apartment, clutching onto an alien plush as exhaustion and tears seeped into his bones. He didn’t think he could stand another night like that. But as he watched everyone chat amongst themselves, as he watched Shiori rub ointment on Hajime’s hands and head and change the bandages, as he felt Hajime clutch onto his shirt again…

Maybe…

Maybe this wasn’t a dream.

“I can’t wait to play volleyball again,” Hajime said. “Can we play when we go home, Papa?”

Tooru smiled. “Of course we can.”

“We can ask Kageyama and Hinata to reserve the gym for us,” Noya said. “Oh crap! I’ve gotta text Shouyou and let him know everything’s okay. They’re out of town for a practice match right now.” He pulled his phone from his pocket.

Hajime yawned and snuggled further into Tooru’s warmth.

“All right, everyone,” Daichi said. “I think it’s time we let Hajime and Tooru get some rest. It’s been a long day. They’ll be home later.”

Everyone said their goodbyes with promises to come by whenever Hajime was feeling better, and Tooru found that the silence wasn’t so deafening anymore. If anything, it was comforting. Just like it used to be.

Hajime yawned again and rubbed his eyes, sighing softly.

Tooru smiled, rubbing small circles in the boy’s back. “Sleepy?”

“Uh-huh.”

Tooru flicked on the lamp beside the bed and turned off the main light in the room, and the relief that washed over Hajime’s face was clear in the warm glow surrounding them. Hajime settled underneath the covers, clutching onto Tooru just as tightly as he did before, and Tooru hummed softly while running his fingers through the boy’s wild spikes of hair.

All of the tension trickled out of Hajime in that moment as he drifted off into sleep, and Tooru could easily admit that that was the best sleep that he’d gotten in what seemed like forever.

**

Tooru woke up to the sound of whimpering. He rubbed his eyes, taking a few seconds to adjust to the soft glow of the lamp beside him and take in his surroundings. Where was he? Oh that’s right, he was at the hospital with Hajime. What time was it?

The digital clock on the bedside table read 2:30, and Tooru sighed as he picked up his phone. There were a couple of missed calls and text messages from his mom and some messages from Kuroo saying that he and Daichi were going to stay at Tooru’s place so Kaito wouldn’t be alone and that they’d explain everything about the Kobayashi’s later. Jeez, he must’ve really been out of it to not hear his phone go off. His mom was probably worried about everything that was going on, so Tooru made a note to call her first thing in the morning.

“No…”

Huh…?

Tooru looked over to find Hajime tossing and turning, his sleeping face scrunching up a bit as his hands gripped the sheets.

“No… No, I don’t wanna go…” Hajime murmured. “I wanna stay with Papa…” He continued to turn over, his sleep ridden pleas growing more and more desperate. “No! Papa! Papa!”

Tooru placed his hands on Hajime’s shoulders, gently nudging the boy. “Hajime. Hajime, wake up. Wake up, son. It’s okay.” He brought Hajime close to him, running his hands through his hair, and he thought he felt something wet spread across the sheets but that wasn’t at the top of his list of things to worry about. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here.”

Hajime woke up, eyes wide and body tense, but as soon as he realized he was in his father’s arms he relaxed and let out soft sobs. “P-Papa…”

“It’s okay, Hajime,” Tooru said and pressed a kiss to Hajime’s head. 

Tears flowed freely down Hajime’s round cheeks, but they were quickly thumbed away. He was trembling, and his hands found purchase in Tooru’s shirt again. “P-Papa…”

“I’m here. Papa’s right here.”

“B-Bad dream…”

“It’s okay, it was just a dream. It’s not real. Don’t worry.”

“I-I can stay with you, Papa?” Hajime looked up at him, fresh tears still playing at his eyes.

Tooru smiled. “Of course you can, Haji-chan.” He playfully tapped the boy’s nose, earning a small giggle. “You’re stuck with me, kiddo.”

Some light seemed to have returned to Hajime’s emerald eyes, and he sniffled before shifting a bit. And even in the dim light of the room, it was obvious there was a flush to his cheeks. “U-Um, Papa?”

“Hm?”

“I-I wet the bed…”

Oh. So that’s what that was.

Tooru slid out of the bed, and Hajime held his arms out to be held. Tooru picked him up and made his way to the small bathroom, stopping when he noticed the backpack and Hajime’s alien plush resting on the leather chair placed in the corner. There was a note attached to it, and Tooru plucked it off.

_‘Didn’t want to wake you up. Wasn’t sure how long you were gonna have to stay so here’s enough clothes in here for you two for a couple of days. I grabbed a couple of books for Hajime, too. Get some rest, okay? You both need it :) – Suga’_

Tooru smiled, reminding himself to thank Suga later and placed the note back down before entering the bathroom. He turned on the faucet, and as the water filled the tub he helped Hajime undress.

Hajime sighed. “There’s no bubbles…”

Tooru turned off the tap once the water was high enough and held Hajime’s hand as he stepped into the tub so he wouldn’t slip. “I promise you can have a bubble bath bonanza when we get home.”

“Lots of bubbles?” Hajime sat down in the water.

“Lots and lots of bubbles.”

Hajime’s spirits seemed to lift a bit more as he scrubbed himself clean, and Tooru noticed there was a large, wet stain on his shirt. He pulled it off, gathering Hajime’s soiled pajamas as well, and stepped out of the bathroom to grab a fresh set of clothes.

“Papa, don’t go!” Hajime said.

Tooru set the clothes down and came back. “Don’t worry, Haji-chan. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.” He sat down beside the tub and ruffled the boy’s wet hair. “Don’t forget to wash behind your ears, okay?”

Hajime nodded. “’kay.”

Tooru smiled softly as Hajime began to hum while washing his hair, humming right along with him until their tune formed the words of a familiar song – their song – and seeing the fear that came with the nightmare slowly be forgotten eased his worries.

“I only have one Papa,” Hajime said suddenly, effectively catching Tooru off-guard. “Ayame-san and Kazu-san said that they were my mommy and daddy, but I only have one Papa. You are my Papa and no one else.”

“Hajime…”

“I wanna go home, Papa. When can we go home?” Hajime asked while rinsing the suds from his body. I don’t wanna be at the doctor’s anymore. It smells funny.” 

“We’ll go home soon,” Tooru said as he wrapped Hajime in a warm towel and started drying him off. “We just have to make sure that you’re all better.”

Hajime nodded. “I’m gonna play with Kaito, and then we can play hide-and-seek all day, right?”

“That’s exactly right.”

Once Hajime was dry, Tooru changed them both into a clean set of pajamas and started stripping the dirty sheets while a nurse kindly brought back some clean ones. Hajime sat down in the chair, clutching the alien plush to his chest while messing with Tooru’s phone after the nurse changed his bandages and put fresh ointment on the cuts. She also took his temperature, and the fever seemed to have lessened a few degrees.

“Thank you, Miss,” Hajime said.

She smiled. “You’re very welcome, Hajime-chan. Get some rest, okay?”

“’kay.”

Tooru thanked her as she left the room, and shut the door behind her. “All right, Haji-chan. Let’s get back to bed. It’s late.”

Hajime nodded, sliding off the chair with his alien plush, but stopped once he clicked on something.

 _“Your phone’s freaking weird, Oikawa.”_ Daichi’s voice came through the speaker. _“Took forever to find the record button.”_

 _“Hold on, are you already recording?”_ That was Tooru now. _“Dai-chan, you were supposed to wait!”_

 _“Sorry that I don’t know how to work this thing,”_ Daichi said. _“Anyway, I figured it out now so that’s all that matters.”_

And Tooru knew exactly what video that was playing. He had watched it countless times, remembered those few minutes that he could’ve sworn happened yesterday. Hajime was absolutely engrossed with it, the screen lighting up his expression. Tooru knelt down next to the boy, watching right along with him.

_Tooru was sitting on the couch in his apartment with little Hajime in his lap, then still just an infant, with a bright, toothless grin on his face. The camera was focused on solely them, Daichi’s voice only being heard in the background._

_“It’s too bad we missed it the first time,” Daichi said. “Let’s see if he’ll do it again.”_

_“Haji-chan, can you say ‘papa’?” Tooru asked._

_Hajime blinked at him a few times, cooing softly, making Tooru smile._

_“Papa,” Tooru said again. “Papa.”_

_Hajime was watching intently, his mouth moving as if to copy Tooru, before babbling a bit._

_“Come on, Haji-chan. You can do it, I know you can.” Tooru smiled. “Papa. Papa.”_

_“Pa…” Hajime started. “Pa… ba…”_

Tooru looked to Daichi excitedly, who must have smiled back at him, before turning to Hajime. “That’s it, Hajime. Papa. Papa.”

_“Pa…pa,” Hajime cooed. “Papa…”_

_“Yes!” Tooru grinned, lifting Hajime up in the air before peppering kisses all over his cheeks._

_“Great job, Hajime!” Daichi said._

_“That’s my baby boy, I’m so proud of you!”_

_Hajime squealed, giggling as Tooru continued to kiss his cheeks and blow raspberries on them, before fisting his hands in Tooru’s hair. “Papa! Papa!”_

The video ended right there, and Hajime looked at his father with nothing short of wonder and maybe even confusion. “Who was that baby, Papa? Was that me?”

“It sure was,” Tooru said.

“But I was so little! That can’t be me! I’m big now!”

Tooru laughed. “You grew up, Haji-chan. You were a baby but now you’re getting bigger and bigger every day. We were all babies at one point.”

Now Hajime looked really confused. “Even you, Papa?”

“Yup! Even me.”

“No way, I don’t remember you being a baby.”

“You weren’t born yet, silly goose. I was a baby a long time ago.”

“Wow,” Hajime said. “So I’ll get big like you one day right, Papa?”

“You sure will.” 

“Then I can play volleyball and be the best setter ever! I’ll be super strong like you!”

Tooru smiled, lifting his son in his arms and carrying him to the bed. He settled them both under the covers. “That’s right, but that won’t happen if you don’t get enough sleep. You gotta eat your vegetables, too.”

“Yucky.” Hajime scrunched up his face and stuck out his tongue. “I don’t like vegetables, Papa. I don’t wanna eat any right now.”

Tooru chuckled softly. “You don’t have to eat any right now, okay? Just try and get some sleep.”

“You’re not mad I wet the bed, Papa?”

“Nope, I’m not mad.”

Hajime smiled, snuggling further into the warmth of Tooru’s chest, and closed his eyes. Tooru carded his fingers through his son’s hair, humming gently, until the both of them finally drifted off to sleep.

**

Hajime was released from the hospital a few days later since his fever spiked and he developed a small cough. Kuroo’s mother wanted to make sure it wasn’t pneumonia or something worse, which it thankfully didn’t turn out to be, so they were able to go home like they’d been wanting to.

“We get to go home, Papa! We get to go home!” Hajime bounced up and down on his toes. “I’m so excited! I can’t wait!”

Tooru smiled as he slipped a beanie on Hajime’s head. “Kaito’s gonna be so happy to see you. Tetsu-chan and Dai-chan told me he’s been looking for you all day.”

“Really?” the boy’s eyes sparkled.

“Definitely! What do you say we go home as soon as possible so he doesn’t have to worry anymore?”

“Yeah!” He then looked over to the woman standing off to the side and smiled. “Thank you, Kuroo-san!”

Shiori smiled. “You don’t have be so formal with me, Hajime-chan. You can call me Shiori.” 

“’kay!” Hajime grinned.

“Thanks again, Shiori-san,” Tooru said. “I really appreciate it.”

“Think nothing of it, Tooru-kun. I’m just glad Hajime-chan is all right. His cough should go away in a couple of days and just be wary of any signs of infections. Let me know if you need anything, okay? Don’t hesitate to call.”

“I will, thank you.”

“Papa, up! Up!” Hajime held out his arms.

Tooru easily lifted him before slinging the backpack on his shoulder. Hajime was definitely clingy, more so than usual, and after the first night in the hospital he didn’t wet the sheets or have any more nightmares by the fourth night. But Tooru didn’t blame the boy in the slightest. He’d been taken from his only home. And he wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to be taken ever again.

Of course, this was also Suga being psychoanalytical.

Nonetheless, Hajime was getting better. And going home was something they were both looking forward to. Kuroo had messaged him earlier urging him to hurry up and get here, but Tooru brushed it off as excitement for things to go back to normal.

And on their way home, as the neighborhood blushed orange and pink around them, they sang every song they knew at the top of their lungs.

Hajime was still clinging onto Tooru when they made it home, and as soon as Tooru unlocked the door and stepped inside, to take off his shoes, the lights flicked on and almost everyone he knew – and Tooru meant _everyone_ – jumped out from around the corner and behind the couches shouting, “Surprise!”

Tooru and Hajime both jumped, staring at everyone’s cheerful faces, before noticing the “Welcome Home, Hajime!” banner hanging from the ceiling. There was a small stack of presents resting in the corner, the air smelled thickly of sweets, and the apartment was buzzing with more energy now than it had been all week. 

A surprise welcome home party? Tooru couldn’t help but smile.

“Wow!” Hajime marveled.

Tooru set the boy to his feet, and Hajime hurried to go greet everyone. He was given high-fives by and plenty of hugs, Bokuto shamelessly trying to keep Hajime from Kuroo, who was not having any of it, and Tooru was glad to know that Hajime was so happy to see everyone.

“Kaito!” Hajime opened his arms as the dog eagerly barreled into him, laughing as he toppled to the floor.

“Surprised?” Daichi smiled.

Tooru shrugged off his coat. “You could say that.”

“We thought it’d be good for Hajime to see everyone, and it was actually Akaashi and Suga’s idea to throw a little welcome home-slash-Christmas party since most of us will be out of town for the holidays,” Daichi said. “Hope you don’t mind.”

Tooru watched Hajime talk rather animatedly with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. “Not in the slightest.”

There was a knock on the door that immediately drew Hajime’s attention, and Tooru raised an eyebrow at Daichi who simply answered it.

A woman who Tooru recognized from Hajime’s preschool was standing there (Himura Emiko, Tooru thought), and a little boy was at her side. They both had dark brown hair and eyes, except the boy’s face was splattered with freckles, and he was shuffling nervously on his feet.

Hajime brightened, running over to the door. “Minoru-chan! You came!”

The other boy blinked a few times before running over and hugging Hajime. “Mama told me you were sick. Are you feeling better now?”

“Uh-huh!” Hajime grinned. “I’m feelings lots better. I’m sure you missed me lots, huh Minoru-chan?”

Minoru averted his gaze, pouting a bit with an embarrassed flush to his cheeks. “N-Nu-uh. And don’t call me ‘chan’!”

“Minoru, be nice to Hajime-chan,” his mother said. “He was in the hospital.”

“That’s okay, Emiko-san! I know Minoru-chan is really nice!” Hajime grinned. “Oh! I have something to show you! Come on!” He grabbed Minoru’s hand and led him away.

“Himura-san, thank you so much for allowing Minoru-chan to come!” Suga pipe up from behind Tooru. “I know this means a lot to Hajime-chan.”

“Thank you for inviting Minoru, Sugawara-san, Oikawa-san.” the woman said. “He was so worried about Hajime-chan. What time should I be back for him?”

“Everything should be over around seven,” Suga said.

“Great, I’ll come by then. Thank you again.” She gave a small bow before leaving.

Suga shut the door, grinning at Tooru.

“I can’t believe you and Akaashi planned this, Suga-chan.” Tooru ran his hands through his hair. “You didn’t have to.”

“To be fair, Akaashi is a far better party planner than I am. Daichi baked all the cookies, and Kuroo made food. I just grabbed the decorations and stopped Noya from blabbing about this.” Suga playfully nudged Tooru with his elbow. “Besides, we wanted to. Hajime deserved this. You both did. It’s been a hard week, and we thought we’d try and cheer you up.”

Kuroo smirked. “Don’t give him too much credit, you’ll inflate his ego.”

Tooru stuck his tongue out.

He really had amazing friends.

**

Hajime was really, really excited.

All of his friends were here! Tetsu-chan, Uncle Daichi, Kou-chan, Yama-chan, Tsukki, Noya-chan, Asahi-chan, Boku-chan, Keiji-chan, Yaku-chan, and Ryuu-chan – they were all here to say hi to him when he came home! And now Minoru, his bestest friend in the whole wide world, was here too! This was easily one of the best days of Hajime’s life.

“Minoru-chan, look!” Hajime held out his volleyball. “Look what Papa got for me!”

“Whoa,” Minoru said. “That’s a really cool volleyball, Oikawa.”

Hajime pouted. “Minoru-chan, I told you – call me Hajime!”

"Sorry."

“That’s okay! Did you wanna play volleyball outside later? Uncle Daichi and Boku-chan were wing spikers on their teams and their teams were really strong! Shou-chan, Ryuu-chan, and Asahi-chan, too! You can learn how to be a wing spiker!”

Minoru’s chocolate eyes sparkled. “Wow, really? They can teach me how to spike?”

“Uh-huh! They’re super-duper strong! It’s all like ‘bam!’ and ‘pow!’ and ‘wham!’ And Shou-chan is really fast! He’s like, like, super-duper quick!” Hajime demonstrated the spikes he saw that day. “It’s really cool!” 

“I wanna learn how to spike!” Minoru said with absolute determination in his eyes.

Hajime puffed out his tiny chest. “Papa, Suga-chan, Kage-chan, and Keiji-chan are teaching me how to set. I’m gonna be the greatest setter ever.”

“Then I’ll be your wing spiker,” Minoru said, catching the other boy’s attention. “We can be on the same team when we get bigger and we beat everyone else because we’ll be the best.”

Hajime grinned. “Yeah!”

They high-fived each other before going to sneak some cookies off the table. Minoru looked nervous, but Hajime assured them that they’d be okay. No one was looking. They weren’t supposed to eat dessert before dinner, but maybe they could just this once.

**

Tooru’s never had so many people in his apartment before. It’d be overwhelming if he wasn’t the social butterfly that he was, but luckily his home had enough space that everyone could sit comfortably and converse. (The space available between a one and two bedroom apartment was amazing.) Hajime had already asked if he could tear into the presents that everyone had gotten him, but Daichi made him promise to wait until Christmas to open them. At any rate, all Tooru did to pass the time was talk with everyone about their plans for the holidays.

Most were going back to Miyagi since that’s where half the people in this room were from. Kuroo was tagging along with Daichi this time since Kuroo had yet to meet his future in-laws. That was a constant joke with Suga, and there was no way it was ending anytime soon.

Right now, Tooru was just content watching Hajime get into trouble with Kuroo by messing with Bokuto, who was starting to doze off on the couch, and Minoru was inadvertently corralled into it. They were doodling and placing stickers on his face, and Tooru couldn’t help but smile.

“So what’re your plans for the holidays, Oikawa?”

Tooru looked over to find Suga smiling at him, cup of fruit punch in hand. “Oh, uh, we’re probably gonna go to my parents’ vacation house over in Osaka. They’ve been busy these last couple of Christmases so it’ll be nice to get to see them this year.”

He and Hajime usually spent the holidays with Yuki, Kazuo was living with them now, so they were never truly alone during this time of year. But this would be the first Christmas in six years where it would be just the Oikawa family and no one else. Maybe a few family friends, but that was it.

And Tooru would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous.

“What about you, Suga-chan?”

“Oh you know, the usual.” Suga shrugged. “Going up to see my parents’ in Kyoto. Hiro and Kaede keep asking when you’re gonna come by and see them again. My mom’s been wondering, too. Since you walk on water and all that.”

“Well of course, Suga-chan. I am the epitome of perfection and grace.”

“Sure, Oikawa. Sure.”

Tooru chuckled as he watched Bokuto rouse from his brief nap and Hajime and Minoru scampered away while Kuroo laughed. Hajime was having such a great time being around everybody, and that spark was something that Tooru always wanted his son to have.

“Thanks again for this, Suga-chan,” Tooru said. “Really. This is great.”

“It’s nothing, Oikawa – really. I’m glad we were able to do something nice for you and Hajime.” Suga smiled, making Tooru’s heart drop. “You two are important to us, you know. T-To me.”

Tooru could feel his cheeks start to burn, and he was going to say something further but his attention was suddenly diverted by a slight tug on the hem of his shirt. He looked down to find Hajime and Minoru staring up at them with the utmost curiosity.

“Yes, Haji-chan?” Tooru said.

“Papa, what’s that?” Hajime pointed above their heads, making both men look up.

And what they saw made the color drain from their faces.

Mistletoe was dangling so intricately from the hall entryway. Where Tooru and Suga were currently standing. Right underneath it. And Tooru didn’t know whether or not to curse his bad luck or count his blessings. Or blame Kuroo. 

Yeah, that was easier.

“That’s a mistletoe, my dear Hajime,” Noya said with a smirk. And he didn’t exactly explain it quietly so literally everyone in the room was staring at them.

“Mistletoe?” Hajime and Minoru both tilted their heads.

“Yup,” Kuroo chimed in. “And two people that stand underneath a mistletoe have to kiss.” 

And judging by the shit-eating grin he was currently donning, Tooru decided that it was entirely plausible to blame this entire situation on Kuroo. Tooru made sure to mark this moment on his list of “Reasons to Disown Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“Papa, you have to kiss Kou-chan now!” Hajime said.

Minoru scrunched up his nose. “Yuck.”

Oh God, this was _not_ how he wanted his first kiss with Suga to go. 

Tooru stole a few nervous glances towards Suga, who was just about as red as can be.

“It’s tradition, Oikawa,” Bokuto declared. “You and Suga pucker up!”

“Just a little kiss, Oikawa!” Noya added. “Don’t be a wimp!”

Tooru shifted on his feet, really hoping that Suga would come up with some sort of rebuttal to this since his entire body – forget his brain – was short circuiting. But Suga wasn’t saying anything, and the last thing Tooru wanted to do was botch this up.

So what did he do?

Well, he did what Oikawa Tooru would do in any high-pressure situation.

He kept it together and acted accordingly.

Which meant that he placed a feather light kiss on Suga’s cheek. It was quick, warm, electric in the best way possible, lasting only a few seconds but it made Tooru hold his breath. But he realized that it was something he’d like to do again and again, placing as many gentle kisses as he wanted.

Nearly everyone started cheering as Tooru figured out the nearest rock he could hide under.

What in the world did he just do?

**

“Papa! Papa, wake up!”

Tooru barely had time to register his bedroom door flying before he let out a soft “oof!” as Hajime landed right on top of him. He rubbed his eyes as Hajime shook his shoulder, taking note of the urgency in the boy’s tone and inched away from Kaito’s incessant licks to his face. “W-What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

“Come on, Papa! Hurry! Come look!” Hajime tugged on Tooru’s hand. “It’s snowing!”

Snow?

Tooru climbed out of bed, deciding that he had to see this for himself. It hardly ever snowed in Tokyo, and if it did it was only a few flurries that never lasted more than a couple of hours. Nothing really stuck. But sure enough, when Tooru opened the front door to his apartment and laid eyes on a thick blanket of snow covering every inch of the sidewalk, he couldn’t help marvel at the sight. The streets had obviously been plowed, but there honest to god snow _everywhere._

Just like in Miyagi.

“Wow!” Hajime marveled. “Let’s go play in it, Papa!”

“Slow down there, whirlwind.” Tooru scooped Hajime up in his arms before the boy could step outside. “It’s freezing, and you don’t have a coat. Don’t wanna catch cold, do you?”

Hajime pouted. “Aw! But I wanna go play in the snow!”

“I promise you, the snow isn’t going anywhere.” Tooru chuckled. “Let’s eat something and then we can play in the snow, okay?”

Hajime sighed but nodded, going limp in his father’s arms rather dramatically. “Okay…”

Winter came through Tokyo almost fiercely, blowing away the vibrant colors of autumn, but it was quickly replaced with colorful, twinkling lights and festive music. It was supposed to be an especially cold winter this year, and adding snow on top of that? Hajime was absolutely ecstatic.

And upon checking the weather report while making breakfast, Tooru saw that they were expecting snow all throughout this week. Tooru smiled. They may just have a white Christmas after all. 

Tooru’s phone dinged, and he couldn’t help the small jump in his chest as he saw who messaged him. (Dammit, he had it bad, didn’t he?)

_**It’s snowiiiiiiiing! :D** _

Tooru smiled. _**Just like back home huh? :)**_

Suga’s response was quick. _**Definitely! Apparently Kuroo’s freaking out because the last time it snowed this heavily was when he was in junior high, so we’re all gonna go play in the snow like the sophisticated adults that we are. You and Hajime are coming, right?**_

Tooru glanced at Hajime who was practically wolfing down his breakfast, and after a quick reminder to slow down, he started typing. _**Why would we miss out on this? Count us in!**_

_**Great! We were thinking that since the parks will be super packed that we’d go where you and Hajime go exploring. The roads are pretty clear so it shouldn’t be too bad. What do ya think?** _

Tooru smiled. _**Sounds great! There’s a huge field so it’ll be perfect!**_

_**Awesome! We’ll see you there. Oh, and don’t worry. I’ll make sure to bring a first-aid kit just in case you have another wipeout ;)** _

Tooru huffed. _**It was one time!**_

“Papa, can we go now?” Hajime said with his mouth still full of rice and already trying to tie his shoes. Kaito yipped happily beside him, just as excited at the idea of an adventure.

Tooru laughed. “Hold your horses! You can’t go out there in your pajamas, silly goose!”

After changing and moving through traffic carefully, they arrived at the untouched field of pure snow, and as soon as Tooru opened the backdoor, Hajime and Kaito took off running through it with unbridled joy. Despite the frequent trips to Miyagi for the holidays, Hajime had never really seen snow like this before so Tooru couldn’t help but laugh as he watched his son grab handfuls and toss it up in the air.

This was something that he’d never be able to describe no matter how many stories he’d written.

“Papa, come on!” Hajime waved. “Let’s make a snowman!” He started gathering snow and pushing it into a pile, smiling as Kaito pushed his paws in the snow.

Tooru ran over. “One snowman coming right up!”

And with warm hands, they crafted the snowman bit by bit. It took a little longer to make some progress since Kaito kept trying to destroy it, but when they were about halfway through, Hajime stopped and stared at it rather thoughtfully.

“Everything okay, Haji-chan?” Tooru asked.

Hajime tilted his head. “Papa, can we make Godzilla?”

“You wanna make a Godzilla snowman?”

“Uh-huh!” Hajime nodded. “He’ll be a snow-monster! It’ll be the coolest thing ever! Can we make a Godzilla snow-monster, Papa? Can we?”

Tooru smiled. “Sure thing, Haji-chan. It’ll be the best snow-monster and blow all those other ones out of the water!”

“Yeah!”

And after some trial and error, they managed to make the best Godzilla they could. Sure, it had a lopsided snout and the tail wasn’t exactly a tail, it was more like a stub, but Hajime was absolutely ecstatic by the end of it all and that was all that mattered.

“We did it!” Hajime hooked his hands into claws and gave the fiercest scowl he could manage. “Roar!”

Tooru smiled. “Looks great, Haji-chan! Good job!” He high-fived his son and pulled out his phone, switching it to the camera view. “All right, now say ‘cheese’!”

Hajime donned a proud grin and threw up the peace sign. “Cheese!”

Tooru snapped the photo, making a note to send it to Ayame later. Daichi had told him about Ayame’s request to keep them updated on how Hajime was doing, so Tooru made an effort to send periodic emails with a few of Hajime’s pictures attached. And judging from the responses, she was always elated to receive them and thanked Tooru profusely for doing this. They even sent Hajime a Christmas present.

“Kaito!” Hajime cried out, drawing Tooru back to reality. He was chasing the dog, who had apparently decided to take one of the snowman’s arms, around the field. “No, that’s Godzilla’s arm! You can’t have it!”

Kaito continued to trot around the field, his tail wagging about a mile a minute, and Tooru was about to call out to him when he felt something solid hit the back of his head until it started trickling down his neck and making him shudder.

He touched the back of his neck and felt packed snow at his gloved fingertips. He whipped around. “What the hell–?” He didn’t even get to finish his sentence since he was met with a mouthful of freshly thrown snowball.

He coughed and sputtered as Kuroo’s raucous laughter rang out. Suga joined him, both clutching at their sides, and Daichi was poorly trying to hide his grin behind his gloved hand. Even Hajime laughed in tandem with them, pointing at Tooru.

“Kuroo, nice kill!” Suga high-fived the former Nekoma captain.

“I told you, didn’t I?” Kuroo smirked. “I never miss. And that comes from years of spiking.”

Tooru narrowed his eyes and gathered as much snow as his hands could hold, packed it tight, and chucked it. Daichi and Suga managed to see it in time to avoid the line of fire, but poor Kuroo was knocked almost clean over with it.

 _“I_ never miss either, Tetsu-chan.” Tooru put his hands on his hips triumphantly. “And that comes from years of setting.”

Daichi, Suga, and Hajime laughed harder if that was even possible.

“Revenge is a dish best served cold right, Tetsurou?” Daichi teased.

Kuroo wiped his face, his golden eyes flashing. “Oh it is on. Hajime, tell your dad that he just started something he can’t finish.”

Hajime giggled. “Snowball fight!”

Snow went flying in all directions after that, and absolutely no one was safe. Not even little Hajime who managed to sneak a few body shots in only to be met with snow being mussed on his head or with hugs that spun them around and had them rolling in the snow.

Tooru held Hajime close to his body, giving an extra comforting squeeze, feeling warm even with the snow underneath them, their laughter flowing through the air as soft clouds of frost. Tooru tickled Hajime’s sides, causing the boy to giggle and squirm.

“Papa, no! It-It tickles!” Hajime shrieked. “The tickle monster goes to sleep when it snows!”

“Oh, he does? Then he must be feeling extra awake today!” Tooru continued his relentless attack and peppered kisses all over his son’s face.

Hajime tried to push Tooru’s face away, squealing in laughter as he made an effort to free himself. Tooru finally had mercy on the boy and let him go, and Hajime didn’t even hesitate to snag the opportunity to run away and join Kaito to play in the snow.

As he watched Hajime run off, Tooru was knocked against the head with a snowball, the culprit being a completely unapologetic Kuroo, so Tooru was once again on his feet and firing snowballs as fast as he could. He was cold – his face was numb, his jeans and boots were soaked with melted snow, and his knee was starting to ache a bit – but he was having so much fun. More fun than he’d had in what seemed like ages.

This was something he’d never be able to put into words, something that no amount of writing would be able to accurately convey. He could rack his brain into the early hours of the morning and nothing would even come close to this exhilaration.

It was beautiful.

It was freeing.

It was everything he wanted.

Kuroo nabbed Daichi with a particularly nasty shot to the face, so while Daichi was busy getting even, Tooru decided to grab a handful of snow and chuck it right at an unsuspecting Suga who was currently cheering Daichi on. Suga stopped, his hand coming to the back of his neck, and looked at Tooru with a blank expression on his face.

And Tooru simply grinned.

Well, he did until Suga started charging after him.

Tooru took off running, but Suga moved through the snow a lot faster than anticipated and easily caught up. Tooru didn’t exactly brace in time so both ended up hitting the ground, Suga on top and straddling Tooru. Suga panted, the flush on his cheeks popping against his pale skin and his eyes sparkling as the snow reflected the sunlight beneath them. The cheek that Tooru kissed. And Tooru would like to say that he was cold, that he was shivering in the middle of this open field as fresh snowflakes fluttered down from the sky, but he wasn’t. He felt warm, like he’d been stuffed with cotton, and he stared unashamedly at Sugawara Koushi. The man who unknowingly held his heart in his hands.

“Oikawa, you jerk!” Suga laughed.

Tooru smiled, trying so hard to not think about kissing Suga right now. His wrists were pinned firmly to the ground, but he wasn’t exactly planning on fighting back. He licked his slightly chapped lips, knowing his face was ablaze with something akin to nervous anticipation, so prayed to every deity that Suga couldn’t hear his heart thundering in his chest.

Suga’s laughter softened into giggles before shifting into easy silence.

There was nothing between them for a while, just the breeze cooling their heated cheeks, as everything else sort of faded away. Hyperaware but numb all at once. Tooru thought Suga would’ve gotten up by now, but the man wasn’t moving. Instead he was just there, leaning over him as the adrenaline from the run left his veins. And Tooru wondered what could possibly be going through Suga’s mind at this moment.

“S-Suga-chan?” Tooru whispered.

Suga glanced nervously to the side. “Y-You didn’t fall too hard, did you?”

Tooru shook his head. “No, I’m okay.”

“Good.”

They continued to stare at each other, and Tooru could almost every individual snowflake gracing Suga’s eyelashes or strands of silver hair. Wait, Suga was leaning closer. And closer. What was he doing? Was he trying… was he trying to kiss him? Shit, shit, shit – keep it cool, Tooru! Keep it cool! Don’t botch this up! Did his breath stink? Was his nosy runny? Oh God, he hoped not. He would never be able to recover.

 _Stop overthinking,_ Tooru told himself. _Stop it._

Tooru leaned up, his breath catching in his throat.

He could practically feel the warmth from Suga’s face, and –

“Well, well, well – what do we have here, Daichi?”

Tooru and Suga both turned to find Daichi and Kuroo both staring at them with wry smirks on their faces. 

“Looks like a rather compromising situation, Tetsurou.” Daichi stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Now I understand that hormones rage and it’s hard to control yourselves, but try not to scar the four-year-old running around here, okay?” Kuroo snickered.

Suga scrambled to his feet, his cheeks a fiery red. “Sh-Shut up!”

Tooru sat up, equally flustered, and dusted the snow caked onto his jeans.

_Dammit, Tetsurou._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to post twice during my Thanksgiving break but that didn't happen so I just gave y'all a longer chapter instead. I stayed up till four in the morning for almost three nights in a row to crank this out, and as you can see I kinda got carried away. And it pains me to say this but we are almost at the end of our journey here. I can anticipate a couple more chapters (maybe three if I plan this right), but no more than four. 
> 
> You guys have been absolutely amazing and this story wouldn't have made it as far as it did without you all.
> 
> Also, I know this is super late in the game but if you ever wanna contact me outside of ao3, my tumblr username is tenacioustooru and y'all are more than welcome to message me about absolutely anything. Don't be shy, I would love to hear from you guys!
> 
> Thank you everyone again.


	18. Lungs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Open the door and step right in; won't you stay a while and let yourself be loved?

“It’s coming in early?”

_“I’m afraid so, dear. Can you believe that? The weather report was off by a full two days.”_

Koushi glanced at the weather forecast that was starting to mention this snowstorm and announced that all flights in and out of Kyoto were grounded. “I knew I should’ve left earlier.”

 _“You can’t control the weather,”_ Sachiko said. _“Things happen.”_

“I can still drive there.”

_“Don’t be silly, Kou. The roads are going to be horrible, there’s no way I’m going to let you do that.”_

Koushi gripped his phone tighter. “But… but what about you and the twins?” 

_“We’ll be fine. We’re prepared for the worst, so don’t you worry about a thing. Just enjoy your holiday with your friends, and we’ll all be together when the weather clears up.”_

“But Mom –”

_“Koushi. You’ve spent too much of your time worrying about me and your siblings. I know that’s just in your nature, but I want you to truly enjoy Christmas with Tooru-kun and everyone else. Besides, it’s not like this is our first snowstorm we've been through. And we’re not alone. Your aunt, uncle, and cousins are here, as bitter about the weather as they are – you know how much your Uncle Shiro hates the cold – so we have company.”_

Koushi sighed. 

_“I know things have been tough ever since your father passed away, and you stepped into his shoes when you didn’t have to. And I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. But it’s okay. We’re okay.”_

There was a never a time he wasn’t there for his family. Ever since his brother and sister were born, ever since that snowy night in December when he swore time stood still when he heard his father wasn’t coming home. He was fairly sure that was another reason why his mother didn’t want him travelling with a snowstorm blowing in. But still…

Koushi was quiet, drumming his lithe fingers against the desk, automatically hearing the piano notes trickle in his head. He hadn’t really played since he was in junior high given that playing the piano was something his father taught him how to do. Besides, he didn’t have time to play the piano. He had to help take care of the twins, and with all the time he was already dedicating to volleyball, the piano was put on the backburner.

Sachiko didn’t let him get a job so he busted his ass in high school to get the best scholarships possible for college. He almost quit volleyball too, but his mother wouldn’t let him. She insisted that he enjoy his high school years while he could. It’s what his father would’ve wanted.

And enjoy them he did.

_“Koushi?”_

“I’m still here.”

 _“Relax, okay? Easier said than done, but at least try.”_ The smile was evident in her voice. _“I know how you are, Sugawara Koushi.”_

Koushi chuckled. “I understand, Mom. I really will try. Just be safe, okay? Keep me updated.”

_“Of course, dear. I’ll make sure the twins stay out of trouble.”_

“They’re 16 years old. Trouble is their middle name.”

She laughed. _“I’ll make sure they stay out of_ as much _trouble.”_ There was another voice in the background, it sounded a lot like Shiro, and she gave some noise of acknowledgement. _“Apparently Kaede is trying to bake cookies and she almost burned the kitchen down. I’d better go help her. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”_

“Okay, Mom.”

They hung up shortly after that, and he ran his hands through his hair after tossing his phone on the stack of documents resting on his desk. His mother said they’d be okay, and he believed her, but he would feel better if he saw it with his own two eyes. It’d give him the peace of mind he needed to get through the holidays.

He leaned back in his desk chair, the TV fading into useless white noise. What was he going to do? He supposed he could spend the holidays alone. That would definitely be a first for him, and while it wasn’t something he was exactly looking forward to, he didn’t want to crash anyone else’s Christmas simply because a snowstorm wrecked his travel plans.

Hmm.

He _could_ make some sense of this organized chaos strewn about his apartment since he was a little disappointed with himself that he let this get away from him for so long. Yeah, that sounded like a solid idea. It gave him something to keep his hands and thoughts busy instead of imagining ten different worst case scenarios.

The sun was beginning to dip into the horizon, splaying his entire room in vibrant shades of orange and purple. Daichi should be calling him in a bit so they could meet up for dinner. He really didn’t care where they went as long as it wasn’t fast food. He’d had enough of that this week.

Koushi stood up, gathering a stack of papers from one of his most recent cases and flipped through to make sure they were all for the right client just as his phone rang. He raised an eyebrow, but that quickly faded into a smile when he saw “Oikawa Tooru would like to FaceTime…” flashing on his screen.

And when he answered, he expected to see Oikawa’s face but instead got Hajime’s wide grin and bright, emerald eyes. It was definitely a pleasant surprise.

 _“Kou-chan!”_ Hajime said.

Koushi smiled. _“Hi, Hajime. What’re you doing?”_

 _“I got Papa’s phone to call you!”_ Hajime giggled. _“Shh, I’m hiding in my room.”_

“Oh.” Koushi chuckled and lowered his voice. That boy was as mischievous as ever. “Where’s your dad?”

_“Making food. He doesn’t know I have his phone.”_

“Is everything okay?”

_“Uh-huh! I called because, um, uh… oh yeah! Do you want to come to Family Day tomorrow?”_

“Family Day?” Koushi asked.

_“Yeah! It’s Family Day at school tomorrow and Sensei said we can invite whoever we want. It’s gonna be lots and lots of fun! Tetsu-chan can’t come, but Uncle Daichi is. Do you wanna come, too? Do you have to go to work tomorrow? Papa said he was taking a break tomorrow so he can come!”_

Koushi couldn’t help the overwhelming joy that burst in his chest. “Sure, Hajime. I’d love to come. What time does it start?”

_“Umm…”_

_“Haji-chan?”_ Oikawa’s voice was faint in the background, and there was the sound of a door opening. _“Hajime, what’re you doing?”_

The boy donned an innocent grin. _“Talking to Kou-chan.”_

 _“What?”_ Oikawa said.

There was the soft pad of footsteps along the floor, and then Oikawa’s face came into view behind Hajime. His hair was a little disheveled (Oikawa had a habit of constantly running his hands through his hair when he was stressed), and he was wearing glasses again.

And Koushi definitely loved seeing Oikawa in his glasses.

Oikawa’s eyes widened when he realized that it was indeed Koushi on the phone. And on FaceTime, no less. _“S-Suga-chan!”_

Koushi waved. “Hi, Oikawa.”

Oikawa sat on the floor and Hajime settled in the man’s lap, laughing when Oikawa ruffled his hair. _“Sorry to bother if you were busy, Suga-chan.”_

“Don’t worry, Hajime’s never a bother,” Koushi said. “In fact, Hajime was just telling me about Family Day and how much fun it’s gonna be.”

 _“Uh-huh!”_ Hajime said. _“I asked Kou-chan if he wants to come!”_ He looked at his father, eyes sparkling. _“And guess what, Papa? He said yes! He said he’d come!”_

Oikawa smiled. _“Really now?”_

_“Uh-huh! I’m so excited!”_

_“Good, I’m glad. What do you say to Suga-chan?”_

_“Oh! Thank you, Kou-chan!”_ Hajime beamed.

Koushi chuckled. “It’s no problem, Haji-chan.”

Oikawa placed his hand atop Hajime’s head. _“Why don’t you go wash your hands for dinner? I’ll be at the table soon.”_

 _“’kay!”_ The boy nodded and then waved. _“Bye, Kou-chan! See you tomorrow!”_

“See you tomorrow.” Koushi waved and smiled as Hajime ran off-screen. “Little spitfire, isn’t he?”

 _“Tell me about it. He definitely keeps me on my toes.”_ Oikawa stood up. _“You sure you weren’t busy? I’d hate to interrupt your work.”_

“Yeah, I’m just sitting here at home,” Koushi said.

Oikawa smiled. _“I hope you know you absolutely made Haji-chan’s day.”_

“I did?” Koushi chuckled. “Good to know.”

_“I really appreciate you agreeing to go tomorrow. He was a little down that Tetsurou wasn’t going, but he’s excited to know you and Dai-chan are.”_

Koushi smiled. “I’m glad I could help.”

Oikawa was quiet for a moment, and Koushi knew the man was studying him. Ever since they first faced off in that practice match in high school, Koushi could tell that Oikawa was an extremely perceptive person – almost terrifyingly so. Koushi was, too, in his own right. They were both natural born tacticians, always trying to outsmart the other team. But Koushi found beauty in Oikawa’s keen observations… even if it frustrated the hell out of him in high school.

 _“Everything okay?”_ Oikawa asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Koushi said.

_“Come on, Suga-chan. You know you can’t lie to me. Or to any of us, really.”_

Koushi sighed, unable to help the hint of amusement that tugged at his lips. “It turns out I’m not gonna be able to make it to my family in Kyoto this year.”

_“Huh? Why?”_

_“That snowstorm blew in a lot earlier than expected so all flights have been cancelled, and I can’t exactly drive up there. My mom told me not to worry but, well, you know how I am.”_

_“I know how you are,”_ Tooru said. “But I'm sure they'll be just fine. Your mother's a trooper, so are your brother and sister. I'm sure they'll be fine. We've had plenty of snowstorms in Miyagi, so I wouldn't worry too much."

"Thanks, Oikawa."

_"So you don’t have any plans for the holidays?”_

Koushi shrugged. “Afraid not.”

Oikawa was quiet for a moment before he started scratching the back of his head. A nervous tic, Koushi noted. And if he didn’t know any better, Oikawa’s cheeks were turning pink. But that was probably the sunset playing tricks on him. _“Well, uh, would you wanna come with me and Hajime to Osaka? And spend Christmas with us?”_

Koushi felt his heart leap into his throat. “S-Spend Christmas… with you and Hajime?”

 _“O-Only if you haven’t made other plans!”_ Oikawa said. _“And you don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course. I don’t wanna force you…”_

Koushi couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. Sure, they all exchanged presents with each other right before the holidays, but they went to see their own families on Christmas Eve. Spending Christmas with Oikawa and Hajime… was only a thought he’d entertained for a bit. And the answer came as easy as breathing. “I’d love to.”

_“Really?”_

“Yeah! I’d love to spend Christmas with you two.”

Oikawa grinned, and it took everything Koushi had to not call him adorable out loud. _“Great! I’m glad to hear that.”_

“You sure I won’t be a bother, though? Your family’s okay with it?”

_“Of course! They’d love to have you.”_

Koushi’s cheeks began to heat up, and he hoped the sunset masked it sufficiently.

Oikawa moved out of Hajime’s room and back into the living area and into the kitchen, only to stop dead in his tracks. The other end of the line was silent for a few seconds, up to the point that Koushi thought the call had dropped because of a poor signal.

“Um… is everything okay?” Koushi asked.

Oikawa sighed. _“I’ll have to call you back, Suga-chan. Hajime tried feeding Kaito and spilled dog food all over the floor.”_

Koushi laughed. “Go on, Oikawa. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 _“All right.”_ Oikawa smiled. _“See you tomorrow.”_

And when they hung up, Koushi sighed heavily. If he wasn’t one-hundred percent sure before, he was now. Oikawa Tooru was going to be the death of him. And Koushi didn’t mind one bit. Oikawa helped him take his mind off things, as ironic as that was. Oikawa helped him breathe a little. Oikawa made him happy.

So Koushi finished organizing his apartment with a lighter heart and fewer worries, and he even played some music from his phone and dancing embarrassingly to it.

Well, that was until he remembered that he didn’t ask Oikawa what time Family Day started.

**

“So what time does Family Day start?”

Daichi paused, chopsticks clutching some hot noodles halfway to his lips. “You’re going, too?”

“Of course. I couldn’t possibly say no to Hajime like that,” Koushi said, poking at his katsudon. This restaurant was known for its recipe, but for some reason Koushi just couldn’t focus on eating. “I heard Kuroo wouldn’t be able to go though. What happened? Did he get caught up at work?”

“Yeah, he’s been assigned to a big case,” Daichi said. “A 16 year old on trial for capital murder, so he’s got overtime. He’s not too happy about it.”

“Yikes. He already doesn’t get a lot of sleep.”

“If he didn’t have coffee, he would’ve keeled over a long time ago. I’m gonna take him some tomorrow morning.”

Koushi snickered. “Aww, look at you – being a good boyfriend.”

“Shut up,” Daichi said with a smile, and they ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes before he spoke up again. “So when do you take off for Kyoto? Tomorrow, right?”

“Oh, about that,” Koushi said, his fingers playing against the table again. “Turns out I’m not going.”

“Wait, what? Why?”

“That snowstorm is coming in earlier than expected so I won’t make it in time before it hits. And my mom doesn’t want me to risk driving up there.”

“I don’t exactly blame her. It’s dangerous.” Daichi pushed his noodles around the broth before looking back at Koushi, his chocolate eyes echoing concern. “So what’re you gonna do? Did you want to come with me and Kuroo to Miyagi? We won’t mind in the slightest.”

Koushi shifted in his seat a bit, folding his hands in his lap. “Well, uh, actually, Oikawa already invited me to spend Christmas with him and Hajime in Osaka.” Gosh, his stomach was still doing somersaults at the thought of it.

Daichi didn’t have any outward reaction for a couple of seconds, but that soon changed when a sly grin pulled at his cheeks. “Oh?”

Koushi’s eyes narrowed. “I know exactly what you’re thinking, Sawamura Daichi. Now wipe that smirk off your face.”

“I was just thinking about how nice it was of Oikawa to do that.” Daichi then lifted his glass of water to his lips, glancing at Koushi over the rim of it. “Meeting the parents before you officially start dating. It’s a little fast for me, but hey – to each their own.”

Koushi felt like he was going to explode, his grip tightening on his chopsticks. “Sh-Shut up! It’s nothing like that!”

“I hope you know the sooner you stop living in denial, the easier it’ll be for you.”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

“I stopped though, didn’t I?”

Koushi rolled his eyes. But Daichi had a point. He remembered those days where Daichi wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t moving off the couch, wasn’t _talking._ Koushi didn’t blame him in the slightest, but it was so hard to watch one of his best friends practically falling apart in front of him and feeling helpless to stop it. Daichi knew that Koushi was there if he wanted to talk, and he eventually did open up, but it was just getting to that point. Now, however, Daichi had that fire back in his eyes. His smile was a little wider, and there was no hesitation in his steps. Daichi found a way to be happy again, even though he would always love Iwaizumi.

And Koushi was happy for him.

“The first step to solving the problem is admitting you have one,” Daichi said.

Koushi raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was the therapist here, not you.” But then he sighed, almost quite literally deflating like a balloon. “I’ve got it bad, don’t I?”

“Just a little bit. But there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“What am I gonna do, Daichi?” Koushi rested his head in his hand. He was so good at helping other people with their problems, yet he had no idea how to help himself with his own.

“You could start by telling him how you feel,” Daichi said.

“Let’s come up with a solution that’s not going to get me laughed at, please.”

“Why would you think that you’re going to get laughed at?” Daichi asked.

“I don’t know.” Koushi shrugged. “Oikawa is Oikawa, and I’m, well, just me. What could he possibly see in someone like me?”

“He obviously sees something. He kissed you, didn’t he?” Daichi said.

“That was under a mistletoe, Daichi. _Everyone_ kisses under a mistletoe. It doesn’t count.”

He had already stepped beyond his bounds when he tried to kiss Oikawa in that snowy field. He didn’t know what came over him, he just moved without really thinking. And that lack of thinking could’ve easily costed him his friendship with Oikawa.

“Does the fact that he’s a father deter you in any way?”

“No, of course not. I love Hajime, just as you and Kuroo do.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I just don’t see how I could possibly be the one Oikawa is looking for. And I’d rather spare myself the heartache and the humiliation.”

Daichi frowned. And for a second it looked like the man wanted to say something more but opted to keep his mouth shut. “There it is, that negativity. And you used to give Asahi hell for talking like that.”

“What? No, I’m not trying to be negative,” Koushi said. “All I’m saying is that instead of making an absolute fool out of myself and risk losing this, I’d rather be as close to them as possible. Even if I am just a friend. Even if I can’t be anything more than that. I just want him to be happy, you know? That’s all I want for him. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.”

Daichi sighed. “You really are a piece of work, you know that?”

Koushi couldn’t help but smile. “You never answered my question about Family Day.”

“It starts at four.”

“Great!”

And when they went their separate ways that chilly evening, with Koushi asking Daichi to give Kuroo his regards, the warm glow of the many shops displaying a variety of holiday sales. He buried his face in his scarf, thinking of what he could possibly get his friends for Christmas. But none of the stores really caught Koushi’s eye until he passed in front of a toy store. Train sets, dolls, and other toys were sitting in the display window, guaranteed to make any child with a Christmas wish list stop, but what gave Koushi pause was the brown dinosaur plush – a baby stegosaurus – and it was maybe a little smaller than a four year old.

Koushi smiled. “Perfect.”

**

“Suga-chan!” Oikawa waved. 

The room was brightly colored with plenty of sunshine coming through the windows, and the students’ drawings were taped all along the walls in a proud display of effort. It wasn’t too crowded given that each classroom had about 10 to 12 kids each, but they still wanted to get there early and nab a decent seat where they could see Hajime best in case more people decided to come. Oikawa was sitting next to Daichi with an open seat to his right. The open seat meant for Koushi.

Crap.

“Hey guys,” Koushi said as he approached.

“We saved a seat for you, Suga-chan.” Oikawa smiled.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” Koushi returned it, sitting in the chair and was suddenly hyperaware of every move that Oikawa made. And don’t think he didn’t catch the smirk Daichi threw at him as he unfurled his scarf from his neck. He just decided to ignore it. 

“So what exactly _is_ Family Day? Did Hajime tell you?” Daichi asked.

Oikawa gave a small pout. “He was surprisingly tight-lipped about it since he wanted it to be a surprise.” Then he smiled. “But he was so excited that I had to humor him.”

Koushi saw Hajime look around, clearly trying to spot them, but once he did he grinned and waved. And all three of them waved back.

Koushi smiled. This ought to be interesting.

The teacher moved towards the front of the room and everyone quieted. She was probably in her mid-30s with blonde hair pulled back in a messy bun and electric green eyes. She smiled. “Thank you all so much for coming to our Family Day event. Since I see some new faces in here, allow me to introduce myself: my name is Suzuki Asami and I teach one of the many four-year-old classes. The children are very excited to talk about all of the hard work they’ve done over the year, but they’re even more excited to tell us how important their families are and what family means to them. So without further ado, we’ll get started.”

The children went in alphabetical order, some a lot more rambunctious and talkative while others were so quiet it was hard to hear even in the quiet of the room. Everyone found it endearing and clapped after each child finished their presentation.

“Next up is Oikawa Hajime,” the teacher said.

And Oikawa’s smile only widened as Hajime hurried up to the front of the room with a piece of paper, absolutely brimming with confidence. Everyone clapped as Hajime took the floor, and the room fell silent once more.

“Hi! My name is Oikawa Hajime and I’m four years old,” Hajime said. He held up the piece of paper that was clearly a drawing of a group of people. “And this is my family. I have a very big family so I couldn’t draw all of them on this but that’s okay!” He pointed to the figure on the far left. “This is my Uncle Daichi! He is very nice and helps me with my homework when it’s too hard. He can be super scary when he’s mad but he doesn’t get mad a lot so it’s okay.”

The crowd laughed softly, and Daichi couldn’t help but shake his head in amusement at the charming candor of a four-year-old in full swing.

Hajime then moved on the next person in the drawing. “This is Tetsu-chan! He’s really funny and tells me lots of jokes. He had to go to work today so he’s not here right now but he said he’ll bake me cookies later.”

Koushi, Oikawa, and Daichi couldn’t help but pale at the thought of Kuroo baking. Cooking was one thing, but _baking?_ The last time Kuroo tried to bake he almost nuked the cobbler. No. No way. Not happening.

“This is Kou-chan,” Hajime said. “Kou-chan is really nice and reads stories to me sometimes! He even watched my favorite movie with me three times and sang all the songs with me!”

Koushi smiled, a little flustered but amused all the same.

“This is my papa!” Hajime declared, a different kind of brightness to his expression. “He does all kinds of fun things with me! He helps me look for bugs like stag beetles, and he teaches me how to play volleyball. Papa played volleyball, too. He was a setter and played on a team called Aoba Jousai. He was the coolest setter ever!” He grinned. “Now I wanna be a setter, too! I wanna be just like him when I grow up! He’s the best papa ever, and I love him lots and lots!”

And if Koushi wasn’t mistaken, there were tears forming in Oikawa’s eyes.

“So what does family mean to you, Hajime-chan?” Suzuki-sensei asked.

"Um…” Hajime started. “Family means love and fun. And volleyball!”

Suzuki-sensei smiled. “Thank you very much, Hajime-chan.”

Everyone started clapping, and Hajime gave a grin and a small bow before taking his seat again. There weren’t many children that went afterwards, and soon enough they joined their parents, siblings and friends.

“Papa!” Hajime jumped into Oikawa’s open arms.

“Hey!” Oikawa hugged the boy tight. “You gave such a great speech, Haji-chan. I’m so very proud of you.”

“You liked it?” Hajime asked.

Oikawa grinned. “I loved it.”

“Kou-chan, Dai-chan – did you like what I said?”

“We sure did, Hajime,” Daichi said. “You did so well up there. Were you nervous?”

Hajime shook his head. “Nu-uh!”

Koushi chuckled. He figured as much. There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in that boy. His words were clear, maybe a little mispronounced in some areas but he was still learning, and he donned a proud grin. Hajime was just like his father – fearless and unfazed by none. Plunging headfirst into a challenge. Always sure in every step he took. He expected nothing less. “Your drawing was really good too, Haji-chan. Like a true artist!” 

“Thank you!” Hajime said, running over to his desk as soon as he was set on his feet again. “I did lots of other drawings, too! Lookie!”

And Hajime displayed his drawings with the utmost pride as they all marveled over them, handing out praises and smiles easily. 

The children were dismissed for the day after the event, and Hajime quickly declared that he was hungry. Oikawa let Hajime decide where they go eat since it was his special day, and since there was a nearby restaurant that served really great ramen, the boy showed no hesitation in choosing.

“Dai-chan, Suga-chan – will you be joining us?” Oikawa slung Hajime’s backpack on his shoulder and slipped a beanie over the boy’s head and then one for himself.

“I wish I could. I have to go back to work. Big deadline coming up,” Daichi said.

“Aww.” Hajime pouted. “Do you have to go, Uncle Daichi?”

Daichi gave a sad smile and ruffled Hajime’s hair. “Unfortunately, I do. But I’ll try and come by later tonight and see you if it’s all right with your dad.”

“Please, Papa?” Hajime asked.

“Of course,” Oikawa said.

“Yay! Thank you for coming to Family Day, Uncle Daichi!”

“Thank you for inviting me and for this amazing picture you drew of you, me, and Tetsurou. I’ll hang it up on the fridge so everyone can see it. I’ll come by later, okay?” Daichi smiled, holding the picture carefully in his hand. He pulled his phone from his pocket once it beeped. “Oikawa, Suga – you two behave. I don’t wanna have to pick up Tokyo afterwards.”

“Just go to work already,” Oikawa huffed, cheeks red.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this completely under control,” Koushi said.

Daichi laughed. “Like that’s supposed to make me feel better.” 

And as soon as his car was out of sight Oikawa turned to Koushi, making the latter shift on his feet. “So, Suga-chan… are you busy too, or did you wanna join us?”

The answer was easy, fluid. “I’d be happy to join you two.”

“Yay!” Hajime cheered, jumping up and down and tugging on both Oikawa’s and Koushi's hands. “Come on! Come on! Let’s go!”

Oikawa laughed. “We’re coming, son.” He looked at Suga, a nervous smile on his face. “I hope ramen is okay with you.”

Koushi nodded. “Of course. I love ramen.”

“Great.” 

Koushi was extremely grateful that the air was cold enough that he could easily blame the flush in his cheeks on that. He’d never get used to Oikawa looking at him, to Oikawa smiling at him, to the breath that Oikawa effortlessly stole right from his lungs. 

Oikawa Tooru may very well be the death of him.

The restaurant was a bit more crowded than expected, but they were seated in a booth fairly quickly. Koushi settled across from Hajime and Oikawa and flipped through the menu so he could figure out what he wanted, smiling as Hajime initiated some sort of poking fest with Oikawa. And as ticklish as Hajime was, the boy giggled when Oikawa poked him in every known tickle spot.

“Welcome!” the waitress skipped over a few minutes later, her smile sugar sweet. And Koushi could immediately see her instant attraction to Oikawa the minute she laid eyes on him. It was subtle, just a flash. But it was there. She was young. Beautiful. “What can I get you all to drink this evening?”

Hajime tugged on Oikawa’s sleeve. “Papa, can I get, um…” He stared at the menu, trying to make sense of the katakana before him. “H-Hot… cho… choco… chocolate?”

Oikawa smiled. “Sure thing, kiddo.”

The waitress jotted it down on her notepad. “Do you want marshmallows or whipped cream, sweetie?”

“Whipped cream!” Hajime said.

“You got it,” she said.

“Make that two hot chocolates, please,” Oikawa said. “I’ll have marshmallows.”

“Of course,” she chirped and turned to Koushi. “And for you?”

“Coffee, please,” Koushi answered, fingers drumming along the table to imaginary notes. “Black is fine.”

“Great.” She made note of it and took their food orders, too. Hajime and Oikawa kept it fairly simple, both ordering pork and miso respectively, while Koushi ordered their spiciest ramen on the menu. Their drinks were brought out shortly after.

“Kudos to you for being able to drink that stuff, Suga-chan. I know I couldn’t do it,” Oikawa said, bringing his mug to his lips.

“Years of graduate school has left me dead inside.” Koushi sipped his coffee, raising an eyebrow as Oikawa wrinkled his nose. It was rather cute, to be honest.

“I prefer my coffee sweeter.”

“You mean liquid diabetes.”

“Coffee is coffee, Suga-chan.”

“Not when it gives you a cavity.”

“Ow!” Hajime stuck out his tongue and put his mug down.

“It’s hot, you silly goose,” Oikawa said. “You’ve gotta be careful. Are you okay?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“Hang on.” Oikawa grabbed some napkins. “You’ve got some on your nose.”

Hajime quickly dipped his finger in the whipped cream and smeared it all over Oikawa’s cheek, giggling. “Now you do, too!”

“Hey!” Oikawa laughed and mussed the boy’s hair, wiping his face and Hajime’s nose.

Koushi laughed right along with them, finding himself forgetting his worries from yesterday, tomorrow, and even next week. It was so liberating being around them, around his friends, his volleyball family. His mother and siblings would be find in Kyoto, they’ve gotten through snowstorms before and they can do it again. Miyagi had its fair share of them. She was going to keep him updated, and he’d drop everything if he had to and go help them if need be. Going to visit Oikawa’s family for Christmas was going to be just fine, too. He could get through that. He could talk to people, get to know them. He could carry a decent conversation.

His mother told him to try and not worry.

Well, here he was. Trying. And wanting to succeed.

They finished up a while after that, the hot ramen warming their hearts and stomachs, with a plethora of pictures taken by Oikawa of all three of them, easy conversations flying from their lips, and the waitress came by with the receipt after Oikawa decided to pay for all of them. Koushi felt guilty and tried to protest, but Oikawa was persistent.

“How was everything, you guys?”

“Super yummy!” Hajime declared.

Oikawa chuckled. “I’m gonna have to second that.”

“Fantastic.” She smiled and handed Oikawa the receipt and his credit card. She gave a small bow. “Come back and see us.” And then she left.

Oikawa was about to stuff the paper in his pocket when he stopped once seeing the writing scribbled at the bottom. “Huh.”

“What’s up?” Koushi asked as he helped Hajime put his jacket and beanie on.

“She gave me her number,” Oikawa said.

And Koushi felt some small part of him crumble away.

“Oh,” was all he managed to get out as he wrapped his scarf around his neck.

“Papa, can we go look at the toys? Please?” Hajime bounced up and down as soon as they were outside. The sun was low on the horizon by now (Koushi was still getting used to the whole time change thing), and the Christmas lights set up around the city were starting to twinkle to life. “Please? I wanna go look!”

“Sure thing, kiddo. Hold my hand, okay?” Oikawa said and then looked over to Koushi. “Suga-chan? Did you wanna join us? I understand if you’ve got better things to do.”

Koushi shrugged and grinned. “I may or may not be avoiding organizing my mess of an apartment right now so I’ll be more than happy to tag along.”

“You avoiding responsibilities?” Oikawa gasped. “Unthinkable!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Koushi swatted him lightly on the chest as they started towards the shopping area. The toy store wasn’t very far from the restaurant, and it wasn’t as crowded as it usually was, so it shouldn’t take them too long to get there. “Make fun of me all you want. Just let me know when you’re gonna call that girl. She was absolutely smitten.” He tried to seem nonchalant, joking, even though he didn’t want to know if Oikawa called her. He didn’t even want to think about it. It hurt too much.

“I’m sure she’s nice, but…” Oikawa trailed off with a shrug. “I’m not interested. She’s not exactly my type.”

“Oh. I see.” Koushi rubbed his hands together, cursing himself for forgetting his gloves at home. He was in such a hurry to get to Family Day on time that it completely slipped his mind.

“Cold?” Oikawa said.

“Just a little.”

“You forgot your gloves, didn’t you?”

“I was in a hurry, okay?”

Oikawa shook his head, an amused smile plastered on his face. “First you shirk your responsibilities, and now you’re forgetting things. So unlike you, Suga-chan.”

 _It’s your fault, you big jerk,_ is what Koushi wanted to say. But he held his tongue and instead went with, “I’m not exactly perfect, you know.”

Oikawa’s voice was low, almost too low to be heard over the crowd. “Well, you could’ve fooled me.”

Koushi paused. Did he hear that right?

They had arrived at the toy store, the bright glow from the display window lighting up Hajime’s expression as he ran up to it and watched the train make its way around the wooden track. Koushi couldn’t help but smile at the boy even as he tried to warm his freezing hands. Hajime was just too cute.

“May I?” Oikawa suddenly held out his hands.

Koushi blinked. “Huh?”

Oikawa then took Koushi’s hands in his gloved ones, covering them and bringing them close as he breathed warm air into Koushi’s palms. The cold leather gloves against his skin, Oikawa’s soft lips brushing his knuckles – the entire sensation sent chills down Koushi’s arms and it trickled through him like lightning. And Koushi couldn’t bring himself to move, staring into Oikawa’s eyes hidden behind thick lashes.

“Guess it’s my turn to take care of you now, huh?” Oikawa smiled.

And Koushi ultimately forgot what air was.

“Here.” Oikawa slipped his gloves off and onto Koushi’s hands.

“Oikawa, it’s freezing out here,” Koushi said. “There’s no sense in you being cold, too.”

“You need them more than I do.” Oikawa stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Besides, I was made for the cold. The heat? Not so much.”

Koushi tugged the gloves further onto his hands. They were a little big, but not by much. “Thanks.”

“Papa, Kou-chan – come look! Look at this! Hurry!” Hajime pointed to something in the display window.

Oikawa chuckled. “I think we’re being summoned.”

Koushi smiled. “He is your son, after all. The son of the Grand King. Might as well call him the Grand Prince at this rate.”

“That’s actually a pretty cool nickname,” Oikawa said before turning his attention to his son. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“Look at that!” Hajime pointed to a green baby stegosaurus plush toy. 

Oikawa Tooru may very well be the death of him.

And Koushi didn’t mind one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm not dead!
> 
> Nearly did die though, finals kicked my ass. But they're over and done with, and now I have a month of doing absolutely NOTHING but working on this fic. I'm stoked, you guys.
> 
> And I love giving characters little hidden talents. Oikawa can speak four langauges? Suga can now play the piano. Who woulda thunk.


	19. Clock Strikes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Believe that time is always forever, and I'll always be here.

He didn’t know where he was.

His room was completely different. There weren’t any dinosaur posters or his drawings up on the wall. He recognized the Godzilla ones, but there were a lot more of those than he remembered. He was also a lot taller, and it was awkward to try and maneuver long arms and legs and large hands that weren’t his. He was in different clothes – a white and blue volleyball uniform.

This felt strange. But way too familiar all at once.

_“Iwa-chan!”_

He turned at the sound of that name even though it wasn’t his. He’d never been called that in his entire life. So why did it resonate so strongly with him? Why did it bring him such joy? He couldn’t exactly see the person waving to him, their face was a little blurry, but he couldn’t help but feel excited seeing them. Something told him that this person was precious to him – someone who knew him almost better than himself.

A best friend.

A best friend who smiled often but it never seemed real. His eyes seemed so sad. But he was pretending that he was happy.

_“Iwa-chan!”_

And then it felt like was flying. He was soaring above the volleyball net, a volleyball flying right in front of him, and everything in him told him to hit it with all he had. He _wanted_ to give it his all. He had no control of his actions, but it felt good, like it was something that he’d been doing for years.

And then he was in the city, a red sunset looming over him. He recognized a few buildings that he’d passed many times when going to the park. But suddenly there was bright lights, a car horn, and immense pain. So much pain. It was almost unbearable. He yelled but no sound came out.

He wanted it to stop!

He wanted his papa!

Where was he?

Where was he?

_“Papa!”_

**

Hajime sat up, his tiny chest heaving and trembling. Lightning streaked across the sky, making the shadows dance dangerously across his walls as thunder rippled through his bones. Fresh tears ran down his cheeks, and he jumped when another clap of thunder shook the apartment.

That dream…

It was so scary…!

It made him hurt. 

It made him hurt so bad.

Lightning struck and thunder cracked, making him bury his hands in his hair and squeeze his eyes shut. Kaito whined and nudged his leg, inching closer, but Hajime didn’t pay much mind.

Papa… he wanted his papa…

He was so scared.

And he could leave and go to his papa’s room, but it was dark and there was thunder and it was just so scary. He didn’t want to move. Something could – no, _would_ – get him out there. If he left the safety of his blankets, if he left Kaito’s side… something would happen and he wouldn’t know what to do.

So he did the only thing he could do.

He cried out for his father to come and get him. To come and help him. To make the pain go away. And he kept crying until he heard the door open, until he saw his father rush towards him and held him close, until the heartbeat he had come to know so well drowned out the thunder.

“Shh, it’s okay, Hajime. I’m here.” Fingers carded through his hair, easing him. “I’m here.”

“P-Papa…” Hajime clutched onto his father’s shirt, anchoring him to this reality. “Papa… Bad dream…”

“You had a bad dream?”

Hajime only nodded.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened? You can if you want.”

Hajime shook his head. He just wanted to forget about it. There was some inherent childlike pride within him that didn’t want to admit aloud that he was scared. He didn’t want to seem like a baby more than he already did. He was supposed to be a big boy. He wanted to be just like his papa.

His papa was big and strong and not afraid of anything. Well, he didn’t like spiders but that didn’t mean he was afraid of them. He especially wasn’t afraid of the dark, which is what Hajime feared the most. And to Hajime, that was absolutely amazing. But as much as he wanted to make his father proud, as much as he wanted to prove that he was a big boy, Hajime was afraid.

“S-Stay, Papa… don’t leave me…” Hajime clutched onto his father’s nightshirt, fighting the tremble in his hands. “Please stay, Papa.”

His papa smiled at him, the brown eyes that Hajime loved so much soft and reassuring, the brown eyes that he wanted so badly, and held him close. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, okay?”

Hajime nodded, curling into the extra warmth his father provided, and found himself drifting back to sleep. His papa was here now, so he’d be okay. Everything would be okay. The pain went away. The fear disappeared. The thunder was silent, the lightning was gone. He was safe. He was okay. He was okay.

He was okay.

And so he closed his eyes and dreamt of being tall and strong and on a team, sending a volleyball flying from his fingertips towards the wing spiker flying towards the net. He liked spiking well enough, and he got a small taste of it during practice and in the dream, but it was nothing compared to the feeling he got when he was setting.

Spiking felt good, but setting felt _natural._

Like he was born to do it.

And that’s what he thought about as he clutched onto the alien plush and his father’s hand. 

**

Tooru wasn’t quite sure what happened.

He’d been asleep when Hajime started screaming and scared the living hell out of him. Hajime seemed truly spooked about this nightmare, whatever it entailed, but now that he was cradling his son in his arms Tooru felt immensely better. He hummed gently, sweetly, hoping it’d ease Hajime into sweeter dreams. He ran his fingers through spiked hair, the soft and silky strands falling right back into place. 

But a rustle in the doorway made him stop and look.

Suga stood there, his hair sticking in every which direction and clear concern on his face. “What’s going on? Is he okay?”

“Yeah.” Tooru nodded. “He had a nightmare.”

Since they were leaving fairly early in the morning and because Hajime invited, Suga was spending the night at Tooru’s apartment. And after Tooru had gotten over the initial shock and the pink in his cheeks had faded, they had stayed up a little later than usual watching movies and eating popcorn until both Hajime and Suga fell asleep around eleven. It was rather adorable, to be honest.

And Tooru couldn’t help but be touched by the fact that Suga had rushed to come and check on Hajime, precious sleep forgotten. Suga sighed in relief, moving closer and looking at Hajime’s face as if to reassure himself that the boy was really okay.

“Sorry for waking you, Suga-chan,” Tooru whispered as the man sat beside him on the bed.

“No need to apologize.” Suga smiled. “I’m just glad he’s okay. I sometimes think of him as my own s –”

Suga suddenly stopped there, making Tooru raise an eyebrow. His own what?

“My own family,” Suga continued, his eyes seemingly unfocused even in the dim light filling the room. “He’s precious to me, just like you. Just like all of you.”

Tooru couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to that statement, but it was almost four in the morning and Suga probably didn’t feel like being interrogated. He held Hajime a bit closer, feeling the boy unwind bit by bit but tiny hands still clutching onto his nightshirt. And Tooru was thankful for the darkness hiding the tint in his cheeks once he heard Suga’s words.

Hajime, he was… they were precious to him?

Tooru struggled to contain his thundering heart. Suga… Suga really was a great guy. “I promise there’ll be a hot cup of coffee waiting for you in the morning.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Oikawa.”

Tooru chuckled, low and warm. “Thanks for coming to check on him, Suga-chan. I, uh…” He readjusted Hajime in his arms. “I really appreciate it.”

“Of course.”

“Get some sleep, okay?”

“All right. Remember, I take my coffee black. None of that diabetes crap in a cup.” Suga smiled.

“Don’t worry, I’ve made a note of it.”

Suga gently placed his hand atop Hajime’s head with the softest, most loving look in his eyes before patting Tooru on the shoulder. “Goodnight, Oikawa. Try not to worry. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Says you.”

“Don’t get sassy with me, Oikawa. It’s four in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Suga-chan.”

“Goodnight, Oikawa.”

Tooru rested Hajime back on the bed, unable to help cracking a smile as the boy still clung to him. He pulled the covers over them both and closed his eyes. Even though he was hyperaware of literally everything around him – how quietly Hajime was breathing, his nose twitching as he dreamed, the hum of early, early morning traffic outside the window, the fact that Sugawara Koushi was sleeping in the next room.

And he felt more complete than ever.

**

“Papa, is Kou-chan coming with us to see Grandma and Grandpa?” Hajime whispered.

“Yes.” He flipped over a pancake and set it on a plate already stacked with five. “Is it okay that Suga-chan comes with us?”

Tooru was worried when they got up the next morning that Hajime would dwell on the nightmare, but when they sat down to eat breakfast it turned out that wasn’t the case. Hajime was his same bubbly, energetic self as he practically scarfed down his breakfast since today was the day that they would head to Osaka for Christmas.

The Christmas that Tooru invited Sugawara Koushi to.

The same Sugawara Koushi that made Tooru’s mouth feel dry and like he was stuffed with cotton at the same time. A weird sensation, this he knew. But he couldn’t help it.

Hajime nodded, grinning as excitement flashed in his eyes. “Uh-huh! He’s really nice and funny!”

Tooru smiled while pouring more batter into the pan. “I think so, too.”

Hajime watched him do so for a few moments, bouncing excitedly at the tip of his toes before running off into the living area. Tooru was taking a sip of his coffee, flipping the pancake over when he heard “Kou-chan, wake up!” and a telltale “oof!” right afterwards and had to refrain from spitting out his coffee.

Tooru placed the cooked pancake off to the side and hurried to the living room where he saw his son sitting atop a now conscious Suga. “Hajime, no!” He was quick to pull the boy off as Suga sat up on the futon and rubbed his eyes. “You can’t do that to other people, okay? Only me.”

“But I just wanted to wake him up, Papa,” Hajime said.

“I know, but you’ve gotta be gentler about it. You can’t jump on him.” Tooru smiled nervously as Suga looked at them. “Sorry about that, Suga-chan.”

Suga chuckled. “Go easy on him, Oikawa. It’s not a big deal. I find it a rather effective wake up call.”

“But still.” Tooru looked down at the boy. “Hajime, what do you say?”

Hajime’s eyes shifted to the floor, a small pout on his face. “Sorry, Kou-chan.”

“It’s all right, Haji-chan. Don’t worry about it.” Suga grinned.

And Hajime bounced right back. “We’re making pancakes! Do you want some? I helped make the really gooey stuff!”

“Gooey stuff?” Suga blinked.

“Pancake batter,” Tooru said.

“Ah, I see. Well, I’m sure your dad appreciates the help, Hajime. What would he have done without you?” Suga said.

Hajime shrugged. “I dunno.” He tugged on the hem of Tooru’s pants. “Papa, I’m hungry.”

“All right. Go sit at the table and I’ll get your pancakes,” Tooru said.

“’kay!” 

Suga rolled off the futon, stretching and yawning.

“Good morning, Suga-chan.” Tooru grinned.

Suga smiled, following him to the kitchen. “Good morning, Oikawa.”

“I’ve got your coffee as promised.” Tooru poured the steaming liquid into a mug, holding it out. “No sugar added because you’re sadistic.” He placed two pancakes on a small plate as soon as Suga took his drink.

Suga watched him over the rim of the mug, a dark, playful look in his eyes. “You don’t even know the half of it.”

Tooru shuddered, smirking. “Stop it, you’re scaring me.” He looked over to the boy kicking his legs back and forth at the table. “Haji-chan, do you want eggs?”

“No, thank you,” Hajime said.

“Suga-chan, are you going to want eggs?”

“Yeah, I’d like some,” Suga said.

Tooru placed the pancakes in front of Hajime with a bottle of syrup, and he was going to start cutting the pancakes into smaller pieces when the boy stopped him. “Hm? What’s wrong?”

“I can do it, Papa. I’m a big boy now,” Hajime declared, reaching for the fork. “I wanna do it.”

Tooru ruffled the boy’s hair, smiling fondly and handing the fork over. “All right, big boy. Have at it.” And when he returned to the kitchen and was greeted with the sight of Suga cracking an egg into the frying pan, it reminded Tooru of all the novels he read in high school and how he wanted what those characters had so badly.

The way the sun filled the room with warmth, highlighting the ash blond strands of Suga’s hair, the darkest speckles of his eyes, the soft brush of freckles on his cheeks, a small scar along his chin that Tooru hadn’t noticed yet. And now he was humming – gently, though, as if any louder would disturb anyone outside of this apartment – but it was a song Tooru didn’t recognize at all. Not that that mattered much in the grand scheme of things. He watched Suga drum his fingers rhythmically along the countertop, right in sync with whatever he was humming. 

And even in this ordinary moment – Suga was making eggs, for crying out loud – Tooru finally understood what those countless pages were talking about, even if he hadn’t realized it yet. 

Tooru must’ve been staring for way too long because Suga turned to him. “Yes, Oikawa?”

“O-Oh, uh, nothing,” Tooru said, running his hands through his hair. “A-Anyway, you shouldn’t be making breakfast. That’s my job, you’re a guest here.” He reached for the spatula, but Suga pulled it out of his reach.

“I’ve got this, Oikawa. I know my way around your kitchen better than you do,” Suga said with a smirk and nudged Tooru with his hip to the other side of the stove. “Besides, you burned the eggs last time. You just man the pancakes, and I’ll handle this.”

“I’m more than capable of making eggs, Suga-chan. I make them for Hajime all the time.” 

“I guess you were just having an off day when you burned them, then.”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

“Your off days must be frequent then.”

“Rude!”

Suga laughed, and Tooru couldn’t help but laugh right along with him.

“Papa?” Hajime called.

“Yes?” Tooru said.

There was a long pause before Hajime’s disappointed tone flittered over. “C-Can you help me with my pancakes?”

“Here – I’ve got him.” Suga put some scrambled eggs on a plate fresh from the pan.

“Are you sure?” Tooru asked, eyeing the still cooking pancake.

“Yeah, totally. I don’t mind at all,” Suga said, the smile in his voice evident. “Need some help, Hajime?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh…”

“Hey, no need to look so glum. It’s okay to ask for help if you can’t do something.”

Tooru smiled, and he admired those that could share moments like these with the world because Oikawa Tooru was a selfish man, and he wanted this all for himself. For only him to lay eyes on. For him to write, to read, erase, and start all over again. 

After breakfast, Tooru set about to packing his and Hajime’s clothes while the boy played with his toy soldiers on the floor. Suga insisted on clearing the dishes and washing them, and Tooru couldn’t believe that this was actually happening. Suga could’ve chosen to go with Daichi and Kuroo or stay here in Tokyo, but he didn’t. He chose to go to Osaka with them for three days to celebrate Christmas.

“Kou-chan, Kou-chan – look at this!” Hajime moved his soldiers through the air as if they were doing flips.

Suga pat the boy’s head, laughing a bit. “That’s pretty cool! Can all of your guys do that?”

“Some of them can!”

“Are you gonna take them with you?”

“Nu-uh. I don’t wanna lose them.” Hajime shook his head. “I’m ready to go now, but Papa’s taking too long.” Then he pouted.

“You haven’t even put the books and toys you want to bring in your backpack,” Tooru said with no real firmness in his tone. “I don’t wanna hear it, Oikawa Hajime.”

Hajime giggled and ran off to his room to gather his things.

“He’s growing up fast,” Suga said.

“Tell me about it.” Tooru went back to his room, motioning for Suga to follow. “He’s gonna start elementary school next year. I’m getting so old.”

“Does that make me old, too?”

“Naturally.”

Suga leaned on the doorjamb, his eyes flitting from the floor to Tooru and back again. “I really appreciate you letting me tag along, Oikawa. You didn’t have to.”

“I couldn’t let you just hang around here by yourself on Christmas – that’s no fun,” Tooru said. _Besides,_ Tooru wanted to add, _I love spending time with you._

“You sure your family doesn’t mind me going?”

“I’m positive. They’re excited to meet you.” Tooru folded the last of Hajime’s shirts into the suitcase and zipped it up to tote it back into the living area. He had called his mother a few days ago to let her know that Tooru was bringing a plus one to the vacation house and that was the first time in a long time he’s heard her get even remotely jazzed about something. “I’m just gonna apologize ahead of time if they ask hundreds of questions. They’re incredibly nosey.”

Suga smiled. “You survived my family reunion, so I think I’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know, my family gets pretty crazy sometimes.”

Now that Tooru thought about it, he hadn’t seen his aunts and uncles in what seemed like forever. More than the six years he hadn’t spoken to his parents. He was sure his little cousins were almost grown up by this point since they were around eight to ten years old the last time he saw them. He wondered how they were doing…

“Oh, before I forget.” Suga left the room, leaving a confused Tooru behind and came back with a pair of gloves and smiled. “Here you go.”

It took Tooru a moment to realize those were in fact his gloves, but he stopped himself from immediately taking them back as a grin spread across his face. “You sure you won’t need them, Suga-chan? I’d hate for your hands to freeze again. I brought extra ones just in case.”

Suga huffed, cheeks red. “Sh-Shut up.”

Tooru laughed, taking the gloves and packing them in the suitcase.

“Thanks again.” Suga shifted on his feet.

“No problem, Suga-chan.” 

“I’m ready, Papa!” Hajime came back in, backpack on and alien plush in his arms. “Can we go now? Can we? Can we?”

Tooru smiled. “Yup, we sure can.”

“Yay! Come on, Kou-chan!” Hajime grabbed the man’s hand and pulled him out the door, grinning as Suga laughed. “Do you know Grandma and Grandpa? Have you seen them before?”

“No, I haven’t had that honor yet, Hajime,” Suga said as he helped Tooru put their luggage in the trunk of the car along with some presents they planned to open on Christmas morning. There was also a little something for Suga in there, too. Not that the man knew about it.

Tooru honestly couldn’t wait to see the look on Hajime’s face when he saw what was hiding underneath that glistening red paper. Besides his birthday, Christmas was definitely one of Hajime’s favorite holidays. But he had such a hard time figuring out what to get Suga this year, so he called Daichi in hopes that the man, since he was Suga’s closest friend, would be of some help. Daichi gave him some ideas, and he hoped Suga would like what was wrapped in that box.

However, Suga had once again been an absolute lifesaver. Tooru had gone to the toy store the day after Hajime pointed out the baby stegosaurus plush only to find that they were completely sold out. The one in the display window was the last one left and someone had bought it later that evening. But then he came to find out that Suga had grabbed one a little less than a week ago.

“They’re really nice! And Papa said that it’s okay to bring Kaito with us, huh?” Hajime looked to Tooru for confirmation.

“Yup!” Tooru nodded. “But you can only run with Kaito outside in the backyard, remember? Not inside.”

“I remember,” Hajime said as he scratched behind Kaito’s ears – the dog was almost as big as he was – and jumped in a melting pile of snow at the edge of the sidewalk.

“I’m gonna guess your mom isn’t the biggest fan of dogs,” Suga said.

Tooru chuckled. “You’re not wrong. She’s not the biggest fan of animals, period, but she’s got a huge soft spot for Hajime so she allowed Kaito to come. Besides, Haji-chan is the one who isn’t potty trained.” A teasing smile pulled at his cheeks as he glanced at his son to see if he’d heard.

Hajime pouted. “I know how to go potty, Papa! I’m a big boy!”

“I know you do, Haji-chan.” Tooru grinned.

Today was a little warmer than it had been, but it was still cold enough to keep some of the snow sticking to the ground even if it was just a slushy mess accumulating at the side of the road. Icicles dripped from rooftops and buildings, and Hajime tried to catch a few drops on his tongue but it backfired and instead landed on his face.

Suga and Tooru laughed so Hajime simply grinned and ran back over, asking Suga if he was going to show him how to do “really cool setter things,” and when Suga lifted Hajime in his arms and smiled so warmly at the boy, Tooru couldn’t help as his heart skipped against his chest. Suga was always so kind to Hajime, allowing himself to be climbed over and hugged whenever Hajime saw fit. He was also immensely patient, never once getting frustrated or showing the slightest bit of annoyance.

And if Tooru was to ever introduce someone he was romantically interested in into Hajime’s life that was exactly what he would be looking for. But would Suga even want that? Would he want to be with someone who already had a child? Tooru didn’t want to force him into such a situation, his feelings be damned. That wasn’t fair. Even if they did almost kiss. Was it a kiss? Tooru didn’t know, he was too busy internally combusting to really ruminate on it further.

Well, it was a nice thought while it lasted.

“Oikawa. Earth to Oikawa.” 

Suga’s gloved hand was suddenly waving in front of Tooru’s face, snapping him back to reality.

“Huh?”

Suga chuckled, readjusting Hajime on his hip. “I asked if you were ready to go.”

“Oh! Yeah!” Tooru’s cheeks started to burn. “I’m raring to go.”

Hajime giggled. “Silly Papa.”

“Your papa is very silly, isn’t he, Hajime?” Suga smiled. 

“Yup!”

Suga helped Hajime into the car. “All right – let’s get buckled in, okay?”

“’kay!” the boy plopped into his booster seat and did as told.

Suga shut the backdoor after Kaito hopped in beside Hajime, looking over at Tooru with his eyebrows slightly knit together. “You okay, Oikawa? You’re kinda spacey.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tooru said.

Suga raised an eyebrow. “The last time you said that you almost passed out because you weren’t eating.”

“Suga-chan, Suga-chan – that’s in the past.” Tooru waved his hand rather nonchalantly. “It’s best not to dwell on such things.”

Suga flicked Tooru on the forehead, an amused look on his face with maybe a hint of disapproval. “Say that the next time one of us doesn’t eat or sleep for almost a week straight.”

Tooru rubbed the spot, pouting a bit. He would rather not remember that week-long hell they, and most importantly Hajime, were forced to endure. It was something he never wanted to think about – ever. And Hajime seemed to have forgotten about the whole ordeal, which Tooru couldn’t help but be thankful for. Hajime shouldn’t have to be afraid of being taken away, he shouldn’t be afraid of closing his eyes at night. The boy was doing infinitely better now, but it was still worrying. And other than Tooru still sending periodic updates, the Kobayashi’s pretty much kept to themselves.

“Sorry,” Tooru said. He would never stop being sorry. He truly felt bad for worrying his friends, but he just didn’t know how to function without the little four year old sitting in the car.

Suga put his hands on his hips, shaking his head a bit with a smile on his face. “What am I gonna do with you, Oikawa Tooru?”

“Cherish my existence for as long as you live?”

“We’ll see about that.”

“So cold, Suga-chan!”

Hajime rolled down the car window. “Papa, Kou-chan – let’s go! I wanna go!”

Tooru laughed and closed the trunk. “Okay, okay, whirlwind. We’re coming.”

The drive would take about six hours give or take, so they’d arrive a little after two, and Tooru had prepared plenty of music and was once again ready to sing at the top of his lungs to either torture or amuse Suga. Or both. Both was good.

Oikawa Tooru was excited.

Almost embarrassingly so.

**

Sugawara Koushi was nervous.

Almost embarrassingly so.

Why? He didn’t know. But as soon as he stepped out of that car in front of the house, Koushi couldn’t help as his stomach seemed like it was trying to do everything in its power to make him regret eating breakfast this morning. Gosh, he really needed to get a grip. He’d make a fool out of himself at this rate.

“You okay, Suga-chan?” Tooru asked as he grabbed Koushi’s suitcase. 

Koushi nodded, taking his luggage. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You sure? You seem a little –”

“Little brother – you finally made it!”

Koushi was definitely taken aback as someone who looked similar to Oikawa in only hair and eye color (and nothing in stature) slung an arm around Oikawa’s neck and held him firmly, mussing his hair. The man was tall with a strong demeanor and that same, unmistakable fire in his eyes that he’d seen countless times. It’s what he saw in Oikawa. It’s what he saw in Hajime.

Oikawa fought to get out of the man’s headlock. “Satoshi, stop! I’m not a little kid anymore!”

The man now known as Satoshi laughed and released him, giving him a firm pat on the back. “Aw, come on! Lighten up! We had some fun times, didn’t we?”

Oikawa straightened himself out, carding his hands through his hair to try and make some sense of it again. “Yeah for you, maybe.” He huffed, and Koushi couldn’t help but compare him to a disheveled bird. “Anyway. Suga-chan – allow me to introduce you to my crazy, knucklehead older brother: Oikawa Satoshi.”

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you.” Suga smiled, giving a small bow.

Satoshi grinned, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “The pleasure is all mine, I assure you. It’s nice to finally meet the guy who has Tooru over here absolutely smitten.”

Oikawa Tooru? Smitten?

“Satoshi, stop!” Tooru said.

“Satoshi, leave him alone. He just got here, for crying out loud.” A woman, who looked like neither Oikawa nor his brother even if she had the same brown hair and eyes, approached. But Koushi had to admit that she was beautiful. 

“Not you too, Akane,” Satoshi said. “I’m just having some harmless fun with my little brother.”

The woman now known as Akane rolled her eyes and turned to Koushi. “I’m Nakamura Akane, it’s nice to meet you. Sugawara Koushi, right?”

Koushi nodded. “Yes.”

“Well Sugawara, number one rule of surviving in the Oikawa household: ignore those two, and you’ll glide right on by.”

“Hey!” Oikawa and Satoshi said.

Koushi smiled. “Well, I’ve already got part of that down so no worries.”

“Suga-chan! You’re supposed to be on my side!” Oikawa whined.

Koushi shrugged. “This is mere payback for the photo album fiasco at my family reunion.” He smirked when Oikawa blanched. “Uh-huh. You thought I forgot, didn’t you?”

“Suga-chaaaaan, we just discussed this, remember? About the past staying in the past?”

“Considering how that was also in the past, I must have forgotten.”

“Damn. Sharp as a tack, this one.” Akane chuckled. “Careful, Tooru.”

Oikawa slumped, and Koushi couldn’t help but laugh as he put his hand on the man’s shoulder. Wow, this was going so much better than expected. Oikawa’s brother and sister seemed to like him well enough. The only people Koushi was really worried about though were Oikawa’s parents, but he didn’t know why. It’s not like he was dating Oikawa, and he knew next to nothing about them besides the fact that Oikawa’s mother apparently didn’t like dogs. Come to think of it, Oikawa didn’t talk about his parents. Or his family for that matter. At all.

“Uncle Satoshi!” Hajime bolted towards the man and leapt into his open arms.

“Hey there!” Satoshi laughed, hugging the boy tight. “Wow, you’ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you! I promise you’ve gotten taller.”

“Uh-huh!” Hajime nodded. “Papa’s been me-measuring me, and I grew a centimeter didn’t I, Papa?”

Oikawa smiled. “You sure did. You’re growing up way too fast.” He swept Hajime back in his arms when the boy reached out for him. “You can’t grow anymore, Haji-chan! You have to stay little forever!”

Hajime giggled. “Papa, no! I wanna get bigger and play volleyball!”

“Volleyball, huh?” Akane said. “You want to play volleyball, Hajime?”

“Yeah! I wanna be a setter!”

“Just like your dad right, Hajime?” Satoshi said.

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh! And Kou-chan, too!”

Akane and Satoshi both looked at him, and Koushi couldn’t even feel the cold nipping at his ears anymore.

“I remember Tooru mentioning that you played volleyball, Sugawara,” Akane said. “Did you play in high school and college, or…?”

Koushi nodded. “Yes.”

“Did you play on the same team as Tooru?”

Oikawa huffed. “Can you guys please stop interrogating him? We haven’t even gone inside yet and you’re harassing him.” 

“We’re just trying to get to know him, Tooru,” Satoshi said. “Don’t be such a spoil sport.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Anyway, are Mom and Dad here?” 

“Yeah, they’re inside,” Satoshi answered. “Do you need any help with your bags?”

“No, I think we’ve got it. Appreciate it, though.” Oikawa grabbed his and Koushi’s suitcases, smiling as Hajime introduced Satoshi and Akane to Kaito who happily trotted beside them.

“Oikawa, I can get my suitcase,” Koushi said. “I don’t mind.”

“I know you can. But you’re a guest.” Oikawa smiled, and Koushi still couldn’t feel the cold brushing at his ears or nose. “Besides, you helped out a lot this morning with Hajime. And I, uh, really appreciate it. I’ll admit that it was great having you there.”

Koushi had to fight to shrink the grin spreading across his face. Oikawa… liked having him there? Maybe even enjoyed it? That brought Koushi more happiness than he’d like to admit. Out loud, at least. Once he overcame the fact that he was spending the night at the apartment of the man he loved Koushi had a great time. They watched movies late into the night, threw popcorn at each other, and fell asleep warm under the blankets. And waking up to Hajime’s smiling face and Oikawa making breakfast for all of them, handing him coffee just the way he liked it, the utter naturalness of it all…

Well, it was something that Koushi could definitely get used to.

“So Sugawara, what team did you play for?” Akane asked.

“Oh, I played for Karasuno in high school, and Osaka City University in college,” Koushi said. “I was a setter.” 

He missed those days almost too much, which is why these recurring practice matches with everyone was such a blessing. Volleyball, and he was sure everyone else shared the same sentiment, was liberating. It was one of the few things that got his blood going, the adrenaline firing through his veins. It made him feel so alive.

“Ah, so you didn’t go to the same university as Tooru.”

“If he had, we would’ve heard about him a long time ago.” Satoshi chuckled.

“Guys, come on!” Tooru said.

The house was pleasantly warm, making Koushi shed his jacket as soon as he stepped inside, and the smell of fresh cookies and other desserts was enough to make his mouth water. The foyer was beautifully decorated, seemingly like the winter wonderland he always read to his siblings when they were children, and Koushi remembered why this was one of his favorite holidays.

“Wow.” He couldn’t help but marvel at the sight of the tinsel, ribbons, and the undeniable mistletoe dangling in a few entryways. Not to mention the rather humongous Christmas tree with a plethora of presents towering over them. 

“Sorry if it’s a little overwhelming,” Tooru said. “My sister likes to go all out.”

“No, it’s fine. I love it.” Koushi turned to him and smiled. “Really spreads the Christmas spirit, you know?”

Oikawa paused, and for a moment Koushi thought he said something off-putting until the man grinned. And Koushi ultimately began to feel himself relax. He didn’t slip walking to the front door which was a plus, he didn’t trip going inside – double plus – and he has yet to say a wrong thing while talking to Oikawa’s older siblings. 

Great. Fantastic. Ten out of ten.

Gosh, why was he so nervous?

“I can’t believe Mom let you bring your dog,” Satoshi said as he watched the pup follow Hajime around. “I was sure she’d have a cow.”

“Kaito is a part of our family and there’s no way we would leave him behind,” Oikawa said. “Hajime couldn’t leave without him. He’d be upset the entire time, so Mom gave in.”

“Fair enough.”

“Where’s Grandma and Grandpa?” Hajime asked as he took off his coat. “I smell cookies.”

“And those cookies are just for you, Haji-chan.” Akane smiled. “They’re your favorite.”

Hajime’s wide eyes sparkled. “Chocolate chip?”

“Yup! There’s so many cookies you’ll have cavities for weeks!”

“Wow! Papa, can I have a cookie?” Hajime tugged on Oikawa’s sleeve. “Please? Can I?”

Oikawa sighed, but there was a certain light to his eyes, and Koushi knew that the man had already given in. “All right, all right. You can have a cookie before dinner.”

“Yay!” Hajime took Koushi’s hand. “Kou-chan, you have to get a cookie, too! They’re super yummy!”

“I’d be happy to have one, Haji-chan.” Koushi smiled.

He could do this. He could definitely handle this. 

He was Sugawara Koushi, child psychologist, former vice-captain of Karasuno High School, setter for Osaka City University, and hopelessly in love with a man named Oikawa Tooru.

Yeah.

He could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, sorry this is so late. I've been going through a ton of family issues that has left me emotionally and ultimately physically drained so I struggled to find the will to write. And I think it shows. I'm sorry if this isn't up to par with everything else. I'm hoping to go into the new year with a better update for you all.
> 
> I hope your holiday and new year is grand. You all deserve it.
> 
> Remember, you can always hit me up on tumblr at tenacioustooru for any questions, concerns, or spazzing about volleyball boys who have ruined our lives.
> 
> Happy New Year, everyone!


	20. Glasshouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The earth starts to shake, the sky begins to fall; can you hear it coming down?

“Grandma!” Hajime ran into a woman’s open arms. 

_“Mon ange!”_ she held the boy tight, exclaiming something in French that was full of affection. “My goodness, you’ve gotten so big! I’ve missed you so much!”

Hajime giggled. “I missed you too, Grandma.”

And when a middle-aged man approached, and Hajime cried out “Grandpa!” happily, Koushi immediately saw which of his parents Oikawa took after. And as if she sensed Koushi’s nerves, her calculating eyes set themselves on him. She was undoubtedly beautiful and time had been great to her, and she seemed to be the very definition of everything orderly and proper. A no-nonsense, ambitious type of woman who stood her ground.

“Hello, Mother. Father,” Oikawa said.

“Tooru, I’m so glad you all made it safely,” she said, her eyes flicking to Oikawa for a moment before resting back on Koushi, making the man stiffen. He felt like he was under a microscope. “And you must be Sugawara Koushi, right?”

“Uh, yes,” Koushi managed to choke out. Relax, dammit – _relax!_ He gave small bow. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all ours,” the man beside her said. He seemed to be just like his wife – all work and no play. “I’m Daisuke and this is Camille. And I see you’ve already had the honor of meeting our other two troublemakers over there.”

“I am an angel,” Satoshi said.

Akane rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Sure.”

“At any rate, we’re very glad to have you here, Sugawara,” Daisuke said. “Please make yourself at home.”

Koushi smiled. “Thank you very much, Oikawa-san.”

“Please, call us Daisuke and Camille. Any friend of Tooru’s is a friend of ours.”

Camille was saying something in French to Hajime, who looked thoroughly confused, and the woman immediately looked to Oikawa. “I thought you were teaching him French.”

“I’ve been a little busy,” Oikawa said. “But I’ve been teaching him some words here and there. 

“I just think it’s important for him to learn another language, is all. Takeru is practically fluent now.”

“Takeru is 16, Mom. Hajime’s only four.”

And if Koushi didn’t know any better, there was slight tension bleeding between them, and it made the air hot and uncomfortable even in the dead of winter. 

Satoshi coughed, putting his hands back in his pockets. “I hope you’ve been keeping up with the weather report, little brother. Apparently there’s a quite a snowstorm heading this way. It’s big, but it’s only supposed to just skim us.”

“Yeah, Suga-chan’s family in Kyoto got hit by it,” Oikawa said.

“They’ll be okay though, right?” Akane asked.

Koushi smiled. “They’ll be fine. We’ve been through our fair share of snowstorms. Thank you for asking.”

Camille placed Hajime to his feet. “Hajime, I think Takeru and your other cousins are in the backyard playing in the snow. Why don’t you and your dog go out there and have some fun?”

“Okay! Come on, Kaito!” Hajime took off towards the backdoor.

“Hold on there, whirlwind,” Oikawa said and placed the beanie over the boy’s head. He playfully tapped Hajime’s nose, smiling as his son giggled. “Have fun, okay?”

“’kay!” And Hajime bolted out the back, calling out “Takeru!” and was met with sounds of excitement at the sight of him and a puppy.

“Tooru, dear, why don’t you show Sugawara where he’ll be sleeping?” Camille said. “We’ll all go out for lunch here in a bit.”

“Sure thing.” Oikawa nodded and turned to Koushi, motioning towards the staircase as he grabbed the luggage. “It’s just right up these stairs, Suga-chan.”

Koushi followed wordlessly, catching the darker look in Oikawa’s eyes as they made their way to the second floor, and he couldn’t help but marvel at the sheer amount of rooms they passed by until they stopped at one on the right side. He’d have to get a map or he’d seriously get lost in this place.

The room was plenty spacious, especially for one person, with crème painted walls, a large bed, and an attached bathroom. Oikawa set Koushi’s suitcase down by the bed, and all Koushi managed to get out was “Whoa.”

“Sorry if it’s too much,” Oikawa said, a nervous smile on his face. “My family tends to be a little… ostentatious.”

Koushi shook his head. “It’s fine. Your family has a very nice place.”

“That’s what owning a multi-million dollar company will get you.” Oikawa muttered and went over to open the curtains, allowing sunlight and warmth to pool into the room. “Not that that did anything for me.”

Koushi shifted on his feet. He didn’t like the way tension leaked from Oikawa in waves. His movements were strict, unsure. Like he was walking on eggshells. “I don’t mean to pry, but… your mother seemed a little upset at the fact that Hajime wasn’t learning French.”

“Yeah, well, she’s always been a little critical of me and my decisions. It’s not a big deal.” Oikawa shrugged. “We’re working on it, but I’m used to this. Old habits die hard, I guess.”

Critical, orderly parents. The lack of mentioning them. The distant, pained look in his eyes whenever family was brought up. Smiles that were too bright or too wide. Koushi was starting to fit the pieces together, even if he didn’t want to.

“Is that why you don’t ever talk about your family?” 

“You’re not gonna psychoanalyze my every move this weekend, are you, Suga-chan?” Oikawa’s smile was bitter, dry – one of the many smiles that Iwaizumi told him about. “I don’t want this to turn into a therapy session.”

“Too late,” Koushi said. “Like you said – old habits, die hard.”

Oikawa chuckled. “You’re not wrong.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“No, but thanks for offering. Having you here is enough.”

Koushi smiled, and warmth spread throughout his chest.

“A-Anyway,” Oikawa said, “Hajime and I will be right across the hall if you need anything.” He grabbed his own suitcase, shuffling out of the room. “Um, well, you can hang out in here or come downstairs until we leave. So, uh, yes. I’ll see you in a bit.” And then he closed the door.

Koushi sighed, sitting on the bed and was surprised as he almost sank into the memory foam. Yeah, this might take some getting used to. He situated himself a bit further on it, and when he was comfortable he pulled out his phone and the many missed text messages from Daichi lit up the screen. Whoops.

He pressed the phone to his ear.

 _“I think you enjoy tormenting me,”_ Daichi said.

Koushi laughed a bit, but it didn’t settle right in his chest. “Daichi, you worry far too much. You’re gonna start going bald in your young age.”

_“Oh shut up. But I’m going to assume you all made it safely?”_

“Of course we did.”

_“Is everything okay over there?”_

Sometimes Koushi hated how perceptive Daichi was sometimes. But he guessed that’s what happened when he spent all of his high school and college days around the man. Daichi learned how to read him like an open book. 

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Why do you ask?”

 _“You sound off,”_ Daichi said, and Koushi could almost see his brow crease in concern. _“Oikawa’s family wasn’t being rude to you, were they?”_

“No, no – they were very nice to me. Why wouldn’t they be?”

_“Well, considering how I’ve seen Oikawa and his mother interact, forgive me if I’m a little skeptical.”_

Koushi nodded. “I see what you mean.”

_“What happened?”_

“His mom got upset when she found out Oikawa wasn’t teaching Hajime that much French. She even said that Oikawa’s nephew was fluent now despite the fact that the kid is 16, and Hajime is only four. She wasn’t yelling or anything like that, but you could tell it really bothered Oikawa.” Koushi picked a piece of lint from his clothes. “He said they’re working on bettering their relationship, though.”

Daichi sighed. _“Yeah, he told me that, too. But six years of not talking to each other doesn’t exactly fix itself in just two years.”_

Koushi couldn’t help but agree.

_“I know this vacation is supposed to be enjoyable for you too, but do you mind keeping an eye out for him? Make sure he stays grounded? You’re the only one there, and Tetsurou and I are worried about him. You know how he gets.”_

Daichi didn’t even have to ask. Koushi was going to help in any way he possibly could. Oikawa deserved that much. Oikawa was there for him and took his mind off of things when he was worrying about his family in Kyoto, Koushi would be here if Oikawa’s family gave him too much grief.

“Don’t worry, Daichi. I’ll look out for him.”

_“Thanks, Suga. You’re the best.”_

“I know.” Then a grin crossed Koushi’s face. “So, how’d the first meeting go? Is Kuroo still in one piece?”

Daichi laughed. _“Physically, yes. My mom loves him. My dad’s still trying to get a read on him.”_

Poor Kuroo. Koushi thanked his underclassmen’s lucky stars because if they thought that Daichi was terrifying when he was angry, they’d pale at the sight of the man he inherited such a temper from. They wouldn’t last five minutes.

“Tell him I’m sending my best wishes,” Koushi said. “He’s gonna need all the luck he can get.”

 _“I’ll be sure to deliver the message.”_ There were some new voices in the background, low and hard to make out. _“All right, I’m coming! Sorry Suga, gotta go. Tetsurou’s having issues with the cookies.”_

Koushi shook his head in amusement. “Go save your boyfriend before he burns the entire house down. Oh, and before you go – Hajime’s already decided that you’re baking a cake for his birthday party this year. He wants all three flavors: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.”

The smile was evident in Daichi’s voice. _“It’ll be the best darn birthday cake he’s ever had.”_ There was the sound of him descending a flight of stairs. _“I’ll talk to you later, okay? Have fun over there.”_

“You, too.”

And right as he hung up, there was a knock on the door and Oikawa poked his head in. “We’re gonna head out to lunch, Suga-chan. Ready to go?”

“Sure am.” Koushi slid off the bed, following Oikawa down the stairs, and as soon as they reached the living area Oikawa was suddenly brought into a tight hug by someone Koushi had never seen before. With his red hair and blue eyes, he looked nothing like the family so he wasn’t related. If anything, it was very distant. Perhaps a friend?

“Tooru – good to see you after so long!” the man said, a wide grin on his face.

After the shock faded, a look of discontent briefly flashed across Oikawa’s face. “Yes it has, Tsuneo.”

Tsuneo clapped Oikawa on the back. This man reeked with vanity and bravado. He was fit but not overly so, and he was taller than Oikawa by a solid inch. “Lookin’ good, man! You’ve gotten taller since the last time I saw you. That was your high school graduation, right? What have you been up to? We never talk anymore. You still writing?”

Oikawa moved his shoulder a bit. “Yeah, I’m still writing here and there. It’s just a matter of finding time to do it.”

“Well, I’m sure that editing job isn’t what’s holding you back since you do nothing but read all day.”

Oikawa’s brow twitched, and Koushi was beginning to see why he and this Tsuneo character didn’t talk anymore. The guy left a bad taste in his mouth, even more so when his glacier blue eyes settled themselves on Koushi himself.

“And who might you be? I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Yamasaki Tsuneo.”

Koushi swallowed his disdain and tacked on his best smile. “Sugawara Koushi. Nice to meet you.”

Tsuneo grinned. “Well Sugawara-kun, if I may be so bold, I just have to say that you are stunning.”

_Oh, God._

“What the hell are you doing here, Tsuneo?” Oikawa interrupted, not even bothering to hide the irritation in his voice anymore. And if Koushi wasn’t mistaken, Oikawa had taken a step in front of him as if to act as a barrier between him and Tsuneo. “Don’t you have anything better to do? Like taking a long walk off a short pier?”

“Come on, Tooru. Don’t be so cold. I was just trying to be friendly.”

“Do me a favor: don’t. ‘Friendly’ isn’t exactly a word you know the meaning of.”

“Ah yes, I forget. You’re a walking dictionary.”

“If you’re going to be this much of an ass, then don’t bother gracing us with your presence. It’s not necessary.”

“I’ll have you know your father invited me for lunch, and once I heard you were in town, who am I to turn down an opportunity to see one of my best friends from childhood?” Tsuneo’s smile was razor sharp. “Besides, it’s not like you two are dating, are you?”

Oikawa’s eyes narrowed. “Well no, but –”

“Papa!” Hajime came running in from the back with Kaito close behind, his sun-kissed cheeks flush from the cold, and snow was caked on his beanie and scarf. He bounced up and down, tugging on Oikawa’s sleeve. “Papa, guess what! You’re never gonna believe it! Takeru and I built a huge snowman! It’s so big, it could touch the sky!”

Oikawa’s unease immediately melted away and was replaced by a warm and honey sweet smile. “Wow! I can’t believe you built a snowman that big in such a short amount of time! That was lightning fast! You’re amazing, Haji-chan.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

The boy grinned as Oikawa ruffled his hair. “Takeru says we’re gonna need a rocket ship if we wanna go any higher, and I said we have to take Papa because you love space! Now we can meet the aliens!”

“That sounds like a great idea, Haji-chan. Let me know when you’re ready to take off and we’ll go right away.”

“Kou-chan, do you wanna go, too?” Hajime asked.

“Sure I do! Going into space sounds like a whole lot of fun.” Koushi nodded. “I’ll be sure to pack my bags.”

“Yay!” Hajime cheered, and then his attention was directed to the other man in his presence. His large, green and brown-speckled scanned this newcomer, missing absolutely nothing, and quieted a bit. He leaned towards his father. “Hi.”

Tsuneo smiled. “Hey there, kiddo. What’s your name?”

“Oikawa Hajime.”

“And how old are you, Hajime?”

“Four.”

“So big already!”

“Haji-chan,” Oikawa said, garnering the boy’s attention. “Why don’t you get your shoes on so we can go eat lunch? Are you hungry?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh.”

Oikawa smiled. “Do you need help putting on your shoes?”

“I can do it. I’m a big boy, remember Papa?”

“I remember.”

And once Hajime hurried off, Tsuneo opened his mouth again. “So, you’re a father.”

“Yup,” Oikawa said.

“Cute kid. He must’ve taken after his mom because he looks nothing like you, man.” Tsuneo chuckled. “Like, holy shit. I never would’ve guessed he was yours if he hadn’t said something.”

Koushi was absolutely beside himself. Who the hell did this guy think he was?

“Speaking of his mom, where is she? I don’t think I saw her when I walked in. Or are you a single father? No judgment if you are. Though I’ve read that children raised by single parents tend to not do as well.”

Koushi could tell something snapped within Oikawa hard and brutal, like a cord on bare skin. “You sure do ask a lot of questions for someone who’s never given a shit about anyone but himself. Our life is none of your damn business, and I swear, if you say _anything_ to my son about his physical appearance I will personally put you through the shredder, do you understand me?”

Koushi gave a light tug on Oikawa’s sleeve, worried that it’d get ugly if he didn’t do something. Oikawa was fiercely protective of Hajime, rightfully so, and if Tsuneo kept shoving his foot in his mouth, Koushi would be absolutely powerless to stop what came next.

 _Ground him,_ Koushi thought. _Keep him rooted. Be there for him._

“Whoa, dude, sorry.” Tsuneo raised his hands in a placating gesture. “I didn’t mean to offend. I was just making a simple observation.”

Oikawa stormed off, more than likely to go and find Hajime and cool down.

Tsuneo sighed. “That guy’s always had a temper. Wonder where he gets it from.”

“Listen – I just met you today so I don’t know you very well, but I can guarantee that the Oikawa Tooru you knew in childhood isn’t the one here today.” Koushi fought to keep his tone in check, his cheeks pulling the most respectful smile as possible. “You don’t know anything about what they’ve been through, so how about you just keep your opinions to yourself next time before you choke on that foot shoved in your mouth?” 

And at the man’s rather bewildered expression, Koushi tailed after Oikawa, finding him next to his son and smiling as Hajime raved on and on about the snowman that touched the clouds. Oikawa looked at him after a moment, and Koushi took that as an okay to come closer. He would’ve said something if Oikawa’s father hadn’t approached at that moment.

“Tooru, did you say hi to Tsuneo? I invited him for lunch,” Daisuke said.

Oikawa nodded. “Yeah, I did.”

“Good. Well, we’re gonna head out. You’re riding with Satoshi, right?”

“Yes.”

“See you there.”

Oikawa took a deep breath, as if steeling himself, and smiled at Koushi. And Koushi returned it.

**

Tooru wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. Ever. 

Everything was going fine – great, even – and he was actually looking forward to this trip and seeing his family again. But that instantly shattered when his mother came at him with the whole bit about Hajime not learning French (she even compared Takeru and Hajime who were years apart from each other), thoroughly embarrassing him in front of Suga, not to mention that Yamasaki Tsuneo, who Tooru absolutely _could not stand,_ was sitting right across from him at the table and shamelessly flirting with Suga.

And it took all of Tooru’s self-control to not make a scene at the table.

Tsuneo was an old childhood friend of Tooru’s, even though he wouldn’t exactly call him a friend. The only reason they knew each other was because their families worked closely together in the business world, and this was before Tooru had met Iwaizumi and Tsuneo moved away. But during his time there, Tsuneo was relentless, constantly teasing Tooru for every little thing he did and especially criticized him when he said he wanted to play volleyball and called it a girl’s sport. Tooru didn’t talk to him much after that.

And seeing him again after all these years wasn’t helping. 

It was just not a good day.

He was glad that they all welcomed Suga with open arms, and he could comfortably say that the relationship with his parents was definitely getting better, but there would be times where snide comments would sneak in or they’d get onto him for whatever choice he made whether it’d be what he was feeding Hajime that night or if he was spoiling Hajime too much.

It wasn’t very often, but it still happened.

Tooru was just upset that Suga had to witness it.

This was something he never wanted Suga to see, to have to deal with, to see the side of Oikawa Tooru when his parents were breathing down his neck. That side was dry, bitter. Irritable. A side that he despised. A side that he pushed under years and years of silence.

But he was glad Suga was here.

Because he and Hajime were the only ones keeping Tooru anchored.

“So, Sugawara,” Tsuneo started. They were halfway through lunch and Tooru just wanted this to be done with. “What exactly do you do for a living?”

Suga stopped, chopsticks near his mouth, and glanced at Tooru before answering. “I’m a child psychologist.”

“A child psychologist, how interesting,” Camille said. “What exactly got you interested in such a field? If that’s not too personal a question, I mean.”

 _“Mom…”_ Tooru said. He wished they’d stop playing 20 Questions.

Camille didn’t look at him. “Let him answer, Tooru.” 

“I don’t mind, Oikawa,” Suga said. “It was actually when my father passed away that I started becoming interested in psychology in general.” 

The entire table quieted, and Tooru heard the growing weight in Suga’s voice, saw the heaviness in his eyes, and the fact that he started drumming his fingers on the table. As if he was playing a piano. Suga did it so often that Tooru couldn’t believe that he hadn’t noticed such an interesting habit before. It was constant, whether Suga was aware of it or not.

And much like Suga had done to him earlier, Tooru gripped onto Suga’s sleeve. _You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to,_ he wanted to say. _Don’t force yourself. I’m here._

“My younger twin siblings were just babies at the time so they didn’t really know him,” Suga said, “but I wondered what kind of people they’d be if they were older and got to know him before he died or if he hadn’t died at all.” He pulled off a smile. “Plus, I love kids and helping them gives me a sense of purpose.”

Tooru smiled, but his attention was instantly diverted when Hajime pat his shoulder. 

“Papa, look what I drew!” Hajime grinned, holding up the drawing of what Tooru could only guess was a snowman in outer space.

And Tooru couldn’t help but be proud at how quickly Hajime’s drawing skills were developing. The boy really had a knack for this. “Whoa, you drew this? This is amazing! You drew the rocket so well!” He pointed to one of the figures floating among the stars and dark blue background. “And who is this?”

“That’s you,” Hajime said before pointing to another person. “This one is me, and this one is Kou-chan. That’s our rocket so we can build our snowman as tall as we want to, and then we can go to the different planets and see aliens!”

Tooru laughed. “Well, when do we leave for space? That way I can make sure we have everything.”

“Tomorrow!” Hajime said. “But tomorrow’s Christmas! We can’t go on Christmas, I wanna open my presents!” Then a thought seemed to occur to him, and he sat quietly for a moment. “Papa, can we open presents in space?”

“Anything is possible, Haji-chan.”

Hajime pushed his rice and veggies around. “Papa, if I eat all my food can I get a cookie?”

“Of course. I’ll even split a slice of cake with you.” Tooru grinned and winked.

“We apologize for prying, Sugawara-kun. Please forgive us,” Camille said.

Suga shook his head. “I don’t mind.”

Lunch was finished up quickly after that, Tsuneo was leaving, much to Tooru’s relief, and he’d be lying if he said all he wanted to do was go back to the house and rest. But when Takeru insisted that he wanted to go downtown and look for some last minute Christmas gifts, Tooru knew he’d never hear the end of it if he said he didn’t want to go.

Hajime was excited though, and Tooru wasn’t one to squash that excitement.

It was particularly crowded today since many people apparently had the same idea Takeru did and were bustling in and out of stores. Tooru helped Hajime into his coat and zipped it up before putting on his beanie. “Make sure you stick close to me, okay? No running off. Do you wanna hold my hand?”

Hajime shook his head. “Papa, I’m a big boy.”

“At least hold onto my jacket?”

Hajime pouted but grabbed onto the hem of Tooru’s coat.

“We’ll meet back here in an hour, little brother,” Satoshi said.

Tooru only nodded.

“You feeling all right, Oikawa?” Suga asked as he slipped on his coat.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Tooru said and put on his gloves. He grinned, waving his hand. “You brought yours right, Suga-chan?”

Suga rolled his eyes, lightly smacking Tooru’s chest with his own glove. “Yes I did, smartass.”

Tooru laughed, and it felt amazing to do so. “Well then, Suga-chan, shall we go explore the unknown territory of downtown Osaka?”

Suga scoffed as they went outside and the crowd moved around them. “I know my way around Osaka plenty well, thank you very much. I went to university here, in case you forgot. You’re the one I’m worried about getting lost.”

“I’ve been here plenty of times as a kid.” Tooru puffed out his chest proudly. “Besides, my sense of direction is unprecedented.”

“What about that time you got us lost on our way to that restaurant we were trying out?”

“It was brand new, sue me.” Tooru crossed his arms. “And don’t act like you’re innocent. You’ve gotten us lost before, Suga-chan.”

“When?”

“Our camping trip. We were fishing and then you got us lost on our way back to the campsite.”

“It was getting dark!”

“No excuses, Mr. I-Know-What-I’m-Doing-All-The-Time.”

Suga rolled his eyes but there was the trace of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth, and Tooru couldn’t help but grin.

“Anyway,” Suga said, “where are we heading first?”

Tooru shrugged. “Wherever.” He looked down. “Haji-chan, where do you wanna go first?”

But Hajime wasn’t there.

**

Hajime was so excited!

There were so many new and cool things to explore, to discover! There were so many stores to go to, and lots of them had toys in the windows! Maybe Papa would let him get one early for Christmas! There were also lots of people, but Hajime didn’t mind that too much. Music filled his ears, and there was the strong smell of sweets coming from somewhere.

He followed it, bobbing and weaving through people’s legs, and he grinned when he saw a bakery. Rows and rows of cakes, cookies, and other pastries were in the display window. Hajime had eaten all of his food, even his yucky vegetables, so Papa would just have to let him get a cookie! Maybe even two cookies since he was being extra good! Or maybe a slice of cake!

Cake or cookies? Those cupcakes looked good, too! And what were those weird looking bread things? After staring at the word for a bit, he was able to make out “scones” on the label. Those looked really good, too! He’d just have to try it all!

“Papa, can I get –?” he turned around and his expression fell. 

His father was nowhere to be found.

“Papa?” he looked around, clutching onto his alien plush. “Kou-chan?”

**

“He couldn’t have gone too far,” Suga said, looking around.

Tooru could only hope so. There were just so many people around and Hajime was so small! He could get practically anywhere! Hide-and-seek was his favorite game, and this was the perfect opportunity to play it. They asked a few people passing by if they’d seen a little boy with a red beanie and an alien plush but they just shook their heads. God, it’d take them all day at this rate.

“Hajime!” Tooru called out. “Hajime, where are you?”

“Oikawa, calm down and think. Where would Hajime go?”

Tooru rubbed his face and then ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath of freezing air. He was such a train wreck. “Toy stores definitely. Maybe bakeries or ice cream shops. He loves sweets.”

“There’s a toy store and a bakery on this block. Come on.” Suga grabbed his hand, leading him through the crowd. 

And Tooru held on tight.

They didn’t need to worry about crossing the street. Hajime knew better than that. He knew not to cross the street without an adult. It was dangerous. He could get hurt. Hajime was a smart boy. He wouldn’t go far. They’d find him. They had to find him, they just had to.

“I’ll run in here and ask the clerk if they’ve seen him,” Suga said when they stopped in front of the toy store. 

Tooru pointed down the sidewalk. He had to keep moving, he couldn’t just stand around. Snow had begun to flutter down this point, soft and unassuming, and Tooru thought back to the snowstorm that was supposed to just skim by them. “I’ll check down here.”

“All right.”

“Suga-chan, wait,” Tooru said, trying to see past the crowd. He thought he saw…

“What is it?” Suga asked.

There was a gap in the crowd again, and through that sea of people, a lone child was standing in front of a bakery looking scared and on the verge of tears. An alien plush was held tightly in his arms. And he was wearing a red beanie.

“Hajime!” Tooru called out, and he ran over as soon as the boy turned around.

Hajime blinked a few times. “Papa?”

Tooru skidded to a stop, holding the boy’s shoulders. “Hajime! What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I’m okay,” Hajime said.

“What were you thinking? How many times have I told you to not run off? You can’t do that, Hajime! Why didn’t you listen to me?” Tooru said, not realizing that his voice was rising in volume. But once he saw the tears gathering in the corner of Hajime’s round eyes, the shock evident, he relented and brought the boy into a tight hug.

“I-I’m s-showwy, Papa…” Hajime whimpered and sniffled as thick tears pouring down his cheeks. “I-I’m so sorry!” And then he broke into sobs, clutching onto his father’s jacket as he cried and apologized over and over again.

“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay.” Tooru patted the boy’s back and kissed his head. “I’m sorry for yelling. I just got so scared. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to you.”

Hajime sniffled as his father wiped his eyes. “P-Papa’s not mad?”

“I’m not mad,” Tooru said. “But you can’t run off like that again. If you need to go somewhere, you ask me or Suga-chan. You can even ask Takeru, but someone has to be with you. Okay?”

A few more sobs bubbled past Hajime’s lips as he nodded, and Tooru wiped away the excess tears. He smiled, and once Hajime smiled back, Tooru relaxed a bit. He looked down at the plush in Hajime’s arms, taking note of some stains that had to be from today’s lunch. “Uh-oh, looks like your friend here got a little dirty. What do you say we go home and give him a bath?”

“Do I have to take one?” Hajime asked, eyes hopeful.

“No, you don’t have to take one. Not until tonight.”

Hajime pouted. “I don’t like baths.”

Tooru chuckled. “I know you don’t.”

“Oikawa!” Suga pushed through the crowd, apologizing to a few people, and made his way over. “Thank goodness, you found him.”

Hajime beamed. “Kou-chan!”

“Hey there, Hajime.” Koushi smiled. “Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?”

Hajime shook his head. “Nu-uh. Alien-chan kept me safe.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that.” Koushi looked at the shop they were standing in front of. “A bakery, huh? Just like you said, Oikawa.”

Tooru brushed some strands of hair from Hajime’s face. “What can I say? I know my son.”

“I like cookies,” Hajime said.

“Were you coming to get some cookies, Hajime-chan?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh. I eat all my food, so I wanted to get a cookie.” Then he looked down, playing with Tooru’s jacket collar between his tiny fingers. “B-But I didn’t listen to Papa.”

“Well, we’ll just have to listen to dad better from now on, huh?” Suga said. “But hey, since you ate all of your food, even your vegetables, maybe you can have one cookie.”

That seemed to lift the boy’s spirits. “Really?”

“Ask your dad.”

Hajime looked at Tooru. “Papa, can I still have a cookie?”

Tooru was silent for a moment.

“Please, Papa?”

And Tooru couldn’t help but smile. “All right, you can have one cookie.”

“Yay!” Hajime clapped his hands.

Tooru ended up buying three sugar cookies and two blueberry muffins that they split between the three of them, their smiles and laughter as sweet and rich as the pastries in their hands. And this time, when Hajime was told to hold his father’s hand, he didn’t let go. Not even for a second.

**

He wasn’t quite sure what time it was. 

All he knew was that it was late. Too late for a TV or radio to be blaring downstairs. Koushi rubbed his eyes. Just who in the hell was –? Wait, that wasn’t a TV or a radio. That wasn’t even the neighbors. He sat up, flicking on the bedside lamp and listened.

That was…

That was Oikawa.

His tone was of a completely different lilt, a completely different language, but Koushi didn’t have to understand French to know that Oikawa was upset about something.

Who was that other person?

The pitch was higher, most definitely a woman. Camille, maybe? It could’ve been Akane, for all he knew. But it seemed like Oikawa and his sister got along decently enough. And Oikawa and his mother were butting heads for a better part of the day. 

What could they possibly be arguing about this late at night?

Koushi was about to crawl out of bed and make sure Oikawa was okay when the bedroom door creaked open, and an obviously scared Hajime came hurrying in with his alien plush tucked close to his chest as he moved closer. “Hajime? What’s the matter?”

“L-Loud…” the boy murmured, shifting on his feet.

“Did it wake you up?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh.”

Koushi gave a soft smile, opening his arms and brought Hajime close as soon as the boy ran to him. He rubbed small circles in Hajime’s back, hoping it’d bring some semblance of comfort. Koushi knew he would be nowhere near as strong a presence as Tooru was, but if he could help, he would.

“Grandma’s mad. Papa’s mad, too,” Hajime whispered, fisting his hands in Koushi’s nightshirt. “He’s really mad.”

Well, Koushi couldn’t exactly deny that. “Yes, he sounds upset. But he’s not mad at you, okay?”

“I was bad today,” Hajime said. “I didn’t listen to Papa.”

“You made a mistake, but it’s okay. It’s okay to make mistakes,” Koushi said. “We just have to make sure we listen better from now on.”

“Do you make mistakes too, Kou-chan?”

“I sure do. And I’m a grown-up.”

Processing this new information, Hajime nodded but he curled further into Koushi’s chest when Camille’s voice rose and when Oikawa responded in kind. “I don’t like it when Papa’s mad.”

From what Koushi knew, Oikawa didn’t get mad very often. Irritated? Sure. Frustrated? Definitely. Upset? Check. But angry? Besides that time with the Kobayashis and their encounter with Tsuneo today, Koushi could easily count on one hand how many times he’d seen Oikawa get angry.

Make this tally number three.

“I don’t like it either,” Koushi said.

“I saved a cookie, Kou-chan. Maybe we can go give that to Papa and it’ll make him happy. Can we go make Papa happy, again?”

Koushi smiled, placing his hand atop the boy’s head. “Of course we can.”

He took Hajime to the room across the hall so he could grab the small cookie sack, unable to keep from shaking his head in amusement at the boy’s mischievous nature since they weren’t allowed to move food from the kitchen, and carried Hajime downstairs where the arguing grew in volume now that they were closer.

And once that bottom stair creaked under their weight, the voices hushed and Oikawa, Camille, and Daisuke were looking at them.

“Papa?” Hajime said, his hand still clinging onto Koushi’s shirt.

“Haji-chan.” The look in Oikawa’s eyes immediately softened and took his son in his arms once Hajime reached out for him. “I’m sorry, did we wake you?”

“I got you a cookie, Papa, so please don’t be mad,” Hajime said, staring at the paper bag. “Kou-chan and I don’t want you to be mad anymore.”

Koushi stiffened now that Oikawa was looking at him. 

“Is that so?”

“Uh-huh. You can have my other cookie and be happy.”

Oikawa smiled. “Thank you very much, Haji-chan, but you save that cookie for yourself. That way you can eat it after lunch tomorrow.”

Hajime grinned, wrapping arms around Oikawa’s neck and resting his head on his shoulder.

“Thank you, Suga-chan,” Oikawa said as he moved back towards the stairs. “I really appreciate it.”

Koushi shook his head. “It’s no problem at all.”

Camille said something in French, her tone irritated, to which Oikawa responded in kind as he made his way up the stairs. Koushi simply gave a small bow, wished them a good night, and went back up. He knew that if too many stones were thrown at these walls, this glasshouse was going to come crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what to say.


	21. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His heart and soul.

“Tooru, come on. Get up. We gotta shovel snow.”

Tooru rubbed his eyes, blinking at what little light was peeking through the blinds. Hajime was curled into him, sleeping ever so soundly, and Tooru carded his hands through his hair. There was another knock on the door and Satoshi told him to get up again, making Tooru sigh. He glanced at the clock.

It was six in the morning – what the hell was wrong with him?

Tooru shifted and Hajime stirred, rolling over, and Tooru managed to slip out of bed successfully without waking the boy up. He padded over to the door, opening it and not even bothering to hide his glare. “Are you trying to wake up Hajime?”

“Sorry,” Satoshi said. “We gotta shovel snow out of the driveway.”

Tooru put his head against the doorjamb. “I can’t, I’ve gotta take care of Hajime when he wakes up in another hour or two.”

“It’ll be fine. Akane can take care of that. Even Suga since Hajime’s seems to be really close to him.”

Tooru deadpanned. “Suga isn’t responsible for taking care of my child. I’m not gonna put that on him.”

“Well, he doesn’t seem to mind.” Satoshi smirked. “But that’s just me, an outsider looking in.”

“It’s too early for this, Satoshi.”

“The quicker we get done, the quicker you can get back to your son. Unless you wanna deal with Dad getting on your ass before he goes to work. Which is why we need to clear the driveway.”

“Ugh, fine.” Tooru rolled his eyes. “Give me ten minutes.”

“Perfect.” Satoshi said before walking away.

Tooru shut the door and dressed himself in much thicker winter clothes as quietly as possible, making sure to pull the blankets up further on Hajime before placing a soft kiss on the boy’s forehead and brushing the soft spikes of hair back.

“I love you,” he whispered and smiled when Hajime pulled the alien plush close.

The sun was still low on the horizon, so Tooru flicked on the bedside lamp, told Kaito to stay in his spot on the rug, and left the room. And once outside, he barely had enough time to feel the chill nip at his nose to catch the shovel Satoshi tossed at him. The snow was thick, heavy, and already caked onto his boots before he even made it out to the driveway. Looks like they weren’t going anywhere today.

Satoshi was rubbing his hands together and grinned. “Good morning, little brother.”

Tooru simply focused on not slipping or sinking into the snow. He hated having to do this as a kid, and he certainly hated it now. “I can’t believe Dad’s going to work in this weather.”

“Don’t be so bitter about it,” Satoshi said, shoveling some snow off to the side. “Mom’s going with him so we’ll at least have some peace and quiet for a few hours.”

“What could be so important that they have to go to meet a client on Christmas Eve? I’m surprised the guy made an effort to come all the way out here.”

“This is one of the biggest deals we’ve had in a while.”

“So?”

“So, if this goes sour then we’ll be in trouble. Plus, it’s my ass since I pretty much set the foundation for this.” Satoshi sighed, his breath clouding at his lips. “I offered to go in his place but Dad was persistent. He probably wants to double check my work. He’s been getting on my ass a lot lately.”

“It’s not like you’re doing terribly,” Tooru said. “Dad wouldn’t have let you stick around the office if you weren’t producing any profit.”

Satoshi didn’t say anything, but Tooru knew that his brother was agreeing with him.

“You know the company like the back of your hand so Dad’s gonna leave it to you when he retires. Just keep doing what you’re doing and it’ll work itself out.”

“The sun’s not even up and you’re being awfully nice.” Satoshi raised an eyebrow. “What do you want?”

“How about not waking me up at the crack of dawn to shovel snow?” Tooru tossed harmless flakes of snow at his brother. “Besides, I can’t compliment my own brother on being a successful businessman and living up to our parents’ expectations?”

“You live up to their expectations, Tooru. They just have a tough time of showing it.” Satoshi smiled, shielding his face from what little actually stuck to his clothes. “And trust me, I didn’t want to get up this early either, but I didn’t feel like getting chewed out before sunrise.”

Tooru sighed. His brother had a point.

“So…” Satoshi started, and Tooru could imagine a million different ways this could go. “What happened yesterday? You seemed a little irritated.”

Tooru tried not to show any outward reaction and continued to toss snow into the growing pile off to the side. “What gave you that idea?”

“Don’t play dumb, Tooru. I can read you like an open book. What was going on yesterday?” Satoshi stuck the shovel into the ground and leaned against it. “You and Mom were arguing pretty late last night.”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Tooru.”

“What?” Tooru said. As frustrated as he was, he kept his voice low so it didn’t shatter the early morning quiet. “What do you want me to say, Satoshi? It’s the same shit it’s always been. She’s been on my ass since we got here.” _And it’s so embarrassing for Suga-chan to have to see that._

“Wait, I thought you two were working things out.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. But apparently not.”

“What’s she been getting onto you about?”

Tooru shook his head and kept shoveling. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It obviously does matter if it’s bothering you this much.”

Tooru was quiet and just continued to work. He had to keep moving, he couldn’t dwell on this. Admittedly, these were one of the many times that Iwaizumi and Sayu were still around. They always knew how to talk to him, always knew what to say. 

Satoshi sighed. “Come on, Tooru. I’m your big brother, you can talk to me.”

Tooru stopped, staring at the snow caked on his boots, listening to the world beginning to wake up around them now that the sun was inching further and further into the sky. It was honestly way too early, and he didn’t feel like confronting this issue right now. But if it didn’t get addressed now, it wouldn’t be addressed later. And after so many wonderful holidays, he didn’t want to make this Christmas Eve a bitter one. Not if he could help it.

“I can handle her criticizing my passion for writing and volleyball. I can handle her getting onto me about Hajime not learning French. I can even handle her saying that I’m spoiling Hajime too much.” Tooru chuckled a bit. It didn’t sit right in his chest. “She’s the grandmother, isn’t she the one who’s supposed to be spoiling him?”

Satoshi didn’t say anything.

“Anyway, my point is that I can handle her saying a lot of things. I’ve grown used to it.” Tooru started shoveling again. “But what I can’t handle is her basically saying that I’m a bad father because Hajime ran off.”

“She said you were a bad father?”

“It was implied. Heavily.”

Satoshi shook his head. “You’re not a bad father, Tooru. I know that, you know that – everyone knows that. Children run off all the time. They get excited and they go after whatever it is they want. Takeru did it, Akane’s kids have done it, too. Hell, even I did it. Hajime isn’t the first and he definitely won’t be the last.” 

“Yeah, but I bet Mom didn’t act like it was the end of the world,” Tooru said. “I don’t know where she gets off saying that but I’m sick of it.”

Satoshi drummed his fingers on the shovel’s handle. “And I’m sure you’re embarrassed because Sugawara’s here and you like him.”

Tooru looked at him.

“Told you.” Satoshi smirked. “Open book.”

Tooru was perfectly content blaming the flush in his cheeks from being out in the cold. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“We’re going to be out here longer than necessary if we don’t keep working.”

“It’s okay to admit that you like him.”

“I don’t have a problem admitting to myself that I like him.” Tooru was relieved to finally be able to scrape the pavement with the shovel. “Admitting it to Suga-chan is the issue.”

“I don’t see an issue. Just tell him how you feel.”

“You may not see an issue, but I can’t just blurt out: ‘Hey, Suga-chan. I’ve had a crush on you since high school and I think we’d be great together. Wanna go out?’” 

“Sure, you can. I honestly thought you were gonna blow a gasket when Tsuneo was trying to make a move.” 

Tooru’s grip tightened on the shovel. “He’s another issue altogether. I mean, where the hell does he get off harassing Suga-chan like that? The guy has no class.”

“You two have been butting heads since you were children. Jealous much?”

Tooru glared at him.

“Easy, tiger. Just kidding.” Satoshi started shoveling again. “Besides, there’s no way that Suga would be interested in him. Even if you are pretty dense when it comes to romance.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you’re oblivious to the way the guy looks at you.” 

“I am not oblivious.”

Satoshi sighed. “Yeah, you are. Like a lot. It’s painful to watch, little brother.”

“What could he possibly see in me? Suga-chan is Suga-chan, and I’m, well.” Tooru gestured to himself, shrugging his shoulders. “Look at me.”

“What’re you trying to say?”

“I’m nothing special, Satoshi. There are people infinitely better than me that Suga deserves. Besides, I’m a single father. What if he doesn’t want any part of that? I don’t wanna do that to him.”

Satoshi rolled his eyes. “Listen to me when I say this: I haven’t known Sugawara for very long, but I get the impression that he’s not the type of person to hang around people he doesn’t like. If he didn’t want to come here with you, he wouldn’t have. If he didn’t like you in some way, he wouldn’t be around you. At all. Am I right?”

Tooru was quiet. His brother was right. Suga wasn’t one to just stick around people he didn’t like. It’s just who he was. But…

Satoshi clapped his back. “Come on. The sooner we get done, the sooner we can go back inside. Coffee is starting to sound really good right now. Maybe even hot chocolate.”

Tooru nodded. Yeah, hot chocolate with marshmallows sounded nice. Curling up on the couch with Hajime next to a fire would make that even better.

It was freezing out here.

**

He felt funny.

Hajime shifted, the covers heavy against his skin as he sat up, and he wanted to take them off but he was so cold. His head felt heavy, and his nose was both stuffy and runny at the same time. The sun was teeming through the blinds now, warm and inviting, it was still so cold and it hurt to look at it. He turned to the side, expecting to find his father only to find that the bed was empty.

Where…?

Where was his papa?

Where’d he go?

Kaito sniffed at him, whimpering gently.

Alien plush in hand, Hajime slipped off the bed and plodded out of the room, his limbs feeling like they weighed a hundred pounds. A cough ripped through his throat, and he winced. What was wrong? What was going on? He couldn’t be sick, could he?

“Papa…” he said as he descended the stairs towards the voices with his dog close behind, and the smell of breakfast being made became much stronger. His voice was gravelly and weak, barely able to carry itself in the fading quiet. Maybe his father was downstairs making food. At least, that’s what Hajime hoped. Sometimes his papa would already be making Hajime’s favorite breakfast. “Papa…”

But when he made it to the final step, he quickly realized his father was not in the kitchen and was instead met with Aunt Akane, Grandma, Grandpa, Takeru, and Aunt Akane’s husband, Hiroyuki. He was about to go to the next room and look for his father there, but they noticed him before he could.

“Good morning, Hajime-chan.” Akane smiled. “Did you sleep well?”

“Where’s Papa?” Hajime asked. That was the only thing he was concerned with right now. He didn’t want to be with any of them.

“Oh, he’s outside shoveling snow,” Akane answered. “Did you wanna eat some breakfast until he comes back inside?”

Hajime shook his head. “No…”

“Hajime, what’s the matter?” Grandma asked, moving closer.

Hajime moved away. He didn’t want to go with her. Papa always made him feel better so that’s who he wanted. He was tired, and he hurt, and he just felt so bad. “Papa…”

Grandma started talking to Akane with words that he couldn’t understand, it was a language he wasn’t used to at all, and that frustrated him a bit. It felt like his head was being squeezed, and his throat felt dry, and the lights were way too bright.

He rubbed his eyes to try and stave off the oncoming tears.

All he wanted was his dad. Was that too much to ask for?

Grandma walked towards him again, holding out her arms, but Hajime backed away. And he kept backing up until he bumped into something. Or rather someone. He looked up to find Kou-chan was staring back at him, and he decided that if he couldn’t be with his dad at this very moment, being with Kou-chan was just as well. Kou-chan took care of him sometimes. Kou-chan made yummy food, sang songs, and told lots of great stories. Hajime loved that. He loved being with Kou-chan.

“Kou-chan…” Hajime held out his arms and hid his face in the crook of Suga’s neck when he was picked up. He fisted his hand into Suga’s shirt, trying to stay awake. He was just so sleepy. “Kou-chan… Papa… where’s Papa?” 

“Oh, um…” Kou-chan said. He quieted for a moment and there was some whispering before Kou-chan answered. “He’s outside shoveling snow but he’ll be back inside soon.” He placed his hand to Hajime’s forehead, and the boy appreciated the coolness of Suga’s fingertips. “You feel really warm. Is there a thermometer anywhere?”

Camille said something in that different language Hajime had been hearing the entire time here, and Takeru nodded and quickly left the room. 

“Hajime, are you not feeling well?” Suga asked.

Hajime shook his head. “Nu-uh…” He coughed and whimpered. It hurt so bad.

“What hurts, Hajime?”

“H-Head… throat…”

“Hmm… You might have a cold,” Kou-chan said.

Hajime just nodded. He couldn’t remember if he’s had a cold before or not. He didn’t get sick a whole lot because Papa took him to the doctor to get shots even though Hajime didn’t like it.

“I think we have cold medicine,” Akane said and hurried down the hall. “Takeru, can you see if…” And then Hajime couldn’t hear her anymore.

“Hajime, do you want some orange juice?” Kou-chan asked.

The boy only nodded.

Camille stepped forward. “Do you wanna come with me while he gets your orange juice?”

Hajime’s hands tightened in Suga’s shirt. “No… wanna stay with Kou-chan…”

“I’ll get the orange juice, Sugawara,” Camille said. “You go ahead and sit down with him.”

“Thank you, Camille-san,” Suga said, going to the living room and sitting down on the couch.

Hajime just kept quiet and listened to the new heartbeat filling his ears, the different feel and scent of the fabric clutched between his fingertips, the distinct and memorable warmth encasing him. And after he took the medicine that was supposed to taste like grapes (it definitely _did not_ taste like grapes), drank some orange juice, and was wrapped in a warm blanket, he began to feel sleepy again. His throat still hurt, and his head still felt heavy, and his nose was still runny. But he felt okay. He felt safe. He loved this. Kou-chan comforted him, rubbed his back gently and made him feel better just like Papa always did.

“It’s Christmas…” Hajime murmured.

“Yes, it is,” Kou-chan said.

“I-I don’t wanna be sick on Christmas…” He coughed some more and whimpered. “I-I w-wanna open my presents…”

“You will, Haji-chan. I promise. You’ll get to open your presents tonight with everyone else. We might even wait until tomorrow morning to see if you feel better. But we wouldn’t open them without you.”

Hajime looked up at him. “Really?”

Kou-chan smiled. He liked Kou-chan’s smile a lot. “Really.”

Hajime relaxed once more, sighing and feeling exhaustion pull at his eyes, but he just woke up a little while ago. He didn’t want to be tired. So he rubbed his eyes and tried to fight it off as best he could.

“Sleepy?” Kou-chan asked.

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“You get some rest, okay? I’ll be right here when you wake up. And I’m sure your dad will be done and back inside by then, too.”

“You’ll stay with me, Kou-chan?”

“I sure will.”

And so Hajime closed his eyes. And fell asleep.

**

“Thanks, you two. I really appreciate it,” Daisuke said. “Make sure to put salt on the driveway after we leave. We should be back by six or seven. I’ll bring back a Christmas cake on our way home.”

“I can go pick it up,” Satoshi said.

Tooru stood there silent with hands in his pockets. He could no longer feel the tips of his ears or his nose thanks to being out here for over an hour, and he was honestly just ready to sit on the couch with Hajime in front of the fire with cups of hot chocolate. Or in his case since it was so early in the morning – coffee.

Daisuke waved his hand. “No, I’ve got it. We’ll be out and about anyway so it’s no problem.” He looked back towards the front door. “Where in the world is your mother? Tooru, go check on her, will you? I’m sure she’s fretting over some little thing.”

“Sure thing, Dad.” Tooru made his way back up the porch steps only to be greeted by his mother leaving the house. There wasn’t any outward expression on her face, but the light, or rather darkness, in her eyes told Tooru something was going on. “Everything okay, Mom?”

Camille sighed. “No, not really, son. Go check on Hajime, I think he’s come down with a cold.”

“What? A cold?”

“Did he feel warm to you at all this morning when you got up?”

“No, he didn’t. He felt fine.” Tooru wouldn’t have missed as something as important as a fever. He would’ve felt it when he kissed Hajime’s head and brushed his hair back, just as he does every morning and every night.

“I told you not to let him play out in the snow for as long as you did. Now look what’s happened.”

Tooru brushed past her. “Mom, I really don’t have time to be arguing right now. I’ve gotta go check on my son. You and Dad be careful driving, and I hope the deal goes smoothly. I’ll see you later.” And he barely registered the warmth attempting to melt the chill from his skin as he kicked off his snow-clad boots.

He wondered if Hajime was back in bed, but he didn’t even bother rushing up the stairs once he saw Suga sitting on the couch with a sleeping Hajime curled up in his arms. Suga also had his eyes closed, and Tooru wondered if he fell asleep, too.

“Suga-chan.” Tooru carefully placed his hand on Suga’s shoulder, and the man’s cedar brown eyes opened. “Hey.”

“Hey, Oikawa.” Suga smiled, gently readjusting Hajime in his arms. The boy was sleeping soundly, but there was a clear flush to his cheeks and a thin sheen of sweat along his hairline.

Tooru pulled off a glove and placed his hand to Hajime’s forehead, frowning when he felt how warm his son was. How could he have missed this? He was sure Hajime felt fine just two hours ago. But he put that thought aside. Right now, he had to focus on getting Hajime better. “How’s he doing?”

Suga kept his voice low. “He’s running a low-grade fever – 38 degrees. And he was saying that his throat and head hurt, but after we gave him the medicine he went right back to sleep.”

Tooru nodded, sifting his fingers through Hajime’s hair. His baby boy, sick on Christmas Eve. Hajime must’ve been so upset.

“He was really bummed out that he’s sick on Christmas Eve,” Suga said. “He was worried that we were gonna open presents without him.”

Tooru smiled. Here Suga was, sitting on the couch and looking after his sick child when he was under no obligation to whatsoever. And if Tooru wasn’t mistaken by the light shining in Suga’s eyes, he didn’t seem to mind. At all. And judging by the way Hajime was clinging to him, the boy was content in Suga’s arms.

“He kept asking for you.”

“Thank you so much, Suga-chan. I really appreciate it. You didn’t have to do this.” 

“It was no problem at all, Oikawa. I don’t mind in the slightest.”

And at the sound of a new voice, Hajime’s eyes slowly opened and blinked at the light before focusing on Tooru. He lifted his head. “Papa…?”

Tooru could only sadly smile at how hoarse his son sounded, at the exhaustion pulling at his usually lively expression, at the dull look in his eyes. His baby boy was sick on Christmas Eve. And it might’ve been Tooru’s fault. When they returned to the house after their afternoon spent in town, Hajime was insistent on learning some setting techniques from both Tooru and Suga. And since they weren’t allowed to play volleyball in the house, they spent about an hour outside in the backyard tossing to each other and helping Hajime maneuver his hands to make it easier. 

“Hey, Haji-chan.”

“Papa…” Hajime coughed a little and reached out for his father.

Tooru easily took him in his arms, taking note of the extra warmth radiating from the boy and fixed the blanket on Hajime’s shoulders when it started to fall. He could feel Hajime shivering ever so slightly. “Not feeling too well, are you, kiddo?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh.” Another cough.

Tooru kissed his head. “Do you want some soup?”

“Nu-uh.” Hajime rested his head against Tooru’s chest. “I wanna open my presents, Papa…”

“We’ll see how you’re feeling tonight when Grandma and Grandpa get home,” Tooru said. “And even if you aren’t all better you can still open one present.”

“K-Kou-chan promised you’ll wait to open presents,” Hajime murmured. 

“And he’s absolutely right. We wouldn’t open them without you. You’re part of the family.”

Hajime nodded. “’kay.” 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Tooru stood up. “Thanks again, Suga-chan. I’m sorry if he caused you any problems.”

Suga smiled, rolling his eyes. “Oikawa, you know I don’t mind in the least. Hajime has never, ever been a bother and he never will be.”

Tooru knew Suga didn’t mind, but he still felt he should thank the man for taking care of a child that was not his own. He didn’t have to do all of this, but he did it anyway. And while Tooru absolutely despised being a burden on others, maybe Suga didn’t see him that way. Suga wasn’t the type of person to hang around people he didn’t like, or he’d let you know he didn’t like you with a blatant smile on his face. And that smile was easy to pick out among the ones that were forced, irritated, mischievous, or polite. Tooru knew those smiles. But the smile that Suga was giving him right now was completely and utterly genuine. It was open, honest, happiness evident. It was the smile that drew people to him, that offered trust, friendship – a shoulder to lean on. 

It was the smile that graced Suga’s face when the volleyball brushed against his fingertips, when he was tossing to his teammates or encouraging them.

It was the smile that Tooru never got tired of seeing.

It was the smile that Tooru hoped would be there more often than not.

And if Tooru and Hajime could be one of the reasons why that smile was there, then that was all Tooru could ever ask for.

“Bye, Kou-chan.” Hajime waved tiredly.

“Bye, Hajime.” Suga patted Hajime’s back, his smile warm and loving. “I hope you feel better.”

And after Tooru thanked Suga again, he carried his son upstairs to their room to get some rest.

**

“Haji-chan, you have to take your medicine.”

The boy crossed his arms, cheeks still flush with fever, and pouted. “I don’t wanna. It’s yucky.”

Tooru sighed. Following the dosage guidelines on the box, there honestly wasn’t that much in the little medicine cup. But to a sick four-year-old, it might as well have been the whole bottle.

Hajime woke up again around 4:30 with more energy than he had that morning. His cough was still going strong, which irritated his sore throat, and his nose was still runny, but the fever had gone down a notch and he managed to eat a bowl of soup. And while he didn’t want to be with anyone other than his father or Suga, a bit of twinkle had returned to his eyes, and that’s what Tooru latched onto. Unfortunately, they’d been going back and forth about the medicine for almost ten minutes now, and Tooru started to wonder where Hajime got his stubbornness from.

“Hajime, you have to take it to get better. Remember? It’s important.”

Hajime covered his mouth and shook his head. “Yucky, Papa.”

“I know it’s yucky, but don’t you wanna get better and open your presents with everyone? If you don’t take medicine, you’ll be sicker longer and that’s no fun.” Tooru held out a water bottle. “Here – you can wash it down with this.”

“Nu-uh. I don’t wanna.”

Tooru rubbed the back of his neck. How could he explain this in a way the boy would understand? He looked around hoping that _something_ would give him some sort of an idea, and when he laid eyes on the red, white, and green ball resting by the backdoor, it hit him.

“Think about it this way, Haji-chan,” Tooru said, drawing the boy’s attention. “Your body is right in the middle of an intense volleyball match, and your team and the other team – which are the nasty germs making you sick – have the same number of points.”

Hajime blinked a few times, but Tooru could see that his interest was piqued.

“The other team has already attacked but they don’t get a point, and now it’s your turn. Someone on your team receives the ball, so what do you do after that?”

“I toss it to the spiker!” Hajime said.

“That’s right! Remember, the spiker can’t attack without the ball so it’s your job to give it to him.” Tooru then pointed to the cup in his hand. “Now imagine that this medicine is the volleyball. The only way to score a point is if the ball hits the other side of the floor, right?”

Hajime nodded. “Uh-huh!”

“So now you, the setter, have to give this to your body, the spiker, so you can score. They can’t do it without your help, and your team definitely needs your help. That way you can win!”

Hajime took the bottle in his hands, staring at the tiny, dreadful medicine cup partially filled with contempt but also an odd sense of determination. “I take medicine, I get better.”

Tooru nodded. They were getting somewhere. “That’s right.”

“Okay. I take it.”

Tooru almost sighed in relief but instead placed the tiny plastic cup to Hajime’s lips. “Ready?” And once he received Hajime’s nod, he tilted the cup back until it was empty and ruffled Hajime’s hair as the boy chugged down some water. “Good job, kiddo. I’m proud of you. That’s one more point for your team.”

Hajime stretched out his arms, resting his head on Tooru’s shoulder once he was close, and stared out the glass doors where Takeru and Akane’s kids were having a snowball fight outside. Akane and her husband were out grabbing some last-minute sweets while Satoshi and his wife had gone to get some things for dinner, and in the quiet of the home, the laughter rang like bells.

“I wanna have a snowball fight, Papa,” Hajime said.

“I know you do,” Tooru said as he carried the boy back to the living room.

“Can I go outside and play?”

“Not until you get better.”

Hajime pouted. “No fair.”

Tooru sat down on the couch and wrapped Hajime in a blanket, sighing softly. “I know it’s not. But hey, you’ll get better soon and then you can play outside with Kaito.”  
Hajime nodded, snuggling further into his father and watching the cartoon dancing across the screen in bright colors. “Where’s Kou-chan?”

“He’s on the phone talking to his mom.”

The storm was reaching its last legs in Kyoto and was now heading in their general direction. Traffic in and out was still closed since the road conditions were so bad, and a couple of trees were blown down in the rural areas, which is where Suga’s family was, but Tooru could tell that Suga was just glad to talk to his mom and hear for himself that they were okay. He needed that.

The fire was crackling beside them, providing the extra warmth the heater didn’t, Kaito was resting on the floor beside them, and even though Hajime was sick, Tooru was content in this moment. Now there was just something missing –

Suga walked out of the sunroom, looking a lot more relaxed than before, and sat down next to them. He draped the blanket over his shoulders, watching the cartoon with a rather amused expression. 

There we go, Tooru realized. Perfect.

“Kou-chan.” Hajime smiled. 

“Hey,” Suga said. “How’re you feeling?”

“I took medicine and now I can win the volleyball game!”

Suga paused. “Huh?”

“The volleyball game my body is playing against the icky germs! I took medicine so now we can win and score a point!”

“Oh! Yes, of course. The volleyball game – how silly of me. Well, I know for sure you’re gonna win!” Suga looked at Tooru with an amused but confused expression. 

Tooru grinned with promises to explain later, but when Hajime started coughing again, his attention was redirected and he started rubbing his son’s back to try and soothe him before holding out the water bottle. “Here – drink some.”

Hajime took a few sips, sighing softly and handing the bottle back. “Kou-chan, do you wanna have a snowball fight? Papa says I can’t play outside when I’m sick so maybe we can play outside when I get better and have a snowball fight.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun, Haji-chan. Count me in.”

Hajime pouted. “I really wanna go play outside.”

“I know you do, but you’ve gotta get better first.” Tooru patted the boy’s head and held him close. He looked at Suga. “How’s your family doing?”

“Oh, they’re fine,” Suga said. “Better since the storm’s passed, but now they’re worrying about me.” He chuckled, but it didn’t sound quite right. “But I told them not to worry. It’s only supposed to just skim us, right?”

“Yeah.” Tooru nodded, unable to shake the look in Suga’s eyes. It was something he couldn’t quite put his finger on, but Suga seemed, well, a bit edgy. Like he was dreading something.

“Oikawa,” Suga said, “do you happen to have any marshmallows?”

Tooru raised an eyebrow at the sudden change in subject. Marshmallows? “Uh, yeah. I think so.”

“Chocolate bars?”

“Yes.” Where was Suga going with–?

“Graham crackers?”

Now Tooru understood. “Yeah, I think we’ve got some leftover from my sister’s chocolate marble cheesecake.” He went to the kitchen to grab the necessary items as Suga walked with Hajime closer to the fireplace.

“What’re we doing, Kou-chan?” Hajime’s already hoarse voice sounded even quieter an entire room away.

“We’re gonna make s’mores, my dear Hajime,” Suga said. 

“S-S’mores? What’s that? Is that a vegetable?”

Tooru could almost see Hajime’s head tilt, and he couldn’t help but smile as he grabbed a bag full of large marshmallows, two boxes of graham crackers, and a bag of fun size chocolate bars. He was pretty sure they had some wooden sticks around here somewhere…

Suga laughed. “No, not at all!”

“What is it?”

“You’ll see. Come on, let’s go wash your hands really quick.”

“’kay.” There was the sound of his tiny footsteps following Suga’s heavier set.

Now where were those stupid things… 

Tooru opened a drawer. Ah, here they were. And now that he had everything, he headed back into the living area and sat down in front of the fire next to Hajime who was holding out his hands quite proudly. 

“All clean?” Tooru smiled.

“Uh-huh!” The boy was now on his knees, the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders, and now that Tooru could see his curiosity rising, he had a very strong feeling that Hajime’s sweet tooth would have an absolute field day with this treat. “That makes s’mores?” 

Tooru nodded. “Yup! All of this together will make a s’more.”

“Is it good?”

“I like them a lot.”

“Kou-chan, do you like them?”

Suga grinned. “I sure do.”

“How do you make one?” the boy asked as he climbed into Tooru’s lap.

Suga reached for the bag of marshmallows and opened it before poking a thin, wooden stick through one. “First, you take a marshmallow, put it on the stick, and then very carefully hold it over the fire.” Suga put the marshmallow over the dancing flames and brought it back once it was a toasty golden brown.

Hajime watched, absorbing everything like a sponge.

Tooru opened the graham crackers and chocolate, snapping the pieces off and placing a graham cracker square topped with chocolate in one of Hajime’s hands and a single piece in the other. “Here you go.”

Once it was in Hajime’s hands, Suga placed the marshmallow on the graham cracker topped with chocolate. “Okay, now put the other cracker on top.” Once Hajime did, he slid the stick out and grinned. “There! Now squish it a little bit and then you’re done!”

Hajime looked at it, obviously a little perplexed, and squeezed it together until the marshmallow was oozing out of the sides a bit. He turned to Tooru. “I can eat it now, Papa?”

Tooru nodded. “Yup! Go ahead!”

Hajime stared at it for a few more seconds and finally took a bite, the melted marshmallow and chocolate sticking to the sides of his mouth. And then he lit up like the Christmas tree out in the foyer. “Mmm!”

Tooru laughed, placing his hand atop Hajime’s head. “You like it?”

“Uh-huh! It’s good!”

Suga’s smiled. “Good, I’m glad to hear that.”

“Papa, are you gonna eat one?” Hajime took another bite of it.

“Of course!”

Hajime turned to Suga. “Kou-chan?”

Suga was already toasting another marshmallow. “Definitely!”

And in that moment, Tooru lost track of how long they were sitting in front of that fire making s’mores, sticking the chocolate and marshmallows on each other’s faces, smiling until their cheeks hurt, laughing until their full stomachs ached. Tooru knew he could relive this snippet again and again, could never tire of this little makeshift family of his, this family that wasn’t of blood but felt as strong as one.

He had to protect this.

He couldn’t let anyone take this away from him, not even himself.

Tooru decided that he’d tell Suga how he felt at some point. But for right now, he was more than content sitting here in their own little world merely enjoying the seconds that ticked by. This was perfect. This was wonderful. This is where his heart was.

This was home.

**

Koushi once again found himself in the sunroom for the third time that day. He was drawn to it, comfortable in that space, and it wasn’t because it was ornately decorated, the second Christmas tree that was teeming with presents, or even the entire wall of windows that gave a wide view of one the few quiet suburban areas of Osaka.

No, it was none of that, though Koushi had to admit that it was quite beautiful as well.

It was mainly because of the grand piano resting off to the side, the polished surface gleaming even though the sun had set some time ago. It was spotless, free of fingerprints and age, but Koushi could tell it hadn’t been used in a while. His fingers trickled over a few keys, noticing the notes that came out sounded a lot lighter and warmer than he felt, and it managed to bring a smile to his face.

He never bothered to come back here until he was walking around talking to his mom earlier and finally noticed it. And he figured it was bad manners to just play someone’s piano without asking, but at the time he really didn’t give it much thought.

He made his way along the ivory keys, a dainty, simple tune that he first learned how to play flowing throughout the room, and he’d never been more at peace even with the wind beginning to pick up outside.

Gosh, he wanted to play so badly.

But he didn’t think that he could play here. Now that everyone was back at the house, he’d probably freeze up and just embarrass himself since the last time he played in front of a crowd was in junior high. And his confidence was shakier then than it was now.

 _“It doesn’t matter what language you speak, Koushi,_ ” his father had said as he played a simple melody. _“The piano speaks all languages, and no matter what message you send out, everyone will understand.”_

“Let your emotions run wild,” he murmured to the keys. “They’ll get the picture, even when you haven’t said anything at all.”

Koushi was painfully shy as a child and was picked on a lot because of it. He often kept his emotions in check, never letting his family see his tears in fear of being a burden. But once his father sat him in front of that piano, a strong and tender presence, and showed him how to play _Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,_ Koushi had never felt happier than in that moment. He could practically imagine the stars stictched into the night sky, smell the crisp night air, feel the grass tickle his ankles. The music echoed within him, gave him hope. It let him speak even when he didn’t want to. It kept his hands busy.

And on the night of his dad's passing, Koushi did nothing but play the piano. Every song he knew, he played. He played until his hands ached, his fingtertips burned. The music kept him anchored.

This instrument was one of the few things he had left of his dad, and giving it up for that brief time in high school was one of the hardest things he had to do. And he didn’t want to let it go again.

“I thought I heard someone playing.” A new voice flittered through the room, making Koushi’s hand come down too hard on the keys and the piano shrieked in response. Akane laughed as she leaned against the doorjamb.

“A-Akane-san!” Koushi’s took a giant step away from the instrument. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

She came over, her dark eyes beaming. “Easy, kid. You’re not in trouble. I was just wondering who was playing even though Satoshi hasn’t touched this thing in years.”

“Satoshi-san used to play?”

“Yeah, but he quit when he was about fifteen. He was actually pretty good.” Akane looked at him with absolute interest, and Koushi knew that look all too well. “But Tooru never told me you could play.”

Koushi shifted on his feet, picking at his nails. “He, uh, Oikawa actually doesn’t know I can play. Or, well, I haven’t told him.”

“What? Why not?”

Koushi shrugged. “It’s not something I throw out there all that often.”

“How long have you been playing?”

“Since I was about six.”

“You’re pretty good then, is that fair to say?”

“Oh, I’ve been out of practice for years.

“Would you be willing to play for us tonight?”

Koushi paled. “T-Tonight?”

“Yeah! I’m sure everyone would love to hear you play, especially Tooru.”

“I-I don’t know, Akane-san.” Koushi’s mouth was suddenly starting to feel very dry. “It’s been years since I’ve performed in front of people.”

“It’s just us, Sugawara-kun, don’t worry. I promise, no one here will judge you since none of us can play an instrument worth a damn,” Akane said. “The only one in our family who was even remotely musically inclined was my father and he played the violin until he gave it up in high school. The piano is completely different from the violin. So, what do you say?”

Oh God, what was he supposed to do? Agree and make a fool out of himself, or disagree and look like a complete and total ass for not doing something on Christmas Eve? The last thing he wanted to do was look like an ass for not playing one lousy song, but he also didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of the entire family and most importantly in front of the man he loved.

Which was worse?

Asshole or utter humiliation?

Pick your poison, he supposed.

Koushi started, “Um, well, I guess I could play one song.”

Akane actually did a little hop. “Great! I’ll get everyone in here before we start opening presents!” She patted him on the back. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’re gonna do great. From what little I’ve heard, you’re not completely tone deaf. Just relax.”

Koushi’s legs were about to give out on him, and the only stable surface close enough was the piano bench so he plopped down on it. “Yeah. Sure. Relax. Okay.”

Easier said than done.

He had brought some sheet music with him up here that way he could work on it in his free time, which he had been doing for most of the night, and while he was saving it for a later time, there was no other song that filled his head right now, no other song that his fingers wanted to play. He brought his hands to his lips, blowing warm air into them to try and loosen them up. And all he could think about was that night in front of the toy store when he forgot his gloves.

So, he swallowed his rising panic, took a deep breath as everyone filled the room, buzzing with anticipation at the idea of seeing him play, and exhaled. He could do this. But once he saw Oikawa and Hajime walk in, he felt his chest tighten and smiled at the boy once Hajime waved to him. He could see that Oikawa was definitely intrigued, and Koushi’s fingers began to stiffen up again.

He couldn’t mess this up.

He _could not_ mess this up.

Oh man, how did he even end up in this situation?

“All right, everyone, simmer down,” Akane said. “Now, as I’m sure none of you knew, Sugawara-kun here can play the piano and from what I’ve seen he seems to be pretty darn good at it. And he has agreed to play a song for us this evening. Satoshi, you remember doing this, right?”

“Yeah, not one of my finer moments,” Satoshi said.

Koushi bit his lip.

Akane smiled at him. “Sugawara-kun, you have the floor now.” She once again mouthed “relax” before going to sit beside her husband and her children. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Koushi scratched the back of his head, anxiety flooding through him. “Um, well, this was actually supposed to be a Christmas gift, but I guess this would be as good a time as any since we’re opening presents tonight.” He gave a nervous smile. “I, uh, haven’t played in a while so I’m gonna apologize ahead of time.”

“Just pretend like we’re not even here,” Satoshi said, only to be greeted by a jab in the ribs from his younger brother.

He sighed, staring at his reflection in the polished surface. God, he looked a wreck.

_Relax. Relax, relax!_

“You can do it, Kou-chan,” Hajime said.

Koushi met Hajime’s and Oikawa’s eyes, their encouraging smiles, and took another deep breath. This would be okay. This would be fine. He practiced this for months on his keyboard in his apartment for this moment. He intended to play this one day. He wrote this with the intention to play. And now was as good a day as any.

 _Do it,_ he told himself. _Let him know._

Koushi took another deep breath as the room quieted, and he placed his hands on the starting keys. “Merry Christmas, Tooru.” And in the silence of the room, he started to play.

The first few notes came out a little choppy, unsure, so he stopped, gathered his bearings, and started again. The tune was light, quick, like dancing, but also carrying a certain degree of affection and reservation that was dying to be released.

_Keep moving, Koushi. Keep playing. Don’t dwell on those first notes. Cut yourself some slack, you haven’t performed in a while. Mistakes happen, but it’s okay._

His fingers glided along the keys, the notes coming out of him as easy as the joy he breathed into writing this piece. 

_These have been some of the best years of my life, and it’s all thanks to you, Oikawa. You’ve helped me open up, be more confident in myself and my abilities as a setter. If it hadn’t been for your encouragement throughout college, I don’t think I would’ve made it as far as I did. That one match we played against each other is one I’ll never forget. We lost, but I had so much fun._

_And then I come to find out that you’re living in the same city as me after we graduated. I don’t think you realized how happy I was. I don’t think you realize how much joy you bring into other people’s lives. Into my life. You’re a wonderful person, not to mention an amazing father, and I pity those who can’t see that._

The song quieted and slowed for a few measures, and Koushi could feel himself getting into it. Into the moment. Remembering all those countless minutes he’d spent simply in Oikawa’s presence watching TV or holding Hajime. The loud ones, the quiet ones, the ones he wished would never end.

_I want to be with you and Hajime every day. I want to continue to laugh with you, cry, experience everything new and old with you two. I want to go to Family Day. I want to watch movies, and play volleyball, and go to the park. And if that makes me a selfish man… then so be it._

He wasn’t even thinking about it now. He was letting his heart carry the tune, guide his movements, guide his thoughts. He’d been afraid to do that before. But now? Now… 

_Wow, I can’t believe I’m doing this right now. I’m practically pouring my heart out to you and I can only hope that you hear me._

The music swelled up again, gaining in both speed and earnest. It was only about a minute long, but it felt like time was slowing just so he could play out each word.

_Please hear me, Oikawa. Please hear me._

_Listen to what I’m trying to say._

_This is what I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long, I just didn’t know how to work up the courage to say it. I’m laying it all out for you to see. I’ve never done this with anyone before, and even if you can’t accept this, even if you can’t return my feelings, know that I’m okay with this. What we have right now, I'm okay with it. Whatever your answer is, I’ll accept it._

His fingers glided a bit slower across the keys now that the song was nearing its end.

_I love you._

_I love you so much I can hardly stand it._

_I want to be with you no matter what our relationship is. Please allow me to be a part of this beautiful thing you’ve built._

And as he touched the last note, he looked up at everyone’s stunned faces, his eyes fell on Oikawa’s expression, trying to gauge it, hoping that Oikawa heard what he had been meaning to say. Years of his life went into that, he laid it out bare, and now he needed to know the response.

 _I love you,_ he said it again. 

And again.

And again.

**

Tooru could only look on with awe.

He… he had never heard Suga play before, he didn’t even know about this until Daichi had mentioned it. But now that he had… He felt like Suga had poured his entire being into that piece, into the gift he had created just for Tooru. And Tooru honestly had no words.

Except for four.

 _I love you,_ it seemed to say.

Tooru smiled. _I love you, too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thank you all so much for sending me your best wishes. This year is off to a steady start, and I hope yours is going fantastically. 
> 
> Second, I can't believe that this fic has over 4,000 hits and 400 kudos. Like. I cannot even express my immense gratitude into words. Y'all are amazing and wonderful and I just can't.
> 
> Third, because fanfiction and AUs are beautiful, I have one more fanfic in the works that I might post. Also I lowkey might be playing around with the idea of Iwaizumi Tooru and Oikawa Hajime meeting in the silliest AU ever. I don't know how I'm gonna make it work but I'll figure out something. That AU isn't the one I'm talking about posting though, this one is just something I'm gonna have fun with.
> 
> Anyway, I'm rambling at this point. I know I said no more than four chapters but hey - I got inspired. Thank y'all so much again, I love you guys. Stay awesome.
> 
> P.S. Because no one else in the world besides the U.S. uses Fahrenheit, I converted Hajime's fever into Celsius. For my fellow Americans who hate math as much as I do, 38 degrees Celsius is 100 degrees Fahrenheit. 
> 
> P.S.S. No, I totally wasn't hearing Suga playing _Yuri on Ice_ , I don't know WHAT you're talking about hahaha help me I'm in too deep.


	22. Roman Holiday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feet first, don't fall; we'll be running again.

“Papa, can we open more presents?” Hajime tugged on Tooru’s sleeve, his stegosaurus plush and alien plush in one arm each. Out of all the gifts that had Hajime’s name on it, he picked the one from Suga. Tooru was so glad he was recording on his phone because Hajime’s reaction when he tore open that paper and saw the stegosaurus plush he’d been asking for was priceless. Hajime thanked Suga repeatedly, giving countless hugs until he wore himself out.

“How’re you feeling?” Tooru placed his hand to the boy’s forehead, frowning at the extra warmth.

“I feel –” Hajime coughed. “I feel good.”

“Yeah, not if that cough has anything to say about it. How about we just stick with opening one gift tonight?”

Hajime pouted and placed his head on Tooru’s shoulder, but that honestly made him look more tired than anything. “But I wanna open all my presents, Papa.”

Tooru rubbed his back. “I know you do, but you gotta get some rest.”

Hajime sighed but nodded, and Tooru kissed his head. Tooru felt guilty that Hajime was sick on Christmas Eve of all holidays, but he could tell that there was a sort of levity that settled over them. Hajime was clutching onto his plushies so tight, like they were a lifeline, and there was the trace of a smile on his face even as he drifted off to sleep. His mother wasn’t fretting over every little thing, his father actually looked relaxed now that the company deal went well and was sealed. 

And now that Suga’s performance was still ringing true within his heart…

Suga was sitting next to him right now, their shoulders barely touching, an ember at his side, and when Tooru met his smile, he couldn’t even begin to explain the electricity surging through his veins.

“All right Tooru, you’ve got a couple of gifts here,” Satoshi said as he looked at the wrapped boxes. “But I don’t know if it’s fair to give you another since you’ve already technically opened one.” He narrowed his eyes, a playful smirk on his lips.

“Satoshi,” Daisuke said with no real firmness in his tone.

“He knows I’m just messing with him.” Satoshi handed Tooru a box. “There you go.”

Tooru raised an eyebrow. The box was small, rectangular, and wrapped in reindeer and snowman paper. But that wasn’t what he was concerned with. “I don’t get to pick?”

“You’re gonna like that one, trust me.”

“Who’s it from, Papa?” Hajime’s voice was thick with sleep, and he traced his finger along the reindeer’s glittering red nose. “Pretty.”

“Let’s see…” Tooru looked at the small sticker in the corner of the box, and his face heated up. And he looked to the man on his right. “S-Suga-chan?”

Suga turned. “Yes?”

“You got me two gifts?”

“Well, yeah. I got everyone two gifts this year.” Suga’s eyes flicked to the floor for a second before meeting Tooru’s again. He folded his hands together, and there was a slight tint to his cheeks that couldn’t have been from the cold. “I kind of wasn’t expecting to play the song for you until we got back to Tokyo, which is why I brought your wrapped one.”

Tooru smiled. “Thank you.”

Suga was about to say something when Satoshi came over and handed a present to him, one that Tooru immediately recognized as the one he and Hajime spent time wrapping. Well, specifically Hajime since he wanted to be the one do to it. And Tooru could only hope Suga liked what was hidden by that red paper.

“That’s the one we got Kou-chan, Papa,” Hajime murmured. He was barely able to stay awake now, and Suga made it a point to say earlier that evening that Hajime got his stubbornness from Tooru and Tooru alone. (Of course, Tooru acted like he had no earthly idea _what_ Suga was talking about. Oikawa Tooru? Stubborn? No way.)

Once everyone had a present, they were given the green light to open them, and the torn paper fluttered to the ground at a much calmer pace than it had with the children. 

Tooru was peeling at the edge of his present when he noticed that Suga was merely watching and not opening his own. “Um, Suga-chan… aren’t you gonna open yours?”

“I will.” Suga’s said, his fingers drumming along the box rhythmically. A music-less tune, but it wasn’t the same song from earlier. And it honestly looked like Suga wasn’t even aware he was doing it. “But I want you to open yours first.”

“Come on, Suga-chan. I technically already opened mine like Satoshi said. It’s your turn.”

“Let’s open ours together then.”

Tooru nodded and glanced at Suga from the corner of his eye to make sure he was actually tearing into the paper before continuing to open his present. Whatever was inside the cardboard box shifted whenever Tooru moved it, and the way it hit the sides gave the impression that it wasn’t thin like paper and was more like… a card?

He peeled the tape sealing the box, tipped it, and three tickets slipped into his hand. Three tickets to… the planetarium? In Nagoya City? More specifically, three tickets to go to Nagoya City Science Museum, _the largest planetarium in the world,_ in Nagoya City.

Sugawara Koushi had just gotten him three tickets to visit one of the places Tooru had been dreaming of going to since he was a kid. And he was honestly rendered speechless.

“Do you like it?” Suga asked after a few beats of silence, hesitation in his tone. “I had trouble figuring out what to get you this year, and Kuroo said you’ve always wanted to go there, so –”

Tooru immediately brought Suga close with his free arm, hugging him tight. The tickets… the piano piece… it was just too much. “Thank you so much, Suga-chan. Really, thank you. I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you for this.”

Suga returned the gesture. “I’m guessing you like it?”

“Like it?” Tooru said, looking genuinely shocked. “I _love_ it!”

Suga laughed. “Good! They were only sold in groups of three, so feel free to take whoever you want with you. I’m sure you’re gonna take Hajime with you, and there’s always Daichi or Kuroo and –”

“Come with us.” Tooru didn’t even think about hesitating.

“W-What? You want me to go?”

“Of course!” Tooru paused, all too aware of his sudden enthusiasm and toned it down a notch. “I, uh, I’d love for you to come with us. If you’re not busy that is.”

Suga grinned. “I’d be more than happy to.”

Tooru would make sure to put these tickets in a safe place, his suitcase would be best, but he put them back in the small cardboard box for now and sealed it with the tape. Then he noticed that while Suga had in fact unwrapped his gift, he hadn’t opened the box containing the actual surprise.

“Your turn, Suga-chan,” Tooru said.

“Oh! Right.” Suga peeled back the tape sealing the thin, white, cardboard box. And when he lifted the top, his eyes sparkled with amusement, and he couldn’t help but laugh the beautiful laugh Tooru was so fond of. It was the laugh that made his eyes shut a little tighter, his shoulders jump a little more, his smile a little wider. That was a genuine Sugawara Koushi laugh. And Tooru could listen to it all day.

Suga lifted the shirts from the box, still chuckling as he read the first one. “Due to unfortunate circumstances, I am awake.” He picked up another. “I should be sleeping right now so shut your face.” There were two more shirts after that, one with a steaming coffee mug on it and one with a cartoon lobster, and Suga grinned. “You know me so well, Oikawa Tooru.”

“Do you like them?” Tooru asked.

“I _love_ them.” 

“Good.”

Suga picked up the shirt with the lobster on it, pausing a bit when three booklets slipped out from between the folds and to the floor. He raised an eyebrow, picking them up, and his eyes widened when he realized what they were. Tooru held his breath, hoping that this second part of the gift was a good idea.

Suga flipped through the numerous lined, blank pages of the first one, looking to Tooru with a mix of confusion and… something else that Tooru couldn’t quite place. “Oikawa… what?”

Tooru offered a grin. “I wanted to get you something else besides those shirts, and Dai-chan helped me out. He told me you played piano and liked to write your own pieces, so I figured why not get you blank sheet music so you can do that?”

Suga stared at him, the surprise still present and… were those the beginning traces of tears? Oh no, this was not the reaction he was hoping for! He didn’t mean to make Suga cry! That was the last thing he wanted! Tooru was about to apologize, but was promptly cut off when Suga hugged him.

“Thank you so much, Oikawa,” Suga said, smiling. “I’ll be sure to fill up those pages while wearing my lobster shirt.”

Tooru grinned.

This Christmas Eve was turning out fantastically –

“Crap,” Akane said, looking at her phone.

“What’s wrong?” Camille asked.

“I totally forgot to pick up Hajime’s gift at the store and they close in 30 minutes. I’d do it tomorrow but they’re not open.”

The wind was starting to pick up outside, not too bad though, and from what Daisuke said the roads were clear, but if they waited any longer that would no longer be the case. Akane wasn’t usually very forgetful, so this was a surprise, but now that he thought about it he had given Hajime the last of the cold medicine a few hours ago. He’d need more in the morning.

Hajime was completely lax against Tooru by this point, deep in sleep.

“I can go for you, sis,” Tooru said. And if he wasn’t mistaken, he saw Suga stiffen.

Akane looked at him. “Are you sure, Tooru? It’s not a big deal. Hiroyuki and I can go.”

“Yeah, I gotta go to the pharmacy and get Hajime more cold medicine anyway.”

“You’re the best, little bro.”

“I know. Where’d you order his gift?”

“The Ivy Shack.”

That was an upscale store that sold porcelain figurines and other intricate gifts. Many of the porcelain angels around the house came from there, not to mention it was a little more on the expensive side, and now Tooru was wondering what in the world his sister bought for Hajime.

Tooru rose to his feet, heading towards the stairs to put Hajime to bed. “Do you mind keeping an eye on Hajime, though? He’s pretty good about sleeping through the night but he’s sick, so…”

“Don’t worry, I’ve got him,” Akane said.

Tooru made sure to tuck Hajime in, the alien and stegosaurus plush close by in case Hajime needed comfort. Kaito rested at the foot of the bed, and Tooru was confident that the boy would be okay until he returned. Tooru went back downstairs to put his coat and shoes on, and he wasn’t even finished tying up the first lace before Suga approached looking, well, downright anxious.

“I can go with you, Oikawa,” he said.

Tooru laced up his second boot and stood up to put on his coat. “It’s fine, Suga-chan. I can go. I won’t be gone too long. Besides, it’s freezing out there. I’d hate for you to catch cold, too.” He wrapped his scarf around his neck but stopped once he felt a firm tug on his sleeve.

He turned around, catching sight of Suga’s pensive – or was that fearful? – expression. Tooru had never seen such a look on Suga’s face before, and it honestly worried him. A lot.

“Suga-chan, what’s the matter?” Tooru asked. 

Suga let him go, picking at his nails. “Let me go with you, Oikawa.” He glanced up to meet Tooru’s gaze. “Just… let me go with you. Please.”

And after seeing that look, Tooru was too concerned to say no.

Once he received Tooru’s nod, Suga quickly slipped on his shoes, scarf, and coat.

“Suga-chan’s coming with me,” Tooru declared. “We’ll be back.”

“Be careful!” Akane called from somewhere in the house. “I already started your car for you!”

“Thanks!”

“Oh, and before I forget.” Akane poked her head around the corner. “Do you mind opening the gift and see if it works properly? I’ve never had an issue before, but you know how much I appreciate details.”

“Trust me, I know. I’ll check.”

Upon stepping outside, the wind came at them, blowing fallen snow at their faces, and they pulled their scarves up to try and seek some coverage.

“Whoo, that is brisk,” Tooru said as they got in his car. He rubbed his hands, thankful that Akane had turned up the heater all the way. He glanced at Suga, who so far hadn’t said anything and was staring at the snow swirling around them with nothing more than contempt. He gently placed his hand on Suga’s shoulder, making the man jump a bit. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Suga nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” He blew warm air into his gloved hands. “Let’s get going.”

Tooru pulled out into the empty street, and they were on their way to downtown Osaka. The roads were still pretty clear, and the drive was quiet, heavy, even though the radio hummed cheerful music between them. Suga reached for the radio, looking at Tooru for permission to change the station, and turned the knob when Tooru agreed.

_“…this winter storm that started up north is slowly starting to lose strength as it makes its way across the country, but not before it left many residents snowed in especially in the northeast prefectures like Kyoto and Fukui, with records of at least five feet of snow.”_

Suga was quick to change it back to the previous station, but he didn’t say anything.

Tooru had never seen Suga act like this. More edgy, alert. Like something was going to come out of the darkness and grab him.

Was it the storm?

Did he not like high winds?

Well, Tooru wasn’t exactly a fan of them either so he couldn’t exactly blame Suga. But if he was afraid, why was he so insistent on tagging along?

The bright lights of the inner city washed away the foreboding presence of the night, and it wasn’t that hard to find parking since most shops were starting to close and no one wanted to brave the oncoming storm. They decided to stop by the gift shop first since it’d close well before the pharmacy. 

Tooru followed Suga inside the store and smiled as the attendant greeted them. Suga moved about, his eyes scanning the shelves lined with a variety of figurines, adorable cookie jars, and other things.

“I applaud you for coming out in this weather,” the attendant said. He was a man probably nearing his 60s with a kind smile and a knowing look in his eyes. “Last minute shopping?”

“I’m just here to pick up a gift,” Tooru said.

“You’re not Oikawa Tooru, are you? Akane’s little brother?”

That grabbed Tooru’s attention. “Ah, yes. Yes, I am.”

“My, my, you’ve grown up so fast! I haven’t seen you since you were a small boy.” He reached down for something behind the counter. “I assume you’re here to pick up your sister’s gift?”

Tooru nodded. “Yes.”

The man placed the blue gift bag on the counter. There was white tissue paper sticking out from the top, and whatever was inside sounded solid. And expensive. “I figured. She must’ve been pretty busy to forget all about this.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong.

“Don’t worry, it’s been paid for,” he said. “Would you like to have a look?”

“Please.”

The man reached inside the bag and pulled out a wooden, rectangular box, carved with intricate patterns of volleyballs, dinosaurs, stars, and even little aliens in rocket ships on all sides. Hajime’s name was even engraved right in the corner, and now Tooru understood why Akane called him one day asking what Hajime’s favorite things were. They were all carved into this tiny box, and Tooru couldn’t help but smile. The man then wound up the T-bar on the bottom before lifting the lid, and the song that came flowing out was all too familiar.

It was their song.

The song that Tooru sang to Hajime all the time, the song that eased Hajime out of nightmares and into sweeter dreams, the song that kept them together even when they were miles apart.

Akane had bought Hajime a music box that played his and Tooru’s song.

And all Tooru could manage was, “Wow…”

“Is it to your liking?” the man asked. “She said it was for her young nephew, but from what I remember, Satoshi-kun only has one son. Would she be talking about your son, by any chance, Tooru-kun?” He looked at the lid. “Hajime, right?”

Tooru smiled. “Yup, that’s my son.”

_My pride and joy._

_My lifeline._

_My everything._

“Well congratulations, Tooru-kun. How old is he?”

“Four.”

“Time sure does fly, doesn’t it?” the man placed the music box back in the bag, holding it out to Tooru.

“Definitely.” Tooru nodded as he took it. “Thanks again.”

“Take care.”

Tooru went further into the store, glancing at the many ornaments adorning the shelves until he found Suga towards the back in front of a display of carved wooden figurines, each painted with great care. “Find something you like?”

Suga turned to face him. “Yeah, I think so.” He pointed to one. “What do you think?”

It was a carving of a man at a piano, and three children were surrounding it – two boys and one girl. One boy was sitting next to him on the bench, the girl was leaning over the top of it, and the second boy was seated beside the large instrument. It was painted with simple colors – white for the shirts and the girl’s dress and their pants a dark gray, and the piano was a deep brown color.

And it immediately reminded Tooru of Suga’s family.

“I like it,” Tooru said.

Suga picked it up. “I was thinking of getting it for my mom.”

Tooru grinned. “That’s a great idea.”

And that was all the convincing Suga needed. After purchasing the figurine, they faced the harsh wind again but only for a bit as they made their way back to the car. And even in that short time, Tooru kept Suga close to try and shield him from the weather as he felt Suga’s hand fist into his jacket.

“What’d your sister get Hajime?” Suga asked.

Tooru pulled the gift out of the bag to show him. “A music box.” He wound it up a bit and then lifted the lid, and the lullaby trickled throughout the car. 

“It’s beautiful,” Suga said, tracing his fingers over the designs. “Hajime’s gonna love it.”

“I think so, too.” Tooru smiled. He was actually very excited for Hajime to see it. “And I know your mom will love her gift, too.”

Suga held the bag close to his body, and then he smiled.

And Tooru wondered if it’d stay there though the night. He hoped so.

They returned to the house about an hour later, cold medicine and gifts in hand, and now that Suga was back inside he seemed to relax a lot more. His eyes didn’t seem so dark, so hollow, so… distressed. That was the word Tooru was looking for. Suga honestly looked distressed before they left and during the drive.

“Thanks for letting me go, Oikawa.” Suga slipped off his shoes. “I, uh, well…” He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes shifting to the floor. “I just – thank you.”

Tooru took off his jacket. “No problem, Suga-chan. I enjoyed your company.”

Suga smiled. “I’m gonna take this upstairs.” And then he left before Tooru could say anything else.

Tooru simply watched him go and barely noticed when Akane walked up to him.

“Did everything work out at the gift shop?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah.” Tooru held out the gift bag. “It’s great, sis. Thanks so much.”

Akane smiled, taking it. “No problem. Thanks for going to get it. There’s hot chocolate waiting for you and Suga-kun. I’m sure it was freezing out there.”

“Great. How’s Hajime?”

“Still sleeping. Never even knew you left.”

Tooru nodded. Hajime, especially now that he was sick, might’ve thrown a fit if he realized that Tooru was only not lying beside him but not in the house at all. “Thanks, Akane. I appreciate it.”

“Sure thing. I’m gonna go ahead and get ready for bed. See you tomorrow morning?”

“Definitely.”

She left the room, and Tooru took off his shoes. He was getting tired now that he thought about it, and he thought about warming up with some hot chocolate before going to bed, but he first needed to check on Hajime. And he hadn’t even made it halfway up the stairs when he heard his name.

He turned around, finding his mother waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

“Yes?” he said.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Camille asked.

Tooru paused. “Sure, I’m just gonna go check on Hajime really quick. I’ll be back.”

“I just checked on him before you got here. He’s fine.” 

Her tone left no room for argument. And Tooru continued up the stairs. He opened the door, the hall light shining on Hajime’s sleeping face, and he smiled when the boy turned over. Good. He was okay. Tooru shut the door again and headed back down, staying quiet when he faced his mother in the kitchen.

“Come sit down, Tooru.” Camille poured some hot tea in a cup as he moved to the table. “Would you like some?”

“No, thank you.”

Camille sat down at the table, adding a few sugar cubes and stirred it.

Tooru waited, watching her stay silent. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Camille was quiet for a few more moments, the only sound between them the clinking of the spoon hitting the sides of the cup, but when she deemed it mixed enough she didn’t even drink it. She just stared at the settling liquid. “I know it seems like I’ve been hard on you this weekend.”

Tooru raised an eyebrow. “Seems?”

“All right, I’ve been hard on you this weekend. Most of your life, even. But know that I had my reasons.”

“I’m listening.”

She sighed. She looked so different right now – clad in a robe, her hair strewn about her shoulders in soft waves, no makeup. Tooru had never seen her like this before, not even in his childhood. The house was quiet now that it was getting later, and Tooru guessed that’s why she didn’t mind taking down her walls.

“I was 18 when I met your father. He was 20, visiting Paris with your grandfather – you know, learning the business. And I was completely enamored with him.” A small smile caressed her face. “He was charismatic. Educated. Fluent in many languages. He had – still has – this innate talent of drawing people to him. You got that from him, you know.”

Tooru continued to listen.

“He was only there for two weeks, but it felt so right. One thing led to another and, well, you know. I was young, in love, and when I found out I was pregnant with your older brother, my family was less than pleased, as you can probably guess. They kicked me out.”

And Tooru figured that’s why he’s never met his grandparents on his mother’s side.

“I was scared, alone. I didn’t know the first thing about raising a baby. It was hard.”

Tooru remembered those days. The seemingly endless crying, the sleepless nights, the feeling of being alone even when he knew he wasn’t. He was a single parent, none of his other friends had children. 

“I was on my own for about a year when your father returned to France on business. We ran into each other, and when I told him Satoshi was his…” She smiled. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile so hard. He didn’t want to leave me to raise Satoshi alone, so I came back to Japan with him. And this is where I’ve been for the last 33 years of my life.” She finally brought her eyes up to Tooru. “The reason why I’m so hard on you is because I don’t want you to end up like me, Tooru.”

Tooru raised an eyebrow. “End up like you?”

“When I first found out you were a father at Sayu's birthday party, I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. I just saw you heading down the same path I did. I saw you in love and left alone to raise a baby. I saw _me.”_ She bit her lip. “But what I didn’t take the time to realize is that you weren’t alone. You were never alone during this, and it's our fault that you always felt like you couldn't come to us...” She paused. “And when I see you here with Sugawara…”

Tooru waited, ready to hear anything and everything.

“I can’t help but be happy for you.”

His eyebrows raised. That wasn’t what he was expecting. “You’re… happy for me?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “I see the way he looks at you, I see the way you look at him. And I can see how absolutely in love you are.” She placed her hand on his. “You’ve got a family now, Tooru. Protect them. Cherish them. Love them. Don’t ever let them go.”

And Tooru started to smile.

**

Tooru woke up for probably the seventh time.

Hajime was sleeping peacefully beside him, undisturbed by the wind howling outside. A coughing fit had woken him up in the middle of the night, and once it calmed Tooru went ahead and took the boy’s temperature again. His fever had spiked a bit, but nothing that brought any real alarm so Tooru had him take some sips of water, and Hajime went right back to sleep.

He’d be lying if he said that worrying over Hajime’s health wasn’t keeping him up but it wasn’t the only thing.

He was also worried about Suga.

Tooru sat up after a few more minutes, running his hands through his hair, and reached for the water bottle on the nightstand but then remembered that that was Hajime’s and the last thing they needed was to both be sick. He slid out of bed, making sure Hajime didn’t wake up, and noticed that Suga’s room was still dark as he headed downstairs.

Dim light pooled in the corner of the living room caught his attention, and for a second he wondered if someone left the light on, but it wasn’t nearly as jarring as the soft sniffles coming from there as well. He made sure to avoid the last creaky step so whoever was there wasn’t too startled, but that went out the window once he saw Suga sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket, his shoulders moving with unmistakable sobs.

“Suga-chan?” Tooru’s soft tone broke the silence like a mallet.

Suga jumped a little, his teary eyes wide. “O-Oikawa!” He was quick to wipe his face. “I thought you were asleep. What’re you doing up?”

“Can’t sleep,” Tooru said as he approached. 

Suga… Suga was crying.

And Tooru wanted to do nothing more than ease his pain.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Suga said, his voice was thick with sorrow. He rubbed his eyes. “Please just go back to bed.”

For a moment, Tooru thought about heading back upstairs because Suga really did want to be alone, but something also told him Suga really didn’t want to be alone. And that was only reinforced further when he moved closer and Suga didn’t protest. Tooru sat down on the couch, and when Suga still didn’t say anything, he figured he could stay.

“Suga-chan… what’s the matter?” Tooru asked.

“Nothing.”

“You’re sitting here alone in the living room crying. That doesn’t seem like nothing.” Tooru paused. “You can talk to me, Suga-chan. I’m here for you.”

Suga didn’t elaborate further and the sound of the wind raging outside definitely wasn’t putting him at ease. If anything, he tensed up more, wrapped the blanket tighter around his shoulders, the fear eating at him until it made him furl into himself.

Tooru was at a loss. He didn’t quite know what to say to alleviate the situation. Did Suga even want him to say anything? Was his company enough? Was it too much? Oikawa Tooru usually prided himself on being able to read people, but right now Suga was an open book with blank pages. Some of the novel was filled, patches of Suga’s life that Tooru knew about, but there were still clear holes – unanswered questions – and Tooru felt that this would be a shifting point in the story. 

“29 years old and can’t handle a little weather,” Suga said. “You must think I’m childish.” 

Tooru shook his head. “No, not at all.”

“I hate snowstorms.” Suga brought his knees to his chest and locked his arms around them. “I’ve hated them ever since I was young.” He sniffled. “Ever since my dad’s accident.”

“The roads were really bad, and he was coming home late from work Christmas Eve but he went to the music store to pick up my Christmas gift.” A sliver of a smile inched across his face. “It was a brand-new keyboard so I could practice as late as I wanted without bothering them downstairs.”

Tooru stayed quiet.

“The police said he was trying to avoid another car that slid into his lane and hit a tree.” Suga stared at his hands. “My father died on impact while the other driver ended up in the ditch with a headache. The police didn’t find either of them until hours later when someone passed by.”

Now Tooru remembered hearing about this accident on the news. A two-vehicle accident where both drivers lost control. One dead, the other in the hospital with a concussion. One was a diligent office worker with a wife and three children, the other was a divorced lawyer with no living relatives.

Tooru was 12, soon to be 13, when he caught a glimpse of the headline on the television. He remembered his mother commenting on how tragic it was that those children had lost their father so young, and Tooru remembered not being able to fathom the thought of losing his father. Even if their relationship was rocky, he couldn’t imagine it. That was the day he became very aware of his own parents’ mortality.

“I even resented the other driver. I’ll never forget his name: Koizumi Hideo. 46 years old. Divorced. No children, no living relatives. Just an ex-wife who didn’t even live in town.” Suga took a deep breath. “It wasn’t his fault. The road was icy, but I remember thinking how unfair it was that he was the one who lived and my father died. That guy didn’t have a family, my father did.”

Tooru had that same feeling when he heard that the drunk driver who killed Iwaizumi lived. He remembered being bitter, angry at the fact that Iwaizumi’s life was cut far too short thanks to someone who had far too much to drink and didn’t want to pick up a phone to call a cab.

Tooru understood.

Tooru understood far too well.

“The holidays were really hard for my family after that, and for a long time I hated that, too. I hated how happy everyone pretended to be. My dad was gone and it seemed like no one cared.” Suga sighed. “I know that wasn’t the case but that’s how it looked.” He drummed his fingers on his knee. “I didn’t play the piano much after that. I had to make sure my brother and sister were taken care of.”

Tooru kept listening.

“I wasn’t going to enroll in high school and get a job to help my mom put food on the table but she wouldn’t let me. She actually got mad at me.” Suga chuckled softly, dryly. “So I enrolled, but I was gonna quit volleyball. And as you can see, she didn’t let me do that either.”

A part of Tooru was glad that Suga didn’t give up volleyball.

“I just kept myself busy. My mom didn’t want to get out of bed most days. I don’t blame her, I didn’t want to either. But the twins needed someone, and I had to be there for them.”

Suga was father and brother both – Tooru remembered Suga’s mother saying that. So he never completely got closure. He never allowed himself to feel because he didn’t have the _time_ to.

“That’s why I wanted to go with you to the gift store today.” Suga kept his head low. “I wanted… I wanted to make sure…”

“You wanted to make sure I came back,” Tooru said.

Suga nodded. “I blamed myself a lot. I thought that if I didn’t want that stupid keyboard, my dad would still be alive. That it was my fault he crashed.”

“Suga-chan, you know that’s not true.”

“I know it’s not. But it took a while for me to realize that.” 

An unfamiliar silence settled over them, save for Suga’s occasional sniffle, and Tooru had to choose his next words carefully.

“I know didn’t have the honor of meeting your father,” Tooru said as he wiped the fresh tears cascading down Suga’s cheeks. “But if he was anything like you, then he was an amazing person.”

And that seemed to be the tipping point as more tears streamed down Suga’s cheeks, as everything came crashing down. And he allowed himself to be held close, allowed Tooru to run his fingers through his unkempt, silvery strands of hair, allowed Tooru to place a feather light kiss to his head.

He felt Suga’s hands fist into his shirt. He held onto Suga as sobs tore through him.

And while Tooru knew that he alone would never be able to stitch the wound back together, he at least hoped that he’d be able to loop some thread through the needle. He… had a family. A family of his own. Hajime, Suga, Daichi, Kuroo. Those people were precious to him, kept his world going. And he had to cherish them. Love them. Protect them.

Never let them go.

Suga lifted his head after a few moments, his breath still hitching in his throat which made his laugh almost weightless. “Sorry if I’m being such a downer. It’s Christmas and here I am ruining the occasion.” 

“No way.” Tooru didn’t even hesitate. “There’s no way you could ever ruin Christmas. If anything, you’ve made it a hundred times better.”

Suga looked severely skeptical. “Really?”

“Really,” Tooru said. “I don’t…” he paused, an effort to corral his words. “I don’t really know how I would’ve gotten through a majority of this trip without you. You, uh, you kept me grounded.” 

Suga smiled. “I’m glad.”

And instead of letting that same silence creep in again, Tooru stood up, an idea in mind, and held out his hand. “Come on.”

There was no hesitation in Suga’s movements as he took it. “Where are we going?”

Tooru didn’t answer and instead led him to the sunroom. Suga was still looking at him rather confused as shut the double doors, and he took a few tissues from the nearby box that Tooru offered to clean his face. Tooru watched Suga immediately, and almost unconsciously, go over to the piano and caress his fingers over the smooth surface. Those fingers wanted to touch the keys, to dance to a song that only they knew. There was a deep longing in his eyes, something that was desperate to be released. And Tooru knew of one way that might open the gates.

“You can play it if you want,” Tooru said.

Suga turned to him. “Won’t it wake up your family?”

“Nah. We’re not near any of the bedrooms. Have at it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” Tooru came over, leaning against the instrument. “Besides, I love hearing you play.”

So Suga smiled, sat down on the piano bench, and notes began to dribble from the chords.

The wind wasn’t so loud after that.

**

_**have fun with suga, ok~?** _

Tooru stared at the message from Kuroo, his face warming up.

Another came through.

_**daichi and i picked the best hotel and planned the whole weekend ourselves so don’t botch it up because ur lame** _

Tooru huffed and typed. Shut up and go make out with Dai-chan or something.

_**U don’t have to tell me twice ;)** _

“Papa, where are we going?” Hajime asked as he kicked his legs back and forth in the backseat of the car. He played with the short legs of his stegosaurus plush, making sure the alien plush beside him was seated comfortably. He hardly ever left the house without those two with him, and this time would be no different.

Tooru smiled as Hajime’s curious eyes took in an unfamiliar city. “It’s a surprise.”

“A surprise? What kind of surprise?”

Suga chuckled from the driver’s seat. “It won’t be much of a surprise if we tell you.”

Hajime pouted but relented.

“Just be a bit more patient, okay?” Tooru said.

“’kay.”

They had stopped by the hotel before heading out into Nagoya City, and Tooru honestly was as excited as Hajime. He couldn’t wait to see one of the most amazing science museums in the world. He’d been going through the online brochure to see what kind of activities and exhibits were there for young children like Hajime. But once he found out there was a dinosaur exhibit, he knew Hajime would be absolutely psyched. They had taken Friday off from work so they could leave in the morning, and Tooru must’ve thanked Suga a thousand times for these tickets.

The rest of the holiday at his parents’ house had been relatively peaceful, especially after Tooru talked with his mother, and he was happy to know that Suga and Hajime both had a good time. But now that he, Suga and Hajime had an entire weekend to themselves, Tooru felt a different kind of excitement pour through his veins.

Hajime fiddled with the dinosaur plush a bit more until the building outside caught his eye. He leaned forward in his seat, pressing his hands to the window. “Whoa…”

“Does it look cool?” Tooru asked.

“Really cool! Papa, Kou-chan – where are we?”

“We’re at the Nagoya City Science Museum, Haji-chan. And it has lots of cool things to look at and do.”

Hajime’s eyes sparkled. “Even dinosaurs?”

Suga grinned. “Yup! Even dinosaurs!”

“Wow!” Hajime bounced in his seat and unbuckled himself before Suga had completely parked the car. He put his alien and stegosaurus plush in his dinosaur backpack. “I wanna go inside, come on!”

Suga and Tooru laughed when Hajime grabbed both of their hands and practically dragged them along. And both Hajime’s and Tooru’s eyes widened when they stepped inside the humongous building, making Suga grin.

“You look like a kid in a candy store, Oikawa,” Suga said as he took the map one of the attendants handed him when they turned in their tickets.

Tooru smiled. “Can you blame me? I’ve wanted to come here for as long as I can remember.”

“So, this was a sufficient Christmas present?”

“It’s perfect.”

“Papa, Kou-chan, let’s go see the dinosaurs first!” Hajime said.

“Hmm… let’s see.” Suga opened the map with Tooru looking over his shoulder. “That’s probably on the second floor in the Wonders of Science section. You want to look there?”

“Yes!” Tooru and Hajime said in unison.

Suga laughed. “There’s a show in the planetarium in a couple of hours so we should have plenty of time to look around at everything.”

“Yay! Come on, come on!” Hajime bounced up and down. “Let’s go!” 

They moved throughout the different floors, taking the time to help Hajime interact with all the exhibits and listen to the employees talk about a special presentation on each one. Hajime was absolutely ecstatic about the constructed T-Rex fossil, and Tooru sat there in the kids’ archeological exhibit where they could “discover” fossils hidden within the sand with Hajime, and he laughed when Hajime cheered after finding a velociraptor.

After an hour, they stopped at the restaurant on the third floor for lunch and picked out a few shirts from the gift shop before moving on. The fifth floor had an exhibit on the universe, and the entire room was breathtaking. It was dark but, and there was a pathway lit up gently to show the way out of the room, the projections of the planets and stars that surrounded them in every direction were vibrant and clear. A few people trickled in and out of the room, and Tooru was a little glad for that.

“Wow…” Hajime whispered, his hand fisting into Tooru’s shirt. He pointed to one of the many constellations lighting up the wall. “What’s that, Papa? It looks like a picture.”

“That’s called a constellation,” Tooru answered, kneeling beside him.

“Con-conste… constellation?” 

“Yup. They’re like the pictures you draw but they’re made out of stars instead of colors,” Tooru explained. “And each one of them has a name.”

“Really?” Hajime looked around. “What’s that one, Papa?”

“That one is called Ursa Major.”

“And that one?”

“Hercules.”

Hajime tilted his head. “Like the movie?”

Tooru smiled. “Exactly like the movie.” He pointed to the constellation. “See how it looks like he’s holding a sword?”

“Just like Hercules does!”

“That’s right.”

Hajime looked around some more, his interest growing with each passing second, and he ran over to Suga who was standing by a projection of Saturn and started excitedly talking about the “big planet with rings around it.” Suga lifted him into his arms, explaining what he knew about the solar system, and Tooru watched them, watched Suga interact with his only child, treat Hajime like he was his own.

“Look at that, Kou-chan.” Hajime said as he pointed to another cluster of constellations. “Pretty.”

“It sure is.” Suga smiled.

Tooru wanted this, moments like these, to continue. He wanted them to be countless, endless, bright and beautiful like these stars surrounding them. Having Suga stay by his side through thick and thin – waking up, making breakfast, taking Hajime to school. He wanted all of that. He wanted to _share_ that.

And at that moment, Tooru decided.

“Will you go out with me?”

The declaration echoed softly in the room, and it certainly caught Suga off-guard as the man turned around with widened eyes. He set Hajime to his feet, the stars like freckles on his cheeks. “What?”

“You’re kind to me, and you’re wonderful with Hajime,” Tooru said, everything spilling out of him when he’s always been so careful about what he’s said. “You’ve always been there for us, done so much for us. Hajime always talks about you, and he loves having you around. I love having you around.” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling like he was babbling now as Suga walked over. “So, will you go out with me, Suga –”

He was abruptly cut off when Suga grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him in for a kiss. Tooru froze for a second, but only for a second, before he melted into the electricity crackling through him, into the warmth that filled his veins, beyond the stars that surrounded them as he placed his hands on Suga’s waist and brought him even closer.

When they parted, Suga smiled, brushing some strands of hair from Tooru’s eyes. “You beat me to the punch again, Oikawa Tooru. Would it be bad to say that I was planning on asking you out first?”

“Really?” Tooru asked, his voice quiet.

“Really.”

Tooru smiled, placing his forehead to Suga’s, breathless and full of air all at once. “So, would it be bad to assume you said yes?”

“I can answer again if you’d like.”

“Please.”

Tooru cupped Suga’s face, stroking his cheek, before they closed their lips met once more. Suga’s hands rested on Tooru’s chest, warm and welcome as the electricity coursed through them.

“Papa? Kou-chan?”

They parted and looked at Hajime who was staring at them, head tilted.

“Yes, Haji-chan?” Tooru said.

“Do you like Kou-chan, Papa?” Hajime asked.

“Well, yes. I like Suga-chan a lot.” Tooru picked him up once the boy stretched out his arms. “Is it okay if Suga-chan comes around a lot more often to see us?”

“Uh-huh.” Hajime nodded. “I like when Kou-chan comes to see us.” He looked down, a thoughtful look on his face. “Is Kou-chan gonna stay with us forever?”

“Is it okay if he does?”

“Yeah!” Hajime grinned at Suga. “Kou-chan, you can stay with us forever and forever, okay? And we can look for bugs and play volleyball every day!”

Suga smiled. “That sounds like so much fun, Hajime. I’m looking forward to it.” 

“You can be like my other dad!”

Those words caught both Suga and Tooru off-guard, and Tooru was going to say something until an automated voice came over the loudspeakers explaining the start of the universe, the projections moving in tandem with the presentation.

“Wow!” Hajime watched with bright eyes.

Tooru glanced over at Suga who was watching the show with equal awe and took his hand gently. He smiled when Suga looked at him and gave his hand a comforting squeeze. And when Suga smiled back and moved closer to him, Tooru watched the show as well.

 _Yes,_ he decided. _This was perfect._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tooru and Suga finally got their shit together and now there's only one more chapter left until this story is complete - an epilogue! I should be uploading that very soon, hopefully within the next 48 hours, so be on the lookout!


	23. Epilogue: We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We are the colors in the dark;

_“Go, go, Ishigawa! Push it, push it, Ishigawa!”_

Tooru smiled upon hearing the students cheering across the gym, hearing the lights buzzing above him, hearing the rhythmic bounce of volleyballs against the court. He smiled when he remembered the many days he spent on a court like this. He smiled when he remembered the reason why he was here.

“They sure are enthusiastic,” Suga commented from beside him.

“I would be too if your team hadn’t beat us the second time around,” Tooru said, smirking as he put his arm around Suga’s shoulder.

Suga looked at him from the corner of his eye. “Don’t tell me you’re still bitter about that.”

“Me? Bitter? Never.”

“Tell that to someone who doesn’t actually know you and then we’ll talk,” said a voice that the duo recognized all too well.

“Tetsu-chan, Dai-chan – so good of you to come!” Tooru said.

“Like we’d miss something this important.” Daichi took a seat next to Kuroo. "By the way, Oikawa - congratulations on the book deal. When is it gonna be published?"

"Hopefully by the end of the year," Tooru replied. "You know how picky editors are."

“It’s amazing that Hajime’s team made it all the way to nationals.”

“Well, of course. Considering his parents are the two best setters in the prefecture."

“See, that’s where I’m gonna have to disagree with you,” Bokuto chimed in, leaning forward in his seat since he was sitting behind Tooru and everyone else with Akaashi. “We all know Keiji is the best setter here.”

“I dunno, Bokuto-san.” Hinata turned around to face everyone. “Tobio is pretty amazing. And we _did_ make the national volleyball team.”

“Yeah, and I’d be right there with you two pipsqueaks if I hadn’t messed up my shoulder!”

“I told you not to overdo it, Koutarou,” Akaashi said.

Bokuto deflated. “Whose side are you on, Keiji?”

“Hajime got his amazing skills from me, of course,” Kuroo said, folding his arms across his chest with pride. “The kid’s a natural but I just happened to bring out his untapped potential.”

Daichi raised an eyebrow. “And that’s why he decided to become a setter and not a middle blocker, right?”

“Seriously, whose side are you guys on?” Kuroo huffed as everyone laughed.

Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Noya, Asahi, Tanaka, and Ennoshita (who was a pleasant surprise) trickled in a few minutes later and found seats near their friends, catching up with each other while each team warmed up. Even Hanamaki and Matsukawa showed up. Tooru listened to the conversations buzzing around him, but most of his focus was on the team clad in blue and black practicing receives and spikes.

More specifically Hajime, now 13, who delivered toss after toss to his teammates with such accuracy that came as a result of hard work and even some natural talent. Hajime was tall, about the same height Tooru was at his age, and growing stronger each day. His eyes were sharp, observant, and even harbored what some might call pure cunning. He wore a knee supporter around his left knee thanks to overextending it during practice one day since he refused to take a break (that was a conversation with his father Hajime really didn’t like reliving), but he was moving easily, fluidly, like he was born to do this.

And Tooru couldn’t be prouder. 

“Oikawa-kun! Do your best!” a group of junior high girls called from the railing.

Hajime gave them a small wave, and the girls squealed, faces pink.

“Yeah, he’s definitely your son, Tooru,” Kuroo said.

Tooru fixed his glasses, smirking. “What can I say? He got his good looks from his father.”

There was the steady beat of drums from the other side of the gym, and it wasn’t coming from the Ishigawa Junior High student section. It was a steady beat of drums Tooru immediately recognized.

 _“Shiratorizawa!”_ the students cheered, rhythmically clapping the plastic megaphones. _“Shiratorizawa!”_

Tooru rolled his eyes. “All this time and they still haven’t changed their stupid cheer.”

“Shiratorizawa is a powerhouse school. There’s no reason to change anything,” a voice said to the left, grabbing everyone’s attention.

And Tooru tacked on the kindest smile that screamed everything but. “Ushiwaka-chan! So good to see you after all this time. What brings you here?”

“My son is playing today. He’s the ace and captain.” Ushijima sat down a few seats away. He was quiet for a few moments, and Tooru was going to leave the conversation at that until the man spoke again. “Does your son play volleyball?”

“Yes, he does.”

“What position?”

“Setter,” Tooru said. “And captain.”

“I see. Well, if he’s half the player you were, then he should have gone to Shiratorizawa as well.”

Tooru had another remark on his tongue, but he felt Suga lean into him a bit more which redirected his attention.

Suga smiled at him, keeping his voice low. “It’s way too early for Ushiwaka to be getting to you.”

“I don’t like his face,” Tooru said.

Suga chuckled. “I know you don’t.”

“Looks like the rivalry between The Grand King and Ushiwaka continues,” Noya said. 

“Only this time it’s The Grand Prince and Tiny Ushiwaka,” Hinata added.

Kageyama scoffed. “You couldn’t come up with a better nickname than that?”

“I don’t know his name yet!” Hinata retorted.

Tsukishima leaned back into his seat, arms folded across his chest, his expert eyes watching as the players lined up with their teammates on opposite sides of the net. “This should be a good match.”

Yamaguchi nodded.

“We will now begin the Japanese National Middle School Volleyball Tournament, Tokyo Prefecture, Boys’ Championship,” a woman announced over the loudspeaker, and the gym quieted. “Tokyo Prefectural Ishigawa Junior High School versus Shiratorizawa Academy Junior High.”

And as the audience clapped, Tooru honestly thought he’d see a flash of anxiety cross Hajime’s face as he walked over to shake hands with Ushijima’s son, not to mention the dozens of cameras all pointed towards them, but all he saw was pure excitement and determination. Nerves of steel.

And since the gym only milled with low conversations and they were sitting relatively close, Tooru heard the quick exchange between Hajime and Ushijima’s son, albeit faint. His name was Hitoshi, and he was also tall, a little taller than Hajime, and the intense stare alone would’ve intimidated almost any other junior high schooler.

“We’re going to win today,” Hitoshi said.

Hajime smiled though his eyes held something wholly different. “It’s okay, Ushihito-chan. No need to get so worked up. There’s always next year.”

“We will now introduce the Ishigawa Junior High School starting lineup,” the announcer continued. “#1, Oikawa Hajime.”

Hajime jogged over to high-five the team manager and his coach before heading to his starting spot, grinning as everyone cheered for him, Tooru included, with Noya, Hinata, and Tanaka being the loudest.

“#2, Himura Minoru.”

Minoru also high-fived the manager and coach, joining Hajime on the court where they bumped fists. He had also grown taller, shorter than Hajime by mere centimeters, but had the confidence and strength of an ace. Tooru had seen all their games, and it was a position well-earned.

“#4, Muraoka Yoshiro.”

Tooru watched the young player, a first-year setter, follow Hajime and Minoru’s example before joining them on the floor. He looked downright nervous, that was obvious in every step he took, but Tooru smiled when he saw Hajime place his hands on the younger’s shoulders and undoubtedly gave encouraging words.

“He’s grown a lot as a captain, wouldn’t you agree, Tooru?” Suga said.

Tooru remembered the day Hajime came home from practice frustrated and seething, going on and on about the genius first-year setter that made everything look so easy when he had to spend hours at the gym perfecting serves and tosses.

And Tooru saw himself in junior high all over again.

_“It’s not fair!” Hajime paced around his room, fists clenched at his side. “He can do freakin’ everything, and he has the gall to ask me to show him how to do a serve! He can watch a stupid instructional video and learn that way for all I care! I’m not teaching him!”_

Tooru had let him get all his anger out, listened to him, before telling his son the most important words he had ever heard in his life.

“The team with the better six is stronger,” Tooru said. “And I truly believe Hajime knows what that means now.”

The remaining players of both teams were introduced, and they each took their starting spots on the court with Hajime and Minoru placed in the front lines of their team and Hitoshi in the front line of his. And once the referee blew the whistle, the serve went up and over the net. Muraoka Yoshiro, who looked far more confident than before, received it and flawlessly sent it in Hajime’s direction who was already waiting. 

“Nice receive!” Hajime said. The ball came down, his fingertips touching it for mere seconds before driving it back through the air in Minoru’s direction. “Minoru-chan!”

Minoru jumped into the air, meeting three blockers at the net, and brought the ball down with everything he had. It blew straight past the side of the three-man block and towards the Shiratorizawa libero. He was in the correct position to receive it, but the ball spun and ricocheted off his arms out of bounds. 

A point for Ishigawa.

Noya laughed. “Well hello there, Lefty!”

“Nice kill!” Hajime high-fived his best friend. “Let’s keep it up!”

Tooru smiled, watching his son receive, block, serve, and set just as they had taught him, filled him with a sort of happiness that he couldn't explain even if he tried.

_Yeah. He’s got the hang of it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all she wrote!
> 
> I seriously can't thank you all enough for the immense amount of support you've shown for this story and your encouragement for me to continue writing. You've all taken the time out of your day to read my work and that is something I will forever cherish. And whether or not you've been here since A Smile to the West or not, this applies to all of you. You guys are part of the reason why I try to set aside time and write a little every day, you inspire me to hone my skills, and that is the greatest motivation I could ever ask for.
> 
> I will more than likely continue to post fics here on ao3 (or maybe on my tumblr if it's going to be small little drabbles) but I'm also going to try and focus on my book, too. I've already got my brain cooking on another fic, and I don't know how soon it'll be posted, but if you're interested please be on the lookout!
> 
> If you'd like to contact me outside of ao3, please feel free to send me a message on tumblr at tenacioustooru! I'll be more than happy to talk about anything and everything with you!
> 
> Stay awesome, everyone.
> 
> See y'all later!


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